I'm so tired of this...

[maianixon]

I'm so tired of this HA thing, everytime I think it's finally getting better it gets worse again and I don't even feel anxious anymore just full on depressed because it's taken over my life, everyone around is tired of me, I'm tired of me, soon this forum will probably be tired of melike I don't know what to do anymore. I've been taking Mirtazapine for a bit over a month and at first it helped a little but then it stopped and my doctor increased the dose and since the dose increase I've been feeling so depressed I can't function...
My vision has also been terrible 24/7 for the past month with loads of visual snow and there's no improvement on it whatsoever and its starting to really get to me. Both of my legs also hurt really badly behind the knees to the point where it hurts to stand sometimes, like some days is better and some worse but it always come back like surely I couldnt injure both of my knees the same way at the same time lol. I asked the doctor last time that I'm worried it could be something neurological and he said that if it was neurological it would be just one side not both legs, like can that actually all be caused by anxiety?? I'm so deep in a MS fear I can't seem to get out of it, even a clear MRI didn't convince me...
I just really don't know what to do anymore this is becoming too much to cope and right now I feel like I have no one so this forum is the only place i can turn too...
I've been getting therapy which I really like but it's only once a week so it helps me a bit but then i feel horrible again by the next session and my therapist is on holiday at the moment and i think lack of therapy also really got to me... I just feel really hopeless

[elysemarie123]

Hello -- it's so strange I am feeling the exact same way today. Sometimes it is just so hard to shut off. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me today but for some reason I feel like I am on the edge of a panic attack. I am at work right now and just had to take a walk in order to calm myself down. It did work but I'm just SO FRUSTRATED with myself.

All of the symptoms you are mentioning sound like anxiety to me. Whenever I have an ache or pain, I focus on it and turn it into the worst thing possible. if you can distract yourself, I truly think it will go away. I know this is easier said than done (look at me right now -- this forum is a way for me to distract myself though.

You are going to be fine! And guess what -- whatever happens to you, your body, anything, you will get through it. I am going to say this to myself over and over again today. We will get through this!

[maianixon]

Thanks for the nice reply. I hope you feel better but I admire your approach towards it. I try to think that way too but a lot of time i'm just not able to.

You are right distraction does usually help me a lot, especially actively doing stuff or hanging out with people, unfortunately though it's not always possible to do that so a lot of times I am just left with myself and then it gets horrible. But I guess I am just telling myself this can't last forever...

[elysemarie123]

How are you feeling today? I am feeling much better thankfully.

Keep your head up!

[maianixon]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better.

I'm Still feeling pretty down, I started obsessively checking again for the first time since I started medication. I've also convinced I myself my right hand feels weak/funny. I think i definitely need to speak to my psychiatrist the antidepressants i have don't seem to be working. I've got a neurologist appointment in a couple of days that my doctor made apparently just for reassurance and I'm seeking some comfort in that, but otherwise I'm really not doing well.