Feeling lost, med withdrawal.long post

[LadyPoldark]

Hi everyone, I do hope that those of you on this forum do not mind my long post, but I find it difficult to find people that I can discuss (comfortably) my anxiety issues with and I guess I've been bottling things up for a long while.

I started with depression and anxiety many years ago, I was prescribed anti depressants, I had continuing lethargy after a bout of flu, and other tests ruled out other causes and so, onto the meds then.

Since then I have been up and down, the downs mainly being problems regarding high levels of health anxiety. I actually spent months struggling with a annoying pain and itching sensation on my elbows that was psychosomatic, but sent me into free fall.

As a result of that my medication was adjusted a few times and eventually took citralopram and duloxetine, which numbed my health obsessions and general anxiety, yet made me extremely tired, I lost my motivation for most things and I gained weight.

During this time I went to visit a cognitive behavioural therapist, whom informed me all my anxiety issues were entirely due to the way my father treated me as a child (he used to hit me quite badly if I annoyed him...spilt a drink or got paint on something) to be honest it upset me a lot and I felt my therapist made me feel guilty for having any contact with my father :huh:

Additionally, I had just come out of what was, a potentially very toxic relationship (again the words of the therapist but I cannot really disagree with that) and so, feeling uncomfortable, and feeling like CBT just made me more depressed, I decided I would take depression and anxiety into my own hands and try and exercise more........

This seemed to work well, and I came off my medication a couple of months back, and though, I wanted to stay in bed all the time, I started to gradually feel I was doing reasonable enough without them meds, until......tonsilistis

The tonsillitis went but recently I have had a complete health anxiety meltdown. I've spoken to my doctor, the one I trust most about depression and anxiety as he is very patient with me and he said I was doing very well to come off the medication.

However, it isn't just my health anxiety but it's general anxiety also. Right now, I think I'm getting a hold on my health anxiety and start to feel somewhat ok, but then I feel sick with worry, worry often for no apparent reason. I often have trouble sleeping, feeling sick and having stomach cramps. I feel like I need a hot water bottle on my tummy at all times...my doctor warned me that it could become obsessive

I feel like I'm suffering more from anxiety than depression, although I know that there is often a fine line between the two. Considering my doctor mentioned general anxiety I'm presuming that is the same as GAD, and if so, has anyone found any medications/ CBT helpful?

I don't want really to go back onto meds but was it perhaps silly of me to come off them? Should I go back to my doctor? Even if anyone on here can relate I would love to hear from you. Even if like me, you don't have the answers, I'd just like to hear from someone who can relate. I personally find talking about it quite embarrassing but I'm glad to find forums like this.

[Rick(amateur)]

Welcome to the forum! :welcome:

Bottling anxiety inside isn't a good feeling and I attempted to take my own life last time I did that. It's also hard to find people to talk about issues, especially when those around you have never experienced anxiety. This forum is a great place to talk about these stuff and make new friends.

There's nothing embarrassing talking about these issues. The things are very complicated and even experts have so many opinions on the matter you know some of them are wrong too. Here, you can speak out without being judged as much out there where most people relate anxiety to someone being crazy and dangerous.

Now, I have been fortunate to have minor anxiety compared to what you're dealing with. Given how I feel at times, I could only imagine what you're dealing with. As for daring to come off medication, I think you have courage to do so. Medication have a lot of side effects so I was never too fond of them to begin with. I prefer some natural methods that I hope will work for you.

One thing I tell a lot of people is to keep a journal. Write about your day and let your anxiety and frustrations seep into the page. Write as much or as little but do so when you feel very anxious. I feel this helps you direct your anxiety onto a page which you can read later and see what's going through your mind. The mind is very complicated and you might be surprised what shows up on paper. I find it being the best way to vent your negativity in a non-violent way.

Some of my friends prefer meditation. They want a quiet room where they focus their mind on stuff other than anxiety related. I could never get into it so I cannot say how effective it can be.

The third method is what I do which is talking out loud my issues. I, being a loner, talk to myself and make videos of them. It's not that different from writing a journal but you'd be surprised what you can hear coming out of your mouth. Overall, just another way to get things out of your head.

Seeking professional help doesn't hurt but I find that, due to their training, they only have so many things they can do for you. I hope you can give one of the methods listed above a try and see what works. I hope your situation improves and your day gets better. You can also PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. :)

[LadyPoldark]

Thanks for the welcome Rick

I'm interested in the fact that you mentioned meditation. I went to a holistic shop recently and found the whole atmosphere very soothing, I'm now quite tempted to start a course for relaxation techniques.

Talking to my family I think I have realised what has sent me into a bit of a downward spiral. A couple of weeks back my dog was attacked by another on a fairly local walk. Thankfully, he's a sturdy dog and the puncture wounds didn't harm him as much as they would've done if he was smaller but he had a bite that narrowly missed his eye.

As this happened just as a was getting a grip on the health anxiety, it could be partly influential on how I'm coping without my meds. I've been obsessing about his eye for the past two weeks even though the vet specifically gave it a full check.

Horse riding helped me with my anxiety in the past and I wish I hadn't have given it up, I might try and find out if there are any horsey people on here actually that could help encourage me to get back into the saddle? If so I wonder where would be the correct place to post such a thread?

Hope to get to know you all

[Rick(amateur)]

Hi LadyPoldark,

If the course seems tempting, you should definitely try it. I can never see myself being so still but it has worked for some people. As for talking to family, it's too common a story where people who don't have the experience couldn't possibly understand what you're going through. That's why we come to places like this forum where we can make friends and talk with people who actually understand.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your dog. It's one of those nasty surprises in life you would rather go without. As for finding horsey people, the best section I could think of is the "Pen Pals" where you list horse riding as a hobby. People visiting there are normally those who likes to chat with new people and make new friends. Pursuing a hobby you loved is definitely a great way to fight anxiety in addition to chasing a dream of yours.

I hope the day improves for you. :)