Yours Support Would Be Welcomed

[doddy]

Hello All,

Well Ive just joined and really wanted to just let you know my story and see if anyone can help. Im a realively fit healthy successful, married 33 year old man and someone who has always really enjoyed life to the full. However, in March this year, on a drunk night out, I fell and hit my head HARD on the kerb, I was knocked out for about 5 mins, foolishly I didnt go to hospital as when I came round I felt fine. The next day just slept of my hangover and all seemed noraml, however the day afterwards Ifelt odd, really odd, went to the A&E who did some test and said I had a concusion and to go home and rest for a few days, which I did.

This went on for some weeks but I still didnt feel right, huge moods swings which I never had before, fatique and anxiety. After about three weeks and lots of stress I went to my doctor and insisted I had a brain scan as I felt sure id done some damage. Had the scan which showed no damage however I was suffering with a Post Concussion Syndrome which is a cluster of cognitive, emotional and physical problems. For me my memory was poor, got very distressed when I lost my car in manchester!!! and I struggled to find words for my thoughts.....and the headaches and tinnitus were driving me mad!!! the neurologist never really said how long these things could last so after another month went by with no improvment I really became very anxious and started having panic attacks.

I went back to the doctor and told him if this is my life from here on in then really I didnt want it.......a shocking statment i know but i felt awful......he immediately said he thought that before the head injury I was probably a bit of an anxiuos person, which I accpet, and after the injury my anxiety went through the roof!!! he reffered me to a psychatrist who confirmed his diagonise of anxiety and reffered me for CBT. I went to the cbt which did help a little but she totally disregarded my head injury, although PCS is well documented and blamed my anxiety on my dad being on anti depressents.......

I have worked really hard over the last 3 months and things have begun to improve....my sleep is better....my mood swings are slightly better....and my fatique is beginning to wain....my doctor refused me anti depressents as he said he feel i would get better on my own as my head injury improved and my anxiety drops.

My CBT therapist said I have a slight slant to obesssional thoughts and I do admit I do get some very odd thoughts at times which do scare me........If I read anything about mental health such as people hearing voices in the head I immediately think Im going to get that and start talking to myself in my head as if to prove it....does this happen to anyone else??

I have just started to take St Johns Wort and it has seemed to help a little........

I must get back to the gym and reading some of the other articles on here I find some of your words inspiring.

In addition some of the kindness and generousity from strangers to other strangers on here is truly heart warming...........you all are fantastic people.

I am not sure what im looking for here......help , support....answers??

I suppose my main worry is that I will begin to hear voices in my head....does anyone else suffer with this worry?? i also worry that sometimes when im happy and then a bit low later that perhaps Im a manic depressive....does anyone else worry about these things?? I also sometimes...god im going on abit!!......sometimes thing quite cruel thoughts about others...someimes violent thoughts....which really shocks me as I wouldnt hurt a fly........have to remove spiders from the bath as I feel sorry for them.

Any words of support would be truly appreciated........

many thanks.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Doddy and welcome to the forum.

Sounds like you have had a lot of things going on at the moment.

I cannot comment on the head injury as I am not an expert on that sort of thing but I assume that the docs have done all the necessary tests and everything is ok on that front.

You say that you have bad thoughts about violence etc. There are a few others on here that feel like that and fear that they will harm people. You may want to read the posts from "this_grey_dove".

The chances are that you will NEVER hear voices in your head and you are not going mad atall - it is just your body's way of coping with the things that are happening to you at the moment.

Are you still seeing the therapist or has that all ended now?

I hope we can be of some help to you here and you can draw strength from other people's posts as well.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

Nicola

[tara]

Hi Doddy, I also suffer anxiety/depression and at the beginning i too had some awful thoughts, but of course they were all anxiety related I have now come to accept. Please do realise these are only thoughts and not actions, anxiety does silly things to our thoughts and it is difficult at times to rationalise them i know but in time you will comw to accept this. This site is a wonderful place for advice and support and i'm sure you get that.

Take Care of yourself Tara xx

[doddy]

Hi Nicola,

I have another appointment with the CBT therapist in December.....to be honest I wish id of seen her a few years ago when I was probably just mildly anxious.....she has taught me alot which im sure will help in the future.......meditaion was good.....and a book by bromwyn fox has been great help.....id really recommend it.

Its not a nice thing to say but im glad there are others who suffer like me!!!

