View Full Version : scared I am slipping
I know I have mood swings and I know I have said to people that if I go down to remind me that it is all part of the cycle and I will be ok in a few days. Yet I think I have it all wrong.
I feel the lack of counselling and lack of 1-1 support as a tremendous loss. I try to be brave about it but I am not. I don't know how I am going to get through my occ health meeting and then return to work without someone to air it all to. At this moment in time I feel about as ready for my work as a new born chick is to fly
I thought I had my pattern all sussed out and as early as this morning, I thought I was on my way back to feeling good again, I even deleted a negative thread I had written yeaterday, but I feel like I have been hit by a sledgehammer down into the pits this evening. It is not supposed to be like this. I just keep on crying and for long enough I thought I couldn't cry and now I just can't stop.
Hubby asked what was wrong with me and I told him I just feel bad and low. His answer was 'well you went for a run this morning, you should be feeling better!' yes I was! This morning! Then the endorphins worked their way outn of my system and I was left feeling bad again.
I am scared and because I am scared I want to do all the mad things I think about. My mad thoughts are returning with a vengeance, really scary ones and I have no doc to tell, no therapist no shrink. Even if I could see a shrink, I can't face another med change just now, it is to close to return to work. When I planned to return to work last time, I had no support and I couldn't do it, I literally ran away. I so want to go again. I have been making all my plans, I know where I am going if I go and it is as far as my car can take me. If I go this time, I lose my job for sure but the pressure is building like a pressure cooker.
It isn't just my mood swings as I have found myself slipping for a while. Turning down coffee with friends, going on nights out, having friends to the house, hiding in my room, going to bed as early as I can get away with.
My head feels full to bursting and tonight I really feel close to madness.
Happyone
xx
Right lovely,
one step at a time....when are you supposed to be going back to work and what do you do???? I have only just started reading your posts, but i read your one from last nite and when i came to check on you this morning it had gone...
let me know how you are now please.
love lilibet x x
Happyone mate why don't you tell hubby just what you told us - perhaps this little blip (and that's all it is) is because of the pressure of going back to work????
I also agree that support is needed for a while for us to get back on our feet and can understand that stopping the therapy and your doctor leaving to have the baby is all change that you don't feel good about.
You are not going mad hun.
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi mate,
Sorry only just found this thread as I'm rarely looking through all the new threads at the moment and for the same reason I'm sorry but I must have missed the one from last night too.
It does sound like it could be work triggering you right now, and losing the support. I lost my lovely doctor and CBT lady at the same time a while back and it did affected me so I do understand. I totally understand the need to have someone to talk it through with as it does help.
Has your gp actually left yet? If not maybe you could see her, or maybe it's worth trying to see a different gp while she is away, there may be someone else there that you could learn to trust that may be able to help support you? Just an idea anyway.
Is it possible to contact your counsellor and tell her you're struggling? I know you said that she would continue seeing you in her new role if necessary. If that's now not the case maybe she can refer you to someone else for 1-1 support. Sorry if none of this helps.
Failing that can you call the crisis number you have, I'm not saying you're having a crisis I'm just trying to think of people that may be able to help you through this and talk it through with.
There's nothing wrong with needing support, especially at difficult times so do try and find someone to help you mate.
Might be worth trying to explain how you feel to hubby about all this too.
Night night :hugs:
Lisa x
Southern_Belle
09-05-07, 23:06
Hi,
A big :hugs: for you. You are having alot of changes happening at once like Piglet said. What was sort of a stress free life (although a stay at home mom is not stress free believe me :wacko: ) you are going into a new environment and that contains more stress. Combine that with your loss of that support you feel like you need no wonder you feel like you are in a crisis. I also think that by trying to figure out a "pattern" you might be setting yourself up for one. Just take one day at a time. I know today has hit you hard but you got through it. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. I know you can get through your appointment, you are strong.
As far as the mad thoughts as you call them they are thoughts not actions. If I were you when I got a thought I did not want, if you can, force yourself to write down a thought you do want. Or force yourself to think of one. Perhaps picture yourself walking in a favorite place you love. I hope this helps, this is what I do when my heart races and I also breathe in lavendar. I know it isn't the same but sometimes when I have flown I have wanted to run off the plane screaming like a madwoman. :blush: It has been all I could do to remain in my seat. Picturing myself somewhere else has gotten me through it. I do hope you have a good day tomorrow, please let me know.
:hugs: ,
Laura :flowers:
Under~The~Stars
10-05-07, 00:07
I haven't been around tonight hunny, I'm sorry. I wish I had been around tonight :hugs:
Firstly, I think you are being very sensible and you are noticing that you need support, as you do need support, going back to work after having been off for a long time is stressful and you do need support to help you with this. You know how I feel already about your counsellor etc, I am so annoyed at them. I think you need to speak to your GP as soon as, and put an end to all of this worrying, you need support so you go and ask for it! You are doing well, but I agree that you need to have something in place for now for you to keep on doing well. And as time goes by, and you get stronger, you will need the help less and less, but for now you need that help so you need to ask for it.
I know you are scared hunny, but those thoughts you are having are just thoughts. Just try and distract yourself when you feel like that, even go into the chatroom, or talk to one of your little ones, or talk to a friend. Please don't run away coz you really are doing so well, and if you ask for more support you will get it. There is always an answer.
We will meet up next week for a coffee? Text me anytime, just please don't disappear, coz I really will worry :hugs:
Thinking of you,
Lou xxx :hugs:
groovygranny
10-05-07, 07:14
Just sen this Happyone.
Wan to give you hugs
You've supported me even though you're going through hell yourself.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Thanks folks,
I'm afriad I have woken up with the blues again this morning. Even hubby has noticed, he is taking kids to school.
Lilibet, I don't know when I am due to go back to work. I have occ health meeting on Tues to determine my future. It could be soon after that or not depending on what course of action they recommend. I work with people with learning disability in residential care.
Thanks Piglet. I just don't do change well at all and it is too much at once. I only need to think about it and I start bubbling again. I at least thought I would have support through me getting back to work, but it is my own fault really as I told her I didn't want anyone else.
Lisa, it does all help. But I am sure you will relate to this. I don't want to tell my gp. I want her to go off on maternity leave feeling good that she has helped me. I don't want to tell my counsellor as I want her to start her new job thinking the same. I don't want to phone the crises team for the same reasons as it will obviously get to my gp and counsellor. I have tried telling hubby but he just doesn't get it. I am not being critical of him, he can't help it.
Laura, I understand all the things you say about me picturing myself in another place. I am doing that, unfortunately I want to be there. I really really want to be there and it is taking all my willpower not to go.
I really am trying. Honestly I am. I have been doing my meditation, I have been doing my mindfulness exercises and I have been looking at my positive affirmation cards and trying to let the ideas sink in, but this low just envelopes me.
Lou, you are a wee star! I should ask for support but I can't. I just can't get away from the fear of being seen as weak or needy by the people who are there to help. I thought I had but I haven't. I have also had a lot more help than many others. It is obviously time for me to stand up on my own two feet. I am just not finding it easy.
Thanks for hugs GG. One right back at you:hugs:
Thank you all.
Happyone
xx
BIG HUGS FOR HAPPY :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: XXX
Now I really am losing the plot. I phoned my mum and there was no reply so I went driving round to her house convinced she was dead, praying all the way, telling God I would try to stop being so self centred if he made my mum alve and if they find the little girl who is missing in Portugal. 1 out of 2 so far, my mum is alive and well.
How can I be so stuck inmyself when people are out there who have real problems. It is not like I don't think about them. I think about other people all the time and I can't stop thinking about the little missing girl and her family and all the other people in this world who are hurting, people who are starving and all the other tradgedies that are too horrific to even write. Yet I still can't see ythe joy I have in my life or I can see it but I don't feel it. I am so selfish and deserve to feel bad maybe.
Sorry stuck on the self obsessed disc again.
Happyone
xx
Morning hun,
You know I have to severely ration how much news I watch because like you if affects me terribly and makes my agoraphobia worse from the point of feeling safe when I am out, and so much sadness and cruelty in the world makes me feel well sad.
The thing is though there are indeed some beautiful things that also go on in the world and lots of human kindnesses but these don't make headlines do they.
Now my lovely, for once stop putting others needs before your own, ie; the therapist, the doctor, kids, mum, hubby and Uncle Joe Cobbley and all. I think this is a main contributory factor in making things more difficult.
You would not put off having a broken leg put in plaster just cos you didn't want to inconvenience the nurse and this is just the same. I would tell any interested parties exactly how you feel so that they can help! Often all it is is a little tweak here and a little tweak there. This is exactly how it works with panic and agoraphobia too - making things more managable is key!!:yesyes:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Thanks folks,
Lisa, it does all help. But I am sure you will relate to this. I don't want to tell my gp. I want her to go off on maternity leave feeling good that she has helped me. I don't want to tell my counsellor as I want her to start her new job thinking the same.
Morning mate,
I do understand that above, but what did you tell me just two days ago? Yes you told me to go and tell my gp everything and I did and I'm so glad I did. Yes I wanted her to leave knowing I was going great, she did leave thinking that initially as I was when she left back then. This time she was only back for one day and knows I am in a right state with severe pain etc and she has no way of knowing if/when I'm better but I told myself (with your help) that she is a doctor, she is able to cope with this as it's her job, my job is to get the best help and support for me right now. So do you think you could do the same?
Your doc will not mind seeing you, I bet she'll be great and totally understand the work issues, she may even suggest who is best to see in her absence etc. Same with the counsellor, I would call her too and tell her you do want to see her again before she goes and then someone else, this someone else may be even better than current person.
There is nothing wrong with needing help, however much you need, and accepting that may even help you more on. I have had so much help for various things on the NHS, infact it's probably me that has drained all the resources lol but if you need help you need it and that's that. I don't mean to sound harsh but don't suffer when the help is out there, you don't need to struggle like this alone mate. Please please think about it at least?
This probably is just a low spell that will pass soon but it could be related to work too so please get some help mate, you'll feel alot better if you go and talk it all through with someone.
:hugs:
Lisa x
thanks piglet and Lisa
I just can't. I really really can't.
Piglet, I believe I would not put off having my leg put in plaster, but if it was still hurting and hurting, I believe I would not tell the nurse, if the situation were similar. I would put it off until she was gone.
I'm sorry for being awkward. I know I need someone for support just now but I can't make that move to ask for it.
You don't sound harsh Lisa, I know I would advise you the same but I just can't do it. If I was to be asked I would probably burst into tears and tell all but I no appts until 8th and 11th June. My Gp isn't there and I am not going to another. Even if I did they would just tell me to go to shrink. I will not ask my counsellor to see her, I just won't. I can't explain. It is not just about being needy, it is about pride and I know pride comes before a fall but I will not ask to see her. I don't even think she would be able to now even if I could. I think she has gone. I am too angry at her anyway and don't want to see her. My shrink would only ooh and aah and give me more meds, so there is no point in seeing him.
I have no choices left. I am going to lose it all and it is all going to come crumbling round my ears. the job, the house, the family.
Its my big uns birthday coming up and I am scared I am not going to be here for her birthday as I really feel I am holding on by a thread. I went out with my friend today to take the little uns to soft play, I was just so angry and the man at the counter tried to make a joke and I felt like swinging for him but was just rather cutting. my friend said I was scary and I know I was. I am just sinking further and further into my own head.
Sorry to be such a torn face.
Happyone
Awww mate :hugs:
I do understand how sometimes we can't do things, it's very easy for others to be objective from outside the sutuation isn't it but very different when it comes to doing it ourselves isn't it, I really do understand that, especially right now.
I still wish you would get some help somewhere though if you really are feeling as bad as you say as maybe you do need help to get it all back on track. It may not be more meds are needed, just talking it all through can often help. Meds may need tweaking but maybe not, you may just be reacting to a stress in your life, ie work which is understandable.
Mate you do have choices but somehow you have to reach out and ask for help, no one can do that but you, although if I was you hubby I'd probably be concerned enough to intervene on your behalf.
We all have pride and like to think we can cope but there is nothing wrong with asking for help from any source at all.
You are not going to lose it all, job, house, family etc, that's catastrophising (I know I'm an expert at it :winks: and a hypocrite too for saying that!). At worst you may lose the job (if you decide that's what you want) but if it's causing you this much stress maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe a new start in a job with no pressure of shift work would suit you alot better anyway.
Hang in there mate, remember your scary thoughts are just thoughts and if you really get desperate enough to want to do something PLEASE tell someone.
Oh and I have no idea what a torn face is (more scottish? lol) but you have nothing to be sorry for.
http://www.wondercliparts.com/hugs/graphics/hugs_graphics_04.gif
Lisa x
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Lizzie1975
10-05-07, 18:19
Oh lovely Happyone,
I wish I could bundle you up and take you out of 'life' for a while to a place you felt safe to stay and be looked after so you could concentrate just on you until you felt ready to return.
There's no easy or quick fix as we all know but I hope you manage to find someone you can lean on, REALLY lean on...I really feel for you, you will come through this. I'm here if you need,
Lizzie xxxx
Thanks folks,
Lisa, I just can't deal with the possibility of medicine tweaks just now. I have too much going on. I am going to this meeting on Tues to convince them I am well. I promised my boss I wouldn't be balingn oyt again. I need to be we;l but there is not a lot of chance of it happeing if I keep up like this. Hubby would never intervene only if he thought my life wa sin danger. He just gets angry at me and I have to keep goingwhen every ounce of me wants to crawl away. I can't tell anyone my thoughts, I only ever told the counsellor and I now I can't. I don't even know if I am allowed to phone the crises line any more aa I don't know if I am on theri lists. I only phoned them once and backed out. thanks for the lovely hug
Piglet thanks for the hugs. Sorry I can't take your advice on mate. You always say such sensible things and a lot of things that you have said in the past I have tried. the mindfulnees and the affirmations and I feel bad that i can't listento you just now.
