poppadr3w
12-06-17, 16:31
So as of lately my medications have been a bit adjusted - and that's going lightly at it. I am coming off of Trintellix, but my Psychiatrist has added Vyvanse a couple of weeks ago for some potential ADD I think that I've suffered with for some time (not a bad case, but enough to make me frustrated) and started me on Neurontin. On and off I feel decent and then like crap.
This past weekend we went out for a birthday and I drank a decent amount. I've drank on many medications in the past and felt OK, but the hangovers are out of this world bad. My anxiety flares up. So of course yesterday (the day after the birthday) we go to the city to see a play. The theater is decently sized, but it's packed and the chairs are quite tight (not a lot of leg room, for example). Great play and I loved it, but a majority of the time my anxiety was sky high. Of course I had no Klonopin on me, so I had to tough it out. But damn is was bad... Today I feel a little crappy, but a bit better overall.
Anyway, onto my real "issue" - WORK. At my current job of 7 years myself and many others are vastly underpaid. It's a government job, so I have awesome benefits and will get a pension in like 30 years (yay). But it isn't a livable wage, really. Or I'll be eating ramen noodles with my family if we could ever afford a place. My wife makes less than I do working for the schools... Which is frustrating, because they, too, are underpaid. It has caused me great stress, and I've been more vocal about my frustrations lately with the union and other workers, all whom agree with me, but many are too afraid to speak up.
So about a year or so ago I put in for another job on the railroad. Better pay, pension, etc. Overall, it's a great gig and seems like a cool job. The issue is my health, my anxiety, my family, my stability, and the job needs a whole metric shit ton of learning. I've learned a lot, but my mind seems to have no retained it as well as I wish I had (for example, I had to learn 70+ definitions verbatim). And that's only the beginning... I've received other learning material about signals, definitions of signals, certain movement rules, horn sounds (kind of lose morse code), etc. It's quite overwhelming, and supposedly even that is just the tip of the iceberg.
So around 6+ months ago I receive an email that they liked my resume and I should come in. I go in, get information to study and am to come back like 2 months later or something. I do as such, pass this hard test, have a couple of interviews, get fitted for a uniform, etc. It's all peachy. I had to defer it due to surgery coming up on my wrist. They were fine with it.
So during this time I am having a battle in my head. Do I take it? I mean, I am at my current job for 7 years now and will get health benefits for life at 10 years. I am also vested into my pension. Through this job I get to meet a lot of people, some of which that are very good people to know. The pay sucks for where I live, but it's better than minimum wage and other jobs out there. Plus there is stability. It's a set schedule every week, Monday through Friday. The other job is very, very random, especially in the beginning.
I feel stuck. There is a lot of potential at the other job, but where I am now I feel like I want to try other things. Like maybe get involved in the union. Or try to push my side business. Or push my blog. I have a potential upgrade coming up in a month or so as well. It still will not be as much money as the railroad job, though.
To itemize it, here are the negatives about the new job:
*Inconsistent schedule. Basically an on-call type of deal, especially in the beginning. This also means working holidays, weekends, and probably night shifts as a newcomer.
*A lot of information to retain. Like, a college crash course. It needs to be memorized verbatim. They test constantly, even after being hired and going through their internal training.
*My anxiety fluctuates, so at the new job if I have anxiety I am in for a tough time. At my current job I can take time off with more ease on the worst of days. If I am a bit anxious I am sitting at a desk most of the time, so I can take a breath, take a small walk, grab some water, etc.
*A lot of travel, potentially. Supposedly they don't care where you live. I could travel 30-45+ minutes by car to be on a train route leaving from Station X and be on there for the day. Then have to drive that home.
*I have an 8-year-old daughter. So with the scheduling, I may miss birthdays, plays, events, etc. I also have to go to Family Court at times (like this coming July) because her mother tries to get more visitation, which we have to vigorously fight off.
*My family thinks that it is a good job, but they think where I am now has more stability. I am many years into the job. I know a lot about it and the people, too.
*Failing some of the tests could lead to immediate termination.
*Potentially having a lapse in medical coverage. I am on several meds and testosterone replacement therapy.
*Stress from all of the above...
Benefits of the new job:
*More money. It could be a lot more with their overtime.
*Part of a company that I feel cares more about their employees.
*More potential career movements within. I have limited movement at my current job.
*Free train tickets
So, from a career point of view, it makes sense to go to the new job. But from my personal point of view and issues resonating within, it makes more sense to stick with the stable job with a consistent schedule.
This all comes up because I got an e-mail from the coordinator of the railroad and she asked if I was still interested. I haven't answered yet... I may defer again to give myself time to think.
As for the future, I did put in for another railroad job that's more administrative, so that'd be consistent with work hours. It'd be like a 45 minute commute on the train, but it'd be more money right off of the bat, too.
