All the cancers

[no-chill]

I've been told since age 10 that I need to 'watch out' for cancer. Whatever the hell is a 10 year old is supposed to do with that advice?
My father is one of 7 children. 3 have had cancer, and both of their parents died from it. So I need to watch out.
30 years into my chain smoking, bacon eating life, I found a lump in my breast. I figured I should probably get that looked at. Doctor Inappropriate Grabby said it was probably nothing, but it should be investigated further.

And that's when my logical brain turned into a dumpster fire.

Diarrhea is colon cancer (not stress induced IBS.)
Rough spot on gums is cancer (bit into something hot. Dentist literally laughed at me when I made her check. Twice.)
Face rash is cancer (it just happened to appear directly after waxing.)
And, of course, EVERY sensation in either breast is cancer (even though I just had a biopsy, and a mammogram, and a CBC.)

And I don't get the panic attacks that I've heard described. I get cold fear. I get the feeling you get when you almost fell down the stairs, or when a giant dog growls at you. The blood rushes out of my face, my throat tightens a bit, my heart palpitates a little. It's a jolt of adrenaline packed fear that lasts a few seconds at a time. And depending on the day, I get a few jolts, or a hundred.

So...... any advice? :scared15:

[jaynespain3105]

Hi there

I 100% relate to your feelings. I am exactly the same. I think mine was born of 2/3 health 'scares' a decade or so ago (breast lump, abnormal smears, suspect mole that was removed and biopsied). In all cases turned out to be nothing, but you're told to 'keep an eye out' for anything changing and I think that, coupled with being in a state of high stress in work over the same period of time, caused health anxiety to take a hold on me.

Have you seen a therapist? My personal experience is that really committing to CBT is the way to go. When I really work on it I can get on top of it. When I get lazy with the CBT then I can find myself going through very anxious periods indeed.

I have a very good book that also helps me a lot. I revisit it at times of need. It's called Overcoming Health Anxiety By Rob Willson and David Veale. That covers a lot of the CBT techniques I've worked through with therapists.

For me, the other things that have helped (bare in mind I am by no means cured) are to stay really physically busy - especially out of the house and with other people - which seems to stop me giving my negative and anxious thoughts the time of day, and trying to break the cycle of 'reassurance seeking' by banning myself from Google and constantly checking. To do that I follow an exercise called 'Delay Distract Decide' where I have the urge to 'check' something (Googling is the main one, or examining my body), I have a time (30 minutes) in which I recognise that urge, delay it for 30 minutes, which I use to do something that will truly distract me, breathe, stay calm, and then after that 30 minutes are up I 'decide' if I still have the urge. If I do, I delay and distract again. etc. The less I give in to these 'urges' the less power I give my thoughts and the lesser my anxiety gets.

Sometimes I throw all of this out the window. Notice something. Have a panic attack. Get back on Google. Check constantly. etc. But these are getting less. And I am getting better at recognising that it is anxiety. And also learning to separate out my actual health from my anxious thoughts which is what I find the hardest (hence I posted the other day asking how people decide when to see a doctor!)

I am not sure if that's at all helpful but just a few ideas from my own experiences.

[no-chill]

Thanks for responding. I called my insurance company, and found out that they will not cover anything related to mental health until my deductible is met (over $7000). :(
I have read about CBT, and I definitely want to try it. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to see a therapist or a psychiatrist. If I'm going to pay it all out of pocket, I want to make sure I pick a good one.
I tend not to self-examine or google. I have the type of health anxiety that makes me terrified to get bad news, so I attempt to ignore every thing (which, of course, allows it to grow and become overwhelming.)
I was given 10 ativan 2mg when I had a breast biopsy done last year. I only took a few waiting for the results. I have been taking very small doses this week, because it's been especially bad. I have one and a quarter left.
I'll admit I've also tried benedryl and rum. Rum has been the most effective so far. Unfortunately, I feel it's not a good long-term fix. I guess I'm terrified about what happens in a few days when I don't have the ativan, and I still don't have any coping skills. It used to be cigarettes, but I gave those up 5 weeks ago.

[lyndau63]

Oh my word. You are just like me. It is so horrible to live like this but It helps me knowing I am not the only one. Hope someone can offer you some good advice soon. :hugs: