davidthegnome
11-05-07, 06:13
Hi all, it's been a while since my last post. I hope you're all doing well.
I've been avoiding coming to the forum for a while as I think I got too addicted to it. Now though, I'm really running out of ideas, I seem to be getting worse and worse instead of getting better, despite all I've been doing to improve myself.
I walk two miles a day most days, I rarely drink anything but water. I have an ok diet. My doctor just increased my zoloft from 100 MG to 150 MG and I'm taking lorazepam (aka ativan) every morning, and when I have panic attacks. But they won't go away, I've been having all of these nasty shaking fits too. Similar to a seizure, only I'm wide awake, I shake so hard that when it's over I'm drenched in sweat and severely hot.
Today, I was doing ok in the morning, didn't feel really panicky or anything. So I decided I'd go a day without taking the lorazepam, didn't feel I needed it and I've only been on low dose, .5 miligrams.
Then, around 12 in the afternoon, I got up to start cleaning. My room was a mess and so was the kitchen. So I got up and started doing dishes, putting things away, took out a couple garbage bags. As I was doing this, I started to shake uncontrollably, beginning with my legs. I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to let this disorder win, that I was going to clean the house anway, live my life and be successful no matter what this stuff throws at me.
I did all the dishes, got the kitchen clean, then moved on to cleaning my room. Suddenly I started repeating myself a lot and stuttering, "Gotta get the room clean, gotta get the room clean, gotta clean it, g-g-g-got-ta g-get it c-clan" Over and over again. I've never done that before, and it scared me out of my wits.
I did manage to finish cleaning, but once I did the shaking got even worse. I made it to the couch to lie down, and, shaking like mad, yelled for my mother. I took my medication out of my pocket to take a pill but couldn't stop my hands from shaking long enough to take one. After ten minutes or so, she got up and gave me my pill. The shaking eventually began to slow down. But I was so hot, so drenched in sweat that I actually went outside and jumped in the lake, even though it only unfroze a couple days ago.
This day has been awful for me, absolutely terrible. The days before haven't been all that pleasant either. Half the time I go through life feeling like a drone, like I have no real passion or emotion, numb and tired. When I go to sleep at night it feels like my breathing is too shallow or just not right. My heart seems to jump all over the place in my chest at night some times.
But today has been my worst day in months, I called my therapist and he said that it sounded a bit like OCD. I've never had OCD before or severely obsessive behavior, and I'm terrified. I'm scared out of my wits. Please, any help or advice is welcome, and will be greatly appreciated. I'm really unwell right now.
God bless you all
David
I've been avoiding coming to the forum for a while as I think I got too addicted to it. Now though, I'm really running out of ideas, I seem to be getting worse and worse instead of getting better, despite all I've been doing to improve myself.
I walk two miles a day most days, I rarely drink anything but water. I have an ok diet. My doctor just increased my zoloft from 100 MG to 150 MG and I'm taking lorazepam (aka ativan) every morning, and when I have panic attacks. But they won't go away, I've been having all of these nasty shaking fits too. Similar to a seizure, only I'm wide awake, I shake so hard that when it's over I'm drenched in sweat and severely hot.
Today, I was doing ok in the morning, didn't feel really panicky or anything. So I decided I'd go a day without taking the lorazepam, didn't feel I needed it and I've only been on low dose, .5 miligrams.
Then, around 12 in the afternoon, I got up to start cleaning. My room was a mess and so was the kitchen. So I got up and started doing dishes, putting things away, took out a couple garbage bags. As I was doing this, I started to shake uncontrollably, beginning with my legs. I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to let this disorder win, that I was going to clean the house anway, live my life and be successful no matter what this stuff throws at me.
I did all the dishes, got the kitchen clean, then moved on to cleaning my room. Suddenly I started repeating myself a lot and stuttering, "Gotta get the room clean, gotta get the room clean, gotta clean it, g-g-g-got-ta g-get it c-clan" Over and over again. I've never done that before, and it scared me out of my wits.
I did manage to finish cleaning, but once I did the shaking got even worse. I made it to the couch to lie down, and, shaking like mad, yelled for my mother. I took my medication out of my pocket to take a pill but couldn't stop my hands from shaking long enough to take one. After ten minutes or so, she got up and gave me my pill. The shaking eventually began to slow down. But I was so hot, so drenched in sweat that I actually went outside and jumped in the lake, even though it only unfroze a couple days ago.
This day has been awful for me, absolutely terrible. The days before haven't been all that pleasant either. Half the time I go through life feeling like a drone, like I have no real passion or emotion, numb and tired. When I go to sleep at night it feels like my breathing is too shallow or just not right. My heart seems to jump all over the place in my chest at night some times.
But today has been my worst day in months, I called my therapist and he said that it sounded a bit like OCD. I've never had OCD before or severely obsessive behavior, and I'm terrified. I'm scared out of my wits. Please, any help or advice is welcome, and will be greatly appreciated. I'm really unwell right now.
God bless you all
David