EJO
16-06-17, 08:44
A bit long but I need to tell this. So this is my story. After quite a difficult year that was 2015, I was ready and determined to make 2016 a great one. I was in my second year of college, loving life and having fun just like any other normal student. That summer I had spent working in a summer camp in Spain and in September I began my semester abroad in Vienna, Austria. It was going by fantastically-meeting new people and travelling all over Europe during weekends, until up to to the end. In a rather stupid and reckless act, there were two nights alone where I drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol (bottle of gin, some vodka) which irritated my heart rhythm and I had to go into hospital for two days to bring it back down. Now, that whole experience was quite a shock to the system and caused an incredible amount of distress for me. However, the doctor was assuring me that they checked for signs of heart disease and damage which there wasn't any and simply referred it to an incident of 'holiday heart'. He said it shouldn't come back and not to worry about it. In my head, I was still feeling shell shocked and dazed. After being discharged, something just did not feel right. I felt weak, my chest was shallow and it was like I couldn't breath. This continued on until I found myself back in the same hospital. This was the beginning of my anxiety and first panic attack. After being given the all clear, I had one last skiing trip to go to with the college and I didn't want to miss out on it so I went and had a very good time. But the underlying foreboding feeling of dread and fear about my heart remained and it continued up to Christmas Day where I found myself in the ER once more. I was home with my family at this point and after running tests (blood, ECG, chest x-ray) they couldn't find anything wrong with me. At this point, I felt I needed to get on with my life and believe what the doctors said. I was due to start my 7 month internship in France. The first two months were very stressful-setting myself up in a new country, starting a new job, living with an absolute psychopath which is another story itself. Eventually after moving out and finding some peace, the anxiety hit me like a huge ton of bricks and I've been suffering ever since. In the last six months, I've had 4 ECGs, two chest x-rays, blood tests (one even checked the enzymes in my heart) a 48 hour holter monitor, an echocardiogram, an abdominal ultrasound-all good. Last night I found myself in the ER again but eventually left cause there was people in line after me who were being seen by doctors cause they felt my case wasn't urgent after taking my blood pressure and temperature. I went because I was feeling anxious after having a coffee before leaving work which led to me having a panic attack (missed beats, feeling of faint, numbness) eventually it subsided and I went home. I am completely lost and feel miserable everyday. I've tried going to counselling, meditation, exercise every day, eat healthily etc. Only six weeks left in my internship and I'm worried something will happen or that there is something wrong with my heart. Been prescribed anti-anxiety medicine and xanax but they're not working. Sorry that the post is long, feeling very low right now