Id be interested to know if anyone has tried St johns wort?? just a few days on it but im already feeling a little brighter...might just be a placebo affect but enjoy it whilst it last I say!!!

keep smiling.

doddy

[jill]

Hi Doddy,

Welcome to the site:D

You will find that some people on this site at somtime have had thoughts the same as you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
There are lots of nice people here who will help and support you.
I myself suffered PA anxiaty, but now I am 100% better thanks to the special people on here who have pointed me in the write directon to getting better.
With alot of hard work support and time you to WILL start to feel better.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX


Don't dwell on what went wrong instead,
focus on what to do next,
spend your energies on moving forward.

[nomorepanic]

Hi again

I had CBT for about 9 months and it helped me enormously - putting things into perspective and someone that pushed me into doing things even though I hated it at the time.

It always helps to talk to people who REALLY understand how you feel cos we have been there and are still there in a lot of cases.

I haven't tried St Johns Wort personally cos there was the interaction with the Pill so I never tried it. Others have done on here - let me see if I can find some posts for you.

If it works for you then stick at it ok?

Nicola

[nomorepanic]

Doddy

Try these - will keep you busy reading lol

st. johns wort question (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1727)

st johns wort and the pill (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1385)

st jons wort dosage (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1069)

ST johns wort !!!!!!!!!!!! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1160)

[Link removed as post deleted]

st johns wort and prescribed meds (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=713)

[Link removed as post deleted]



Nicola

[Meg]

Hi Doddy

Welcome to the site - glad you've found it of benefit ...

It seems to me - FLWs that as you say you were a tad on the anxious side pre concussion, then post concussion you had unexplained symptoms and the anxiety then got a hold via a series of - it might , what if , it could be... thoughts even though PCS is known to be a real thing due to inflamamtion and minor swelling of the brain due to the clonk . You stopped believeing that they would pass and irrationality set in imagining all the very worse scenarios....

As for your shocking statement , I said exactly the same thing a month into panic.

Well done for working hard at it and now seeing the improvements. I think your GP was right about the AD's early on.

Have you done things like indian head massage/ Reiki that would help drain the inflammation residue away.

About your obsessional thoughts - everyone gets these - te difference is how much you hold onto these thoughts and dwell on them rather than just letting them go.

About the voices - have you ever heard real voices or is your own internal chit chat dialogue - possible multiple various channels worth.

Most of us are vulnerable to hearing/ seeing/ reading about other people who are struggling mantally- I used to quickly have a think about - how close was I to doing .... what if I were to do that etc

Violent thoughts are run of the mill and you need to just let them pass you by . Thoughts not instructions.

Try :

Thoughts : Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
First Steps : First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

I think you're fine ...just working through a few last things and then you'll be able to put this whole episode behind you .

Let us know how you are getting on ..







Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[twister]

Hi Doddy

Welcome to the site. You sound to me like you have been through a hard time but are doing all the right things to come out the other side. St John's Wort has been scientifically proven to work so if it doing you good then keep taking it.

Try not to worry about the obsessional thoughts, I had these when I was at my worse. You wont hurt anyone, trust me - I used to hide scissors on case I hurt someone but of course I never did. I have also had the worries about becoming mentally ill, hearing voices, manic depression etc. These will pass when get a bit better and learn to ignore them

Let us know how you are getting on.

Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

[Karen]

Hi Doddy

Welcome to the site. It seems like you have been going through a tough time but are doing well and getting through it.

I'm sure you will get a lot of support here.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[seh1980]

hi Doddy,

Welcome to the site!! I often get scared about hearing voices in my head but just tell myself that these thoughts are irrational and that I should ignore them.
You seem to have made a lot of progress - I'm sure this site will help you to continue!!

Sarah :D

[davebrum]

hello doddy my problems started 8 years ago i lost my mom to cancer id also lost my dad to the same i felt lost and hurt i decided to go out clubbing one night much to my partners disgust - to soon. it was my way of coping. i woke up in hospital 12/02/95 al i remember was an argument. i had been queer bashed my nose was broken my cheek bone had to be operated on and from then on my problems began.
i have read yor post several times and only now at 1am i can try and say i understand. to lose part of your life and wake up different is hell.
it takes time but you can put your life back together. belive me its some sort of test . what ever you believe its not you it was circumstance. like having a child or somrthing you never thought you would cope with - you do.
i hated everyone especially myself - but just like you its a learning curve from this thing called life. you can ignore me or tell me to pis off but believe me. life can get better.
xx david

[frances]

**sometimes thing quite cruel thoughts about others...someimes violent thoughts....which really shocks me as I wouldnt hurt a fly.**

Hi Doddy,
I have this as well. It is very frightening to think I have these thoughts in my head, and that I must be a monster, even though I know I'm not. It might help you to read some of the posts in the OCD section.
You are not alone.
Please post as much as you need to.
Frances

[jo-jo]

Hi Doddy

A big welcome to the forum - glad to hear things are improving for you little by little and you've certainly come to the right place for lots of support.

