Does it ever go away?

[Sus]

I have anxiety, panic attacks and have been absolutely fine for months and months now. Only slight hitches.

In the last few days I feel like I have gone back to where I was about 2 years ago. I am suddenly scared to go out the house again. I worry all the time I might need the loo, and then start panicing. I am usually alright once I get where I am going and calm down but the journey there is awful.

Had to go on the bus to work yesterday, only about a 15min journey but I could feel myself getting hotter and starting to panic and the tears starting to well up. Its so horrible cause I cant control it. Tried to start doing my breathing exercises to calm down but nothing worked.

Have to go again today in a couple of hours and can already feel myself starting to feel sick at the thought of going out. I dont know what has set me back but how do i get back to where I was before and feeling ok.

[Insomniac]

Hi Sus

I have posted in a similar thread before, I expect most of us have. We do all have ups and downs. Last summer I had a terrible time, after having improved and gone on holiday feeling confident with my abaility to cope, I came home feeling awful and scared to go outside at all.

But I did come out the other side. My worry about being sick, fainting or needing the loo and not getting there on time is something I can sympathise with. My doctor gave me immodium for journeys/stressful events, which I do find useful, because I know I can take them and nothing will happen however anxious I am. It takes the pressure off. I also carry rescue remedy spray around with me, which is easy to squirt on your tongue if you feel anxious without anyone really noticing, and really takes the edge off the anxiety. Taking the edge of makes it easier to cope with the symptoms. You have done this before and can do it again.

You say you know breathing exercises? Stick with them, maybe with rescue remedy too. Sometimes in my head I think of names or items beginning with each letter of the alphabet to distract myself when I start to focus too much on the anxiety.

I think the road which leads us to the panic/anxiety is longer than we realise, and that is why it can seem such a long journey back again. There will be small blips sometimes, but remember this is all they are - small blips which you will soon overcome!

[Sus]

Thanks so much for your reply Lisa. You sound exactly like me. I do take immodium and things like that, I carry rescue remedy spray, and the new rescue sweets everywhere with me. And I sit doing the counting and alphabet things to try take my mind off it. That was like reading something I had written :)

Also, I went to Spain a couple of weeks ago which now I think about it, maybe that did trigger it all off again. There were a couple of really nasty train journeys there and I did feel a bit scared while I was there. I suppose being in a new place and getting out a routine cant have helped.

I suppose like you say I will just have to accept small blips as they come along. Thankyou so much and I will keep looking forwards, I can get over it. Sus, x

[Sus]

Oh and also I started on my Beta's again yesterday. I havent taken them for ages but was freaking so much about going out thought I would return to them for a while, to see if they can calm my silly thoughts.

[Insomniac]

I will keep looking forwards, I can get over it. Sus, x

Great Sus, sounds like you are doing all the right things. Sometimes its not easy to stay positive when you're having a rough time. Its reassuring to know that other people have been there and you're not being sent back to the start, its merely a hiccup.

Going to Spain sounds like one heck of an achievement! Maybe your body just needs time to recover. I was worst after a holiday. I suppose if we count ourselves as recovering, we should know that sometimes we need a break and sometimes we can overdo things. Hang in there honey and keep thinking positive!

[Tiggs]

Hi Sus
Try wearing an elastic band around your wrist & when you start to feel a wibble coming on then ping it against your skin hard- it'll hurt so much you will forget all about the other. And remember this is only a blip that you WILL overcome.

Hugs

Tiggs
-x-

[samc100]

I hate blips too and find to hard to deal with them. But I think you are doing really well - I'm not at the stage where I could go abroad and I am very jealous of you and think that is brilliant. Give yourself time because that was big event. But you did it so you must be great!

[up a ladder]

I would have said that it did go away, but after nearly 6 years of panic anxiety freedom, it has returned:ohmy:

The good news is that I have had 6 years of freedom, so I know it is possible.

I find one of the biggest problems is remembering when you did feel well.
It is almost as if the last 6 years never happened and that it has been constant.
I wish I had kept a diary of the good times as well as the bad.


Sorry if this comes accross as negative, but 6 years of freedom was possible and I am sure I (we) will break free to some degree in the future.

[Sus]

Have called in sick to work today. Havent been out house really for a couple days and just the thought this morning of going into town, on a bus, speaking to people just really worried me. Im just so pissed off it has come back to this again. I am going to try go for a walk later, I have to go work tomorrow, have to work extra hours cause of today. If I dont go tomorrow will lose a contract and lose money.

I just hate feeling like this, I was so much better for ages. Have got a few big events coming up in the next couple months, more plane journeys, family parties, graduations. Dont know how I am going to cope with those when I am too scared to even go to work. Not happy.

[prism]

Hi Sus,
if the bus is causing you real problems could you get a taxi to work for one day and see what the day brings.Try not to look at it as if your life is spiraling out of control and that this is just a set back.You are NOT a loosing control, you are doubting yourself.
Don't worry about what you will be doing in two months think about the here and now and what you can do to ease this situation.Try to be positive, i know its hard to do when life is getting really hard.Stay focused on what you need to acheive now and not next week.
let me know how you got on please
prism:)

[Sus]

Thanks prism. I got the bus, sat and did mind exercise things and once at work was fine. Have been wearing the elastic band constantly and pinging it too to try distract me, haha.

Still worrying about the big trips soon, next weekend we have to go to my Dads which is about a 2 hour drive, can feel the nerves already for that. Forced myself out into town early this morning, it was super busy with commuters adn had to stand on the bus in a big crowd. All ok so far.

Its just the fear of what if, what if that I cant get rid of. Then is starts the nerves, and the stomach cramps and the heart racing, aaargh. I'll get there. Mostly thanks to this forum. Hadnt been on for quite a while but it has given me so much help so thankyou to everyone on here.

Sus, x