View Full Version : HA is making me a slightly bitter person
It seems thinking i'm dying from every incurable disease every day of my life has slowly grinded me down to the point where i look at other people and i feel -jealous- because they only have to worry about where to go out at the weekend or who's sleeping with who. And i catch myself absolutely despising that mind set, but hard to escape. Does anyone have any tips or anything to try and push myself into a more positive mind set? I'm trying to currently dig out my therapy sheets from last year to no avail.
Maybe it's more a matter of your perspective than anything else. The way I look at it is, you really don't have anything physically wrong with you. I wish I I had the excellent physical health so many here have.
You know what the real illness is and you can get treatment and help. Heck, knowing that and having battled out of some depression with therapy and meds, I'd take that over the real physical issues my wife and I deal with any day.
Positive thoughts
Very true. I'm sorry to be insensitive in that case. I know alot of people on here struggle daily with many different real life problems and illnesses, and it shames me to no extent when i worry and obsess over ones i most likely don't have.
snowghost57
27-06-17, 01:52
Then challenge your thoughts! Do they have any value? Are they preventing you from having the life that you want? Stay focused on what is in front of you. Get into life and out of your head!
Vikingbeast
27-06-17, 12:57
I feel what you're saying Aleman. "Why me?" is a natural question to ask when going through this. But God gave us our great brain to work our way out of this. You will.
budgie1979
27-06-17, 19:05
It seems thinking i'm dying from every incurable disease every day of my life has slowly grinded me down to the point where i look at other people and i feel -jealous- because they only have to worry about where to go out at the weekend or who's sleeping with who. And i catch myself absolutely despising that mind set, but hard to escape. Does anyone have any tips or anything to try and push myself into a more positive mind set? I'm trying to currently dig out my therapy sheets from last year to no avail.
Wow, I have had this exact same thought. Every time I am in the middle of an HA "episode", it almost causes me physical pain to see people out apparently living their lives carefree. I have to try to remind myself that external appearances don't necessarily reflect reality. Almost everyone has something that keeps them up at night. Some people cope better than others. I'm sure when you and I are walking around the supermarket, we look like "normal" people to the rest of the world. I have a co-worker who has admitted that prior to this job he was unable to leave his apartment for a period of months, but you would never know that unless he told you. My mother went through a bout of breast cancer a few years ago, and other than when she was recovering from surgery, she got up ever day, put on her makeup, and carried on with going out to eat, shopping, movies, etc. But she was waking up every night in a panic from the stress and worry.
So, mostly I just try to remind myself that I have no idea what any other person is going through. Although it seems like they are happy and carefree, that isn't necessarily the case.
Maybe it's more a matter of your perspective than anything else. The way I look at it is, you really don't have anything physically wrong with you. I wish I I had the excellent physical health so many here have.
You know what the real illness is and you can get treatment and help. Heck, knowing that and having battled out of some depression with therapy and meds, I'd take that over the real physical issues my wife and I deal with any day.
Positive thoughts
Whenever I feel the anxiety nagging at me this pulls me out of it.
How do you do it Fishmanpa?? It truly is amazing how some people are in the worst of their physical being and they still manage to not let it get to them. Here I am thinking my increase in illnesses is a sign I'm going to die soon, yet stress can cause the same thing. But we anxiety sufferers make the worst of it. And there are millions of people who'd be better at deserving of our healthy bodies. So they can live their life's but here we are closed in because of our fears.
Mrs.Anxiety
27-06-17, 22:41
Yeap, I feel the same way. I know so many people my age who don't have a care in the world. Most of them don't even know about diseases, symptoms, etc. Whenever I meet new people, they ask me if I'm a doctor or nurse because I tend to go off about medical stuff if the topic comes up. :doh: I've learned to slowly accept that this is how I am, or at least how things will be most of the time. I don't regret worrying and knowing how much I know because I can't really change the past or live in it. I would say, change your mindset. Look at this as a positive way. Your friends and family will one day get older or gosh forbid, sick. You can be the person they turn towards, or at least someone they can lean in for support on feeling better (whether this is physical or mental). Also, if you feel alone and think you're the only one worrying or staying in on weekends, look at the rest of us! :hugs: You're truly never ever alone.
