Here to support hubby

[Lenia]

Hi
I'm Lenia, mother of 3 and I've been with my husband for 17 years. His whole family suffers with anxiety and it has obviously damaged our relationship.

We live in avoidance right now because he has too many triggers and because my energy is to my kids.

At some point he was medicated which went so much better but he didn't like the thought that he couldn't manage it on his own. He does not excesses, eat healthy and he smokes weed.

The few social engagement he participates in requires weeks or months of preperation and an argument will come the day off.

I stopped lying as to why he doesn't come to gatherings since it was a source of stress for me.

A simple change in schedule, like do a daycare pick-up, will trigger his anxiety.

I'm not sure how to co-live with this condition. My kids no longer expect him to partake in any of their activities so everything lies on me. I'm tired and tired of seeing his battle with this.

Where can I go for support. I feel like mariage counseling is our next stop but would they focus on his anxiety? How do you live with anxiety? What are your spouse doing to support you? I can't stand the arguments to deal with change or a social event and then, when I let him "win", have to deal with his disappointment.

I don't want to give up but I'm so tired and his decision of dealing with it alone won't work.

Thank you for listening

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Lenia and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Rick(amateur)]

Hi Lenia! Welcome to the forum!

Anxiety is a terrible beast since it can harm an entire family and not just the person suffering from it. It's definitely not an easy battle and fighting it alone isn't always the solution. At the very least, I feel your husband should seek help and convincing him to do so is the biggest challenge ahead of you.

The thing about anxiety is people aren't willing to admit they have a problem. They'll deny and refuse to accept it. The truth is anxiety is a everyday thing that people have to face. A young adult going to college will face anxiety heading into a big exam. You got to get your husband understand that what he's facing doesn't make him crazy. If anything, this only makes him human and tell him how it's affecting you and the family too.

Communication is so important but it's difficult. We don't learn how to communicate problems at school. We are taught how to use proper grammar and sentence structure but we were never taught how communicate complicated things. It's a steady learning process and I'm afraid no one can teach you how to do it. I assume your husband have built up walls around himself to "protect" him so it will take time.

As for seeking professionals, I think you need to get him to admit he has some problems and need help before doing so. Otherwise, the visits won't be pleasant since he won't be willing to work towards a solution.

Sorry about the lengthy ramblings! I wish you the best of luck and I'm happy to chat if you want to discuss about it some more. :)