View Full Version : scizophrenia scare ruining my life
Chrysmar09
11-06-17, 19:46
It seems like my health anxiety is latching on to new things. when I get done with one fear ( a fear I would become a mass murderer or "snap" and hurt my loved ones) or fear that I would lose control and commit suicide even though I do not want to. Now I am on a "schizophrenia" and "seizure" scare....
I have been seen by a conselor, and two therapists but they all say I show NO signs of any type of psychosis because I am way too aware of all of my feelings and symptoms. but then at night, I have the craziest feelings and I think I am hearing things. One night I had what I think is called "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome" where I woke up and the tv looked like it was speeding up. that through my schizo fear into overdrive and now all I do is question if I am really hearing voices, if I am acting normal, are my thoughts normal. mY eyesight is terrible right now and that makes me anxious that I am seeing things like black dots too. last night I kept asking my daughter if she was talking because I would close my eyes and hear her voice but then she would say she wasn't saying anything. I would check to see if certain sounds and voices were coming from the tv (they were). I already have horrible sleep patterns and barely get enough sleep bu now it's really bad. I often feel spaced out and my daughter asked me if I was ok because I don't seem like myself and I look tired and out of it all the time now. it's scaring me that maybe the drs are missing something. My counselor says at 33 I would have been diagnosed by now and I am out of the window of having schizophrenia and this is all anxiety based, but I have had anxiety (health anxiety) all my life but never felt like this really.
The seizure fear is from me taking paxil and having really bad shaking and then one night it felt like I was asleep but still awake and I could hear everything around me and my mouth and fingers felt like they were moving and my eyes lids and eye brows were moving too but I couldn't seem to wake up. I googled (horrible idea) and saw temporal lobe seizures WTF. I have never had a seizure in my life and they don't run in my family.
I want to get passed this so bad and I have so many big dreams and goals for my life. But these fears and making me feel like I will never be able to achieve anything if I keep thinking I am going to have a seizure disorder or schizophrenia. I overthink everything now and if I am really sane. Any advice on how to overcome this would help me tremendously.
You definitely have intrusive thoughts. That's what this is...not schizophrenia. People with schizophrenia are not aware that their hallucinations are not real.
It sounds like you have OCD. Once you get done with one worry, your mind latches onto something else and worries about that. That's the obsession part. The compulsion part is constantly seeking reassurance. Many people who have health anxiety have it as a form of OCD. I think maybe you should talk about possibly having OCD with your therapists.
Chrysmar09
11-06-17, 20:42
Thank you. I have asked them if I had OCD they said since I don't have rituals then it wasn't likely but my counselor thinks it's a mild ocd and mostly GAD. I do seek reassurance often....hell I stay on this board looking for someone who has the same things I have so I don't feel like I am headed to a mental institution.
Can I overcome OCD and GAD? how do I deal with this?
ServerError
11-06-17, 23:18
The simple answer to your question here is, yes. You can overcome them.
Some people overcome these conditions completely. I have completely recovered from GAD with relentless intrusive thoughts.
Some people have ups and downs and have to develop coping strategies, but the point is, the help is out there. You needn't believe that you're stuck with these conditions indefinitely.
Chrysmar09
12-06-17, 01:40
The simple answer to your question here is, yes. You can overcome them.
Some people overcome these conditions completely. I have completely recovered from GAD with relentless intrusive thoughts.
Some people have ups and downs and have to develop coping strategies, but the point is, the help is out there. You needn't believe that you're stuck with these conditions indefinitely.
thank you for giving me hope. I am looking into starting a anti-inflammation diet and looking into meditating strengthening my spiritual side. I am hoping that eating a better diet and exercise as well as prayer will help me get my life back.
MyNameIsTerry
12-06-17, 01:54
Have a look at post #8 in this thread:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=174792
The threads posted in there cover various things people I've spoken to have experienced in this theme of OCD.
You don't need to have compulsions/rituals to be diagnosed with OCD. If you look at the WHO diagnostic manual they have a category for mostly obsessions. However, it can just be a trait and not enough to diagnose so it really depends how much of your anxiety is connected to it.