Truly positive thoughts and words from everyone thank you! It's nice to know i'm not alone in thinking it, i'm gonna try and do my best to reverse this mindset. And vikingbeast and budgie you're both very correct and very insightful i often forget i may look "Normal" at first glance too.
Thank you ever so much Mrs.Anxiety i didn't think of it that way, hopefully my horrible experiences can help someone out in the future with the knowledge i honestly could do without knowing about diseases :P And yeah! It's nice to know there are people i can turn to and talk to about it all!
nervousnelly52
28-06-17, 01:49
It gets so bad that sometimes I'll look at old people and be jealous of them because I think I'm going to die at a young age. I mean, it's ridiculous.
Whenever I feel the anxiety nagging at me this pulls me out of it.
How do you do it Fishmanpa?? It truly is amazing how some people are in the worst of their physical being and they still manage to not let it get to them. Here I am thinking my increase in illnesses is a sign I'm going to die soon, yet stress can cause the same thing. But we anxiety sufferers make the worst of it. And there are millions of people who'd be better at deserving of our healthy bodies. So they can live their life's but here we are closed in because of our fears.
Hypo... that's a good question.
I want to preface my answer that while I don't suffer from HA, I've dealt with some mild GAD (I call it "scanxiety") and depression due to my medical issues. I actually feel that I'm suffering a bit of PTSD from my wife's illness. There's a movie out called "Brain on Fire" that's based on the book by Susannah Cahalan. My wife had the same illness. I started to watch it and just couldn't do it as it brought up all the feelings and flashbacks to what happened to my wife. Words cannot describe the horror it was to see her go through this illness and the resulting damage it's caused. I will admit, the last few months have been some of the most challenging I've ever faced and I've really been struggling. That being said, I make sure I take time for me and work on the things I need to work on personally to keep myself strong both mentally and physically. I have a "chill pill" on hand that helps when things get a little overwhelming and they work thank goodness! I've attended a couple of meetings with a brain injury support group and it's helped in gaining perspective and emotional support. As I say often, you have to take steps to help yourself. Words alone are not enough. The forum is a great support to many but unfortunately it's a feeding trough of anxiety for far too many others.
When things have happened throughout my life, whether it was my own health issues and most recently my wife's, I just bucked up and dealt with it. When you're faced with real health issues or any kind of high stress life issue, what choice do you have? You have to deal with it. In doing so, you sort of go into auto-pilot mode, one foot in front of the other. It's not pleasant and it's extremely challenging but knowing that each step will bring you through to the other side is what keeps you going. Also, in doing so, you find an inner strength you didn't know you possessed. Drawing on the inner strength ends up making you stronger and more prepared when the inevitable something else comes along.
Also, having faced real life crisis and death situations, your perspective changes (at least mine did). The words in my signature say it all. I strive to live each day by it. Granted, some days I fail miserably and other days I struggle BUT... all in all, I do pretty well despite a setback here and there.
The key to all of this is doing whatever I can to maintain positive thoughts. The "Positive Thoughts" (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173453) thread is as much a benefit to me as it is to the many that read it. I've been practicing that for close to 20 years! It's a good habit and way to start your day. During my battles with the aforementioned illnesses, the key to getting through was to maintain a positive attitude. It's hard as hell sometimes and takes work but as they say, anything worth having......
One of the things I've learned here being part of this community is that uncertainty and lack of control is an underlying root of all the fears I read here. Acceptance is one of the key elements in healing and overcoming what seems to cripple so many. In life, there is so much that is out of our control. One thing we do have control over is out attitude and positive attitude is 90% of the battle.
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it." Charles Swindoll
Positive thoughts
Capercrohnj
28-06-17, 20:57
I feel this way but not because of my HA but because of my il physical health. I have crohn's disease and just had everything below my small intestine removed and a permanent ileostomy and can't help people watching and feeling jealous of others, especially older folks moving faster than I am. It does help to remind myself that many illnesses are invisible (mine is- I don't look sick) and you never know what someone has/is gone/going through by just looking at them.