Regarding your concerns, the very fact that you are worring about hearing voices and manic depression make it EXTREMELY unlikely that you have anything wrong with you - many actually diagnosed with pyschosis or manic depression refuse to believe there is anything wrong with them.

With respect to voices, we all have what is called an 'inner voice' and its not unusual for people to talk to themselves in the slightest. Its also not uncommon for people with anxiety to have some unpleasant thoughts at time, often about the very people we care for.

As to depression, we all spend our lives living on a continuum ranging from very happy to very sad and noone stays in exactly the same mood all the time. Ok, some folks may be lucky to have a very sunny disposition, but the fact that you mood changes from day to day or even hour to hour is totally normal.

Look forward to hearing how you're getting on :D

Best wishes, Jo x

[Sue]

Hi Doddy,

You have been through a really tough time so it is bound to take a while to make a full recovery.

I know that many of us here can relate to everything you are saying-those inner voices drivr us mad ( not literally though, so try not to worry abou that!)

I am glad the St Johns Wort seems to be helping, I have never tried it but may give it a go now!

Are your family supportive?

Let us know how you are getting on.

Sue

[doddy]

Hello All,

Just been reading my messages and would just like to dearly thank each and everyone of you. The support and compassion is nothing short of breath taking.....you are all truely kind and great people. I intend to print these replies and keep them with me as your words and understanding have really helped.

Went back to the gym tonight after 8 months!!! felt strnage but some get back into it.

I work in quite a hostile and cut throat industry, and to be honest i never have really expereinced genuine human compassion until i read your replies.......though im not to glad to be suffering im proud and honoured to of met you all.

Thanks.

[fran]

it is very normal after a physical trauma to experience anxiety for a while. my anxiety/panic attacks started after i had pneumonia but i am doing really well. fran:D

fran

[jill]

Hi Fran,

:DHappy to hear you are feeling better.

LOVE JILLXX

[jill]

Hi Doddy,

How are you?
Hope you are feeling better


TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX


"Every thought you think changes your biochemistry.
Your hormones are effected by your thoughts.
Pay attention to stuff that bring you joy.
Look for things that bring you a smile|"

[Meg]

Hi doddy ,

Great news that you got back to the gym - both work off that adrenalin and get the blood pumping round which will help your lymphatic system clear out toxins.

How are you doing now ? Has anything clicked into place that makes it easier to understand and deal with now ?

If you have any questions do post .

All panic is terrifying - but when it comes post a trauma and is a completely new phenomena in your life it is extra mind blowingly horrible and difficult to understand and deal with.





Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[jo-jo]

Hey, we're all in this together :D

Well done you for getting back to the gym, I keep having good intentions but they haven't materialised into action just yet!

Best wishes, Jo x

"courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"

[sal]

Ho Doddy

Just read your post but must admit i havent read the replies.

You have been through it and yes we do get those thoughts. I myself went through all the points of the madness stage and was sure i would get all of them.

Even on bad days now 5 years on i am still sure i will hear voices or hallicinate then i know that i am mad, but that is anxiety.

You will get through it with time and perseverance on your part and with the help you get on here you will see that you are not alone at all.



Love Sal xxxxx

[doddy]

Hello All.

Just to again say thanks for your encouragement and support.

I am feeling 90% like my old self.....just that final bit that sems to take so much time to get over!!!

Dont know if its the St Johns Wort or just the process of feeling a littel better that has raised my spirits.......but im just gonna enjoy it anyway!!

perhaps it a combination of of the SJW and the help i have recived here that makes me feel so much better about things.

I love to hear from anyone that is experienceing tinnitus.......any good tips for getting a good night sleep with that ringing im your ears!!!

going to learn how to swim next week!!!

take care,

thanks again.

doddy

[jill]

Hi Doddy,:D

:D Happy to hear you are feeling better:D

Sorry I don't have any advice on tinnitus.

Good luck with your swimming leasons you will
love it:D

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX


All problems have a begining and an end.