issue about sex with partner.

[Kate21]

Hello, I have not posted on here for years but I didn't know where else to come. Any advice would help please if anyone has had a similar problem?

My anixety/depression has been gradually getting worse over the past year especially around alcohol, drunk people and sex with my partner.
I don't drink much anymore so I find it quite distressing being in pubs and I get frightened.
My partner can be very moody if I don't feel like sex, when he does this I cannot stand to be near him, I feel like I actually hate him when he does that. (I have a stressful job and get very tired and am waiting for test to check my thyroid and blood sugars to see if this is a problem) Anyway when he does this
my entire body goes tense and no matter how exhausted I am suddenly I feel extremely angry and anxious and cannot sleep. I just want to get away so instead of talking with him I leave. I've tried explaining before that it upsets me but he still is doing it.
I know the real reason I have a problem is because I was raped in my sleep on a campsite when I was drunk (hence my issues with alcohol) this was 7 years ago, I only told my mum about it this morning, she says I have PTSD and things are acting as triggers for what happened.
I don't know whether I should tell my boyfriend or not? I know he is paranoid that he is the problem and maybe it would help him to understand, but I'm frightened he will not believe me or think it's my fault.
I don't even know how I would tell him? :-( but if I don't and he keeps being moody with me it will ruin our relationship if it hasn't already I'm still feeling furious

[MyNameIsTerry]

Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear you were attacked :hugs: and I think your mum has a very good point. It may be PTSD or element of an anxiety you already have from a diagnostic point of view but it's a very big event in your life and I would imagine any man or woman has to go through certain changes in their thinking to reconcile it all to the past so it doesn't affect their future.

Being frightened around alcohol, pubs, drunks, etc all makes sense with this. Is it just men you are frightened of in those situations?

I think the best thing to do is seek help from a professional who can work on those thoughts about this terrible event in your history. You may have buried it but such traumatic experiences can shape us and be inhealthy so some expert guidance through it could help you work on these current problems at the same time.

Telling your BF is up to you. I would hope he would be understanding and it might take some pressure of you in these areas of your life as he will realise it's something serious preventing you from being how you want to be.

[Kate21]

Thank you Terry,
My boyfriend knows about my anxiety in pubs which he has got better with dealing with and understands if I have to get out.
It's not just men I'm frightened of, although it is mostly but I'm very paranoid of people. Oddly I find if I'm somewhere where I don't know people it's easier, if there are people I know (acquaintances not real friends) if feel very suspicious of them and feel like they will set me up to be attacked. I'm not sure why as the person that attacked me was a stranger.
I did try emdr therapy about 4 years ago on what happened but it's obviously not cleared everything and I think things are triggering it.
I have over the past couple of years or so got very defensive and angry.
I do need to see a professional, you are right, I'm just so worried about facing it again after burying it for so long
I went to pick up my car from my boyfriends last night and was very upset, I told him very vaguely that something had happened, but I should try and tell him I think. Maybe I should write it down, I can't bring myself to say it..
Thank you for your advice it's appreciated