Lizzie, I so wish I could get out of life just now. I know you know exactly how I am feeling just now. You describe what I want to a t. I just want to be out of it but me and everyone else to be safe and happy. I don't want to be permanently outn of it but to put life on pause until I am truelly well. I am losing hope of getting out of this illneess. This is the worst it has been for so long and I know i am my own worst enemyfor not seeking hte help but i really cant.
thanks folks
happyone
groovygranny
10-05-07, 20:14
Happyone
Because of you and all the others that have been supporting me over the last two days, I am going to face my demons tomorrow and try to give 'em hell.
Your words of encouragement to me I treasure, along with all the others.
I don't know what to say except please don't give up hope - not now.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::flowers:
Hi Happyone,
You CAN seek help mate, you really can and you will when you feel ready :hugs:
You do not have to convince anyone that you are fit for work if you're not either. It doesn't matter what you promised your boss if you're not ready you're not ready and that's that. Please be honest at the meeting as it won't do you any favours if you're not. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself here mate :hugs:
Take care,
Lisa x
Thanks Lisa.
I am going to be honest on Tuesday. If nothing else,I will do that. I am just frightened of what being honest will ultimately mean.
GG, knock em dead Girl! You can do it. This time tomorrow you will have wine in hand, chilled (you, not the wine, or both) Thanks GG. I am trying, it is just a really hard time just now. (extremely some would say!)
Happyone
Under~The~Stars
10-05-07, 21:17
Mate, I'm just sending you a (((((BIG HUG))))) I have had a seriously busy day, my head is throbbing and my stomach really hurts. It was a good day, which has now turned into a really bad day. I hope you are ok, and I will reply more later. Please stay strong hunny :hugs:
Lou xxx :hugs:
PS has Jim been in touch with you?
Hi mate,
So glad to hear you're going to be honest on Tuesday, definitely the right thing to do as it can only be in your best interest to say how you really are
Night night, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you :flowers:
:hugs:
Lisa x
Piglet thanks for the hugs. Sorry I can't take your advice on mate. You always say such sensible things and a lot of things that you have said in the past I have tried. the mindfulnees and the affirmations and I feel bad that i can't listento you just now.
Aww hun that's ok - you can have one of my special hugs tonight (sometimes they convey more than words can anyway)!!
:hugs: (((H))):hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hope you feel better today mate :flowers:
Lisa x
Thanks folks,
I had a serious blub time last night. Ended up phoning my mum in a state which I feel bad about as I hate upsetting her.
I have come to conclusion if I am still as bad as this after the weekend, I am going to phone shrink and see if I can get my appt brought forward. I know it will probably mean a med change but I can't go on like this.
I had a night full of bad dreams, waking and panicking. I got up through the night and seriously thought about phoning the crises line for them to hopefully dissuade me from getting in the car and driving off.
Today I just feel that horrible hollow way. I watch the news and it makes me cry again. I know you said you limit your watching piglet, but I have to see if they have found that little girl. Then I feel bad for concentrating so much of my care and worry on one person when there are so many people out there hurting and suffering. I know there is much joy in the world and I genuinely believe there is more good than bad but the bad is sometimes just so bad and it seems so unfair that people have to hurt so much and there is wimps like me who cry because her bloody chemical enhancements are not working. I would hate me if I met me.
I try try try to tell myself it is all a chemical imbalance but I don't believe it. It is because I am a self centred so and so.
I just want to write a letter of resignation and know I never have to return to my work, but that will bring serious finacial problems. I am not exaggerating, I mean lose the house type thing.
Sorry. Just vented a whole lot of pants. I just wanted to to say thanks for replies:blush:
I had better get kids ready for school and nursery.
Lou, I sent you a pm. I will text you when I have money in my phone. I am going to see about getting a phone on contract hopefully.
happyone
xx
It is because I am a self centred so and so.
Seriously not true hun!!!:shades:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Aww Happyone. I am so sorry things are so tough for you again. Remember the better times you've had and that you can experience again.
Thinking of you.
Karen xx
Hi mate :hugs:
You are not a self centred so and so :lac: You're a kind caring person.
Don't worry about your Mum, I do understand as I phoned my step Mum in a bit of a state last night too but hey we all need others for support sometimes so it's ok.
I can understand about work mate. Do you think finding another job and then resigning once you have a new job would help in any way? That way maybe you could find a job you like, with less pressure and working regular hours. Just a thought.
Really proud of you for deciding to try and see the shrink earlier if necessary, well done :hugs:
Take care, things will feel better again,
Lisa x
Lisa,
I would love to find another job but no-one is going to take me on with my present sickness record.
I am also quite well paid in my job, working for the council has some benefits as I get paid a good bit more than I would in the private or charitable sector. I couldn't do what I do for the private or charitable sector as conditions for service users are just not as good and that would get to me big style. in fact, the standards were droppng in my place of work which is a lot of why the stress got to me. I have always prided myself on the fact that I worked for a service that was second to none and our service users got the best of care. It is changing like the NHS though and it is all heads on beds and to hang with what peoples individual needs are. I have good working conditions, anyone else would have paid me off ages ago. To earn what I do just now, I would need to work full time in the private or charitable sector and possibly in a managerial role which I just can't cope with.
Apart from all that, this is what I am qualified to do. I could possibly move sideways but only once I have put my sickness record behind me.
Part of me is hoping that at my occ health interview they decide I am not fit to return and I have to be redeployed. That will mean a drop in wages but it will still be in local government. I just don't feel able to be a support to people any more. (Not on here, in work, on demand)
karen, thanks. I find it hard to see that there will be good times again. I'm sure there will be but I just can't see them just now.
happyone
xx
Hi mate,
I understand what you're saying about your job, tricky isn't it. Have you ever thought of doing something totally different? Maybe that's a thought but it sounds like you enjoy what you do and I can understand you wanting to stay in that field of work etc.
It was hard for me when I had to give up working as a scientist and take a lesser paid job doing something else so I do understand the problems.
I don't think your sickness record would necessarily be a problem, I've had two jobs since having ME, all knew I had it and have had alot of time off etc, some employers are ok with it, in fact some people wouldn't even tell a new employer.
Anyway see how Tuesday goes first mate, if you're honest with them they may not say you can work yet or as you say may suggest redeployment. Maybe you could even say you want that as don't feel you can manage your current role etc, although I have no idea how these things work - I suspect I may be finding out soon if my sickness goes on much longer though! I just dream of being offered lots of money to leave like I was in my last scientific post lol. No actually I dream of feeling well enough to go in as I miss and love work.
Take care,
Lisa x
How are things this evening Happyone?
I think it is a sensible decision to ask for help if you need it. See how you go over the weekend and remember the crisis team is there if you need it.
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
Lisa Hun,
I feel terrible saying this as everyone thinks my job is like a vocation, I hate it! I don't hate the service users, I love them, well that is not entirely true, it is like anything, some people you love and some people you don't but I care for the well being of all of the service users but I hate my job. I only fell into this line of work by accident. Long story. I would love to do something else but I don't know what and it would mean re training and I don't want to commit myself to something until I am 100% sure. I did actually think I might actually like to work in the mental health field, but I would have to be a lot more well than I am and would probably be advised against it.
Karen, thanks. I still have the number for the crises team but I am not sure if I am still allowed to use their number. I was given it before when I was in a bad way and the shrink said he would tell them I would maybe call over the weekend. So I don't know if they have to be aware that you might phone. However, hubby is here this weekend and I have told him I feel really bad. I can't tell him how bad, he just gets angry when I do that.
I am not going to do anything silly. The crises feeling has eased. It is just a case of the day feeling like a week from wakening in the morning until I can get to my bed at night. I don't want to speak to anyone (apart from on here, but that is different cos it isn't 'live') and I just want to stop the world for a bit and get off.
Thanks peeps for being here.
Happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
11-05-07, 19:23
I think anyone can phone the crisis team can't they? I remember here I was given a card with a 24hr number (that's from memory so I might be wrong!!).
It's so hard isn't it - who can help? The psych will, like you said, tamper with meds doses, gp's are never sure what to do with someone in crisis, psychologists/therapists - if only they were accessable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Happyone it makes me so mad!!!
Maybe when we're all well we should (after we've won the lottery obviously) open a house with trained staff and take people out of their distress, take them out of work indefinitely - bring them to us - give them untold support and therapy etc. until they decide to taper it off and go home again. Seriously - where are these places - I know for sure I needed one a few years ago, a couple of months on the psych ward just doesn't have the same effect!!
Hang in there Happyone, glad you're going to tell the shrink, wish you didn't have the worry about work but for now just look to next weeks appt.
Lizzie xxxx
Lizzie,
thank you. I do know you know roughly where I am at and it means a lot that you take the time to reply. I feel calmer this evening. For once I haven't held it all in. I have told my mum, my hubby and my best friend (and all of you here) that i feel bad. I have not shared the thoughts, cos thats what they are eh, thoughts?
I have a glass of wine (not best idea I know, but it tastes lovely!) and I am sort of chilling. Very on edge but ok. I am staying at my mums tomorrow after a night out, without kids, so I will have a bit of respite from routine.
I have decided that if the mood doesn't lift by Monday, I am definately phoning shrink to ask for appt asap. If it does lift, I will phone anyway for appt earlier than 11th June.
It is maybe time to consider lithium. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I am saying no, but anything has to be better than having this periodically.
Happyone
xx
ps I love you all
Hi mate,
I would have thought you could call the crisis number anytime once you've been given the number, but glad you don't feel that bad now. It's definitely sensible to bring the shrink appt forward if necessary.
I'm proud of you for sharing how you're feeling with people too, well done.
I understand what you're saying about work too. I sometimes think Id like to do something different but not sure what - professional googler maybe :winks: lol
The night out sounds good tomorrow mate, that will be nice.
Anyway night night,
Lisa x
Googler,
that is what I want to be
anyone willing to pay me?
At 7am tomorrow,I am going to be soooooooooooooooooooo hungover!!
I stilllove you all!
Happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
I am so glad and very proud of you for sharing how you are feeling. I know from experience how difficult that can be and especially to let yourself feel how you feel. I don't do enough of that. I find it very difficult to let it all go and cry if I feel like it.
You have come such a long way in your journey to emotional health already so please don't forget that.
If you need help over the weekend I agree with others that you could call the crisis team. I hope you won't need it.
Lizzie - I agree with everything you said. It is so frustrating. I am lucky I think to have such a caring GP.
Maybe when we're all well we should (after we've won the lottery obviously) open a house with trained staff and take people out of their distress, take them out of work indefinitely - bring them to us - give them untold support and therapy etc. until they decide to taper it off and go home again. Seriously - where are these places - I know for sure I needed one a few years ago, a couple of months on the psych ward just doesn't have the same effect!!
Wouldn't it be bliss! I agree that time spent on a psychiatric ward is definitely no substitute.
:hugs:
Karen xx
Put that wine glass down and get to bed now Happyone :winks: Only joking mate.
Sleep well,
Lisa x
Thanks lisa and karen (and all who are around)
the wine glass is down (it is ok to tell me off lisa, I will you!)
kAren you are right I am sure. But do you know something? I actually think I WANT a psychiatric hospital. Maybe my very limited experience so far has been fortunate, but I just want to dip out. I really really want to dip out. No visitors, no phone calls, no contact with TV or outside world. I want go under my duvet and not come out til it is the right time.
I hate the world and all the shit it brings
Sorry
Happyone
xx
the wine glass is down (it is ok to tell me off lisa, I will you!)
Mmmm that's what worries me :winks: lol Only joking :hugs: It's good we can all be so honest with each other isn't it.
It is true the word doesn't always bring good things and life can be very hard but their is still so much good in life to be had mate, hold on to that :flowers:
Sleep well,
Lisa x
No need to apologise Happyone. Some people benefit from some time out in hospital. I'm just talking from my own experiences and viewpoint.
I hope you are sleeping soundly and that tomorrow is better :hugs:
Karen xx
Don't know what I was going on about last night, I do not want to go to hospital! I couldn't even stand the hospital when I went in to have my kids and my one night in a psychiatric hospital was horrible, and that was a nice modern one with a private room.
Sometimes I am best ignored until I get out of my childish strop.
Sorry folks
happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
12-05-07, 12:59
Listen, by the time I went onto the ward, I was glad! I desparately needed someone to take control and tell me what to do, I simply couldn't carry on as I was and people (family) just didn't know what to do with me. It isn't ideal no, but it was the best option for me at the time - and honestly, it wasn't all bad.
Not saying you need or want that Happyone, just saying how it was for me at that time, and I'm the same, I was phobic about staying one night when I had my son 8 years ago and still dreading birth time this time - will be in and out ASAP hopefully!
I (until i got preggers) was mad for white wine and drank far too much far too often! It's my fave thing ever but I always knew it wasn't the best thing - sometimes we need a little vice though.
Hope the weekend is as good as can be,
Lizzie XX
Under~The~Stars
12-05-07, 13:28
(((((HAPPY)))))
I totally know the feeling about wanting to escape from the outside world. I think it's time for a trip up to our cloud again? :hugs:
You are not best ignored, you are doing well writing down how it is you feel, and then we can try and support you the best we can. We care about you, so no talk of ignoring you! You have been doing so well recently and you can do well again, I promise you that.
I think it would be a step in the right direction if you feel you need to get an earlier appointment with shrink as you need to explain about how you feel you are not getting enough support. They are there to help hunny.