You also need to be aware of sleep stages. Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic sleep stages are when we can experience many strange & unusual sleep phenomena and the reason is purely because the brain is working very differently in those sleep stages.
I've found people on here who worry about schizophrenia often don't know about those sleep stages and see sleep phenomena as possible signs of their fear.
Chrysmar09
27-06-17, 15:44
My fear is getting worse I just want to cry. I took klonopin and it did nothing for my panic attack. I googled again about schizophrenia since ive been having some weird symptoms and it through me into overdrive. Im shaking and didnt sleep at all last night. My thoughts were all over the place and so random i thought i was having a mental breakdown. This is pure hell and im losing my faith in having a normal life. I feel embarrassed to keep coming on here with this fear. Thanks for listening and being supportive
You don't have schizophrenia and antidepressants don't cause schizophrenia. You do sound like you need to go back and talk higher doses with your doc, just to get you stabilized.
Chrysmar09
27-06-17, 19:17
I read on facebook a woman said prozac gave her husband schizophrenia and now he cant be left alone. I couldnt even believe that but she was convinced which gave me the what ifs....but this scenario happened to me in the past two days....
I was at the nail salon with my sister and we were talking about her new dude and I said "you know he is a alcoholic" but then i almost said "and he beat you when you were sleep"... he never did that...her ex wife did and i was like where did that thought come from and I could see him doing it like a dejavu moment... then yesterday i was texting a friend and I thought he had posted something on fb and I was going to ask hik about it but i dont think he did i think it was either a dream or something i thought of and it scared me again... like what is going on with my memory
I read on facebook a woman said prozac gave her husband schizophrenia and now he cant be left alone
I read on Facebook that cuddling your cat could kill you so?......
Positive thoughts
Chrysmar09
27-06-17, 19:41
I read on Facebook that cuddling your cat could kill you so?......
Positive thoughts
Omg that made me laugh hard lol
Yeah, there is a lot of ignorance in the world. Don't give in to the hysteria.
I take 15 mg of Lexapro every day, and have for the past three years. I'll let you know when I turn schizophrenic :winks:
Chrysmar09
27-06-17, 20:28
Yeah, there is a lot of ignorance in the world. Don't give in to the hysteria.
I take 15 mg of Lexapro every day, and have for the past three years. I'll let you know when I turn schizophrenic :winks:
Yeah i have let go on google. Anytime I have a weird sensation i go to google and look up schizophrenia to see if im in the beginning stages... its not helping
Yes, Dr. Google is a quack. Try putting a sticker on your computer or changing your wall paper to remind you not to consult Dr. Google.
Also, do you truly know the correct information about schizophrenia? I think if you truly educated yourself on it, and actually met people who had it, you'd see how truly irrational your fear is.
I know your psych doc said you have mild OCD because she didn't see any compulsions or rituals, but did you tell her about your use of Dr. Google? What you just described in your last post seems like a ritual to me.
MyNameIsTerry
28-06-17, 05:14
Yes, Dr. Google is a quack. Try putting a sticker on your computer or changing your wall paper to remind you not to consult Dr. Google.
Also, do you truly know the correct information about schizophrenia? I think if you truly educated yourself on it, and actually met people who had it, you'd see how truly irrational your fear is.
I know your psych doc said you have mild OCD because she didn't see any compulsions or rituals, but did you tell her about your use of Dr. Google? What you just described in your last post seems like a ritual to me.
If you were in the UK, you could be classified as mainly obsessions because we use the WHO manual.
To be honest, what people think of as Pure O tend to contain covert compulsions e.g. mental checks or counteractions.
Perhaps given the focus on Schizophrenia they need to reassess whether then consider mild? Our severity levels are determined by level of time engaged each day and the impact to your life.
