is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

[nok_tok]

Every morning I wake with a complete sense of dread, it’s so difficult to face the world and the challenges the day brings. Modern life is full of pressure, chaos, and busyness. Competitiveness. I feel so alone, so nervous, and so sick.

There’s always something going on, something to remember and sort out, my poor brain can’t cope, I can never get on top of my lists. I can’t face anything at the same time. Cant concentrate on one given task.

I feel sad that my kids are growing up and I panic for what the future holds, I worry about them immensely and don’t like the thought of them going out alone or with friends, I worry about their welfare

I find it easier to hide myself away and eat than to face the world. Eating is a comfort but it’s also making me feel more shit about myself as I look disgusting. I used to care and try and feel good about myself but I’m not strong enough and need something to take away the pain even if I have to face the consequences of being fat and disgusting

The anxiety feeling makes me feel suicidal which hurts even more cause I would not dare do it but the feelings are so intense its almost cruel.

I feel so paranoid, like people (neighbours) are talking about me and plotting against me, when I leave my house I feel like everyone’s watching me and what im doing. I hate it when the kids are loud outside; I hate drawing attention to myself

I really hate driving a car; school run twice a day is so stressful, busy traffic

I hate supermarkets, I cant cope, cant find anything I need. Get frustrated

Its no life being a complete state of worry and anxiety. I have no body to talk to and nobody to unload myself on to.

Im so fragile, I hate being to close to other people, although I love to hug my kids

Im not normal,

It must be great to wake up and feel happy, or even wake up and feel normal

I wish I could just stay in bed all day/hide away

i have tried every anti depressant, even spent years on them but they generally dont work or make me tired or erratic

feel like im wasting my life away because of this awful feeling.

i cant afford councelling, my gp's cant help me

[Lola-Lee]

Hello:hugs: You sound like I was a few years ago,the only difference is I don't have children. I did stay in bed all day I didn't like people,thought everyone was out to get me I stopped going out,thought I was ugly,when you get told for many years that you are you start to believe it, I too had thoughts on ending my life But for the wonderful people I had met at a women's shelter putting me into care I would not be here now.
It is hard when you are in the grip of depression and anxiety,everything bloody sucks,what you have to do is tell someone how you are feeling,do you have access to any services near you?maybe change your GP, I feel for you, I don't often reply on here but you touched me, it's like reading about my dark days.:hugs:

Lola.x.

[I Don't Get it!]

Hello noktok, I can really relate to some of your feelings. It's only 4 months ago that I felt I was at the end of my tether and couldn't go on much longer.

Like LolaLee, I don't have kids either but the rest of your post struck a chord with me. Why isn't your GP helping you to get counselling? Or have you already had all the counselling you can have and it didn't work for you?

I found a combination of CBT, self help books and a hypnosis/cbt mp3 recording has really made a big difference to how I feel. I don't exactly jump out of bed singing, but I'm having way fewer bad days and lots more good ones.

I believe there IS light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a question of finding something that works for you. We're all different and there must be something out there that can help you get back on the right path.

Have you read "Self Help for your Nerves" by Claire Weekes? For me, it was the first book that really described how I felt and gave me some hope that I could get back to my old self. When you're anxious and depressed it's easy to get stuck in the trap of feeling you're hopeless and won't ever get well - which just makes you feel even more anxious and depressed.

Until then I thought I was going mad and this would be my life forever. I hope you find the thing that will give you hope. You can get well :flowers:

[fishman65]

nok tok, you write so eloquently I had to reply to this. Yes there is light at the end of the tunnel, but times like you are going through now always suggest there isn't. I can hear both anxiety and depression talking through your voice and it is painful.

I Don't Get It and Lola-lee have spoken very wisely. I think websites like this are a good start, knowing there are others out there going through exactly the same kinds of situations and feelings. As a parent I can identify with school runs and our hopes and fears for our children, though mine are all grown up now and only my youngest lives at home. The eating is all too familiar, evenings are a time when I give in to the lure of junk food. I need to lose weight as a result, and there have been times I wished the excess weight would finish me off. But it does get better, even if you think right now that it never will.

Does your GP surgery not have their own counsellor? The book by Claire Weekes mentioned is indeed an excellent one. Try to hang in there and please know you are not alone :hugs:

[nok_tok]

Thanks thanks thanks so much for the replies. I really appeciate it. My gp had sent me to a wellbeing group but they didnt understand me too well. They were asking me to look into a mirror and say loudly ' everyday i will do better' i felt really uncomfortable with it all but i wanted proper councling but they said i couldnt get ut in the Nhs

I think i need to get the a root cause and understand my triggers. I would like to look into some self help books.. deep down i know its all just a menral condition and things can be great but when the feelings are here is just all too real and i tend to ride with them than against them . Xxx