As for the job, maybe you are really not ready to be going back just now? And if that is the case then thats ok. Why don't you speak to your GP about it and see what they say. You don't want any added pressures. Or even tell them at the OH meeting? In the end, you have to do what is right for you, and put you first. A job can wait.
Do things that you enjoy, even if that is just putting your favourite film on, as if you feel so down, even the smallest things that make you happy can play a big part.
I hope you enjoy your night out tonight hun, and I want to hear how it went as I'm sure you will have a lovely time, just enjoy it and take things one step at a time.
Take things a day at a time, or even an hour at a time. You will get stronger, every day :hugs:
Take care hunny,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi Happyone,
I hope you feel at least a bit better today :hugs:
Have a nice time tonight,
Lisa x
Thanks folks,
I do feel better today.
Took little un to a party and I thought I was going to go shopping when she was in there but all the other mums stayed so I did too. Usually my idea of a nightmare, 5 million kids in a room! But it was nice having a blether.
Hubby giving me a bit of a hard time though. he thinks I am talking to men on the computer. Well.......yes! talking to men and having a relationship is a bit different though!
Anyway, I am picking up I'm sure. the closer it gets to my appt, the better I feel as it is the waiting I cannot stand.
I have developed a 'what will be will be' frame of mind towards it now. It is not like an interview, I am not trying to convince them of anything. I am going in to be honest and seeing what they think.
Thank you all so much.
Happyone
xx
:hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi Happyone
I am glad today has been better for you :)
Also I am so proud of you for staying at the birthday party and chatting to other mums :yesyes: It can help to get out and mix with others for a while.
Hope you have a good evening :hugs:
Karen xx
Hey Happy,
Just wanted to give you a few hugs and let you know I'm thinking of you. We each have our own problems but I feel that I've been where you are right now. I can't think of any wise advice to give but just keep on asking for help when you need it even tho it's the hardest thing to do.
Jim :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Under~The~Stars
12-05-07, 21:27
Happy, you are a star! :hugs:
Well done you for taking little un to a party and blethering to the other mums! Thats great! :yesyes: Hope you and little un enjoyed it! :D
I do have to say, and I've said it in my pm to you too, that I find it kind of funny that your hubby is getting a little paranoid, as I know, and everyone else knows that your not having an affair with anyone from here lol! :ohmy: :D It's nice too though coz it shows that he doesn't want to lose you.
You got it in one about the appointment! It's not an interview, if you feel you are not ready, then you tell them that. Just be honest with them, and be honest with yourself. You will know deep down if you are ready for work yet. They are just there to help.
Really glad you are feeling a bit better, and I hope you are having a lovely time tonight! Don't be drinking too much though mind! :winks: Won't see you tomorrow, as you won't be at tramps (ha ha ha ha - remember I called it that in chat one night and you thought I was talking about your little ones! :lac: ). But hopefully see you next week.
Speak to you tomorrow,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Glad you feel better today mate :hugs:
Well done for staying at the party, you did well :yesyes:
It's a good attitude you have about the appt too.
I had to smile when I read what your hubby said as mine has said that too in the past, not recently though but for ages I'm sure he was trying to find out what I did on here as every time he came into the room I stopped what I was doing and a few times he said "are you talking to your lover" . I have nothing to hide (plus he knows I never go anywhere) but I know he would go mad if he thought I was talking to "strangers" online and wouldn't understand me joining this site at all so this site has to stay a secret. Of course this will make it almost impossible for me to ever meet anyone from here in person as I'd have to totally lie about where I met them, how etc. As for having an affair - I just wish I had the energy to even consider it! lol
Hope you're having a nice evening,
Lisa x
Love you all!.......Hic!
Happyone
xx
How are you today Happyone?
Karen xx
Hi mate,
Hope you're well today and not hungover. I won't tell you off for drinking today :winks: Hope you had a nice evening.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hi Karen and Lisa,
I am a bit odd today. I am down, but not weepy down. Just flat. I want my bed. The day has seemed incredibly long so far.
When I am waiting for something, I just want the time to arrive. I want Tuesday to be here and get that hurdle over and done with. Yet I am scared of what Tuesday will bring. It inevitably (or not) means the time is closer to returning to work.
I am not phoning the shrink tomorrow now as I am not as down as I was. Hopefully Tuesday will bring some sort of relief, one way or another. I wish I had rescheduled the appt. Tuesday is also my big uns birthday and I feel guilty that I will be worrying about that on her birthday rather than being able to give her 100%.
Anyway, off to surf.
Happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
13-05-07, 18:31
(((((BIG HUG)))))
Just see what Tuesday brings, and just remember it's not an interview. It's just to see what is best for you, and you can be as honest with them as you like. Don't be doing anything you don't want to. We will be there with you in spirit :winks:
Don't worry about big un's birthday, she will be happy just to know you are there :hugs: It's the little things that matter, make sure you give her a big hug that will make her day! :hugs:
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi Happyone
It can be difficult in the lead up to appointments with anticipatory anxiety and apprehension. I was like that before seeing my doctor last week but when I was seeing her it wasn't half as bad as I had been imagining.
When Tuesday comes you will have a chance to discuss work and other current issues. Until then go easy on yourself. :hugs:
I know the feeling of having too many hours in the day. I suppose in a way it is because I am always thinking about the past or worrying about the future and rarely live for the present.
I agree with Lou about your eldest's birthday. Don't burden yourself with added guilt. She will enjoy the day whatever you do.
Karen xx
Like Karen said the anticipation is worse than the actual event, so I'm sure you will be fine.
Whatever the outcome, you have support and things will come together eventually.
Jim :hugs:
Not long until Tuesday now mate and then hopefully you will know what's what and feel better about things.
Anyway just popped in to say night night, although will be morning when you read I expect so good morning too.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Morning Happyone,
Hope you're ok today :flowers:
Lisa x
Under~The~Stars
14-05-07, 15:12
Just popping in to say hi mate, hope you are ok :hugs:
Lou xxx :hugs:
Southern_Belle
14-05-07, 18:37
Hi HappyOne,
First of all a big warm :hugs: to you. I have been out of town and sorry I haven't replied sooner. I am also sorry to see you have been going through such a difficult time. I have no answer as to why. I do hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and I do hope it goes the way you want it to. Also, give your eldest a birthday hug for me. It really goes without saying that your being there and her being loved is more than enough for her. You know that :) .
You will get beyond this HappyOne!!!
:hugs: ,
Laura :flowers:
How's today been Happyone?
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
Hi folks,
:hugs: back at you Laura! Thanks. My big un is in bed unwell:weep: Hopefully she will be fit for her birthday. I am really quite worried about her as she has just had a few days of being ill and now it looks like she is coming down with the same/similar thing. Abdominal pains. Maybe it is reflective of my anx but I nearly had her at doc tonight. Hopefully it is just excitement waiting for her birthday tomorrow.
How are you Laura, things ok with you?
I am doing better today than I was karen thank you:hugs:
The down just really got into my bones and I really felt like I was slipping. However, I am feeling better, but I am still considering contacting shrink.(only cos I have no one else to contact:weep: ) I need support of some kind, but maybe I will get it out of this therapy group, who knows eh? The long and short of it really is, I don't feel able to return to work. Yet I don't know if I will be okay when I am there. I just feel sick and anx when I think about it. I so wish finances weren't an issue, but they are.
Anyway, tomorrow is Occ Health day. I have my stuff written down to show them, if I lose my voice like last time:blush: I just do not know how it is going to go, or how I want it to go. I think most probably I think she will seek reports from my GP and shrink. Then it is just even more waiting.
Thank you for bearing and being with me over the past few days. I know I keep on saying I am not posting, or not posting as regularly etc, but I have come to the conclusion, there is no point in me saying that cos I get another down and I am on here mumping again!
I am going to wrap big uns pressie.
Happyone
xx
Hi mate,
I hope big un is well soon mate.
Good luck tomorrow too, just be honest and it will be fine :hugs:
See how you feel after tomorrow and if you still feel a bit down then nothing wrong with contacting the shrink mate, you do need some support and that's ok.
Lisa x
Southern_Belle
14-05-07, 20:01
Hi HappyOne,
Thanks for the hug. I'm doing well thank you. Maybe eldest one has a bug and you have it too and that is why you feel badly on top of the anxiety?
I know this is a far stretch but is there anyway the docs could continue your leave of absence from work and hubby would take an extra part-time job to help with finances? :chairfall: Ok, you can get up from your chair now, lol. Do think about it though.
I'm glad you are feeling better today. I would be totally honest with them and tell them you need more support and if the group isn't enough let them know right away. They won't know unless you tell them. If you think you might clam up tomorrow, write everything down tonight and take it with you. I know you type fast so type it and print it out and take it in. Hoping things go great for you tonight and you sleep well and eldest one feels better.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: ,
Laura :flowers:
Thanks folks.
I couldn't ask hubby to take on more hours Laura, he has a really stressful job and needs his time off. I think it would make him ill! Good suggestion though.
I have everything all prepared for tomorrow! I have it all typed out report style, simple and concise but to the point!
I don't think I have daughters bug. I actually think she might be due to start her period:ohmy: She is only 9 tomorrow but she has already been developing a more rounded and womenly shape for a year and I there are other indicators that she is maturing, like greasy hair, occassional spots. Everyone says she looks like a 12 year old. She looks so much older than her peers.The pains she described tomight were just like period pain. Does anyone think that is out of the realms of normal? I am quite concerned to think that this is the case as I don't think she could deal with it just now. I have told her all about it but I know she would hate it to happen so young. She already feels so much bigger than her friends and hatesd that.
Happyone
xx
Hi mate,
Sounds like you're well prepared for tomorrow, well done. I do hope it goes well for you, let us know :hugs:
I hope your big un is ok too. Yes girls can start their period as young as 8/9 it can happen. I was 10 when mine started I think, no actually I had just turned 11, I remember as my Dad was on his honeymoon with my step mum at the time and I had no idea what was happening and was staying with my Gran. I think age 12/13 is average but some will be as young as 8/9 and others 15/16. I think bodyweight affects things alot too, is you daughter tall etc? I know I was the only 10 year old in primary school wearing a bra :blush: I also remember the embarrasing incident aged 13 when my Dad found out I was using tampons and then told my step mum if I'd managed that I couldn't be a virgin anymore :blush: I remember being horrified and amused he thought that as he was so wrong! Sorry TMI :blush:
Anyway night night mate,
Lisa x
Under~The~Stars
14-05-07, 22:58
Hunny,
Firstly tell big un that I hope she feels better soon as I'm sure she will! Tell her to stay off that trampoline until she feels better or else she will be getting a row from me on Sunday! (just joking mate, but she will be fine) :hugs:
I remember I started my periods when I was 12, the night before I was due to go on holiday abroad to Majorca! :ohmy: Was a nightmare, as I couldn't go in the pool for the first week! :mad: I think 9 year old is kind of young to be starting that, but then again, kids seem to be maturing a lot quicker these days! And she is really tall for her age, so it could be that. But just wait and see, if it is, then it is. I know there are a couple of kids that I coach that actually look older than me, and they are 16, and I'm 19! :lac:
Wish her a happy birthday from me tomorrow! She is lucky it wasn't on Sunday as she would have had to endure me singing to her! :ohmy:
Good luck with your meeting tomorrow hunny, well done for writing things down for it just incase. I'm sure it will go fine and it's not like an interview, just be honest with them and tell them how you feel. Let us know how you get on :hugs:
Thinking of you,
Sleep well,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi mate,
Although early at 9 to start her periods its not at all uncommon - I have a couple of friends who's girls started in Year 5 & 6 at the junior school.
My eldest seemed to be having those sort of grumbly pains for years before she started though and she had spots in year 5 yet didn't go on to start her periods till she was 15.
Hope your appt goes well today hun. :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Morning,
thanks folks.
My big little un has woken with a cold so she might have just had slightly swollen thingummy bobs! I don't know what they are called, she had it before when she was unwell and I took her to the doc, I think it is glands or something. Do you get them in your tummy? I do remember though that she was in agony with tummy pains and the doc said she had swollen thingummy bobs and it is was common with viral infection.
Hopefully Piglet, if it is the indicator of things to come it will be a while yet. She just wouldn't deal very well with periods just now.
She is so lovely. I talked to her again this morning about periods and explained that her pains could possibly be an indicator although possibly not for a while. I told her that if she saw anything not to freak but to come and tell me or have a wee word with a female teacher. 'why a female?' she asks. I just love her to bits! My wee girl is growing up and she has none of the awkwardness yet that I had when I was a little girl. I would have died rather than mention periods to a man!
She is so funny. All the kids in her class hide themselves away when they are changing, she is out there saying 'look, I'm growing boobies!' and she comes home and says that a boy in her class has bigger boobs than her! I try to explain nicely that is his 'build' to not say it is because the wee mite is chubby.
Sorry I am waffling. I am stalling for time!
lou, LOL at the 16 year olds looking older than you! I can see how that could be!
lisa, I did laugh at your post! Your poor dad, but poor you too! My embarrassing incident was my dad finding out I WASN'T a virgin!:blush:
My daughter is tall. She is the average height of an 11 year old and is as tall as many of the p7's in her school and she is only in p4! She is literally a head taller than some of her classmates!
I didn't get a bra until 12, but I was more developed than what my little un is. She could probably get one of the very first size just now, but there is no need unless she wants to. I think the first size is just created to let girls who aren't as fast at developing feel like they are keeping up with their peers.
Anyway, enough stalling. Butterflies haven't arrived yet!
happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
15-05-07, 11:41
Morning hun :hugs:
Hope little un gets over her cold soon! And hope she starts to feel better.