Hypo... that's a good question.
I want to preface my answer that while I don't suffer from HA, I've dealt with some mild GAD (I call it "scanxiety") and depression due to my medical issues. I actually feel that I'm suffering a bit of PTSD from my wife's illness. There's a movie out called "Brain on Fire" that's based on the book by Susannah Cahalan. My wife had the same illness. I started to watch it and just couldn't do it as it brought up all the feelings and flashbacks to what happened to my wife. Words cannot describe the horror it was to see her go through this illness and the resulting damage it's caused. I will admit, the last few months have been some of the most challenging I've ever faced and I've really been struggling. That being said, I make sure I take time for me and work on the things I need to work on personally to keep myself strong both mentally and physically. I have a "chill pill" on hand that helps when things get a little overwhelming and they work thank goodness! I've attended a couple of meetings with a brain injury support group and it's helped in gaining perspective and emotional support. As I say often, you have to take steps to help yourself. Words alone are not enough. The forum is a great support to many but unfortunately it's a feeding trough of anxiety for far too many others.
When things have happened throughout my life, whether it was my own health issues and most recently my wife's, I just bucked up and dealt with it. When you're faced with real health issues or any kind of high stress life issue, what choice do you have? You have to deal with it. In doing so, you sort of go into auto-pilot mode, one foot in front of the other. It's not pleasant and it's extremely challenging but knowing that each step will bring you through to the other side is what keeps you going. Also, in doing so, you find an inner strength you didn't know you possessed. Drawing on the inner strength ends up making you stronger and more prepared when the inevitable something else comes along.
Also, having faced real life crisis and death situations, your perspective changes (at least mine did). The words in my signature say it all. I strive to live each day by it. Granted, some days I fail miserably and other days I struggle BUT... all in all, I do pretty well despite a setback here and there.
The key to all of this is doing whatever I can to maintain positive thoughts. The "Positive Thoughts" (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173453) thread is as much a benefit to me as it is to the many that read it. I've been practicing that for close to 20 years! It's a good habit and way to start your day. During my battles with the aforementioned illnesses, the key to getting through was to maintain a positive attitude. It's hard as hell sometimes and takes work but as they say, anything worth having......
One of the things I've learned here being part of this community is that uncertainty and lack of control is an underlying root of all the fears I read here. Acceptance is one of the key elements in healing and overcoming what seems to cripple so many. In life, there is so much that is out of our control. One thing we do have control over is out attitude and positive attitude is 90% of the battle.
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it." Charles Swindoll
Positive thoughts
I'm so sorry to hear that on top of your own health your wife is also going through her issues.
I can see it as you say that as soon as something does happen we can't help but just face the situation. I have heard of HA sufferers who went on to deal with real situations but since they "had thought they had been there before" say they always thought they cancer and once they actually did get a real diagnosis they felt like they were "desensitized" and were able to be in this sort of calm state of mind and then hit the situation head on.
The positive thinking, I just saw (in the form of a documentary) ironically the other day how much it can help. It wasn't say because of health anxiety but the person did say that a positive mind is a great part of your survival not just mentally but physically as well. She was a "death march" survivor and she said thinking about a positive future is what kept her walking. That her positive thinking kept her "warm" and she saw how the ladies around her that let their depressed state of mind overcome them did not make it. She went on to say a positive mind can get you through life's worst moments. And its great to read that it's also helped you out.
I can see it now how some of us including me are not really being proactive into taking the steps to get better. And we do have to kick ourselves in the right direction and remind ourselves it's for our own good. Get the meds we need or take initiative and look for the resources available in our cities/states of what's available for support.
I've had multiple multiple "health scares" these last two days. And this has grounded me. I mean I see it as a "sign" to be honest. To have two different sources mention the positivity benefits, and how there are people, especially kids, who go through real life things, and they are facing it head on.
I hope you and your wife do catch a break. It was really heartbreaking that you were thrown another curveball. Sending you guys lots of love and positive thoughts.
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