Chrysmar09
28-06-17, 21:56
when I spoke to my therapist yesterday he did mention that I do have the obsessions, checking, and reassurance rituals that comes with ocd and thinks we need to work on that too as well as my anxiety. he also reassured me that I did not have schizophrenia by telling me some stories of people who do as well telling me I am very much out of the age range and that even if people were diagnosed later they still had the symptoms in their teen years and it was overlooked. he said by your early 20s you will know for sure..... I never thought this was a ocd theme but after reading this forum it seems I am not alone
Yeah, schizophrenia is a big OCD fear. Every couple of weeks a person comes on here with OCD who's afraid of it.
Then you have people like me, and some others, who have a family member with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, who know these fears are irrational.
Chrysmar09
28-06-17, 22:21
Yeah, schizophrenia is a big OCD fear. Every couple of weeks a person comes on here with OCD who's afraid of it.
Then you have people like me, and some others, who have a family member with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, who know these fears are irrational.
my aunt had schizophrenia but I only was around her once when I was young. other than that I don't know anyone with it. I think me not knowing a lot about it and reading way too much on the internet made it even worse. I have to break but with google lol
What happened to your aunt?
Chrysmar09
29-06-17, 04:45
she passed away I don't even know how really.... my family rarely talked about her and she lived in another state. I am trying to get my mom to talk about her more but she isn't too understanding on mental health issues. my sister told me at one point she was a bipolar/schizophrenic but then she said that they changed it to just severe bipolar. so I really don't know anyone with the illness.... I had a small blip today thinking I was hearing random things like my daughter calling my name but I shrugged it off... plenty of times I thought I heard my name being called and it wasn't any need to think the worst.
MyNameIsTerry
29-06-17, 05:07
I agree with AntsyVee about information. As an OCDer it greatly helped me to understand what I was going through and I find most I talk to with it find the same and especially with intrusive thoughts which include themes more associated with serious problems by the media.
But something I think you need to be careful with is how you apply this. It's vertu common for anxiety sufferers to find a couple of symptoms, see them on a list for a disorder/disease and just focus on the perception they have it. What they forget to look at are the expected range of different symptoms and any opposing ones that can't exist in that diagnosis. This is what doctors are trained to do.
For instance, a headache for a few days & struggling with memory might equal brain tumour. Even just fatigue or some small weight loss or a bruise that can't be accounted for can equal various cancers. That's a problem with how we use negative thinking or Cognitive Distortions as they are called. I would encourage you to look those up, the Wiki page via accurate, just as my local charity encourages us all to. It helped me greatly but it takes practice to learn to spot & apply it.
Beware joining up the dots incorrectly. Look to disprove your fear too.
Yeah, unfortunately most schizophrenic people have a hard time. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt.
My mom is schizoaffective, which means she has major depression with some schizophrenia symptoms. There is a bipolar type of schizoaffective as well, maybe that's what your sis was referring to.
For years I was worried I would turn into my mother, but as I educated myself more and more, I realized that my mom didn't even have to be the way she is. She CHOOSES not to take her meds and go to therapy. She sees her mental illness as controlling her, and I choose to manage mine and live despite it.
Chrysmar09
29-06-17, 16:21
Thanks. I am kind of struggling this morning because last night i had some weird dreams and feelings but im not going to google lol. I want to end this fear. Every time i think im educating myself to calm my fears i get even more scared. I was told im out of the age range for a schiz diagnosis but read someone say thier mom was 33 when they were diagnosed and ill panic. Im trying to trust my therapist and only use this forum for help
Im 32 ,i hope its tru and we are out of age range for shizophrenia,cuz i just cant calm down this fear of shizophrenia or any kind of psyhosis...i also cant stop googling abaout psyhosis or paranoid personal disorder.....i would rather have HIV and cancer together than psyhosis and to hurt someone close .
Chrysmar09
29-06-17, 18:47
My therapist and counselor both told me that it will start in teen years and manifest in your twenties unless it is drug induced. I dont do drugs Ive just had anxiety all my life.
My therapist and counselor both told me that it will start in teen years and manifest in your twenties unless it is drug induced. I dont do drugs Ive just had anxiety all my life.