I'm just thinking I can't remember my mum ever having that talk with me, I don't think she did anyway. But then again, my memory isn't the greatest! So, little un is very lucky to have you mate!
Lisa, your post made me laugh too! :D LOL Happy about your dad finding out! Well, I have too many embarassing incidents that I can't mention on here! :blush:
Anyway hun, good luck with your meeting. Thinking of you, let us know how you get on! :winks:
Hope little un has a good day today, and tell her I said happy birthday! :yesyes:
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi Lou,
I don't really remember my mum having the conversation with me either. She had a bit of a conversation but not detail so I was shocked when it started. I am very open with my kids about personal stuff as I don't want them to have the same hang ups I have had.
30 mins til i leave.........
Happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
Just wanted to wish you well for your appointment today.
Your daughter sounds so sweet. I hope she is feeling better soon too.
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
I HAVE BEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was really nice, the occ health woman. To cut a long story short, I was in a dreadful state before I got there, had to pull up at side of road as I thought I'd be sick! I wasn't! (Lou knows this part, LOL!)
The woman listened to what I had to say. She agrees that shifts are not the best but agrees that I don't know til I try. She is sending personnel the recommendation that I drop my shifts from 3-2 a week, that I don't work a Weds evening as I have therapy the next day, that I don't work a Thurs at all as I have therapy in morning and I need time to recover (I didn't ask for any of this!) that I don't at any time do a late then an early shift!!! She states that while I am much better than I was, I am still recovering and am likely to be for some time, but employers should be aware and make allowances for me getting tired!!!! Also that I go back on a phased return at a date I agree with my doc.
This now gets sent to personnel and I think if my manager agrees (which I think she will, but the only fly in the ointment could be my senior manager whom I detest!) then it is all go!! If the senior manager disagrees, then I would probably be redeployed.
Thanks for bearing with me the past few days.
happyone
xxx
Hi Happyone,
Thinking of you, I hope the appt went well :hugs:
You know the fact your daughter is so open and confident about her body and the fact you and she can talk openly about things just shows what a truly great job you are doing as a Mum. I really mean that, many people don't have that sort of open relationship so you are doing a truly fab job with your kids :yesyes:
I don't remember having the period talk either but then my Mum died when I was 8 and my Dad never mentioned it that I remember. I remember the older girl next door telling me about them, that it was a curse, that I would bleed to death from them - pretty scary at 8/9 years old! She was the same one that told me there was no Father Chridtmas when I was 5/6 too! It was a bit of a shock to me when my period started, I had no idea what was happening really. My Gran had no sanitary stuff, only a sanitary belt that she used to wear :ohmy: My best mates Mum was called and she brought over a pad the size of a duvet! Anyway once back from honeymoon I think my step mum talked to me about it and brought me a Miriam Stoppard book to read aimed at young girls to explain the changes in the body etc!
I do remember my down below bits changing a bit around the age of 10 too and aksing my Dad why, he said I don't know you'd best ask your step Mum lol (they weren't married then though).
Yes him thinking I'd lost my virginity due to a tampon was cringeworthy, then years later aged 17 I stayed out all night after a party and was accused of sleeping around simply as I didn't come home all night :ohmy: Just being an overprotective Dad though. When hubby and I moved in together (before marriage :ohmy: ) He noticed we'd brought a double bed and said to my step Mum that we would both be sleeping on it lol She said well do you really think they will have separate rooms etc! If we stayed with him we were not allowed to sleep in the same room until we were married either!
Sorry just taken over yout thread mate :blush: it just brought a few memories back though :blush:
Really hope you're ok and today went well, do let us know.
Lisa x
Think we posted at the same time there mate. Glad it went well, that all sounds very positive and if shifts don't work I'm sure it can be reviewed.
Do you feel better about it all now?
Well done for coping with that :hugs:
Happy Birthday to your daughter too, hope she's having a nice day
Lisa x
Glad it went well happy and a big gratz for making it through it all. :yesyes:
Occ health are usually pretty good if you want to be back at work, they should help support you and get you back in little steps at a time.
Good luck.
Hope your lil un is feeling better, she sounds so cute.:hugs:
Have a good day,
Jim :hugs:
Southern_Belle
15-05-07, 16:29
Hi HappyOne,
So glad today went so well for you. Hoping you two little ones feel better soon. Give your big un a hug for me and I hope she has a great birthday even though she isn't feeling well.
:hugs: for being so brave today.
Laura :)
Lizzie1975
15-05-07, 17:29
Well done for making it to the meeting, I get in a dreadful state too! Sounds like it went really well though,
Lizzie x
Hi Happyone
Glad the meeting went well and you now know where you stand which can be half the battle.
Hope you are feeling better with one less source of stress :hugs:
Karen xx
Under~The~Stars
15-05-07, 20:14
Have pm'd you hunny :hugs:
I'm really glad your meeting went well, have sobered up as you can see.
Very positive mate, everything will work out for you :hugs:
Take care of yourself,
Hope you and everyone else enjoys the rest of little un's birthday:hugs:
Lou xxx
PS I hope little un gets better soon, and don't worry about the coffee.
Lou,
please just reply before night is over. I have an awful feeling in my stomach.
Happyone
xx
Thanks guys.
I am off for an early duvet appt. Today has me wiped out. It is really strange talking about how I have been and am etc with a detatched air. Like I am describing someone else but then later, I think 'wow, that is me I was talking about'
I feel relieved, yet sad. It is a strange thing to have someone agree that I am not fit to do as much of my job as before, and possibly not be able to at all. It is like confirmation that the last few months have been real.
Every time I get to to thinking I have accepted my depression, something comes along and pi**es me off and reminds me of my present limitations. I suppose that is what is like with your ME lisa, you saying you used to be so active and stuff. It must p**s you off that you can't be now.
I used to be such a confident, assertive person and the moon was short of my limits. There I am today saying that I don't feel able to take on the role of supportive worker like I used to be and making arrangements to reduce my stress.
I'm not being sad here, just reflective. It is all about acceptance of where I am at the moment and looking at how I can work with it.
Thank you all, seriously. For being here, listening, assisting, advising etc. You really are all great.
Happyone
xx
Thanks for pm' ing me Lou.
Take care hunny!
Happyone
xx
Night Happyone :hugs:
Well done again for today.
Karen xx
Just saying night night mate :hugs:
Oh and yes that's just what it's like with my ME and me not being able to do as much now etc so I do know how you feel with the depression limiting you in that respect. I think accepting how things are now is a key part in being able to move on though but easy to say and so hard to do. It's natural to be reflective from time to time too. You are however doing great and there's no reason that you won't be doing all you want to again one day.
Lisa x
Morning mate,
Hope you're ok today :hugs: Hope big un and little un are well too.
Lisa x
Morning,
just returned from doc with big little un:weep: Doc doesn't know what is wrong with her but ruled out most things, so it seems she does just have a viral infection.
Poor wee mite.
Happyone
xx
Hi mate,
I hope she is feeling better very soon :hugs:
Hope you're ok too :hugs:
Lisa x
Southern_Belle
16-05-07, 15:54
Hi HappyOne,
I'm sorry your eldest is ill and I hope she feels better soon. I also understand about letting go of what once was. Although I have always lived with anxiety I now have physical health issues that limit what I can do. With you though you need to accept this as if you have a broken leg that needs to heal. I feel in time and with the correct medication you will once again be as you once were or will adjust. Time also changes us as the years go by and we adjust it is part of life. I mean I think of that in my early 20's I was just starting to go out and start the night at 9 or 10 pm and now I'm wanting to go to bed! When you are a child and you don't want to go to bed now you can't wait to get in it :wacko: . Go figure! You will adjust and will be fine.
I have also, in therapy, felt like I was talking about someone else at times because I never thought (when I was younger) that my life would end up this way. It sometimes seems to be happening to someone else. I was supposed to end up with the perfect life. Well, there isn't one. Took me quite awhile to figure that one out, honest it did, maybe others get it earlier.
Give your young ones hugs and kisses and be easy on yourself. I've had to had easier arrangements made for me in work due to health issues too and I know how you feel but what is is and it must be done. It is in your best interest and I'm happy it worked out for you. You were strong to stick to your guns and make it happen.
:hugs: ,
Laura :flowers:
Hi Happyone
Hope you are ok today :hugs:
Sorry to hear your daughter is still not very well. I hope she is better soon.
Karen xx
Hi Happyone,
Just popping on to say hello. :emot-wave:
Jim :hugs:
Hi folks,
Laura you make a lot of sense (you always do!)
I think part of this reflection for me is the return to work becoming more imminent and my colleagues all know me as a jolly, energetic, confident-bordering on the balshy!, supportive, person. they would ask me to be the union rep, they would ask me to deal with staff problems, they would come to me with worries about other staff or management, they would ask me to take on tough cases, they knew I would deal with the most problematic service users or Joe publics and that I was an open book, I would quite happily discuss lots of things, anything.
Yet when I go back, there are some scenarios that I know will happen, some that are likely and some that are maybes. I will not be the person I used to be, as a lot of the time I was pretending. I just know I am different, I won't be all nervous- just different. I am adjusting to me now and other people are going to have to also.
Anyway, thanks for the wishes for my daughter. I am really quite concerned about her. paracetamol isn't helping her pain at all. I have given her warm milk which she said hasn't helped and a hot water bottle on her tum doesn't either. Any ideas?
happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
16-05-07, 19:59
What about a hot bath??? Or neurofen - is that stronger than paracetamol? XXXXXXX
Hi Lizzie,
eventually the calpol seemed to work. I am frightened to give her ibuprofen as when we was ill just recently, I gave her it and she had breathing difficulties through the night. She doesn't have asthma, but she did have when she was younger, so I am scared it was a reaction to the ibuprofen.
Thanks for suggestions.
Happyone
xx
Hi mate,
Really hoping your daughter is better very soon.
Hope you're ok too :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks folks
she is in her bed and happy to be there (a sure sign of a sick child!)
I am trying not to get anx, but this has been a while now. i don't like viruses re occuring, it makes me worry.
Happyone
xx
It's natural to worry mate, that's what parents do about their kids, it's part of the job description I'm told :hugs:
See how she is in the morning, you can always call/see the doc again if she's no better. Hopefully the medication and a good sleep will help though and she will be on the mend.
Lisa x
I know it is natural to worry (I am doing well considering I was coming to bed at 7pm eh!)
I worry when I worry as I used to be really bad at worrying over my eldest. My anx used to come out in worrying for her. I was convinced she was going to die, all because of a stupid bloody dream I once had. Well, not all because, shove a bit of anx in there too! I was seriously really really anx about her. I have never been as anx about my second. I love them equally, but I can't explain it. I think it is all to do with my older brother dying, my mums older sister dying. I convinced myself that my oldest would die too.
I think I had health anx on behalf of my daughter. Seriously. I was never away from the doctors with her and I used to be neurotic if I phoned the house and my husband didn't reply. I was convinced she'd taken ill and was in hospital. The health visitor used to come and visit me just to reasure me!
This depression and anx has ben around such a long time, but I always denied it, or made excuses for it.
Sorry, I am going on again. Not wanting any replies, I just like sorting it all out in my head.
happyone
xx
Hun - I do this and have done this about each and everyone of my piglets over the years. I can't even begin to tell you the sort of dreams I've had where I have unable to rescue them and I've woken up crying! :weep:
Think it's mainly about being a parent and secondly about being anxious worry worts (hate that word wort or wart not nearly as lovely as frock)!
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi mate,
I'm not a parent but I think all what you mention there is perfectly natural and most parents have similar worries at some time or other. Maybe being anxious does play a part but I've known non anxious non depressed people worry over their kids in that way too.
Hope you're sleeping well now, night night :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks folks!
I realise parents do get worried. My big little un seems to be picking up this morning. I feel so sorry for her as her birthday was runied by feeling ill. However, we still have the cake and when she feels like it we are going to do the whole birthday special dinner!
happyone
xx
Morning mate,
Hope you're ok today.
Glad big little un is picking up today. It's a nice idea to have a birthday celebration once she is feeling up to it.
:hugs:
Lisa x
How are you and your daughter today Happyone?
I am sure she will enjoy her cake and birthday celebrations when she is feeling a little better.
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
Southern_Belle
17-05-07, 18:09
Hi Happyone,
:hugs: for you. I'm glad your daughter is feeling better. For upset tummys if I lay on mine it always feels better, crazy I know but it does help.
As for what you said earlier regarding work your colleagues may not see as big a change as what you think they will. Sometimes we build up how we think others will perceive us once we have been through something and they just don't see it. I think maybe you are being too hard on yourself. If you walk through those doors thinking nothing is different I guarantee they will think the same thing.
My youngest also had horrendous asthma until about 12, we even did five years of allergy shots together, helped loads. Talk about being a paranoid parent, I would sleep under his crib to make sure he slept though the night :shades: .
As for my eldest, I worked a bit when he was 12 and would not let him stay at home after school so I had him picked up at school by a day care which had baby bears painted on the bus. He was so humiliated as I now am that I had to have put him through that :blush: . So every afternoon after school he hung out with 5 year olds. :lac: We laugh about it now thank goodness but try to beat that one!!!
:hugs: ,
Laura :flowers:
Laura, you did make me laugh!
Maybe I am positively laid back!
Actually, I have slept on the floor of my big uns room (when she was little!)
My little un has just always seemed so robust and strong and she isn't any more than my other daughter. I think it is because I had PND with my first one and it came out as extreme anxiety but I refused treatment, whereas with my second I was at the doc within days and got put on meds, so I didn't get myself into the anxious way of thinking with her. As a result, my second has had a less neurotic mother!
