Advice

[mypanichelp]

Hi friends,

I suffer from panic disorder/social phobia.

I am trying to search solution for a problem where I feel paniced when friends call me to their home, or me and my wife have to invite friends over to our house. Also the panic increases and I feel lot of pressure pressure when there are party games like Dumb charades, Pass the Parcel where you are doing some thing and people watching you do it. Because of this, I usually avoid parties in which there are friends who like playing these games. Or I get out of there before game starts giving some reason (work/sleep etc). There is at least one get-together of some sub-group of my friends every week. So this is a big issue I have to face every week.

The solution I am considering is to tell my friends that I have anxiety problem (there are around 40 friends). This way I will feel safer that they know and I can go to the parties and be myself and say NO to those games.

I have been considering this since a long time but I am afraid about following
1 The news never stays inside group. It will reach my relatives, distant friends and worst is people at work. Currently I am handling anxiety problem at work quite well.
2 This seriousy brings down the reputation I have in the group
3 Gossip stuff, people making fun of me etc etc

Has anyone ever tried telling about your panic attack/anxiety problem to your friends? What is the experience? Does it do any good or just freak people out and makes yourself feel lower than before?

Thanks

[tara]

Hi, I'm Tara i'm 30 and suffer with anxiety/panic.

From my personal experience my friends and work mates took my disorder really well. When I told them I was suprised to find out that members of their family/other friends also had it too.

I started a new job 4 weeks ago in my sons school and i dropped it into a conversation and was again suprised to find out that one of the dinner ladies also and bad anxiety and also took the same medication a me.

I take the opinion that we are special people to deal with life and our disorder and all the greif that life and our disorder brings with it!

Be proud that you are special, and i'm sure that if your friends are true friends they'll see you special too. It'll sort out the good ones from the bad ones !

Hope this helps Tara x

[vernon]

hi. I dont think its a good idea to tell your friends just becouse you dont want to do any of the games, Its very hard but you should try to take part in these games, If you dont you will start avaiding more and more than in the end you will be avoiding everything. i have suffered for 40 years on and off and used Alcohole for a long time so I could avoid things, but now realise I have been doing wrong all these years. I gave up the drink 12 months ago and at first it was so hard to accept and not avaoid things. But know I am starting to do more without using drink to hide behind. I would say try to relax and learn relaxation skills and dont avoid. take care Vernon

[loz04]

i know how you feel about wanting to tell friends about it and that it will make you feel better, and in my experience, it's worked and ive acutally felt more confident. to be honest, as sad as it sounds, i only begin to feel relaxed around people when i know they know about my panic attacks and phobia because if i need to leave i know i can without having to make excuses and can be honest. the people i have told have been incredibly supported all my life. the only time i picked on becoz of it was at primary skool, coz i used 2 run out of skool after my mum crying a lot so ppl used to point and stare. but most people will try to help where they can. i suppose it must freak them outt a little if they've never come across it before, but once you tell them about it, it will also be a learning experience for them too.
you may find that by telling them about your problem, that you might feel comfortable enough to play those games with them and pressure may disappear as you know u can stop at any time.
good luck with it if you tell your friends!
don't be ashamed of your problem, it's something you need support with so your true friends will stand by you!

Loz.
x

[davebrum]

firstly can i say it was nice to talk to you in chat - shame about bush hey?
i have suffered from anxiety and social disorder for 8 years - avoiding situations has led to me becoming agrophobic so what im doing now is trying to comfront all situations that make me feel like shutting myself away both mentally and phsyicaly - if i dont do it first time i go back and try again until i have some handle on it. avoidance is the bigeest problem with all of us that suffer from anxiety related illness's - its that old flight or fight. it took me years to admit to myself let alone anyone else that i had problems but i find life is much easier now that im open about my condition - if people dont like it or are scared of mental illness i say "stuff you" there are billions of people in the world and they dont all think like you. i still get paranoid at times but what i say to myself is its just a human emotion/way of thinking everyone in the world feels at some time what we feel we just feel it a bit more often or abit more severly. hope i have helped
xx david

[twister]

I agree with Vernon. Don't tell people so that you can avoid party games, tell them so that you don't feel under so much pressure and then try and join in.

Good friends should be supportive -if you feel they are going to laugh at you then hey why are they your friends anyway!? If anyone does react badly, which in my experience they haven't to me - then just accept that they are ignorant and ignore it.

I always tell everyone and as people have said you will be surprised at how many people will then open up to you.

Be brave!


Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

[Karen]

Hi

I also have social phobia and have avoided people and socialising for a number of years, leading to my problems becoming so difficult that I haven't been able to speak to people at all, apart from a very close friend and some members of my family. I haven't even been able to answer my own phone at home until the last week or so.

