I can't live anymore like this!

[TinkrTonkr]

So for the past 15 days I'm completely obssessed with thoughts that I have ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), for those who don't know, a fatal disease.
I've been worried with this on and off for about 9 months now but it all got worse when i choked on water 3 weeks ago. Since then I'm constantly drinking to test my swallowing and see if i choke again, so far it hasn't happened again.
But I can't take the thought out of my mind that this is the start of bulbar ALS. I can't live like this, i even thought about suicide today (will never commit it though, i don't have the courage to)
Tongue is ok, soft palate rises ok, everything seems ok, i can eat and drink fine but in my head i have this disease in early stage...
Anybody out there that felt the same and managed to get better?
I don't know what to do, diazepam doesn't work anymore.
I've made the math. 2\100000 people a year get ALS, only 5% under 30, only 25% have bulbar onset, and from those only 15% start with swallowing trouble, most common first symptom is slurred speech.
Still I'm terrified and don't know what to do.

[Melonpony]

You don't have the disease. That's the first step is to believe that. It's highly unlikely.
Seek out therapy to control your anxiety. Try meditation. I love the app INSIGHT.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

[Fishmanpa]

Please read this! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=196071)

Positive thoughts

[TinkrTonkr]

Please read this! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=196071)

Positive thoughts
I read that a while ago. For a while it made me feel better but now it won't.
I don't know what to do anymore, my family doesn't know that I live daily thinking I have a fatal disease, i haven't told anyone.
I don't have any symptom (except for possibly a slightly weaker voice), and I don't have familial history so I shouldn't be worried about something that is incredibly unlikely..
But after the cancer last year I became a hypocondriac, and ALS is the disease I chose "to have"
Weird thing is that before having the endoscopy done I thought I had stomach cancer and after the endoscopy they said I had a ulcer and they took a biopsy. Once again even though they said 99% benign i thought it was cancer and yeah after all it was cancer...
Hoping this time I'm wrong and I don't have ALS.
The anxiety right now is too much...

[Fishmanpa]

Your reply speaks volumes. "ALS is the disease I chose to have There are things out of our control in life. This instance isn't one of them. Since you are choosing to do this to yourself, there's not much one can say to help.

All I can say is I hope you get the professional help you need.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[Mercfh]

FWIW since you've been worrying about it for 9 months....in 9 months ALS would've progressed to be VERY noticeable. life expectancy is 2-5 years. So in almost a year it would be VERY VERY obvious you had it. I mean some people go from walking to a wheelchair in 6 months.....and nothing has happened to you.

[TinkrTonkr]

Just a update on my anxiety situation, I'm still extremely anxious and drinking loads of water everyday to test my swallowing. Haven't choked once in more than a month, and it all seem to be working fine but somehow the swallowing feels weird and everytime I drink I think "Now is the time I will start choking" hasn't happened though.
Still no ALS symptoms at all but the fear is here to stay and can't get rid of it.
Also these past 2 weeks I've been fearing my mother (52 year old) might have it, because she's coughing sometimes during meals, but the fact she can drink liquids fine tells me she's ok.
I don't know what to do and how to get past these fears, everyday i wake up and the first thing I do is go drink water to see if it goes down fine.
Anyone got any tips to deal with this anxiety? I'm on Diazepam but in a very low dose and don't want to go higher than this because of the side effects.
I'm going to talk to a psychiatrist in the first week of July hopefully she has some tips for me to deal with this. I'm so afraid of a disease I have no symptoms of and EXTREMELY unlikely at my age, but still in the back of my mind there's something telling me "You have ALS, it's very early to show symptoms but you have it" Wish I could live like I used to.