Maybe you are right about my colleagues. I do however know that they expected a lot of me. I think that is a lot of why I fell as I did, I just couldn't cope with what colleagues expected of me, particularly when I took on the managerial post. Yet, when I go back, it won't be to the same post, so maybe not and I think they realise why I have been off so will make allowances.
Anyway, daughter is much better now and we had her birthday tea tonight and played on her karaoke! Tomorrow she will be fit enough for her girls brigade presentation, so she is delighted as she is playing some biblical character, but I don't know who as it is to be a surprise she says!
Happyone
x
Glad you had a nice evening mate and that your daughter is feeling better :D
Have a good day tomorrow.
Night night :hugs:
Lisa x
I'm glad your daughter is better. Sounds like she enjoyed her birthday tea.
Night Happyone :hugs:
Karen xx
Morning mate,
Hope you have a good day :flowers:
Lisa x
Good morning :D .
Piglet :flowers:
Right!
here's a dilemma you can help me with!
I am going to take my counsellor a 'thank you' and 'good luck' card as next week is the last time I will be able to see her and give her a card without it being in front of everyone. I already had one but it was too twee so I am not going to give her that one.
Anyway, I was thinking of making one and putting a photo of the place I had planned on disappearing to, but couldn't get there (when I was really wacky!) it is such a beautiful place and she spent a lot of time talking to me about it.
Does anyone think that is an ok idea, or do you think it will make her read too much into my meaning behind it, when there isn't any other than what I have just written here?
Here is the photo
http://www.dwrobertson-photography.com/BALNAKEIL%20BEACH%20REF%20217.jpg
happyone
xx
all answers in an envelope with cheque or postal order made out........ Oh heck, wrong website, it's my other one that I rip people off!
Looks beautiful Happyone,
I think we always worry to much about what other people might think of our behaviour sometimes. I don't think there is anything wrong with you putting a pic in.
I do love the NW scottish coast, I will one day go back there hiking and climbing like I used to. I've always wanted to see the outer hebrides too, the beaches there look stunning.
Glad your little un is better, the Kareoke sounds great. I got forced into that on my friends playstation after a few drinks, I've refused to ever play it again now. :p
Hope you've had a good day,
Jim :hugs:
Hi Happyone
Sounds like a good idea to me and a very kind thing to do. The views look stunning.
How are you today? I hope you are ok :hugs:
Karen xx
Hi karen,
I am feeling good today thank you. A bit silly and childish and buzzing with energy but it feels gooooooooood! So I don't care!!
I made the card and I did it all on lovely paper and even if I do say so myself, I think it looks lovely, but I am biased as it is one of the places I want to go to when I feel bad, or actually, when i feel good too.
I need to be quiet now cos I know I am like someone on speed just now:ohmy:
shrink says I am to take more meds when I am like this, no way! dampen down my madness? Why ?
be quiet happyone!!!
xXX
Oh Baldrick it's really beautiful - think we would all like to escape there!! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
I'm going in July. wanna come?
H
I'm going in July. wanna come?
H
Yep I wanna come please :yesyes: Looks lovely mate, I love the Scottish highlands :D .
Hope you've had a good day,
Lisa x
Hallo!
You can come lisa!
I will catch up with your thread in a bit, I know you are back safe and sound but you were watching eastenders I think!
I have been to church! The Baptist Church to be precise and I am feeling all good (I was feeling good before I went!) The kids did a wonderful display and I like the minister there as he is modern and not all fuddy duddy. he is quite handsome too.........should I be thinking things like that about a minister? of course I should! It's not as if I am planning on asking him to run away with me eh?
Did we not have a conversation on your thread about men and me saying I haven't fancied one in ages Lisa? I forgot! My big uns teacher! Now he is someone worth forgetting my marriage vows about! I have parents evening next week and hubby is coming with me, drat!
happyone
xx
Glad you enjoyed the church and kids display mate, sounds good :D
Nothing wrong with likeing a minister :) Or a teacher for that matter lol.
Lisa x
Night mate, sweet dreams :hugs:
Lisa x
Morning!
ooh er, what was that about last night? I had only had 1 1/2 glasses wine.
I am calmer this morning, but it is an odd feeling I have had the past couple of days. You know when you have loads of adrenalin cause of anx? It is like that but without the anx, just loads and loads of adrenalin and buzzing. It is positively like being on drugs (ha! I am aren't I!?)
Well, in the past week or so, I have gone from feeling the worst I have in ages, to the best I have in ages!
Hope everyone is well!
Happyone
xx
I had to delete my post of last night, it was just too embarassing!
I know you already saw it Lisa, but I am back to normal 9ish ) today!
happyone
xx
Hi Lisa.
How are you today sis? :hugs: Do you plans for today?
Karen xx
Hi Happyone,
Glad you are feeling so good today :yesyes:
Lol at deleting last nights post. I deleted mine from last night too as it makes no sense now you've deleted yours lol.
Hope your day has been good,
Lisa x
Anyone watch Corrie?
See the bit where whatsername who is married to the battersby bloke, sold all their possessions on E Bay??? thats what it is like here! I am E Baying anything that doesn't move!
I even nearly E bay'd my relaxation Cd's thinking well, I have mine in MP3, but I would be devastated if I accidentally deleted them!
happyone
xx
Sorry mate I never watch corrie.
Happy ebaying! :D Oh and don't ebay hubby!
Lisa x
don't spoil my fun hun!
happyone
xx
Well ok, hope you get a good price for him then lol :winks:
Hope you've had a good evening,
Night night,
:hugs:
Lisa x
I got 99p. I thought about not letting him go for it, but a deal is adeal and I have my 100% reputation to keep up!
I was on chat tonight and I got talking to someone who is BP too. I now am all worried as it seems that meds stop working after a while!
I thought it was strange when I went to Occ Health the other day. She commented on it happening again in the future.
I feel totally F'd now as if it does all happen again, who the bloody hell do I go to?
I hate the NHS
happyone
xx
Lol at the 99p!
I don't honestly know if meds stop working after a while but even if that is true it doesn't mean it happens to everyone or will happen to you.
IF it happens again in the future (and no guarantee it will) then you would go to your gp initially I guess and then go back and see somehow who could help adjust meds. Many people with bp have it so well controlled it's not a problem and they live totally normal lives.
People also have different degress of bp so just because someone else's meds stop working yours may not.
Look at me giving out all the sensible advice but unable to do it for myself most of the time! lol:blush:
You're up late again mate I see, that's progress in itself isn't it. Anyway night night and hope you sleep well :hugs:
Lisa x
Morning!
ignore me last night,just a bit tired I think. :wacko:
Lots my stuff is going on E bay so I will have money to spend on E bay!!!!
Hope all have a good day.
Happyone
xx
Afternoon Happyone.
Glad the ebaying is going well. Enjoy yourself! :)
Karen xx
Very sensible reply Lis - most impressed hun! Big gold star for you! *!!!!!!!
Happyone - I've got tons on e-bay too at the mo. Gotta get the cash in somehow haven't we!!
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Happyone,
Hope the ebaying is going well :yesyes: Hope you've had a good day.
Piglet - Thanks for the gold star :D :flowers:
Lisa x
Under~The~Stars
20-05-07, 23:13
Haven't caught up with any threads at the mo, but will reply more tomorrow.
Hope your ok tonight,
Night night, hope you sleep well,
Lou xxx
Hi mate,
Just saying hi and I hope you're ok. Not seen you online for a couple of days which isn't like you so I hope that means things are good rather than bad :flowers: I know you were planning to post less so I'm trying not to worry that I've not seen you.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hi,
I have been online but just not posting.
I really am losing it big style now. I am not down or anything but I did the most incredibly stupid stupid thing last night. I left the house in the middle of the night unknown to hubby, left him a crazy note and went and did something so bizarre. I can't tell you what but it really was very very bad, irresponsible, life threatening, completely out of character and I have never ever ever done anything like this in my life before. I don't know why I did it, why I wanted to do it, I knew I was doing it but I just didn't care. I knew I was flipping and I tried to phone the crises number but it was just a nippy sounding woman on the other end of the phone and I couldn't talk to her. I tried several times but the woman sounded so unbelievably scary that I just couldn't.
I don't know what to do. There will be no repurcussions as I wasn't caught, but if I had been caught, I would probably be sectioned right now, I am not exaggerating.
I had spent the day yesterday feeling quite uptight and edgy, which the shrink says is me on a 'high' but I thought he was talking rubbish. I know though that the thing I did last night has to be as a result of 'mania' as I thought I was invincible, I really and truelly did. I am really really scared I do something like this again. This is far more freaky than anything.
I told hubby about it this morning and he is just in disbelief but I know he is freaked by it, but I haven't even told him the half of it, I have only told him a bit.
The thing is though, that today, I know I did it, I remember doing it and I am freaked by the whole thing, but it feels like it was someone else. I woke up this morning and thought I had had a dream, but it wasn't, I had evidence to prove it.
I can't even tell the shrink, as the thing I did was also very illegal and I know he will put it down to me having had a few beers, but I wasn't drunk, I had had 5 beers, I had been out with my sis in law, had a meal, walked 1 1/2 miles, had somethiong else to eat when I got home so it wasn't drunkeness and even in my most drunken times I have never done anything like this. Apart from anything else, I am deeply ashamed of what I have done and I know hubby is disgusted with me.
I am so flaming self destructive.
Happyone
Happyone - do you think though that mixing any amount of alcohol is a problem with the tabs you are on???
Also have you done anything like this before when you where on no medication???
Hope you get a decent nights kip tonight hun! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi mate,
Aww I really feel for you right now :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Piglet has a point there, could it be the alcohol, or could alcohol make the mania worse at least? Five beers is quite alot on meds I'd have thought. I'm not criticising just wondering. I know alcohol and those sort of meds don't really mix. Then again maybe it's the mania side of things as you say.
I hope there is someone you can talk to about this as it would be good to find out why it happened and how you may prevent it in future. It might help if you can tell the shrink, however terrible you think what you did was I bet he's heard similar or worse before and won't judge you.
Don't know what else to suggest mate but am thinking of you, hope you're ok :hugs:
Night night,
Lisa x
How are things today mate?:hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi folks,
yes it will be the beers. I have never done anything like this in my entire life. I am a very responsible person. I feel like a teenager going through a pubescent crises.
I'm not at my best just now. Going to bed soon.
Happyone
Thinking of you mate :hugs:
Lisa x
I am not in bed yet!
Lisa,
Five beers is quite alot on meds I'd have thought. I'm not criticising just wondering. You can criticise if you want hun. Goodness knows someone has to come and take me by the shoulders and shake some sense into me.
I found the letter today that I left for hubby when I went out the other night. I am soooooooooo glad he didn't find it, it was very odd and scary. Crikey, what if my daughter had found it? I came home that night (early hours of the morning) and put it in my bag but forgot about until today.
I spoke to hubby tonight and him in his eloquent fashion said 'it was a bit of a dodgy move you made'' Interpretation: 'What you did was very stupid and ill thought and I am terrified you are going to do something so stupid again'
Crikey, he even phoned me on my mobile today when he didn't know where I was today, he never does that.
Does it sound really bad to say, I wish he would go and get someone for me? I wish he could go and say, 'my wife needs someone or something' and get it sorted without me having to seek the right people. I so want someone to come and take over and hide me away until my head is fine. I don't have the energy to be like this anymore. I want to be back to being me.
I have a meeting tomorrow about this group thing. I don't even want to go to that. I don't want to see the counsellor again as I know I need help and she doesn't work there anymore, she is only there cos of the group so I can't ask her but I am going to have to say 'I'm fine' when I am anything but fine. I also don't lie well but it all just feels too messy for me.
I really feel I have had enough of all of this. I just want it ot stop.
Another cousin of mine has died. Her funeral is on Monday and I think to myself, 'how dare I be sorry for myself when this has happened to her?' which makes me hate me all the more.
Hi Happyone
Sorry to learn you are having such a difficult time at the moment. Having done several things in my sleep and finding evidence afterwards I can understand how distressing it can be to do something when perhaps not thinking clearly.
Whatever it was that you did it is now in the past. You can leave it in the past.
Does it sound really bad to say, I wish he would go and get someone for me? I wish he could go and say, 'my wife needs someone or something' and get it sorted without me having to seek the right people. I so want someone to come and take over and hide me away until my head is fine. I don't have the energy to be like this anymore. I want to be back to being me.
No, of course it doesn't sound bad. We all need sometimes.
Can you tell hubby what you've said here? Can you ask someone to help?
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
Totally agree with Karen hun!
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love Piglet :hugs:
Morning,
well I have woken feeling a bit more sensible today:yesyes:
I am just going to have to stay off the booze! I spoke to a friend of mine about it and she asked me what had been the lead up to it. I told her that my sis in law was giving me a really hard time about stuff, particularly my mental health. She was a bit stressed out and as I said, she drinks like a fish.
I had my tongue loosened a bit and told her stuff that she didn't know (which means the whole family will know now) and she gave me such a hard time. When I got home, I realised I had blundered and felt trapped. I had texted her to try to get some reassurance but she gave me an even harder time. I then got stressed and it is when I get particularly stressed I do the crazy things. Combined with I knew I had to phone my manager the following day.
Sooooooooooooo, I left the house in the middle of the night and did my stupid thing.
I just cannot get over me being so silly. But karen, you are right, I have to. it is in the past and I have to leave it there. But in a way, I can't cos that is like the wife beater going to confession on a Sunday, thinking that makes it alright. If I knew for certain I would never do anything so silly again but I don't really trust myself anymore.