That ^^^ is exactly true. Most people are diagnosed with schizophrenia after puberty. There is something about the way that their brains are structured and the hormonal and chemical changes brought on by puberty that causes it. There are a few people who are diagnosed with a childhood form of schizophrenia, but it is extremely rare.
The first break with reality occurs sometime between puberty and very early adulthood. Even with people like my mom, who have schizoaffective, and not full-on schizophrenia, these breaks with reality have typically occurred before the age of 20. By age 30, it is extremely rare that some one who has it is not diagnosed. It's just too extreme of a disease not to pick up on. Even if it's schizoaffective, it's still pretty easy to tell that someone's not all there.
Schizophrenia is a very, very common OCD fear. In fact, most people with health anxiety have OCD. Being afraid of contaminants, germs, diseases, is all a part of OCD.
Chrysmar09
29-06-17, 22:31
That is what my therapist and counselor said.... they would have seen it in me early....and within the first few sessions they could tell I was not schizophrenic.... apparently its a very pronouced mental illness.
But a new thing will pop up and I will think oh no this is a symptom they missed or this is the beginning. My therapist said that most of my fears have a underlying meaning. My schizophrenic fear comes from me being scared I wont be able to raise my daughter.... thats a big fear of mine too. But it still doesnt stop the "hearing things" and thinking im losing my mind... anxiety sucks
That's the thing with OCD. Many people on here have health anxiety OCD. As soon as they get one thing checked out, they move on to worrying about a new disease or condition. I've seen people worry about SFI, a disorder that's only been seen in like 40 families worldwide, or rabies, when it's pretty much been eradicated in industrialized countries. No matter how many statistics you throw at them, their minds look for the .000001%.
But that's what makes OCD a mental illness. It's okay to have anxiety about your health if it's warranted (such as you carry the BRCA gene and all the women in your family had breast cancer), but when it just jumps from one disease or condition to another, that's when you gotta admit to yourself that it's ridiculous.
Chrysmar09
30-06-17, 22:32
I think what makes this worse is one thing out of the ordinary can throw you back into this obsession. I am trying to understand my anxiety more so im not thinking its something more
---------- Post added at 16:32 ---------- Previous post was at 14:00 ----------
http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlysigns.htm
has anyone seen this site? a lot of these symptoms are also found in anxiety! is this a trusted source?
MyNameIsTerry
01-07-17, 04:58
I'm afraid you will find anxiety overlaps with many physical & mental health disorders. Doctors look to prove & disprove. They look at symptoms that can't exist in the scenario you fear, which helps rule them out. But they also look at minimum criteria needs and this is because some symptoms are found in many disorders.
One way to look at things is to check off your symptoms against those known in anxiety. If they are all on there, anxiety is obviously one possible diagnosis. And anxiety leads to other things too e.g. muscular tension can lead to poor posture which creates aches elsewhere, poor posture is common in anxiety and leads to aches & pains, etc.
Chrysmar09
04-07-17, 19:29
I think coming to terms that this is OCD has me feeling down today and the fear is coming back. woke up thinking I was hearing things and in shallow sleep... I just laid in bed doubting everything. its the fourth of july in the US today and I am going to go out and pop fireworks but I am so tired of being afraid that I am schizophrenic or going crazy. I am trying to find meds for ocd but I don't even know where to start. after paxil,prozac, and celexa and the side effects I don't know what is left to help stop these thoughts. I feel like Ill never get my life back. I hope seeing my therapist and counselor tomorrow will help me figure out what meds are best for me or if I just need a more aggressive therapy
How are you holding now, i have a enormous fear of shizophrenia last few days, i keep on having online tests about shizophrenia , and keep on analyzing symptoms of shizophrenia , i cant stop thinking about it , i dont know what to do anymore :(
Chrysmar09
22-07-17, 23:23
Ive been on proxac for two weeks... Its died down but the past day and todays its started to come back up. I have stopped going online looking and reading stuff. Also I am in therapy and learning about all of the anxiety symptoms helps because anxiety will have you thinking and hearing things also. And honestly if you look for something to be wrong you will start to mimic the symptoms. It happened to me and everytime I "thought" I was hearing stuff..It was actually things so I felt stupid. DO NOT GOOGLE!!!!!!! Talk to a licensed therapist and go from there
And honestly if you look for something to be wrong you will start to mimic the symptoms. It happened to me and everytime I "thought" I was hearing stuff..It was actually things so I felt stupid. DO NOT GOOGLE!!!!!!! Talk to a licensed therapist and go from there
Great advice!
