View Full Version : Mrs F in hospital?
Mrs F has crohns disease among other illnesses, she saw her GP on Friday and I went in with her. Mrs F mentioned her diarrhea and occasional blood, so the GP prescribed steroids and if they haven't made a difference after a week, then it would likely be hospital.
While I'm well aware I should be thinking of her and not myself, it doesn't alter the fact my anxiety has rocketed. I think it feels worse because it has come off the back of a very good spell stretching right back to the end of April. 'If' she does get admitted, no doubt I will cope but it will be very hard work. It is also times like this when I realise just how much I rely on her. I despise this illness I really do but then everyone else here knows the score.
:weep: I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. It's an undoubtedly stressful time for everyone involved. The fact that your anxiety has rocketed doesn't make you selfish. It's perfectly normal to feel fear, resentment and unease in the face of such a situation, and it would make anyone (not just us anxiety sufferers!) anxious. Please remind yourself that this is a response to a stressful, unusual situation; this isn't you getting worse.
I do hope, however, that the steroids help your wife, so that she doesn't have to go to the hospital after all. :hugs:
Thank you Ana, you are very kind and speak very wisely :hugs: The thing is, she's trying not to be ill because she knows how it affects my anxiety, and I'm trying not to be anxious because it makes her worry which exacerbates her crohns :weep:
But you are right, this doesn't mean I'm getting worse, it's entirely situational.
I agree that thinking about how you'll cope and your increasing anxiety levels isn't selfishness. It's survival and sometimes it's more difficult for family/loved ones than the actual patient when it comes to stress and worry.
Can only hope that treatment works and therefore doesn't necessitate stay in hospital.
Many thanks KK77. I've heard that said before, that it's tougher for the carer/visitor than the patient. Never having been in hospital I don't know if it's true or not...
Just sending positive thoughts your way... Having been through this from both sides, it's equally as difficult.
Positive thoughts
Thank you for your kind words Fishmanpa and also for your insight.
Well, Wednesday is the day of Mrs F's appointment with her gastro specialist. She was told last time (I've since found out) that all they can offer her is a stoma by way of treatment. This is a very big step, and I was already anxious as it was!! Wednesday can't get here quickly enough.
MyNameIsTerry
25-07-17, 04:23
I hope everything goes well for you both. Anticipatory anxiety can be very hard. In many ways it's easier to cope when the time comes and you can at least be doing something rather than dealing with the dread.
Yes the very worse bit is the waiting and not knowing. I'm sure you have faith in her gastroenterologist and he or she will guide you both towards the best decision as regards future management of her Crohn's. Please let us know how the appointment goes-at least you will know a lot more afterwards and won't have to torment yourself by speculating on the outcome.
Good Luck Fishman. Thinking of you.:hugs:and your wife:hugs:
Terry, Pulisa and Magic - bless all three of you and thank you for your kindness. It is indeed the waiting that really gets me. Uncertainty breeds anxiety. It is strange how I was able to take my Dad to see his lady friend in hospital last December with barely a flicker of anxiety, on four occasions. And yet even suggest Mrs F might be away from home and I'm a gibbering wreck. Typing that out I may have hit on the reason, perhaps it's less where she is and more that where she isn't :unsure:
Positive thoughts to you both:)
MyNameIsTerry
26-07-17, 05:31
Yes, it may be just that. And obviously the natural worry anyone would have about a loved one needing medical treatment will tend to get latched onto by anxiety & ridden for all it's worth.
Mrs F is a major part of your life and it stands to reason that any issue affecting her will be more significant to you. I'm sure it would be like that with your dad too. So, going with him before might have had less emotional intensity? And I wonder if any worry about that situation might have been biased towards worrying about how your dad was coping, which is only natural?
I get the impression you are a committed family type guy with strong beliefs about what is expected. Therefore anything touching on your family has a potential to try to use that in your anxiety and flare it up. That's natural for anyone without anxiety, it's just about intensity with us (and irrational skewed thinking, of course).
A while back my mum had pneumonia. She has asthma and in her mid seventies her health isn't great as she struggles walking. When this happened we had a doctor, a couple of nurses from the local community elderly care support team and even paramedics out (stupid 111 diagnosed a heart attack!). This was one of the few occasions in my life that I've seen my dad burst out in tears. He's old fashioned that way. I think it hit him all at once with seeing his wife in poorer health due to age and what this could mean.
She was in hospital for a week and he was running round like a blue arsed fly doing chores and running back & forth to the hospital. He was obviously trying to keep busy. He doesn't have anxiety but things like this can make anyone experience things as we do due to the intense worry.
He has always lived his life looking after his family and trying to do things for him can be strained as he's always been the doer, like my mum too, and we were the kids. I bet that sounds familiar to you with your dad.
So, even if she needs some treatment you will find a way through. And try to accept that the upheaval caused is not something to kick yourself over because a lot of it is something anyone can feel in circumstances like this. Thoughts about the future may pop in, again all natural, so try to rationalise them as just the mind trying to do some risk management as it annoying does in overdrive for us lot!
Toby - thank you for your wishes. Terry, you are bang on the money as ever and I'm sorry to hear your Mum has health problems which must impact on yourself too in addition to your Dad. Thank you for your insight, you have described my thought processes to a tee and should be a psychoanalyst. I think I care too much, I really wish I was a selfish &!*# that cared only for myself, but then I probably wouldn't be using this forum if I was.
