wiggi
24-06-17, 20:03
!!--TRIGGER WARNING--!!
Hi everyone!
I can start of by saying that im 22 years old and been watching porn since i was 16 (kinda late i know). Havent really had any girlfriend and anything that in my life either.
When i started watching porn i did like many other kids, checking out some basic stuff from pornhub or magazines. Nothing special so to say. As the years started to pass, i got more and more into other kinds of porn. Have prbly almost seen every genre possible within the pornhub genres anyway ( seen, not that i got hooked on all ive seen).
But one genre ive looked at for the past 2 years is hentai/3d animated/cartoon porn.It wasnt untill January this year that ive listent to the radio where they said the police had found IP's to over 20 000 pedophiles downloading CP regurly.
I dont know why but my mind just directly reacted and told me ("what if you're a pedophile?"). I quickly tried to not think about the ide since ive NEVER had feeling like that. But the thought quickly grew more and more intense and i started analysing it more and more. Then i realised that ive actually encontered something called lolicon(or loli) which is like cartooned/animated porn with child like figures that usually is very sexually written. My mind started panicking. I never saw that much of it because it usually ended up in videos that was more of a music video hentai kinda thing. But because of it , i usually didnt care that much and just watched those clips to the end anyway. So i never really looked for that kind of content so to speak But that doesnt really matter for my mind because i also realised that its illegal in many countries and is classified as bad as real CP. I feel like a monster/freak atm. Cant watch my parents in the eyes, Dont wanna hang around friends because i feel like i dont belong now. My thoughts on real CP is that it is horrible and i have NEVER watched it and NEVER would. Ive tried battling with these thoughts thinking, Well its just cartoons and ill never watch them again. But at the same time i feel like i can never say that im against CP, because then i would feel like a hypocrite because the law says that its the same. My mind is just a big fking mess...
I dont wanna blame anyone, but all ive seen is mostly from pornhub, shouldnt they have censored/deleted those videos? Some of them had been up for like a year and with all from 100k-1mil views...
Now 6 months of my life has gone by, and sometimes the thoughts are not as intrusive, sometimes they are really bad.
How do i keep on with my life ? I feel like a monster in the enviroment of my friends and family, and just feel the need to isolate myself.
I actually came across a thread from @whoevenami that was exactly how everything happend to me, exept he is younger if you wanna read a faster version, sry for long text, i just dont know who to turn to. Feels like im so alone atm.
Hi everyone!
I can start of by saying that im 22 years old and been watching porn since i was 16 (kinda late i know). Havent really had any girlfriend and anything that in my life either.
When i started watching porn i did like many other kids, checking out some basic stuff from pornhub or magazines. Nothing special so to say. As the years started to pass, i got more and more into other kinds of porn. Have prbly almost seen every genre possible within the pornhub genres anyway ( seen, not that i got hooked on all ive seen).
But one genre ive looked at for the past 2 years is hentai/3d animated/cartoon porn.It wasnt untill January this year that ive listent to the radio where they said the police had found IP's to over 20 000 pedophiles downloading CP regurly.
I dont know why but my mind just directly reacted and told me ("what if you're a pedophile?"). I quickly tried to not think about the ide since ive NEVER had feeling like that. But the thought quickly grew more and more intense and i started analysing it more and more. Then i realised that ive actually encontered something called lolicon(or loli) which is like cartooned/animated porn with child like figures that usually is very sexually written. My mind started panicking. I never saw that much of it because it usually ended up in videos that was more of a music video hentai kinda thing. But because of it , i usually didnt care that much and just watched those clips to the end anyway. So i never really looked for that kind of content so to speak But that doesnt really matter for my mind because i also realised that its illegal in many countries and is classified as bad as real CP. I feel like a monster/freak atm. Cant watch my parents in the eyes, Dont wanna hang around friends because i feel like i dont belong now. My thoughts on real CP is that it is horrible and i have NEVER watched it and NEVER would. Ive tried battling with these thoughts thinking, Well its just cartoons and ill never watch them again. But at the same time i feel like i can never say that im against CP, because then i would feel like a hypocrite because the law says that its the same. My mind is just a big fking mess...
I dont wanna blame anyone, but all ive seen is mostly from pornhub, shouldnt they have censored/deleted those videos? Some of them had been up for like a year and with all from 100k-1mil views...
Now 6 months of my life has gone by, and sometimes the thoughts are not as intrusive, sometimes they are really bad.
How do i keep on with my life ? I feel like a monster in the enviroment of my friends and family, and just feel the need to isolate myself.
I actually came across a thread from @whoevenami that was exactly how everything happend to me, exept he is younger if you wanna read a faster version, sry for long text, i just dont know who to turn to. Feels like im so alone atm.