Chrysmar09
23-07-17, 01:24
I read another womans story who was going through the same thing I was....I mean exactly everything I was and still deal with to some degree.... I forgot her useename but when I saw she was 2 years in and still scared of becoming schizophrenic I realized I didnt want to be like that
...although its not as dominate as it was when I made this post I still have the thoughts I take what I have learned on here from Terry and Vee and plus therapy.
MyNameIsTerry
23-07-17, 02:15
Yeah, you tend to find people do that. They make assumptions when not truly understanding how a symptom would feel e.g. inner voices are assumed to be external despite clearly not sounding like another person talking in your ear.
Not obsessing loking stuff up is great because you don't need it. At the end of the therapy you would also have worked on being able to see such symptoms and dismiss them all as nothing, no reaction of fear.
It's great to hear you are doing better. :yesyes::yahoo: You will get there! Just think how much you thought you would never be able to do what you do now. It proves to you that your thinking of the time was flawed.
Chrysmar09
23-07-17, 02:28
The racing thoughts still put me in that "schizophrenia" mindset but even then I have to say they wouldnt go away....and I would have had other significant symptoms and plus being as I have never had this fear before in my 20s (and believe me I had so many traumatic experiences it would have came out by now) I have to keep telling myself at 33 its just my anxiety out of control
MyNameIsTerry
23-07-17, 02:34
This is where acceptance is really important...and it's a hard one to learn to see an effect.
We need to accept that it took time to get like this and the brain needs time to learn to get out of it. So, we need to accept it is still there fighting us and as we see progress we know we are getting better. Blips will come, accept them so they don't upset you too much (this gets easier to do with practice) and keep going.
Your subconscious needs to learn through observation that you don't need to fear this. But beyond that there is changing how we think & behave too so that we tackle the root of the issue rather than the theme & symptoms. This is what your therapist is going to be most interested in.
Yeah, there are always times when the anxiety breaks through. I've learned that the key is to not be that hard on yourself. I try to think of my mental illness as an illness that I have to manage, like my husband does with his diabetes. It really is no different. Is it lifelong? Yes. Will it go away magically if I do nothing? No. Can it be managed with meds, therapy and lifestyle changes? Yes. That's why I say I'm a work in progress. I think if more people had that mindset about their mental illnesses, they wouldn't get to the point like that woman you mentioned above.
MyNameIsTerry
23-07-17, 05:32
Yeah, there are always times when the anxiety breaks through. I've learned that the key is to not be that hard on yourself. I try to think of my mental illness as an illness that I have to manage, like my husband does with his diabetes. It really is no different. Is it lifelong? Yes. Will it go away magically if I do nothing? No. Can it be managed with meds, therapy and lifestyle changes? Yes. That's why I say I'm a work in progress. I think if more people had that mindset about their mental illnesses, they wouldn't get to the point like that woman you mentioned above.
It's another one of anxiety's many tricks, isn't it? It loves to stay in negative mode and reinforcing itself though you kicking yourself.
I used to do that a lot in comparing to other people, strangers when out. I found all it did was bring depression. I learned not to think like that and the low moods don't come back.
I still may think that on occasion but intuitively a second thought comes on the back of it saying meh. I found when I beat my intrusive thoughts the same was the case. There will still thoughts, and yes they do seem more real now as I've stared that void in the face and it's obviously noticed me back, but the second thought is intuitive and just cancels out the intrusive thought and my mind moves on.
Sadly, it can be a real battle just to start accepting mental health issues. I've never been a HAer so I've not had that battle about symptoms being something more. I trusted my doctor from the start and that helped with that as I naturally accepted things. Plus my dad having depression meant one of the most trustworthy people in my life was telling me all this nasty stuff was just part of it.
