maianixon
26-06-17, 20:48
So I just wanted to share this thing i noticed my anxiety does.
Everytime I feel very anxious I try to stop myself from functioning normally and doing every day things. It's like i want to do them and I know I am capable of them but there is a voice in my head that's saying "you shouldn't go out and enjoy yourself because something's wrong with you / you shouldn't be happy with your boyfriend because you're just lying to self and really you're dying / you shouldn't pretend you're fine because you're not" and this stops me from doing most basic things and avoiding things that would otherwise make me happy like my relationship. This self-sabotage is very clear to me but I don't know how to fight it.
Earlier today that was the case and I actively fought against it - I wen't outside and read a book even though this voice in my head was telling me I shouldn't. Despite being proud of myself that I did it regardless, my body was because of it overwhelmed by anxiety even more - my vision went horrible, my whole body was shaking while I was reading a book in a park just because my anxiety told me I shouldn't do it. I am now home and still shaking half an hour later it's like my entire body is overwhelmed with the fact that I went outside and refused to give into anxiety - so I am as a result even more anxious.I feel as if my anxiety is punishing me for not listening to it. (I feel like im sounding very crazy rn but im trying to explain it the best way i can)
I'm writing this mainly with the purpose of letting it out, but I'm also wondering if anyone experiences anything similar and how they cope with it? It may be a very common anxiety thing for all I know but I've never spoken to anyone about it.
Everytime I feel very anxious I try to stop myself from functioning normally and doing every day things. It's like i want to do them and I know I am capable of them but there is a voice in my head that's saying "you shouldn't go out and enjoy yourself because something's wrong with you / you shouldn't be happy with your boyfriend because you're just lying to self and really you're dying / you shouldn't pretend you're fine because you're not" and this stops me from doing most basic things and avoiding things that would otherwise make me happy like my relationship. This self-sabotage is very clear to me but I don't know how to fight it.
Earlier today that was the case and I actively fought against it - I wen't outside and read a book even though this voice in my head was telling me I shouldn't. Despite being proud of myself that I did it regardless, my body was because of it overwhelmed by anxiety even more - my vision went horrible, my whole body was shaking while I was reading a book in a park just because my anxiety told me I shouldn't do it. I am now home and still shaking half an hour later it's like my entire body is overwhelmed with the fact that I went outside and refused to give into anxiety - so I am as a result even more anxious.I feel as if my anxiety is punishing me for not listening to it. (I feel like im sounding very crazy rn but im trying to explain it the best way i can)
I'm writing this mainly with the purpose of letting it out, but I'm also wondering if anyone experiences anything similar and how they cope with it? It may be a very common anxiety thing for all I know but I've never spoken to anyone about it.