If I worry about it, it won't happen...

[Dubmom]

Hi everyone. I was an Anxiety Zone lurker and found my way here. I'm in such an odd place and get so exhausted by cycling in and out of it. I have diagnosed OCD and HA. I have tried medications, I've tried therapy, I've tried distractions, and none of it ever seems to last. My last therapist had the mentality that if you constantly worry about something (disease) you will "speak it into reality". But, I have adopted the opposite.
You hear so many stories about people going in to the doctor for something seemingly minute and finding out its something horrible. Somehow my brain has decided that if I DONT worry about it, then it will be something terrible. Like I I feel like I have to worry. It's like worrying is what keeps me from actually having whatever disease I'm fixated on that day.
I know that this is a part of the OCD. I tend to be mostly Pure O but worrying seems to be a compulsion.
Not looking for "answers", just needed to get this out to someone who may understand. I don't have anyone in my life who understands and that makes it so hard sometimes. Thanks for listening.

[swajj]

The thing is if you didn't worry about it the outcome would have been the same. If you don't have whatever illness you fear you don't have it regardless. So all you are doing really is torturing yourself for no reason. I remember my husband saying to me that he hated how much I worried about having one illness or another because he was scared that I might bring something on. Maybe try combating your compulsion with those sorts of thoughts.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sounds like some Magical Thinking in your OCD to me. Do you other compulsions you feel you must do "just in case" to prevent something bad happening?

Your therapist believed that worrying had the power to create illness? Is that what you mean?

[AntsyVee]

I think many of us with anxiety feel this way. I know I've dealt with it with my PTSD. If I don't worry about my husband coming home safe, and calling to check on him, then something bad will happen to him, for example. Dealing with the uncertainties of life is hard for anyone, but especially for those of us with anxiety. All you can really do is use your best judgement when making decisions and think positive thoughts (or those of us who are religious, say a prayer), and move on. There is no way to control the universe or even our small part of it, as scary as that sounds.

[nervousnelly52]

Exactly this! I always feel like I'd rather be surprised than disappointed, so I worry to prepare myself for the "worst case scenario". But this is in reality actually harmful I think!

[Dubmom]

Thanks guys. I try to remind myself that it's not real and that just because my brain tells me something, doesn't mean that it's true. I try to remain rational and focus on the here and now. But it's so hard some days!

I know that regardless of whether I worry about it or not, what is meant to be...will be. I try to remind myself that I can't control anything about this except the way that I respond to my thoughts.

Just in the last 2 weeks, I have cycled through at least 5 diseases. True, utter, sheer panic over these "illnesses". As I said before, I don't have anyone in my life that understands. The only person that knows my struggles with OCD/HA is my husband, and bless him, he doesn't understand. He tries to help and I do talk to him when I get to the point that I feel like I'm losing control, but it's not the same as talking with someone who truly gets what I'm trying to say. I just put on a smile and fake my way through every day of my life and it's exhausting. Sometimes I just feel like my brain is exhausting.

Thanks again for being a sounding board you guys. <3

[samina77]

Hi Dubmom,

I know exactly what you mean, I do it too and you're definitely not alone. We know that rationally, how we think about something cannot affect its outcome but for those of us who have held on to "magical thinking" (it's something that kids usually do and my psychologist explained that some people - ME - carry it through to adulthood). I used to do it with my fear of flying too, it was part of my "ritual", I had to be scared in order to protect myself. I used to wear the same clothes every time I flew too. I have started doing this when I go for my check ups now.. I have to break the habit.

The other day, my brother - who is brilliant at all this - said, you have to "challenge" that thinking to help you break it. I.e. try not thinking the worse case scenario and see what happens. Easier said than done I know but that's the path to recovery.

Stay strong, we can do this! xx

[maianixon]

I can really relate to this. I've not been diagnosed with OCD, just anxiety but I get the same. I think if i stop thinking about it it will happen. When I try to distract myself or manage to do it for a short bit I get overwhelmed with guilt that I let myself stop thinking/ forget about it for a moment, I need to always be on the look out for it.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it gets better xx

[nicole97]

I know how you feel. I remember a friend of mine would interview for jobs, but she would never say where until she got the job. She felt like she was jinxing herself if she said before she was hired. I kind of feel that way something, that if I don't completely panic and get all paranoid, then it will be bad. Like nervous said, would rather be surprised. I personally am a super moley person and I've had a few come back kind of questionable. Now I go to the derm every couple months for checks and they remove something every time I go. I have calmed down on that. I still get nervous toward the end of the week I have to wait for biopsy, but I'm not nearly the spaz I used to be.

[Dubmom]

I personally am a super moley person and I've had a few come back kind of questionable. Now I go to the derm every couple months for checks and they remove something every time I go. I have calmed down on that. I still get nervous toward the end of the week I have to wait for biopsy, but I'm not nearly the spaz I used to be.

I have a lot of moles too. And funny thing is, they NEVER used to bother me. I would keep an eye on them but never went to the derm. One day, I decided they bothered me and struggle with them every day. Most days I can't even look at them. I went and had a full body check and shockingly, they didn't take any of them for biopsy. I was surprised and have struggled with trusting the doctor. But I'm trying really hard to trust. I keep an eye out for changes.

[meant2live]

You sound just like me.

[nervousnelly52]

I once spoke with an oncologist who was very frustrated with dermatologists. He basically said that melanoma is a rare cancer, certainly much rarer than breast/lung/prostate/colon, but you'd never know that listening to dermatologists. But dermatologists came along at some point and made everyone, especially young white people, very scared of melanoma, "because skin biopsies make them a lot of money". It's like making everyone very scared of plane crashes when in reality car crashes are much more likely to kill you.

That's what he said, anyway. I'm not sure I agree because I keep going to dermatologists to get moles removed, but that's anxiety for you!

[Dubmom]

I once spoke with an oncologist who was very frustrated with dermatologists. He basically said that melanoma is a rare cancer, certainly much rarer than breast/lung/prostate/colon, but you'd never know that listening to dermatologists. But dermatologists came along at some point and made everyone, especially young white people, very scared of melanoma, "because skin biopsies make them a lot of money". It's like making everyone very scared of plane crashes when in reality car crashes are much more likely to kill you.

That's what he said, anyway. I'm not sure I agree because I keep going to dermatologists to get moles removed, but that's anxiety for you!

This makes a lot of sense. It seems like so many doctors offices these days are more of a business. It's saddening.