But for the HAers they've got that first acceptance battle to get through. Some appear in denial as it's just so strong in them, others know really it's not what they fear but are struggling with the subconscious poking at them with it's doubt.
When I went through the really bad stages of my OCD I didn't have a clue what was going on. I just lived it. It dominated my days completely. It was like checking a list off every day. But once I started reading about it, it took the sting out of so many things as I was able to understand what was going on and that I wasn't losing my mind.
Too much information can be a bad thing but it's important to look at the right information too. Learning about why you are thinking like this can be invaluable as you learn to accept it's just part of the mental health issue, like you mentioned, and your mind starts to move towards recovery rather than fighting against what it all means. In many cases, like intrusive thoughts, it doesn't mean anything and engaging with it is simply a way it drags you down the rabbit hole. But engaging with it in the right way, like we are taught in therapy, is a very different thing.
But for the HAers they've got that first acceptance battle to get through. Some appear in denial as it's just so strong in them, others know really it's not what they fear but are struggling with the subconscious poking at them with it's doubt.
Man, you said it. That HA is no joke. People get lost in the throes of that for years, YEARS. People have been on here and AZ, like Stroud, who have lost their whole lives to it. It's unreal.
From an outsider looking in, I see two distinct groups with people who have HA, and I think I've mentioned this before either on here or AZ:
1) The people who have HA as a form of OCD (The obsession is the health worry; the compulsion is reassurance through Dr. Google or med. tests.)
2) The people who have HA as a form of PTSD (They watched a loved one get sick and/or die).
or 3) The combo!
And although I'm not a psych or a doctor, I feel like more of these people would seek treatment for HA if some of the causes were acknowledged.
Chrysmar09
23-07-17, 19:38
One thing im learning is to realize that we are all going to die. A lot of my HA comes from the fear of death aka fear of unknown... I think anxiety disorders come from a need of control and reassurance that things will be ok...
With my schizophrenia fear it was the fear of no longer being in control of my thoughts and mind. The fear of losing custody of my daughter and ending up like my aunt and being shunned by everyone...
I think thats why HA is so crippling... We cant control things when it comes to disease and illness and it drives us crazy
Lack of control is a fear of everyone with anxiety. The more control we have over ourselves and our environment, the safer we feel. The reality is, we have control over very little.
My biggest fear is being left alive while all of my loved ones are killed. When I first got into the depths of PTSD, I had to call all of my loved ones multiple times a day to make sure everyone was all right. I would my my almost 70 year old dad and my husband call to check in with me when they went somewhere like the grocery store. I would encourage everyone to stay home and not to travel. Yes, it was my way of trying to get peace of mind, but it was also my way of trying to control everything.
Oh, and then I should say that I would also freak out after I encouraged everyone to stay home because my buddy was killed in their home. So where is everyone supposed to be safe? It was really mind-blowing. The hardest part of it all is never feeling safe.
MyNameIsTerry
24-07-17, 06:25
Lack of control is a fear of everyone with anxiety. The more control we have over ourselves and our environment, the safer we feel. The reality is, we have control over very little.
That's absolutely right. Control & the unknown, the two big issues for the anxious.
We are encouraged to relinquish that control. We are taught to spend more time in the present.
The strange thing is, aren't we somewhat conditioned to do the opposite? We have to get good grades to get good careers to get nice houses and look after our family to give them security and save for our pensions to ensure we have a good standard of living in retirement. Much of that is spent working, and overtime too, to chase "the dream" or rather fit in with the expectations of society.
Been there, done that, ended up with GAD from working way too much. I listened to my dad. His generation had to work all the hours to pay for their families. We are luckier as we don't, although we are worse off in other ways like this pressure when I think years ago more people we more accepting of their lives and not chasing status as much. He told me if I do this I will end up looking back on my life and not have been happy. Being happy is more important. So, these days I view things differently and care a lot less about status, material stuff, etc.
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