I am not going to go to shrink earlier than my appt on the 11th, but I am going to tell him about it (not the whole details, just as much as I have told here)
The thing is, when I feel like I do just now, all this madness seems so far away from me. Anyone who knows me would say so.
I am going to have to work on the premise it is the combination of alcohol and meds and just give it up, which I don't want to. BUT.... I suppose I am going to have to. Why does that seem so difficult? I don't think I have a problem but if I can't stop it? But I can stop it cos I have done before, I don't crave it, I don't really miss it (apart from on a night out or on a weekend evening) so maybe I just have to accept I can't be a social drinker?
I'm just kind of talking away to myself here folks, I don't need to have replies.
I think when I see the shrink on the 11th, I am going to suss out if I can get another 1-1 support for a while.
Happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
24-05-07, 09:31
(((((((((Happyone))))))))))
Lizzie xxxx
Cheers for the hug Lizzie. One right back at you hun!
(((((((((((((((((((Lizzie))))))))))))))))))))))
how you doing Lizzie?
happyone
xx
You don't have a problem with drink per sa hun, it's just the combination with these tablets doesn't seem to be a great one!
I would just think for the moment it's better for you not to mix the two - why not try it for abit and see if things calm down. I know it's hard cos if someone said you can't eat this or that, then course immediately you want to - it's life to be a touch contrary isn't it!!
Also I think you could cut yourself some slack lovie - you're awful hard on yourself sometimes!!
We think you're great!! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Lizzie1975
24-05-07, 12:20
I'm ok thanks lovely...been a much better week although feel down today for no apparent reason - got therapist later so will be ok, much love
Lizzie xxx
Hey Piglet, thanks hun. That brought a wee tear to my eye!
You might not think I was great if I were to tell all though hun! But thank you.:hugs: :hugs:
Sorry you are feeling down today Lizzie. I used to get down before I went to counselling because I would be thinking of the stuff I was going to say, but it still helped.:hugs: :hugs:
happyone
xx
Hi Happyone,
Glad you're feeling better today :flowers:
I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin mate :hugs:
I hope the group meeting went well today.
Good idea to mention what happened to the shrink and ask for more 1-1 help, well done :yesyes:
Giving up the booze is a good plan too, maybe tell yourself it's temporary so it's not so hard and see how you get on. In the meantime there are lots of nice soft drinks these days to try out - I know I know it's easy for me to say this as I'm tee total and hate alcohol.
I agree with Piglet, you are hard on yourself mate. I for one know that whatever you have done I would not change what I think of you, no matter what it was. You didn't murder anyone did you, so nothing else can be too bad really. I bet we've all done things we've regretted but it doesn't make us bad people. It must be hard but try and put it in the past now if you can.
Anyway thinking of you,
Lisa x
I don't know what I have done to derve to have met (cyber fashion) such nice people. Thanks Lisa Hunny.:hugs:
I will catch up with your thread in a bit, my mum is downstairs.
Happyone
xx
Who said I was a nice person :shrug: :roflmao:
Seriously though, you deserve nice friends as you're such a lovely person yourself :flowers:
Lisa x
Thanks Lisa,
I am feeling more rational now. I have been to my kids parents evening. the big un is doing fine, described as being 'very articulate' and having a 'wonderful imagination' and the little un is described as 'bright as a button' and 'such fun' So I am feeling all warm from the pride in my girls!
I might give Paul McKenna a try Piglet, I know you are having a fling with him but there is enough of him to go round yeah? I have just made £200 on E bay, so I have pennies to spend! Always makes me feel better!
lastly, might as well say 3 good things seeing as they are supposed to be in threes! For those of you who know me, you'll know what a big deal it is to me that I haven't been able to concentrate on reading a fiction book?
well, I have just read my second one in recent times and i am on my third!!!! You have no idea how happy that makes me feel. The last book I read was in july of last year. I remember it with fondness! I usually always always always have a book on the go. I feel I have found a friend that has been missing a long time.
On that positive note, I will go downstairs to turn off the bath tap!
happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
24-05-07, 18:16
£200! You must let me know what you're selling! I'm proud of your girls for you - just shows what a great job you're doing!
Lizzie xx
Hi lizzie,
remember the 80's? lots of gold jewelery? I was engaged to someone who worked in a jewelers so I had loads of the stuff! Sold it all! I thought I am never likely to wear it again and it has no sentimental value at all!
I will just spend it all on there again!
Thanks Lizzie, I am proud of my girls, I must be doing something right eh?
Happyone
xx
I have been looking at the information leaflet on my meds. it says
"You should be careful how much alcohol you drink. The combined effect of Seroquel (quetiapine) and alcohol may make you feel drowsy."
DROWSY!!!!!!??????
it doesn't say, "if you drink, you may risk your life, leave mad notes, and do something completely and utterly moronic, irresponsible blah blah blah....."
So I have had a mad, manic, whatever.
I know I am like a stuck record. But I sure as hell wasn't drowsy.
Happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
24-05-07, 22:15
Hunny,
I'm sorry, I haven't been around to read your thread. If you want to talk you know where I am ok? I don't really know what to say, except I have to agree with everyone else that it sounds like it has been a mix of the alcohol and the meds. But don't ever feel like you have anything to be ashamed of, or feel bad about what's happened, the main thing is you are still here, and you will get better :hugs: It's a good idea to explain to psych about it, as I'm sure he will be able to help. Just take things a day at a time hun, and it sounds to me like you need more support than what you are getting just now, so you ask for it if you feel that too :hugs:
I'm so glad you are feeling better today :hugs:
You're doing a great job with the little un's! That doesn't surprise me that they are both doing really well, and you should be very proud. It's all down to you and hubby. You have a couple of wee gems hun. :yesyes:
Well done with the reading too! I'm glad you are reading again, very positive! :yesyes:
Take care of you,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Under~The~Stars
24-05-07, 22:18
I think we were posting at the same time hun! :D
Speak to psych about it hun, see what he says :hugs: I'm just glad you are ok.
Just you take care, thinking of you,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Cheers Lou Hun:hugs:
If you feel like a friendly word tomorrow, I know I said I wouldn't be around until night, but feel free to text hun!
Hope tomorrow goes ok for you. Thinking of you
happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
24-05-07, 22:29
Thanks hunny :hugs:
If I don't text (which I probably will send you a text), but if I don't then will speak to you tomorrow night, and you have a busy, and good day :hugs:
Take care,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi mate,
Aww what a lovely post to read. Your girls sound great and a real credit to you :flowers:
I'm so pleased to hear you're reading again too as I know how much you missed that :yesyes:
Wow sounds like you're doing well on ebay too!
As for the drinking as I understand it alcohol means the meds don't work as effectively usually, although I may be wrong. If it was a touch of the mania side of things though I guess alcohol could just make it worse. Might be worth asking the shrink how alcohol affects your meds then you'll know.
Anyway night night,
Lisa x
Lisa, I see what you are saying Hun. i think it is just a case of I worry cos I don't know if it is alcohol or mania. I do however think it is mania but I will have to get it checked out.
I said I have never done anything like this before with or without alcohol.
However, looking back, there has been a few things. Actually, all of them without alcohol. It is just that this one was by far the most dangerous and stupid. It is the consumption of alcohol that made it so particularly dangerous. Without it, it wouldn't have been quite so big a deal. Stupid, but not completely and utterly moronic:wacko:
Anyway, enjoy your day Lisa hun and your birthday and your weekend etc etc:hugs:
happyone
xx
Aww the girls sound right little cupcakes! :hugs:
I am so glad you've been able to pick up with the reading hun!!
As for you e-bay sales - wow that's super! :yesyes:
The Paul Mckenna one I got mate is 'How to change your life in 7 days'. I like this book and cd very much but still think my old Glenny is my fav. They have slightly different styles and I think it's what you fancy on the day type thing!!Both are good!!
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Piglet,
the cd of paul Mckenna I was going to get was a relaxation one but it apparently comes with a health warning! Not for people with epilepsy or clinical depression! the epilepsy bit I can understand, but depression?????
I am going to ask shrink.
I do however, have some amazing ones just now, but they all begin the same, just with different people, which irritates me a bit! However, I listened to one of my new ones earlier and I now feel quite chilled.
happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
25-05-07, 13:27
Hiya hunny, have just spoken to you, but just thought I would say hi on here lol! Yes I know what you're thinking........................I am a dafty! :D But, I am proud to be a dafty! :yesyes:
Hope you are having a good day, and enjoy the pics.
Will pm you, and speak to you tonight,
Take care,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi mate,
Just a quick hi from me and also to say have a good weekend.
:hugs:
Lisa x
the cd of paul Mckenna I was going to get was a relaxation one but it apparently comes with a health warning! Not for people with epilepsy or clinical depression! the epilepsy bit I can understand, but depression?????
I am going to ask shrink.
Now you see I think this what put me off him a couple of years ago and made me choose Glenn instead. Being the anxious soul that I am I kept looking at myself in the mirror wondering if I had depression but didn't know it - so in the end just incase I decided against the whole thing and went back to checking the backdoor and cooker knobs a million times!! :blush: :lisa:
Piglet :flowers:
Lizzie1975
25-05-07, 13:52
Re the alchol/meds thing - my meds say 'avoid alcohol' and my previous meds said the same - i've never avoided it and i've asked my psych a few times about this. He says if it's something your body is used to and not in great excess then not a great problem - don't start drinking if you're not use to it cos you don't know what the effect mixed with the meds will be for you.
If someone tells me not to do something i'll want to do it all the more anyway.....only you can know and decide :yesyes:
Lizzie xx
Hi Happyone
Hope you are ok today and that you have a good weekend :hugs:
Karen xx
Hi Lizzie, Hi karen,
I have had a good day thanks karen. took big un for a pizza and to the pics, it was nice just the two of us.
Lizzie, my prob with the meds is, I don't know if I am doing crazy things because of it but my most recent I don't think so, I think the drinking was 'part' of the crazy thing.
I have been used to sharing a bottle of wine2,3 sometimes 4 times a week before meds so it is not that I am not used to it. I don't ever really drink to excess, yes there has been times that I have, but not often.
Hope you are both ok.
happyone
xx
ps Know what I never told any of you? I had my meeting for the group therapy. I was like a little frightened rabbit! I could hardly speak and basically looked like a right un! I couldn't make eye contact with the woman I was supposed to be meeting, I could only talk to my old counsellor and I sat and wrung my hands over and over! I hate this, as I not so very long ago would have had no prob whatsoever with this
To cut a long story short, I am starting beginning of june
Under~The~Stars
25-05-07, 22:43
Hunny,
I'm glad you are starting the group therapy soon, and well done you for going! :yesyes:
Glad you had a good day with little un. Night night,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi mate,
Just saying hi and hope you're having a good weekend.
Well done for managing the group meeting.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hi Happyone
Well done for going to the group. Once you start you may find it gets easier. I've done group work before. It took me a while to settle but then I was fine.
How are you today?
I hope you have a good weekend.
Karen xx
hi folks,
I haven't been to the group yet. I was just meeting with both facilitators.
I am nervous about it, but it is not until 7th June.
I am feeling really down again:weep:
I sense something wrong. Hubby went out with his mate and was supposed to be coming home for dinner but the dinner went cold. His mate phoned me, not him, his mate, to apologise for being late. Anyway, they came back and I gave them dinner (reheated!) My hubby was rather drunk (far more so than his mate) and I gave his mate a lift home. On the way home his mate told me that he had to drag my hubby home, that he was all for staying out with these other guys that had turned up 'unexpectedly'
I know my hubby and I know when something is wrong. He can barely be civil to me.
I have told him before that if he doesn't tell me what the problem is, then I make up scenarios in my head. I think he is still angry and freaked at what I did and now he is punishing me.
I don't have the energy to do anything about it.
Happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
26-05-07, 21:10
Hunny,
I'm sorry to hear about hubby, but try not to worry too much, that's maybe just his way of letting off some steam, not sure? Maybe speak to him tomorrow about it, and see what he says? There will probably just be a simple explanation I'm sure :hugs: I can understand how you feel though hun, you know where I am if you want to talk :hugs:
I'm going to go into chat in a minute, so will speak to you there if you are up to it.
Lou xxx :hugs:
Lou,
you are a wee gem,
I will tackle it tomorrow!
Happyone
xx
Aww hun I hope you and hubby clear the air - it's horrid when you don't feel things are right but you're not sure why.
On a lighter note you didn't half make me laugh tonight at the quiz, with that whole pegasus the chav. I cried laughing at this end and it properly put me off the followin questions - was that your cunning plan Baldrick to put me off!!!
Night night matey :hugs:
Piglet xx
Hi mate,
Hope you sort things out with hubby.
Night night :hugs:
Lisa x
Hi Happyone
Sorry your day has not been too good.
I'm no use giving out marital advice but I hope you can sit dow and talk calmly together.
Thinking of you and hope tomorrow is better. :hugs:
Karen xx
Southern_Belle
27-05-07, 05:12
HappyOne :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: from me to you. Husbands what to do? If I were you I would just let him wait until he wants to talk about it unless he is the sort who would wait until eternity. If so, give him a day or so then try to speak to him. I don't really know what you did that was so bad for him to barely be civil to you so I can't comment on the situation. It does seem to me that husbands and wives shouldn't "punish each other" but I know how it goes. I can honestly say I have given my hubby the silent treatment a time or two myself :blush: .
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you (or I guess it is already today there) and I'm glad to be back. Arizona was fun but very hot.
More :hugs: ,
Laura :flowers:
Hope today is better for you Happyone :hugs:
Karen xx
hi folks
hubby and I are ok.