I only really have one close friend that I see and she has known about my problems since we were at school together. I think telling a few friends you feel comfortable with might be a good start, and I do think people generally react well, although not everyone does but that is their problem and not yours. You don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to.

I had a situation a few months ago where my friend has holding a small get together of some of her friends and invited me to go along. I had met a couple of them once or twice but didn't really know any of them that well. I almost didn't go, but forced myself to in the end. I hardly spoke a word all evening, and had to leave the room at one point due to a panic attack, but returned again once I had calmed down.

They also started playing the dreaded party games and I didn't feel comfortable enough to take part. Like you, I can't handle people watching me doing something (it was Pictionary in this case). I had a quiet word with my friend and stayed but didn't take part. At one time I would've avoided going in the first place, and then left when it got too difficult.

I agree with what the others have said about avoiding situations because it is doing just that which has led to the very isolated life I live now, and it is hard work trying to come back from that. I also know how difficult it is feeling so panicked by these social situations. I would say that trying to start facing the things you avoid by taking small steps at a time is the way forward. It is what I am doing with the help of everyone here.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[seh1980]

hello there,

I have told all my friends and family about my anxiety and panic attacks and they have all handled it very well. Everyone has been very understanding and sympathetic. If you tell them, I'm sure that you will feel better in the long run as you will no longer feel pressured into doing things and no one will expect anything of you.

Sarah :D

[nomorepanic]

I used to hide it from people - especially at work - but most know now and their attitude varies.

Some (mainly the women) are very sympathetic but some of the men just take the p**s and aren't understanding atall.

I can't change how I am, however, so I just accept that some people don't understand and never will. They are the ones that I want to suffer just one panic attack and then they would be more sympathetic!!

I can't do some things cos of various phobias of travelling (taxis, trains, buses) so people have to just accept me as I am or lump it!

You have to decide whether to tell people or just keep making excuses.

The better alternative would be to try and join in and face your fear that way, however hard it is. You never know, you may get to enjoy it in time.

Nicola

[jill]

Hi
What can I say? everyone has said it all.

I would tell my friends, then you can still go to your
partys and face your fears, If they are your friends they
will try and understand. It's better to face your fears with
your friends knowing what you suffer with, than trying to
face them alone.
By telling people myself I was supprised just how many
people suffer with the same thing.


TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX


Do it trembling if you must, but do it!

[Sue]

Its difficult. I have told some people but not everyone. Again, some have been very sympathetic, others look at me as though I have just landed from Mars!

The main problem I find is how to explain it without sounding like a complete idiot!!

Could you try explaining to a few very close friends first and see how that goes?

Good luck whatever you decide.

Sue

[mypanichelp]

Thanks Y'all for the replies.

I havent taken any decision but with a big get-together coming, I might disclose my condition to my friends.

I am already feeling panicky imagining myself telling this to the friends, explain my sitution, then they will ask questions which I will have to answer, they will show concern whenever we meet afterwards "how is your condition?"..... Hmm.. I am having double thoughts whether to tell them :)

Lately I dont avoid the get-togethers, parties. I go to all of them. Actually I have been managing to talk and participate in discussions. Its not easy though :-). I have also participated in those games. Thing is I used to real good in those games, so friends expect me to be good, I also expect myself to be good but just that I cant participate as good as I used to be because of the anxiety.

Also at times friends notice me being panicked and say "Why is your hand shaking?", "Are you all-right?", "He is already looking so tense" etc etc. I tell I am exhausted/sleepy. I just HATE lies. Thats why I am considering telling the condition to my friends.

Basically the fear feeds on the memories of these situations. Bad party experiences, people in-front of whom I had panicked, people who had noticed me in panicked state. Whenever similar situation arises or I am with those people, I start feeling panicked. Also if there is a party planned ahead, it just ruins my days altogether looking forward to it. In the get-together coming, I know few guys will ask me to dance. Because some other guys know from past that I dance well. But no-way I can dance now in front of all these people. I dont know how to avoid it. Guess I will keep saying NO and feeling panicked inside. What a dreadly situation even to imagine...

The only person in the world with whom I dont feel panick is my wife and my best friend (who lives far from here). Maybe just because I can be myself in front of them.

Anyway.. Sorry for a long reply which doesnt lead anywhere :-(.

I guess I just feel relieved to put stuff out there so someone can comment :)

Thanks

[vernon]

very true, I have been comming here for about a year now but never posted much untill recently. I mainly just go to the chatroom. but have been posting my fears and feelings latley and do feel much better for it. and then get another boost when i get replys and find so many here understand. thank you all very much Vernon

[Meg]

**Basically the fear feeds on the memories of these situations**

Absolutely correct . Thats how most agoraphobia progresses.

You may want to try building good experiences and then anchoring those and using them as recent reference points rather than the upsetting ones. Yes it is possiblke and it does work .
Journalling everything about a good incident helps to anchor it.



Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.