Health Anxiety Dad
07-07-17, 10:51
So where to begin... I've always had a small amount of health anxiety, but never severe until I became a father. I'm not afraid of death, I reconciled myself to the idea of an early death when I joined the Army. No factor. When I became a Dad, however, everything changed.
I still don't fear death: I fear my child watching me suffer and die. She is too young to understand the suffering that is the price of life on this plane of existence. If she was a teen or a 20-something, I could handle it. She would understand and we could have adult conversations about it all. But as a young child, the thought of her watching me dying from disease absolutely crushes me with anxiety, to the point of me being in tears spontaneously and having trouble enjoying my time with her. I've even begun making videos of me for her to watch when she gets older, should my health concerns become reality. All of the above has begun to negatively affect my marriage as well.
I have a number of symptoms of Pancreatic Cancer. I'm a late 30s male, who has never smoked. I've had IBS for about 12 years now and had H. Pylori 3 years ago. I'm not super fit, but before these symtoms hit me I could run 5km in 30 mins. Hardly the stuff of legend, but I'm pretty active nonetheless.
My symptoms:
29 JUN 17 Dull, crampy abdominal pain.
30 JUN 17 Burning abdominal pain.
02 JULY 17 Pain in back.
06 JULY 17 Frequent urination and itching.
All pain persistent.
Loss of appetite throughout.
Occasional mucus + floating stools.
July 4th my wife sent me to the Emergency Room at the hospital complaining of 6 days of persistent abdominal pain. The ER Doctor took a CBC, urine sample and performed an abdominal ultrasound. He stated that he thinks I have gastritis and gave me some meds until my GP appt on the 7th. The meds reduce the burning in my abdomen for about 8 hrs, but the cramping and back pain remain. He specifically mentioned that the blood work would check my pancreas (I never mentioned my fear, just my symptoms) and I hope he looked at it with the US, but he made no mention of it. I've been obsessively checking my eyes and stool ever since.
I'm going to ask my GP for a H. Pylori test, Liver Function Test and Diabetes Test and a same day ultrasound specifically for my pancreas. I'm going to ask for a CT of my pancreas too, and am willing to pay the 1000ish $ for a private one to avoid the brutally slow Canadian medical system. It's free, but slow. Needless to say my wife was livid at the idea of paying a grand for a CT.
I'm just curious as to people's thoughts on my situation, and if my symptoms could at all be caused by anxiety. I'm scared senseless right now. Military training by its very nature trained me to always prepare for the worst and have several contingency plans. This has come back to bite me in a sense, it seems. I'm curious if this vast and resourceful community has seen or read anything like my situation or symptoms and, while I know medical advice cannot be given, I'm open to generalized advice from the community.
Thank you.
I still don't fear death: I fear my child watching me suffer and die. She is too young to understand the suffering that is the price of life on this plane of existence. If she was a teen or a 20-something, I could handle it. She would understand and we could have adult conversations about it all. But as a young child, the thought of her watching me dying from disease absolutely crushes me with anxiety, to the point of me being in tears spontaneously and having trouble enjoying my time with her. I've even begun making videos of me for her to watch when she gets older, should my health concerns become reality. All of the above has begun to negatively affect my marriage as well.
I have a number of symptoms of Pancreatic Cancer. I'm a late 30s male, who has never smoked. I've had IBS for about 12 years now and had H. Pylori 3 years ago. I'm not super fit, but before these symtoms hit me I could run 5km in 30 mins. Hardly the stuff of legend, but I'm pretty active nonetheless.
My symptoms:
29 JUN 17 Dull, crampy abdominal pain.
30 JUN 17 Burning abdominal pain.
02 JULY 17 Pain in back.
06 JULY 17 Frequent urination and itching.
All pain persistent.
Loss of appetite throughout.
Occasional mucus + floating stools.
July 4th my wife sent me to the Emergency Room at the hospital complaining of 6 days of persistent abdominal pain. The ER Doctor took a CBC, urine sample and performed an abdominal ultrasound. He stated that he thinks I have gastritis and gave me some meds until my GP appt on the 7th. The meds reduce the burning in my abdomen for about 8 hrs, but the cramping and back pain remain. He specifically mentioned that the blood work would check my pancreas (I never mentioned my fear, just my symptoms) and I hope he looked at it with the US, but he made no mention of it. I've been obsessively checking my eyes and stool ever since.
I'm going to ask my GP for a H. Pylori test, Liver Function Test and Diabetes Test and a same day ultrasound specifically for my pancreas. I'm going to ask for a CT of my pancreas too, and am willing to pay the 1000ish $ for a private one to avoid the brutally slow Canadian medical system. It's free, but slow. Needless to say my wife was livid at the idea of paying a grand for a CT.
I'm just curious as to people's thoughts on my situation, and if my symptoms could at all be caused by anxiety. I'm scared senseless right now. Military training by its very nature trained me to always prepare for the worst and have several contingency plans. This has come back to bite me in a sense, it seems. I'm curious if this vast and resourceful community has seen or read anything like my situation or symptoms and, while I know medical advice cannot be given, I'm open to generalized advice from the community.
Thank you.