I have been in bed all day with a rotten cold/throat infection. I was coming down with this yesterday so I was probably reading too much into his behaviour as I felt poorly.
Glad I made you laugh Piglet! :yesyes:
I cried laughing at this end and it properly put me off the followin questions - was that your cunning plan Baldrick to put me off!!! DRAT! You got me!
I enjoyed the quiz last night, it was fun.
I am going back to bed. I feel dreadful:weep: I feel like I have been eating glass, my bronchial tubes hurt, my body hurts, my head hurts, even my teeth hurt! (coming out in sympathy for you lisa hun!) Now that I have painted a picture, I will stop wallowing in self pity and get back to listening to a meditation!
Happyone
xx
Lots of honey and lemon is old piglets advice.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi laura!
I have always wanted to go to Arizona! It's on my list of places to go one day!
Glad you enjoyed yourself. it is always nice to get home though isn't it?
Happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
I have always wanted to go to Arizona! It's on my list of places to go one day!
That's a good goal and dream to have. Keep believing that you can get there one day when the time is right.
Hope you feel better soon :hugs:
Karen xx
Southern_Belle
27-05-07, 16:52
Hi HappyOne,
Yes it is nice to get home. Oh dear, I hope you feel better soon. I hate to do this myself, but gargle with some warm salt**ter for your throat might help. Run to the doctor if it is getting bronchial. I really feel for you, I get those infections alot and you feel like crap. Huge :hugs: .
I agree with Karen. You will get to Arizona one day if you want to. Just bring lots and lots of sunscreen and a huge hat, it's a hot outa there, lol. :shades:
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Laura :flowers:
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter
I am just cominhg in to say nite! Thanks for throat suggestions.
I have been in my bed all day, got up to eat and shower and I am going back to bed.
I have a funeral to go to tomorrow and although I don't want to go, I don't want to let my mum down by not going. Hopefuly if I get some decent sleep tonight I will be fine for tomorrow.
Take care all. I'll catch up with other threads tomorrow, my meds are kickingin and I am dozey!
happyone
xx
Take care Happy:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi mate,
Hope that cold/throat is better today and I hope the funeral went ok :hugs:
Lisa x
Hope you feel well enough to go to the funeral tomorrow hun - but remember you can only do your best and no more!!:hugs:
Love Piglet xx
Hi,
made it to the funeral. It was quite nice as funerals go, very personal. She organised it herself as she knew she was going to die. the man saying the piece, I don't think he was a minister, but he just seemed to be talking from a purely personal point.
I don't really feel ill any more, just tired and a bit hot, the sore throat has improved from glass to sand! I am now knackered though, so once kids are in bed, I will be going to mine!
I saw my cousin there who has bi polar also. he looked blooming dreadful! I don't know what drugs he is on, but I was so sad to see how unhealthy he looked. Very very overweight but not too many calories heavy, more swollen and puffy, pasty skin and he looked a good few years older than me; he is 3 years younger. It really freaked me. He was such a handsmoe looking chap and young and trendy looking. He just looked tired and old today.
Anyway, kids to bath. Me to bed!
happyone
xx
Oh sorry Happyone I didn't realise it was today hun - I've got all in a muddle with the bank holiday.
Well done for going and coping and I am sorry your cousin didn't look too brill but don't be thinking that that is par for the course mate. These things affect different people in different ways - there will be millions of people with bi polar that look just fine!! Ok!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi there Piglet
Well done for going and coping and I am sorry your cousin didn't look too brill but don't be thinking that that is par for the course mate. These things affect different people in different ways - there will be millions of people with bi polar that look just fine!! Ok!!
Ok hun!! it was just a bit of a shock, but you are right, that doesn't mean I will end up the same.
happyone
xx
Hi Happyone,
Well done for going today, glad it was a nice service for her. Sorry about your cousin not looking good but I agree with Piglet in that it doesn't mean it's likely to happen to you :hugs:
Night night,
Lisa x
Night night Baldrick :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Take care happy:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi mate,
Hope today is a good day for you :flowers:
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hi Happyone
How are you today?
Karen xx
Hi both of you:hugs:
I was feeling really grotty this morning but I have just bought and taken some Lemsip and feel a whole load better!
I have however, done an ironing pile the size of Mount Vesuvius!! Prepared the meal for this evening and tidied the house, so I am having my 'tea break!' at the computer!
I got my pay today, half of what it normally is! AAAGGGHHHH!!
I am going back to tidying up.
happyone
xx
Hi mate,
Wow you've been busy, do take it easy if you're not well mate.
I totally understand the money issue, it sucks doesn't it. My wages have gone down and down over last 3 years as my hours have reduced!
Lisa x
Happyone, :hugs:
Glad things are going well for you. I had no internet for a few days and your going to groups, back at work, appart from a little blip, you're doing so well. :yesyes:
Jim :hugs:
Under~The~Stars
29-05-07, 17:22
Wow hun, you sure have been busy today! Sometimes get days like that where we just really need to be busy! I wish I could have those kinds of days more lol! :blush:
Take it easy though hun eh? Give yourself loads of little breaks, don't tire yourself out too much :hugs:
Pretty crap about the money situation, hopefully things will start to be ok again very soon with that eh :hugs:
Take care,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi Folks!
I am now losing my voice! (No bad thing some would say!:winks: ) It is quite funny, cos mid word I start to squeak! The tight feeling that I thought was my bronchial tubes must have been my larynx. Oh well, get sickness with over now before I go back to work eh?
Jim, I am not quite back at work yet, but plans are in the making. I reckon week beginning 11th June.
I have had one of my buzzy days! It is quite good though cos the house gets cleaned from top to bottom.
Meeting a colleague for coffee tomorrow. She is one of the managers but not 'my' manager. I will be able to sound off some of my worries to her. I am supposed to be meeting with 'my' manager some time this week but she hasn't phoned yet and I am not phoning her. I am just pissed off with her lack of organisation.
I'll stop going on about work as I will just get worked up!:wacko:
Anyway, I am going to E bay and then bed!
happyone
xx
Sleep well Happy,
Jim :hugs:
Southern_Belle
30-05-07, 01:20
Nite HappyOne. Hope you feel better tomorrow and that your meeting goes well. I will be thinking about you.
Laura :)
Hope you're feeling better today mate :hugs:
Hope the meeting goes well too.
Lisa x
Hi,
todays meeting was not work focussed, it was just me meeting up with a colleague for a coffee.
I am however, now really uptight! My colleague didn't mean anything by it and I am going to have to face it sometime soon but she was talking about work and all the bits and pieces that are going on there. I could feel the anxiety growing and while I had been perfectly relaxed to start with, I started my twitching again! Not visibly bad, just my hands. the anx grew and I couldn't eat my cake that I had bought as I felt like I had a football in my stomach.
She spoke of staff shortages and then my heart mimicked a lead weight. She spoke of disputes between carers and staff and that was me, done for!
I came home and listened to one of my meditations but I now feel really uptight. I really really really don't want to go back there. I feel ill just thinking about it again! I have been backwards and forwards to the loo (TMI, I know) since I got back, the pain in my chest is incredible and I feel sick. All anx I know, but I so don't want to do this. I can't see one benefit in it except I will be earning and I like my colleagues.
I really like my colleague and it was lovely meeting her. I did have a nice time but I now just feel so bad again about having to return. My colleague asked me 'how do you feel about coming back?' I truthfully answered
'It is not the coming back that is the hard bit, it is the being back, cos that is the hard part, maintaining it.'
I feel like I am on an inevitable journey to failure. However, I feel like I have no option but to go ahead with it.
I now just want to be back to get the failure over and done with. I know this sounds defeatist, but I really believe I cannot do that job any more. I think the conversation I had today has confirmed this for me.
Happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
30-05-07, 17:35
Hun, I had to laugh when you said you are squeaking in mid word! :D However, I do hope your voice comes back real soon :hugs: Hope you are feeling better today.
Hope you had a nice time with your colleague today, and hope your manager gets in touch soon. The waiting is the worst bit isn't it? (Well, actually it's not, but it's bad too!)
Take care,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Under~The~Stars
30-05-07, 17:41
Think we were posting at the same time there hun.
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling very anxious at the thought of work, but the thought is always worse than the actuall thing! I'm sure when you go back, you will be talking to people and doing your job, and you will be concentrating on that instead of anything else. You have come on such a long way since you had to leave, and deep down you will know if you are ready to return. It might be a blessing in disguise hun! You can only give it a bash and see how it goes, and if you give it a try and then realise you're not ready, then that's fine. At least you will have tried. I know you're strong, and you can do whatever you want to do.
Take care,
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi mate,
I agree with Lou there, see how it goes, it may be better than you think and even if not you'll know you tried. Even if it doesn't work it's not a failure, it simply means it's not the right job for you right now. Hope you feel more relaxed later.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Lisa x
thanks bbbut i a, having worst pa for a long long time.
I feel like I can hardly breathe and like my heart is going to come out of my body.
I can't believe this. I know it is panic but it wont go. I am trying deep breathingbut i feel i cant get my breath beyong my throat.
I know i am not but it feels like \i am havig an asthma or heart attck. my findeers are numb. and myhead feels like iy is going to explode.
i am not goignback, i am not
Happyone, :hugs:
Sending a big hug, hope you feel better soon. Remember all the things you have learned to help.
:bighug1:
((((Happyone))))
Jim :hugs:
Sorry about that.
I have done my breahing, I feel better. No I dont. I feel crap. crapper than crap.
I am pisseed off with the whole thing.
I hate the fact i know I am setting myself up to fail. I have no one to tell this to, no one gets it. No one knows what failing menas to me. yeah i know hoe self indulgent i sound
I dont mean failing in a general term. No one knows how bad it was when it was bad. no one knows how far i went.
when I say i cant go back, i mean back to where i have been. not work. work is just a physical place. I cant go back to where my head has been and work is going to send me there. I know it is. I dont just thin it is I know it is.
I can feel it really really strongly. No one knows where my head is and I cant tell them.
I cant even tell him downstairs.
I cant call anyone cos he will hear.
i know what return to work means. it means all those feelings return, all the overwhelming anx, all the hate forthose in power, the destructive loathing for the start of a work day. the fear of going two days before, the phones incesaantly ringing people calling sick, agencies sending shite workers, me being left with unqualifies staff to do a qualified job, responsibility to remember , demands demands , didsorganised bloody management, uncaring cost drivenm management. I hate them. I really f**king rreaally hate them.
I cant do it. I really cant but i have to. I have no choice. I know we all have choice but I belive i have none. It is the path i am on.
I am stufffed
happyone
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Happyone,:hugs:
Trust me, you are not stuffed. I made the descision a while ago that I couldn't return to my old job as I knew it would send me back to where I have been before. It was a horible choice to take and who knows where my career is going to go now, it felt like the end of the world to think about making that choice before I did it, but I know it was the right thing to do. It might sound selfish but I had to think about myself and my health. It sounds like you've got a similar choice to make.
Going back to work may not be as bad as you think, you might well find you feel a sense of achievement and fulfilment going back. On the other hand, it might not be the best thing for you right now. Maybe try a phased return, going in a few days at a time, it would slowly get you back into it? You can always change your mind if things don't go well.
It's a hard thing to do but you have to think about what is best for you. No matter how other people might think about you if you decide not to go back, do what is right for you. And do talk about it with other people, they will want to know how you feel and will help you through whatever choice you make.
Jim :hugs:
Jim:hugs:
I have it all planned fot a staged retyutrn.
it is not the goig back, it is the being back. AFTER i am deemed to be well enough to be trusted again. After my stagd reytun.
sorry i knoe mt speeleing is bad my co rdination goes to pot whe i am worked up.
thanks jim. i knoe you are right.I am just so scarefd and I dont want to go. I jst feel i have to try it qn dif it doesn't work out then fine but if is what 'not working out' means for mwe. I am scared it will send me completly loopy again.
i'm coming across as totall ysane here ehj.ffs
Happyone,
I'm sure things will go better than you expect, no matter what you decide to do. Take it easy on yourself and do what is right for you.
I'm all excited watching Big Brother now, all women so far! :wacko:
Jim :hugs:
You are all great,
I am having to type reaaly slow so as not to make mistakes here, but please forgive any.
no order to this
jim, thank you for answering. you are a wee gem. ask lou, she knows what that is. i wish you s much luck
lou, If I was your big sis, no one would get away with treating you as he did. I would make sure you knew how wonderful you were and majke sure you believed it
lisa. I would come knocking at your door if you were a bit closer and say 'stop feeling so bloody guilty for being not well.' I would remind you of all the times you have helped me and others and say thank you hunny, cos you have helped me lillions
piglet, I think I would come and hug you cos apart from you being a gem you remind me of me in a way i haven't quite worked out yet. actually I think i have. You remind me of me when I am being who I think i really am. sorted and somethinf I DONT HAVE A WORD FOR,
Karen. I f I was neare to you I would hug you and thank you for taking time out to listen to my rubbish when you have enough of your own.
Laura. my wee pal from across the water. You have spoken so much sense to me. you are just so smart and caring and i just can't say enough about how much you helped. thank you for caring
happyone
xxxxxxxx
everyone else too. just these are the real regulaR Guys.
I really do adore you all and I thank you for being with me ove the past few months. realy and truelly.
Under~The~Stars
30-05-07, 22:30
Hunny,
I really feel for you at the moment, and I want to send you the biggest hug that anyone has ever given you!
