DragonStone
28-06-17, 11:57
Hi everyone! :) Apologies for the super long post but I need to do some serious venting before I interally combust!
Just a bit of background - I'm a 24 year old female with no history of any medical problems. Never been diagnosed with HA though I'm fairly sure I have it (wait, is that the HA talking?! such a vicious circle!). Have never expressed my worries to a Dr or Optician so never had any MRIs, blood tests etc as I am way too scared! My main worry is that I'm going to be told that I'm dying and there is nothing anyone can do about it! I don't actually think I'm that scared of death, I'm more concerned with who and what I'd be leaving behind.
Anyway, I know how ridiculous this is probably going to sound when written down but just bear with me and my (probable/hopefully!) HA!
I've been terrified that I have a brain tumour for probably going on 10 years now due to the right side of my head feeling 'full' and my scalp sometimes feeling tight/tingling. I remember experiencing frequent headaches in my early teens together with nausea in the mornings which amplified my worries. I rarely have headaches or nausea these days (and even if I do get a headache I realise its likely due to the 8 hours a day I spend on a computer with poor posture at work!) though the right side of my skull still feels overcrowded. I also feel I lack motivation and concentration though I may be reading into this too much. Symptoms/Illness 1 - check.
For at least 5 years I've noticed that my right pupil is regularly more dilated than my left. This was first pointed out by my ex-partner maybe 6(?) years ago who just made a passing comment about it. I know it's been at least 5 years since this as I've been with my current partner for that long. The pupil dilation difference is never by a massive massive amount but definitely noticeable to me and sometimes noticeable to my current partner if I point it out, to which they respond "ehh maybe slightly, but not much" :shrug: The same eye also feels as though it doesn't fit comfortably in the socket, it feels as though its bulging out slightly and I notice that if I look into the corner of my eyes, the right eyeball appears to be sitting further forward than the left. I remember telling my Mother about this bulging feeling and asking her to feel it to which she didn't express any concern about it - I think this must have been at least 5 or more years ago too. My right temple also feels 'spongier' than the left. Symptoms 2 - check.
When googling one-sided pupil dilation and bulging guess what it points to? You got it - brain tumour! So obviously this hasn't sat well with me at all.
My partner tells me that if it was anything serious I would have experienced more progressed symptoms by now and it would even be clear to people around me that something was wrong. I try to see their comments as the voice of reason, but then I tell myself that they're not a Dr and their medical advice can't be trusted.
Just to throw a bit more fuel on the fire - I'd say for maybe a year now, I've been experiencing a knot-like feeling at the top of my abdomen, slightly to the right hand side. You can feel a tough-ish, elongated bump (which my partner also agrees they can feel). I'm trying to tell myself it's the HA, or it's just an abdominal muscle or its my liver feeling a bit worse for wear after a few too many weekend drinks, but of course the HA is telling me that the brain cancer has now spread to my stomach because stupid me has left it so long and have really thrown myself to the dogs. Symptoms/Illness 3 - check.
Just to note, I have yearly eye tests as I am a contact lens wearer and have tried to pluck up the courage for the past 3 or 4 years to voice my worries. I'm due an Opticians appointment, which I am yet to book, and am currently feeling brave enough to ask them to check out my eye concerns. However, I know myself well enough to guess that I'll chicken out on the day and say nothing.
Can anybody offer me any advice or guidance? I'm willing to hear anything from anybody at the moment. My partner leaves for work a few hours before me and I've been spending those hours crying and wallowing in a pit of despair while Googling my symptoms. I keep trying to tell myself that enough is enough and that I need to tell somebody, get checks done and deal with whatever the consequences may be (whether they be sinister or not). But as I'm hoping some of you will agree, this is easier said than done.
If you're still reading this, thanks for sticking with me through this chaos! :hugs:
Just a bit of background - I'm a 24 year old female with no history of any medical problems. Never been diagnosed with HA though I'm fairly sure I have it (wait, is that the HA talking?! such a vicious circle!). Have never expressed my worries to a Dr or Optician so never had any MRIs, blood tests etc as I am way too scared! My main worry is that I'm going to be told that I'm dying and there is nothing anyone can do about it! I don't actually think I'm that scared of death, I'm more concerned with who and what I'd be leaving behind.
Anyway, I know how ridiculous this is probably going to sound when written down but just bear with me and my (probable/hopefully!) HA!
I've been terrified that I have a brain tumour for probably going on 10 years now due to the right side of my head feeling 'full' and my scalp sometimes feeling tight/tingling. I remember experiencing frequent headaches in my early teens together with nausea in the mornings which amplified my worries. I rarely have headaches or nausea these days (and even if I do get a headache I realise its likely due to the 8 hours a day I spend on a computer with poor posture at work!) though the right side of my skull still feels overcrowded. I also feel I lack motivation and concentration though I may be reading into this too much. Symptoms/Illness 1 - check.
For at least 5 years I've noticed that my right pupil is regularly more dilated than my left. This was first pointed out by my ex-partner maybe 6(?) years ago who just made a passing comment about it. I know it's been at least 5 years since this as I've been with my current partner for that long. The pupil dilation difference is never by a massive massive amount but definitely noticeable to me and sometimes noticeable to my current partner if I point it out, to which they respond "ehh maybe slightly, but not much" :shrug: The same eye also feels as though it doesn't fit comfortably in the socket, it feels as though its bulging out slightly and I notice that if I look into the corner of my eyes, the right eyeball appears to be sitting further forward than the left. I remember telling my Mother about this bulging feeling and asking her to feel it to which she didn't express any concern about it - I think this must have been at least 5 or more years ago too. My right temple also feels 'spongier' than the left. Symptoms 2 - check.
When googling one-sided pupil dilation and bulging guess what it points to? You got it - brain tumour! So obviously this hasn't sat well with me at all.
My partner tells me that if it was anything serious I would have experienced more progressed symptoms by now and it would even be clear to people around me that something was wrong. I try to see their comments as the voice of reason, but then I tell myself that they're not a Dr and their medical advice can't be trusted.
Just to throw a bit more fuel on the fire - I'd say for maybe a year now, I've been experiencing a knot-like feeling at the top of my abdomen, slightly to the right hand side. You can feel a tough-ish, elongated bump (which my partner also agrees they can feel). I'm trying to tell myself it's the HA, or it's just an abdominal muscle or its my liver feeling a bit worse for wear after a few too many weekend drinks, but of course the HA is telling me that the brain cancer has now spread to my stomach because stupid me has left it so long and have really thrown myself to the dogs. Symptoms/Illness 3 - check.
Just to note, I have yearly eye tests as I am a contact lens wearer and have tried to pluck up the courage for the past 3 or 4 years to voice my worries. I'm due an Opticians appointment, which I am yet to book, and am currently feeling brave enough to ask them to check out my eye concerns. However, I know myself well enough to guess that I'll chicken out on the day and say nothing.
Can anybody offer me any advice or guidance? I'm willing to hear anything from anybody at the moment. My partner leaves for work a few hours before me and I've been spending those hours crying and wallowing in a pit of despair while Googling my symptoms. I keep trying to tell myself that enough is enough and that I need to tell somebody, get checks done and deal with whatever the consequences may be (whether they be sinister or not). But as I'm hoping some of you will agree, this is easier said than done.
If you're still reading this, thanks for sticking with me through this chaos! :hugs: