bunster4
17-07-17, 14:31
Hi, this is my first post and I'm looking to get some to get some help and advice with something I am currently going through which feels as though it's taking over every waking minute of my life.
I recently landed my dream job in the industry I have always wanted to work in. Excitement did not even cut it. I would be moving to the capital of the UK working with exciting new people and getting to be part of the industry I always dreamed of being in.
3 months before this event my ex and I parted ways, it was terrible, I felt down and upset all the time and as though everything was coming to an end. I understand this is completely normal but it was super hard.
About two months after we broke up I met a new girl on a dating site. She made me laugh, had suffered with anxiety in the past and we just hit it off. She was definitely not my usual type of girl; very impulsive, exciting and positive. It was a refreshing change and it made me very happy.
It's probably worth mentioning that I have suffered with anxiety from a young age. I've always struggled with it from as long as I can remember and the doctor diagnosed me with GAD when I was 10 years old. I was put onto medication at this point until I managed to get a handle on it and lead a relatively normal happy life up until recently.
Last year I was going through a rough patch that's when I met my ex. Initially things were great but then I started getting horrible thoughts and panic over the whole situation. I questioned and analysed it all the time.
Should I be with this person?
Am I attracted to this person?
Maybe we should just break up I'll be better off alone.
Why does she even want me?
What does she see in me/ I see in her?
This ruined the relationship. It grinded it down until there was nothing left but hurt and she eventually ended it.
That's in the past now. I have moved on from it and I was so happy when I met my new girlfriend. She get's me! We have fun! She makes me laugh and feel like I am cared for!
I have told her about these tendencies and she supports me, we have fun, she makes me laugh like no one does, whenever I speak to her I feel fine and when I see her 80% of the time I feel great.
BUT IT HAS STARTED AGAIN.
The same questioning behaviour I mentioned before is happening again. Over exactly the same things?!? I keep thinking I should just end it but whenever I go to I am filled with panic and dread. I don't want to let her go and I want her in my life.
People I have talked to about this say maybe it's my intuition telling me she is the wrong person for me and maybe I should just leave. I accept this may not be forever and I know that you can never know for sure how long a relationship will last but I am falling in love with this girl and I want to be with her. Why can I not just be calm and happy?
I doubt my own thoughts and feelings and I do not know which are the anxiety and which are me anymore.
I feel so lost and sometimes when I think of seeing her I'm so very happy but most of the time I dread it because I know how it has been making me feel and that makes me so very sad, I just want to be happy with her and her to make me happy like I know she always does. I don't know whether this is my anxiety or whether it's the relationship and I should walk away.
A side note to add is that I have felt this in every relationship I have been in to some extent. What do I do?
Has anyone else experienced this?
I cannot seem to find a definitive answer anywhere and I feel so scared, alone and isolated.
It's also worth mentioning I have now moved to London and am working in my new job. Yes it makes me anxious living in a new place and working a new job but nothing like this is making me feel.
Sorry for the rant and I really hope someone can shed some light on this for me.
Thank you.
I recently landed my dream job in the industry I have always wanted to work in. Excitement did not even cut it. I would be moving to the capital of the UK working with exciting new people and getting to be part of the industry I always dreamed of being in.
3 months before this event my ex and I parted ways, it was terrible, I felt down and upset all the time and as though everything was coming to an end. I understand this is completely normal but it was super hard.
About two months after we broke up I met a new girl on a dating site. She made me laugh, had suffered with anxiety in the past and we just hit it off. She was definitely not my usual type of girl; very impulsive, exciting and positive. It was a refreshing change and it made me very happy.
It's probably worth mentioning that I have suffered with anxiety from a young age. I've always struggled with it from as long as I can remember and the doctor diagnosed me with GAD when I was 10 years old. I was put onto medication at this point until I managed to get a handle on it and lead a relatively normal happy life up until recently.
Last year I was going through a rough patch that's when I met my ex. Initially things were great but then I started getting horrible thoughts and panic over the whole situation. I questioned and analysed it all the time.
Should I be with this person?
Am I attracted to this person?
Maybe we should just break up I'll be better off alone.
Why does she even want me?
What does she see in me/ I see in her?
This ruined the relationship. It grinded it down until there was nothing left but hurt and she eventually ended it.
That's in the past now. I have moved on from it and I was so happy when I met my new girlfriend. She get's me! We have fun! She makes me laugh and feel like I am cared for!
I have told her about these tendencies and she supports me, we have fun, she makes me laugh like no one does, whenever I speak to her I feel fine and when I see her 80% of the time I feel great.
BUT IT HAS STARTED AGAIN.
The same questioning behaviour I mentioned before is happening again. Over exactly the same things?!? I keep thinking I should just end it but whenever I go to I am filled with panic and dread. I don't want to let her go and I want her in my life.
People I have talked to about this say maybe it's my intuition telling me she is the wrong person for me and maybe I should just leave. I accept this may not be forever and I know that you can never know for sure how long a relationship will last but I am falling in love with this girl and I want to be with her. Why can I not just be calm and happy?
I doubt my own thoughts and feelings and I do not know which are the anxiety and which are me anymore.
I feel so lost and sometimes when I think of seeing her I'm so very happy but most of the time I dread it because I know how it has been making me feel and that makes me so very sad, I just want to be happy with her and her to make me happy like I know she always does. I don't know whether this is my anxiety or whether it's the relationship and I should walk away.
A side note to add is that I have felt this in every relationship I have been in to some extent. What do I do?
Has anyone else experienced this?
I cannot seem to find a definitive answer anywhere and I feel so scared, alone and isolated.
It's also worth mentioning I have now moved to London and am working in my new job. Yes it makes me anxious living in a new place and working a new job but nothing like this is making me feel.
Sorry for the rant and I really hope someone can shed some light on this for me.
Thank you.