Bellaaa13
23-06-17, 22:22
Hi
My HA is bad at the moment. I only recently posted about freaking out about rabies and now my cancer fear is back. I've been such a hypocrite, commenting on loads of posts trying to reassure others when in reality my own HA is horrible.
About a year ago I noticed a mole on the inner side of my big toe that I'd never seen before, but I suppose it's hidden and not a place you'd look often so it may have been there before. It honestly looks concerning. It's flat, maybe 7mm, more than one colour, unclear edges etc. I have lots of other moles but none look like this. My mum says it just looks different because it's on a different type of skin, like you know the skin on the bottom of your feet and insides of your toes has that ridgy texture?
Maybe I'm exaggerating and it doesn't look as bad as it sounds from my description but I'm so freaked out. I went to derm. at the time and he said he didn't think it was MM but to come back asap if it changed and he'd biopsy it. At the time I didn't suffer with HA so I never went back as it didn't change.
However, now that I'm thinking about it the derm did look at it suspiciously for a long time, so he must've been concerned. He also made some comments which made me think he was suspicious/unsure about it, like he never said it didn't LOOK like MM he said he didn't think it was as it had appeared too quickly or something weird like that?! I didn't really understand what he said as English isn't his first language. Surely that doesn't make sense? He's also brushed me off in the past, though I do admit I was asking him about tiny freckles which were clearly nothing. But do you think this means he's not a reliable doc?
I noticed the mole again a while ago and can't tell but I think it's maybe changed slightly and has got darker in the middle? I can't tell. Could just be my mind playing tricks. My mum looked and said it hadn't changed but she knows about my anxiety so I feel like she just didn't take me seriously. She tried to reassure me saying she's 100% sure it's nothing and that she would never take any kind of risk and would take me straight to the doc if she was remotely concerned, but how can she know? She can't.
I also found little lymph nodes in my groin and had a pain there and in my hip. I also had a stomach ache this past week and am now convinced it was melanoma which has now spread. A part of that toe was actually quite itchy yesterday as well, but not on the mole itself. The toe itself has been painful too, although I did get this sometimes before the mole because of too tight shoes, but HA is telling me it's the 'cancer' etc.
I'm so panicked right now. I'm only 15 and am convinced I'm going to die soon and can't stop thinking about it.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to the derm for sheer fear that he'll confirm my worst fears, as if it is MM it must have spread if it's been there for at least a year.
Sorry this post is all over the place and seems dramatic but I feel like I've been so stupid and ignorant and should've demanded it to be removed at the time and now I've doomed myself. My whole family is getting annoyed with me and won't discuss it because it's an 'irrational worry' so I'm just looking for some reassurance on here.
My HA is bad at the moment. I only recently posted about freaking out about rabies and now my cancer fear is back. I've been such a hypocrite, commenting on loads of posts trying to reassure others when in reality my own HA is horrible.
About a year ago I noticed a mole on the inner side of my big toe that I'd never seen before, but I suppose it's hidden and not a place you'd look often so it may have been there before. It honestly looks concerning. It's flat, maybe 7mm, more than one colour, unclear edges etc. I have lots of other moles but none look like this. My mum says it just looks different because it's on a different type of skin, like you know the skin on the bottom of your feet and insides of your toes has that ridgy texture?
Maybe I'm exaggerating and it doesn't look as bad as it sounds from my description but I'm so freaked out. I went to derm. at the time and he said he didn't think it was MM but to come back asap if it changed and he'd biopsy it. At the time I didn't suffer with HA so I never went back as it didn't change.
However, now that I'm thinking about it the derm did look at it suspiciously for a long time, so he must've been concerned. He also made some comments which made me think he was suspicious/unsure about it, like he never said it didn't LOOK like MM he said he didn't think it was as it had appeared too quickly or something weird like that?! I didn't really understand what he said as English isn't his first language. Surely that doesn't make sense? He's also brushed me off in the past, though I do admit I was asking him about tiny freckles which were clearly nothing. But do you think this means he's not a reliable doc?
I noticed the mole again a while ago and can't tell but I think it's maybe changed slightly and has got darker in the middle? I can't tell. Could just be my mind playing tricks. My mum looked and said it hadn't changed but she knows about my anxiety so I feel like she just didn't take me seriously. She tried to reassure me saying she's 100% sure it's nothing and that she would never take any kind of risk and would take me straight to the doc if she was remotely concerned, but how can she know? She can't.
I also found little lymph nodes in my groin and had a pain there and in my hip. I also had a stomach ache this past week and am now convinced it was melanoma which has now spread. A part of that toe was actually quite itchy yesterday as well, but not on the mole itself. The toe itself has been painful too, although I did get this sometimes before the mole because of too tight shoes, but HA is telling me it's the 'cancer' etc.
I'm so panicked right now. I'm only 15 and am convinced I'm going to die soon and can't stop thinking about it.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to the derm for sheer fear that he'll confirm my worst fears, as if it is MM it must have spread if it's been there for at least a year.
Sorry this post is all over the place and seems dramatic but I feel like I've been so stupid and ignorant and should've demanded it to be removed at the time and now I've doomed myself. My whole family is getting annoyed with me and won't discuss it because it's an 'irrational worry' so I'm just looking for some reassurance on here.