Post Natal Health Anxiety

[samina77]

Hello everyone,

I've been on here for a couple of weeks and reading this forum has helped.
I really want to share my health anxiety worries and ask for anyone who's experienced anything similar...

Apologies in advance for the long post :scared15:

I had a baby about 5 months ago. When I was discharged from hospital they said some placenta was still in my uterus and they randomly found a polyp in my bladder. I had been a pillar of strength and zen during pregnancy, well lost that in less than 5 minutes. I went home happy with my baby but completely terrified about my health. Every time I looked at my son all I could thing was that I was dying and wouldn't get to see him grow up...

Fast forward... I had the polyp removed 3 months ago, it was confirmed as a rare papilloma, benign with low malignant potential, now I have to have regular check ups (next one is in 2 days time and am freaking out a bit...). The placenta thank goodness was absorbed / expelled. The only problem now is every little thing I feel with my body, I convince myself I have some terrible disease. I spent the last 3-4 months using Dr Google EVERY DAY... I have managed to stop doing this (although I have done it a couple of times since) and I definitely feel better for not doing it but I feel like I'm living on the edge all the time, I long to be able to just relax and not think about being ill.

I had another blow in that my grandfather passed away about a month ago. My HA went through the roof as I saw him just before he died, he had cancer and it freaked the hell out of me. I had a couple of panic attacks, one time in front of my parents.

I am seeing a psychologist now and have bought a CBT book... I am definitely better than I was a couple of months ago but still not ok.

I have some "ongoing" little niggles that freak me out quite a lot... I get intermittent weird sensations in my left abdomen, sometimes between my belly button and pelvic bone and sometimes lower down. I wouldn't say it was "pain" as such but it's there... I have seen my GP and she says my stomach feels fine??? She thinks it's just my body going back to normal after the birth...? Has anyone had anything similar?

The other thing is occasional blood in the stool, I have had IBS and hemorrhoids for years and occasionally saw a spot of blood on the TP but since giving birth I have found blood kind of mixed in when I wipe (so sorry if that's TMI). I went to the GP and she prescribed me a cream, I saw nothing for about a month or so, then on SUnday morning, bam, again. Freaked out big time. I'm going to see a proctologist in early August so I know I'm doing the right thing but I am so afraid even though reading loads of posts about the same thing on here have calmed me down a bit.

Apologies again for the long post, anxiety can be such a lonely place, I'd be very grateful for any feedback or similar stories.

S :blush:

[claireypoo]

Hi there :)

It sounds like you've had so much to deal with (hugs) but are on the right path x

IBS is horrible, isn't it? I'm going through a similar thing at the moment and if you feel like a chat any time you're most welcome.

X


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[Melonpony]

I am very sure that birth causes health anxiety in MANY of us. It's the combo of hormones going crazy, lots of weirdo body changes bc of pregnancy and then birth, and then the becoming responsible for a baby life. And wanting to stay alive and healthy for your child.

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---------- Post added 06-07-17 at 02:00 ---------- Previous post was 05-07-17 at 23:48 ----------

For example, for me, I've always had low level anxiety (generalized, pervasive) that crossed into health anxiety pretty frequently, but I could easily talk myself down or find a way to resolve my fears. Now that I have young children, my fears almost Immediately jump to images of whatever ailment I have leading directly to death, thus making my desire to raise my kids, have them have a mom, and see them into adulthood END. It's scary as hell, and at least for me, having children has caused my minor health anxiety to grow in monstrous proportions, causing both physical and mental symptoms.

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[Leah88]

My anxiety is pretty bad after giving birth 10 weeks ago.. tiredness makes rational thinking hard!!

[ktdid2000]

I had totally awesome normal healthy pregnancies with both my boys and totally awful deliveries and postpartum experiences with both. :(

I got an infection during delivery both times, which led to extra days in the hospital and 3 types of IV antibiotics for all of us. With my first I got really bad constipation from the pitocin they gave me which led to all kinds of problems and an anal fissure (OUCH). It's good that you're getting checked out by a protocolgist, they can check for that. I had serious problems going #2 with bright red blood. It was not pretty.

