Can I vent here?

[Modestaustin811]

Feeling pretty low at the moment, or the last few days, maybe actually the last few months.

I don't even really know where to begin.

I had had my anxiety/ and OCD pretty much at bay for about a year when shit started hitting the fan.

I was going through a very stressful postgrad, and I had my first panic attack in a very long time. Then my brain latched on to "it's back!" and it got very bad again. My girlfriend at the time couldn't deal with it and left me, then went and slept with a bunch of guys directly after us breaking up.

After the post grad I went back home for a month and looked for an internship in my field, and that process was grueling. I finally got hired by a great company, and started about 3 weeks ago, but it was around this time that my sleep became very erratic, and I was exhausted all the time.

I also started getting these feelings of butterflies in my stomach constantly, and I've become obsessed with the idea that I'm bipolar 2. This is now my biggest fear.

I can't stop researching depression, and bipolar 2. I'm comparing myself to people on forums, I'm reading, and rreading tons of stuff on the internet. I keep retaking depression quiz's online.

I would say i'm definitely depressed, but never suicidal. I love myself, I love my family, my friends. I just wish I could feel better, so I feel a little worn out. I'm scared I have this mental illness that will stop me from achieving my dreams. My biggest fear is having to move back in with my mom, and become a coach potato, where I'm constantly on my computer torturing myself.

Last night I went saw a movie with my friend, and I was feeling depressed before, but when I got in I was laughing, but the nervous feeling my stomach got so strong. I felt like I had a lot of energy, I thought for sure. This is a mixed episode.

I got home, and felt so anxious, I tried to sleep but I kept waking up so I took an ativan. I called in sick to work today, and I had 2 really big meetings, and I'm scared i'm not pulling my weight there.

I'm going back home for this long weekend tonight, have a therapist appointment also (not on any medication). I'm terrified I won't get back to that place where I was feeling good.

How I beat anxiety in the past was acceptance, acceptance that it was only anxiety causing my problems, but now I'm sure there's something else wrong with me. I'm about check my self into a psycheward.

I'm hurting a lot, and could use some help.

Thank you to anyone who read all of this.

[algorithm]

Hi Bro,
this statement "I'm scared I have this mental illness that will stop me from achieving my dreams" rushed me to reply .. i bet , we all share common symptoms , like the ones you have mentioned, and every time they hit, they feel as if its the first and we the what i call it "brain traffic" doesnt allow us even to think what shall be done.

back to the important point, "your dreams". Glad to see you are seeking help, and taking some meds to cope with this period isnt harmful for some time , and later you can rely on whatever non-medical approach that helped you before.

Good luck , i feel you and i dont want any to ditch their dreams for whatever reason.. i kinda kept on delaying it but i still have hope i can make it one day .

[danithegirl]

I promise you'll get through. I recently had a relapse when I found out some alarming news, and I raised my dose of citalopram, and am slowly but surely coming out of it. I've been through it before, and each time I've come out. It sucks, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I totally understand the frustration. It gets exhausting. The past few days I've woken up and just wanted to fall back into bed and sleep the day away; sleep this anxiety away. I recently started therapy, too, and while I know the first session wasn't going to resolve anything, I did have a moment of hope. Keep it up and you'll come out. Meanwhile, know you're not alone. That's helped me tremendously, knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way.

[Juggar]

I just wanted to say I resonate with a lot of what you are saying.

I'm in my mid 20's and I think one day everything just came crashing down and then the anxiety / anxiety attacks and eventual OCD started.

The last 7 months have been the worst of my life but I made I through when I was convinced I wouldn't sleep or that I would go crazy from this. None of that happened and none of it ever will. Yeah I've had rough nights/days but that's in the past.

I am still struggling to get out of this mental rut but trust me , you are not alone in this. Try it to dwell on the negative because you WILL get through this!