Mrs F saw her consultant and she wanted to admit her to hospital. Mrs F argued however that the stress would make her crohns worse, so made a deal and promised to have relevant scans and a colonoscopy as an outpatient. Her liver is a concern and they may have to do a biopsy. They seem to be pushing towards a stoma, though Mrs F has stated she doesn't want one. The anxiety has reacted in typical fashion of course and gone through the roof.
Mrs F has made her feelings known re a stoma and she appears to be very much in control of decisions regarding her Crohn's. If her Crohn's can be managed without radical surgery then she deserves to be given the chance to prove that it can providing she has the necessary scans/biopsy etc and regular monitoring of course.
When you are watching someone else going through chronic health problems it is often worse than suffering them yourself. You and Mrs F are obviously a tremendously strong team. You can get through this whatever the outcome re potential surgery. Of course your anxiety will be sky high now but it's perfectly natural when your head is full of questions and what if's..One thing is certain though-you will do your very best for Mrs F, anxiety or no anxiety, and having your support and love will be the best medicine for Mrs F
Thank you Pulisa for your kind and thoughtful words. Just got back from collecting my daughter from work, you are so kind :hugs:
Sorry to hear this news Fishman. :hugs:
Speaking from experience as an anxiety sufferer and dealing with family in and out of hospital, you will be surprised where you find the extra strength and confidence from when it is needed. You can do more for others than yourself. Don't know why, but that's what I found. Although not a nice experience, it will help to build your confidence more in the long run.
I send you my best wishes to you both. x
MyNameIsTerry
27-07-17, 06:47
She knows what she wants and sticks to her guns then! Earlier you mentioned you recently found out about the possibility of the stoma and it sounded like she knew but raised it now the time was close, maybe to help you with the anticipation? She obviously knew which way she was going anyway.
Yes, hospital is never a nice place to be so you can understand someone with this not wanting extra stress if they can help it. It's quite a painful condition when it flares up, isn't it?
I wish! Think of the cash in one of them jobs :biggrin: (thanks for your kind words) but I think you will find it shines out from everything you have said about supporting your wife and your dad over various threads. And I agree with pulisa in that I bet you are taking it harder with it being about her rather than you.
I agree with Carnation, you will find the strength when/if the time comes.
It's better to be someone who cares than doesn't. I know what you mean because I've had those thoughts too. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have had my problems either, but would we want to be that type of person?
Thanks for the kind words about my mum. It is a worry. I don't care about my health in the slightest, not afraid of death (although the pain is a different matter!), etc but the opposite is true of loved ones. It doesn't affect me too much as my stupid anxiety flares up about getting through all the practical stuff like changing routines as they are a big part of my own problems, which can make you feel a bit selfish but I think this is just anxiety & it's tricks and what happens is you bite down and suffer it while doing what is needed for your loved ones. I have no doubt you will do what is needed, not doing them would mean you would kick yourself even harder because of the person you are.
Hi Fishman65, I just wanted echo what my friends have said. All the best to both of youxxx
Thank you Carnation, your kind words give me hope. You may be right about finding the confidence. Today I collected our prescriptions and took them through to the pharmacy. There I filled out the backs of each slip and with mine and Mrs F's, that's a lot of slips believe me. Strangely I felt very little anxiety for what is usually a challenge for me. Could it be one of those unpredictable quirks of anxiety where it switches focus to which, in my case, is Mrs F and not the pharmacy run?
Terry - yes a very painful condition. She takes dihydrocodeine tablets and wears fentanyl patches, both heavy duty pain killers and has lived with it for 17 years. She now has rheumatoid arthritis as a knock-on effect from the crohns, both being autoimmune diseases. Sometimes I wonder how much more she can take, therein lies my greatest fear of all but I try not to contemplate that. I really have no idea how I would survive without her, 22 years together. Fleetwood Mac's song Landslide goes 'Well I've been afraid of changing, cause I've built my life around you'. Of course, anxiety tells me all this in the dark hours and I believe it, fanning the flames of fear.
And you're right buddy, I don't think any of us would really want to be self centred s#!*s, we are who we are, for better or worse.
Magic - thank you, your words mean a lot, really.
Dang..fentanyl? I was on some heavy duty pain meds during treatment and the fentanyl patches at the end and for a month afterwards... That's some really potent stuff!
I hope they're able to help and get her some relief.
Positive thoughts
Thank you Fishmanpa. Yes fentanyl transdermal patches, being a controlled drug I have to sign for them at the pharmacy and produce ID.
Sorry to hear about turn of events Fishman. Wishing you both all the best and Mrs F a speedy recovery without need to resort to invasive procedure.
Wishing Mrs F & Yourself all the very best.
I really hope that Mrs F can control her symptoms and remain as comfortable as possible without the need for surgery but you will cope no matter what and will surprise yourself with how you cope. It's the thinking about what may happen that is the worst thing-when you are faced with what will actually happen you just get on with it because there is no choice.
It sounds to me as if Mrs F has made up her mind what she wants and is in the driving seat re her medical care. You are the perfect team because you are both looking out for each other and you are giving her the best support possible by being there for her.
KK77, BikerMatt and Pulisa - thank you for your support and kind words. Once we have the scans done, CT and MRI plus a colonoscopy, the doctor's will have a clearer picture and can advise us on any (or not) course of action. While the consultant is pushing for a stoma, Mrs F has survived 17 years of crohns disease without one, so a bag is not a given by any means...
Try to keep smiling. You and Mrs F sound like a great team. You can get through this. Best wishes
Thank you Susie, a bad panic while cooking a roast pork dinner though. It had to come at some point I suppose.
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