((((((((((HAPPYONE))))))))))
Reading this from an outsiders point of view, I'm thinking that you are really really stressing out at the thought of what if work doesn't work out for you. Yes you are right, that is a possibility, but hunny you're never going to find out unless you try. I know that is a really really hard thing to do. My gut instinct on this (remember we have met, so I do know you, and I've spoken to you for a long time on here), is I think you are very strong, and totally capable of this. I know you are capable, just maybe not ready to go back yet? If you are not ready then that is fine hunny. No-one will think any less of you, absolutely no-one. You know what I think you should do? In my honest opinion, I think you need to ask for more support. You have a lot going on at the moment, and you are undersupported. Ask psych, or ask GP? You are the most important person that you need to think about, and you need to do what is right for you. Don't carry on suffering when there is a way out. Speak to someone and get yourself support. We are all backing you 100% on this.
You are an amazing person hun, you need to believe that.
Lou xxx :hugs:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Sorry you feel so bad mate but glad that nasty PA is better now.
I understand your concerns about work mate, really do. Just one thing though, you do not know for sure that working will send you back to where you were before. I can understand why you think it's likely but you don't know for sure as that is predicting the future or black and white thinking (both things I am expert at :winks: Yes I'm a hypocrite too!). All I'm saying is that it might be better than you think. If you feel it's not working you just tell someone asap rather than struggle on and let things get worse. If it turns out it's not the right job for you at the moment that's fine too. It would really help to go into this with a positive attitude rather than just expecting to fail and it to all go wrong - oh dear it's not like me to speak this frankly :ohmy: :sofa: . I'm a fine one to talk about being positive aren't I, but we all know giving advice is easier than taking it lol :blush: .
Like Lou says though you are very strong, determined and capable and you normally cope with things when you have to. The anx before an event is often the worst bit - a wise person on here reminded me of that a while back :winks:
Anyway night night,
Lisa x
Yeah ok, thanks folks
maybe you are right. The panic yesterday was just horrible. I feel so lonely with all of of this.
when my head starts to go, it is like something else is there. I get so trapped inside it and I do start to think the craziest of things. It is not the sort of stuff for sharing it is just crazy.
If I try to tell someone, say for example, 'I am thinking of getting in the car and going to the mull of kintyre so I can be at peace' then they just say 'oh you don't want to be doing that' or 'oh don't do that' these are the mild things
there is no point in telling anyone as it doesn't help anyway.
when I feel stressed and anx I feel so trapped. every ounce of me wants to run, I suppose it is the fight or flight. I want to run away but I have to stay to fight and I really dont want to.
I am havering now.
thanks forreplies
Morning Happyone,
Lets hope today goes better. :)
Panic is a horrible thing when it gets us full on, I really felt for you yesterday:hugs:
I too get the crazy / frightening thoughts. I'm learning to find ways to combat them slowly but it is such hard work, I think we all feel frightened about giving in to them at times.
I'm sure you've heard it before, things you could try would be distraction, self soothing and practise putting yourself into a more rational state of mind about them. Fighting against those thoughts can be draining, trying to find a way to put yourself into a 'wise mind' instead of allowing your emotions to rule is better. Then those thoughts can come and they are not frightening cause you know they are just thoughts. If that makes sense... I'm rambling now. :blush:
Jim :hugs:
Hi,
thanks Jim, You are not rambling, what you say makes sense.:hugs:
Thoughts have such a way of making you feel alienated from the world don't they? You know you are sitting there looking and sounding 'normal' but inside your head is screaming insane things!
That is where I miss the 1-1 support as I could share them and get them out and rationalise them.
Panic always does make things seem so much worse. yesterday was by far the worst I have had in a while. My panics were always situational. Like, going to the supermarket, so the answer was to get out or rationalise that it would be over soon. Yesterdays just seemed so big and an obstacle I couldn't get over. However, I am feeling more rational just now.
One of my anx is the meeting with my manager. She hasn't phoned so I am going to phone her as waiting makes me anx! I am not going to worry about 'bothering' her!
Thanks Jim and everyone
happyone
Under~The~Stars
31-05-07, 09:57
Morning hunny,
I am glad you are feeling slightly better today. You were just having a really bad day yesterday thinking about work. I know your concerns about work sending your mind back to where it has been. But hunny, you have come on such a long way since then, loads has happened, so you will never go back to that. I worry about that at times too, coz it was such a bad experience, but we won't ever go right back to the beginning :hugs:
I really think you need to ask for that 1-1 support again, I feel it could really come in useful for you at this time, what do you think?
It's all fair and well that you are going to be starting the group therapy soon, but 1-1 might be a better option for you at this time?
I definitely think you should phone your manager and get this meeting arranged, I think it's really bad you having to wait around for that, that will definitely be adding to your anxiety. The waiting bit is hard. I'm sure once you know what's happening you can put your mind at ease, and lessen the pressure.
Do you have any plans for today?
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi,
I phoned my manager! She came out this morning!
I will tell all later, but I can't say I feel any better about it. At least I don't have to worry about meeting her though, that is done.
happyone
xx
Under~The~Stars
31-05-07, 11:22
Well done you for phoning her! :yesyes:
At least that is it out of he way now eh hun :hugs:
Let us know what was all said when you are up to it hun :hugs:
Take care,
Lou xxx :hugs:
I've had a good read of the thread since my last post and I still have the same conclusion that I've had before when we chat about your return to work.
I think at the moment worry about returning to work is undermining your getting better. Therefore lets examine the options:
1. You do indeed do a phased return to work and you will either hate it aand leave, or you'll be ok!!
2. You decide that deep down you do not want to go back full stop and tell everybody concerned accordingly
3. You have a think whether you wish to use the skills you have at present in a similiar job, or you want to try something totally different.
Either way this is your life and even if it doesn't feel like it you are in control of it!!
Yes you may need to work at some point to bring in money but it needs to be something you feel you want to do at present. You could consider taking a year out from the sort of work you do presently to do something else completely different.
You are a strong women and if you are not ready to go back then you are not ready - take some of the pressure off yourself Baldrick and make a decision that is right for you!!!:hugs: Then we will hatch a cunning plan together!! :yesyes:
Love Piglet :flowers:
I took Piglet's 1st option last year and went back to work on a phased return. However, I didn't go until I was well ready and the GP and psych were happy for me to do so. When I did go back, the job they had created for me was completely c*** and I decided I didn't want to do it any more. However, by going back I left my options open. If you're still having panic attacks then maybe you're not ready yet. Just keep taking the certs. When I left work I decided to take a few months off (last June) and here I am still at home. hey ho!!
:hugs:
Hi Happyone,
Well done for phoning your manager mate, proud of you for that :hugs:
As for crazy thoughts, I have them even when not anxious! :madness:
Seriously though what I'm trying to say is that most people have them, even non anx non depressed ones and they think nothing of them, we just home in on them. I know how it feels to think we're the only ones having such mad thought but most people do to some degree. You can always share things here if it helps, we will never judge you and sometimes it helps to get things out. You don't need to be alone with this when you have us :flowers:
Hope the rest of your day is good.
Lisa x
Under~The~Stars
31-05-07, 16:40
Hope you are having a good day,
thinking of you :flowers:
Lou xxx :hugs:
Hi,
thannks folks.
well, as I said, I met with my manager today. We looked at days to return. I have said that I will go back on the 15th June, 10-2. The following week I will do a 7-11 on the monday and a 2-6 on the saturday.
The shifts are not worked out beyond that.
I told her I am woried but there was not really anything she could do. she is doing what she can. She did say if I wasn't ready then not to worry.
However, I am comitted to this. I am going back on that date.
Lisa, thank you for saying you would not judge me for the things I put on here. But hunny, it would not be fair to put on here the things I think of in my bleak times. It would make people worry. They make me worry.
Jo. Thank you. I have been looking at my finanxces today and we are already going to be down by £7000 next year. We can't sustain any more. I am dreading what it is going to be likeanyway.
Piglet. I do agree that worry about returning is undermining me getting better but I do think that work has such a huge part to play in me being ill in the first place. If I thought staying off longe rwould help me I would stay off but I think I am fit enough to work, just maybe not there. Im jusr dread having to go back to try it.
I cannot get a redeployment to an easirer post if I dont try this one.
Thanks i know you speak sense I know. I am in control but I just feel it is slipping away.
Lou, I know I could do with the 1-1 support but I dont think I will gwet it.
People keep on saying to me 'you will recognise the signs' I do! this is them!
I am trying not to be defeatist but it is really bloody hard when the brain keeps playing tricks on me.
This has been such a long month without the supports.
To top it. Hubby hasn't come home yet. he is normally in about 3.30 and he hasn't phoned and his phone is switched off. i worry about him now cos he has been in such a peculiar mood.
Happyone
xx
Well half the battle is making a decision and you've done that now. Give it a chance and then you will know exactly whether it's right for you or not!! That's a positive hun - well done!!:yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
Under~The~Stars
31-05-07, 17:41
Like Piglet said you have made the decision to go back, that's half the battle, well done :yesyes:
Just take things one step at a time with your work, and your boss has said that if you weren't ready to go back then not to worry, so no pressure there which is good :hugs: Just do what you can, no-one can ask for anymore from you hun :hugs:
Why don't you think you will get the 1-1 support hun?
Try not to worry about hubby hun, just you concentrate on you, I'm sure there will be a simple explanation for hubby. He has maybe been acting funny recently coz he is worried about you, and coz he cares :hugs:
Try and have a relaxing night tonight, watch Bridget Jones's Diary or something! That always cheers me up! I watched Pretty Woman last night, I love that film! And it's gonna be me and Patrick tonight, along with some (OK OK loads!) of chocolate! :winks:
Lou xxx :hugs:
Thanks Piglet, Thanks Lou.
I know making a decision is half the battle. I know it is a case of getting back and seeing if I can manage.
I just feel that I cannot.
I have made the right decision. I am going back as no amount of time in the world is going to make me feel any better about it. I am fit to work, I know I am. I just wish I felt more positive about it, but I don't suppose I can have it all eh?
I just feel like a convict approaching the stocks. I know I have to go and I know I will hate it.
I am going to stop going on about it. I just have to get on with it.
happyone
I think going back will help you make an informed choice though hun don't you. If it doesn't pan out then you can say you've tried and then have a rethink about things - if it does work then smashing!!
Either way I don't think you can lose from an emotional point of view cos it will help you know exactly where you stand.
It's that standing with one foot in each camp that is so damaging!!
Piglet :flowers:
You are right Piglet, I love the foot in each camp analogy:hugs: Thanks hun. Sure you are not owl pretending to be piglet?
I am going to bed. I am feeling down but a good sleep often helps. So I am going to have a meditation (got this new one, it is FAB:yesyes: ) then hopefully 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep:emot-sleepyhead:
Happyone
xx
Piglet is spot on, it was awful for me when I was totally indecisive about going back. Making a descision made everything so much better, with less to worry about.
Have you got a date to restart yet?
Jim :hugs:
Under~The~Stars
31-05-07, 20:24
Loads and loads of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: coming your way!
Enjoy the meditation, and here's to 11 hours of uninterrupted happy dreaming! :hugs: And maybe even a long lie in the morning! :winks:
Take care hunny, thinking of you
Lou xxx :hugs:
Night Happyone :hugs:
Karen xx
Sure you are not owl pretending to be piglet?
With the massive coldsore that I have a present I certainly now have the beak for it!!! :ohmy: :blush: :weep:
Night honey.:hugs:
Piglet
Hi Happyone,
Well done for making the decision to go back and give it a go, that is half the battle and proud of you for deciding that :hugs: .
It may be ok but if not then you have tried and given it your best shot, that is all any of us can do. At least you are trying, some people wouldn't even try and work so full respect to you for that.
I so understand the money issues mate, tough eh! I reckon we used to get appx £15000 more per year than we are now when I was working full time and hubby was at his old job! It's alot to drop and is so hard to adjust to that much less.
Why do you say you won't you get 1-1 help, have you asked anyone and been turned down or something?
You counsellor said she could refer you to someone else so mate you only have to ask I assume? Or ask your gp, a gp etc. It is hard without support and nothing wrong in needing support.
Ooh 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep sounds good mate, I'm lucky if I get 4-6 without waking! lol.
I hope hubby turned up safe and well.
Night mate, sleep well,
Lisa x
Hi,
I didn't get 11 hours of uninteruppted sleep. I awoke at 9.30 and jumped up furious that my hubby hadn't woken me on his way to work! You've guessed it, it was 9.30pm! Anyway, got back to sleep for hubby to waken me with his snoring at 1.30 so I slept the rest of the night on the couch as I couldn't shift him in the slightest!
Lisa and Lou, the reason I think I won't get the 1-1 support is because I won't be brave enough to ask for it. I will hint but if they don't take me up on it then I won't get. I know I know, it is silly but you know me and my neediness fears!
With regards to the money Lisa, we too have dropped a huge amount since I became part time. I was earning more than hubby. I am not too bothered just now. I can think about money later.
Hubby did turn up safe and well! he wasn't that late. I think it is just because I have been anx the past few days that I got worried. I haven't worried like that for a while about him. I used to do it all the time!
Piglet hunny, poor you with a cold sore! Thanks for your wise owl advice anyway hun!
Lou, loads of these to you too:hugs: . you said something in your post about wanting to ask me something but you would wait until I felt better. I am feeling fine hunny, a long sleep always helps! Just text me if you want.
Jim, I go back on the 15th June for 4 hours, 10-2. No doubt you will all be hearing about it as the day approaches! it is right that indecision makes things so hard. I think now that I have an actual date too, it should hopefully help.
Anyway, in line with my severe reduction in cash, I have made up a sort of plan of the meals for the month and I am going to Lidl's today to buy as much as I can there and top it up with a shop to Tesco! I can't afford to buy it all from Tesco any more!
take care all. Good luck Lou.
happyone
xx
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