My second I had some type of retained infection or something which led to a weird discharge for months after delivery. They finally did a hysteroscopy on the uterus and found lots of random junk in there. Needed a D&C and more antibiotics for that one but it was easy to take care of I guess. Back to normal after that. Doctor was amazed that my body roped off the infection and I never went septic. She said I have an immune system of steel, lol. ::sigh::

Anyway - I think it's totally normal to have HA pretty much any time you have a serious life event (like giving birth!). It's a super stressful time of life and of course you get worried about any and every thing because you want to be there for that baby!

The thing that helps me is to try to be proactive about my health and just make sure I take care of myself along with my kids. Then at least I know I'm trying my best to prevent anything from happening, and if something does happen I can't blame myself, it was just one of those things that couldn't be helped.

[samina77]

Thank you all so much for your replies, I wish I had found this forum when I was really bad just after my little one was born but better late then never :D

Thanks Clareypoo, I may just do that, IBS is just awful, it seems to change as well? When I was in my 20's it was all IBS-D, then in the last few years I have been IBS-C and now it's just all a big mess if I'm honest, it seems to go from one to the other? I'd love to have a proper chat and compare!

Thanks Melonpony, that is EXACTLY what I was/am going through, exactly those thoughts. My husband doesn't really get it, he gets angry with me when I vocalise those thoughts, not because he doesn't care but he's such a together person - mentally - that I think he finds it quite hard to understand... How did you get through it? Any advice?

Hi Leah, I'm sorry to hear that and I can safely tell you that you are not alone, please feel free to message me whenever. It will get easier. I didn't realise what a big part hormones play in all of this too and if you're only 10 weeks pp then you still have tons of those flying around, not to mention lack of sleep I'm sure!

I was very lucky because already from about 5-6 weeks he was sleeping from 10-11pm through to about 4am so this was a godsend! I can't imagine how I would have been if he was waking every 2 hours!

Thanks for your kinds words ktdid, you sound like a supermum! Very inspiring. That's what I'm trying to do, be as healthy as possible, what more can we do?

I'm trying to stay calm today as tomorrow I go for my 3-month post operation check -- a cystoscopy - camera up your wee wee basically (!!) so fingers crossed everything will be ok...

Big love to all of you and thank you so much for replying, it means a lot and so good to feel supported especially hearing people who have felt similar. All I seem to see are these mums who are just so together, I feel like an emotional mess lol!

Sxxx

[ktdid2000]

ANY mom who seems to have it all together probably doesn't! ;)

[samina77]

Good point ktdid!

So I went to my 3 month check today and my bladder is clear! Hooray!

Now my next check up will be in 6 months time. THis is obviously good news but guess what? Now I'm stressing again because this time they said in addition to the urine test and the cystoscopy, I should also do a scan on my abdomen. At the time when the doctor gave me all the test stuff, I wasn't really thinking, was just so happy that everything is clear. Then stupid head kicks in and starts asking... why do I have to do the scan next time? Do they think there might be something else somewhere else?

Unbelievable, why can't I just be happy that this is a good result?! Grrrrrrrrrr!

[AnxiousJen]

Hi
Post natal anxiety is very common. I have suffered with GAD for over 13 years, on and off, have taken medication and there has been times when meds not needed.
Anyway, 5 months ago I gave birth. Whilst pregnant my BP was slightly high 140/90 so I was put on medication. My anxiety hit the roof. I was petrified I would get pre-eclampsia and die. Then I managed to convince myself I would die during childbirth...I onviously didnt but then convinced myself I would have post partum heameorrage. Again I didnt but I could not leave the house. I was so scared that I would faint or drop down dead! It was an awful time. Fast forward 5 months and I am still suffering health anxiety. I had a smear and convinced myself I had cervical cancer. It came back clear. So now I am back to anxieties old fave...heart problems! Im constantly aware of heartbeat and palpitations etc and think I will die and not be here for my 3 kids. Im petrified! Im scared to take meds as I am scared of the side affects whilst looking after a 5 month old....its never ending! x