I just needed to vent. Even with my therapist she thinks that I should take the train job. She was excited, as was I. When I was taking the tests and stuff I was so focused on leaving the current job because we are being overworked and underpaid. The government here is constantly in a deficit, and my union gets the worst contracts. I told her all of this; she could empathize with the frustration.
Thanks for reading.
This past weekend we went out for a birthday and I drank a decent amount. I've drank on many medications in the past and felt OK, but the hangovers are out of this world bad. My anxiety flares up. So of course yesterday (the day after the birthday) we go to the city to see a play. The theater is decently sized, but it's packed and the chairs are quite tight (not a lot of leg room, for example). Great play and I loved it, but a majority of the time my anxiety was sky high. Of course I had no Klonopin on me, so I had to tough it out. But damn is was bad... Today I feel a little crappy, but a bit better overall.
Anyway, onto my real "issue" - WORK. At my current job of 7 years myself and many others are vastly underpaid. It's a government job, so I have awesome benefits and will get a pension in like 30 years (yay). But it isn't a livable wage, really. Or I'll be eating ramen noodles with my family if we could ever afford a place. My wife makes less than I do working for the schools... Which is frustrating, because they, too, are underpaid. It has caused me great stress, and I've been more vocal about my frustrations lately with the union and other workers, all whom agree with me, but many are too afraid to speak up.
So about a year or so ago I put in for another job on the railroad. Better pay, pension, etc. Overall, it's a great gig and seems like a cool job. The issue is my health, my anxiety, my family, my stability, and the job needs a whole metric shit ton of learning. I've learned a lot, but my mind seems to have no retained it as well as I wish I had (for example, I had to learn 70+ definitions verbatim). And that's only the beginning... I've received other learning material about signals, definitions of signals, certain movement rules, horn sounds (kind of lose morse code), etc. It's quite overwhelming, and supposedly even that is just the tip of the iceberg.
So around 6+ months ago I receive an email that they liked my resume and I should come in. I go in, get information to study and am to come back like 2 months later or something. I do as such, pass this hard test, have a couple of interviews, get fitted for a uniform, etc. It's all peachy. I had to defer it due to surgery coming up on my wrist. They were fine with it.
So during this time I am having a battle in my head. Do I take it? I mean, I am at my current job for 7 years now and will get health benefits for life at 10 years. I am also vested into my pension. Through this job I get to meet a lot of people, some of which that are very good people to know. The pay sucks for where I live, but it's better than minimum wage and other jobs out there. Plus there is stability. It's a set schedule every week, Monday through Friday. The other job is very, very random, especially in the beginning.
I feel stuck. There is a lot of potential at the other job, but where I am now I feel like I want to try other things. Like maybe get involved in the union. Or try to push my side business. Or push my blog. I have a potential upgrade coming up in a month or so as well. It still will not be as much money as the railroad job, though.
To itemize it, here are the negatives about the new job:
*Inconsistent schedule. Basically an on-call type of deal, especially in the beginning. This also means working holidays, weekends, and probably night shifts as a newcomer.
*A lot of information to retain. Like, a college crash course. It needs to be memorized verbatim. They test constantly, even after being hired and going through their internal training.
*My anxiety fluctuates, so at the new job if I have anxiety I am in for a tough time. At my current job I can take time off with more ease on the worst of days. If I am a bit anxious I am sitting at a desk most of the time, so I can take a breath, take a small walk, grab some water, etc.
*A lot of travel, potentially. Supposedly they don't care where you live. I could travel 30-45+ minutes by car to be on a train route leaving from Station X and be on there for the day. Then have to drive that home.
*I have an 8-year-old daughter. So with the scheduling, I may miss birthdays, plays, events, etc. I also have to go to Family Court at times (like this coming July) because her mother tries to get more visitation, which we have to vigorously fight off.
*My family thinks that it is a good job, but they think where I am now has more stability. I am many years into the job. I know a lot about it and the people, too.
*Failing some of the tests could lead to immediate termination.
*Potentially having a lapse in medical coverage. I am on several meds and testosterone replacement therapy.
*Stress from all of the above...
Benefits of the new job:
*More money. It could be a lot more with their overtime.
*Part of a company that I feel cares more about their employees.
*More potential career movements within. I have limited movement at my current job.
*Free train tickets
So, from a career point of view, it makes sense to go to the new job. But from my personal point of view and issues resonating within, it makes more sense to stick with the stable job with a consistent schedule.
This all comes up because I got an e-mail from the coordinator of the railroad and she asked if I was still interested. I haven't answered yet... I may defer again to give myself time to think.
As for the future, I did put in for another railroad job that's more administrative, so that'd be consistent with work hours. It'd be like a 45 minute commute on the train, but it'd be more money right off of the bat, too.
I just needed to vent. Even with my therapist she thinks that I should take the train job. She was excited, as was I. When I was taking the tests and stuff I was so focused on leaving the current job because we are being overworked and underpaid. The government here is constantly in a deficit, and my union gets the worst contracts. I told her all of this; she could empathize with the frustration.
Thanks for reading.