Do you see yourself as a victim ?

[mirry]

Ive read a few self help books lately for anxiety and depression and they have all said that people with anxiety and depression some how see themselfs as victims :ohmy: because of low self esteem. At first I thought no no thats not me but the more I think about it , yeah I do see myself as a victim :wacko: .....poor me ,lol.

Anxiety certainly seems like a bully, and I feel like a victim.....Its horrible to realise that I think like this, but I have admitted it :blush: .

Does anyone else think like this ?

[darkangel]

hi mirry
good question - I personally have gone through various stages on my journey with anxiety........

For many years i used to think i was a victim (and in reality I was) and would go into self pity - why me, etc......

then i went into the fighter stage, anxiety wasnt going to rule my life......

I then entered the learning stage.........cbt, other techniques, this was the hardest part

Im now in the acceptance stage........ I practice mindfullness and awareness and can finally say most days Im at peace with myself (although Mr Panic reminds me he is still lurking about) but I dont feed him anymore

No matter what stage in our journey we are at - recognising how we feel is a breakthrough - so see this admission as a positive

Luv darkangel x

[Jaco45er]

Hiya mirry


I don't know to be honest. I don't see myself as having low self esteem, I can be really self-confident when not hit by anxiety.

Victim? possibly.

I did used to feel weak when I was hit by anxiety the 1st time round. I think for men, its not kinda the done thing to admit to anxiety.

Then I realised, I was going to work still, driving still, meetings still, and all the time going through an internal hell whilst trying to earn a wage.

All these who say pull yourself together, whats wrong with you? my reply would be " you have a dose of anxiety, then go to work with it, or shopping, or whatever, see what your made off"

So I don't see anxiety sufferers as weak now, I do see us as victims, but I do see why it can zap ones confidence, and drag them into a state of low self esteem.

Again, it all goes back to how we think = how we feel.

Jaco

[jill]

Hi Mirry,

It is dame hard NOT to see yourself as a victim, admitting you feel that way is a great step forward, it is dame hard when suffering pa's anxiety, not to feel sorry for yourself, but what I understood for myself is, if I started feeling sorry for myself, see myself as a victim, this would feed my anxiety. I still find it hard at time's not to feel like this, but working on it all the time.

For a long time I wanted to tell people how I felt I wanted sympathy, but most of all I wanted understang, I did, want all this. YES. I found that understanding here and thats great, but I had to come to terms with that I would never find it at home, you know the saying, to understand something, you have to go through it, on-one at home was going through what I was going through.

Only my 10 year old daughter had gone through this, she started her panic as a young child (age 3 years) it was when she was 10, thats when I had my first, pa's, high anxiety living in fear 24.

You cannot talk to a ten year old, tell her you fears. My mouth was zipped I felt like a victim and a prisoner of panic.

Mirry you have addmited you feel like a vicitim, can you not now try dame hard to change your thoughts on this, see yourself more as a strong and brave person because that IS what you are.

You have strengthes you never new you had. You challenge panic every day, you try dame hard to move forward, every day you do this you step closer and closer to recovery, even though you may not feel it, believe me its true.

Changing are thoughts on things like feeling a victim CAN helpe towards recovery, remember the saying, little steps at a time, this works on thoughts too.

I know its dame hard Mirry, don't see yourself as a vicitm, see yourself as a surviver, see yourself as strong, see yourself better.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[mirry]

Thanks for replys, Ive gone thru every stage , done the cbt done the mindfulness (still do) yet its all still there, how long it takes to fully recover I dont know ?
This new book I picked up in the library is good.....10 days to high self esteem, it explains its all those thoughts that makes us feel the things we do. Not the external event .

I thinks its my upbringing , my mother always looks on the negative side of everything, moaning and groaning about everything,Im 38 now and although I dont act like my mother I feel the thoughts must be in there ..its hard to explain.
Jaco, I cant imagine how difficult it must be for a man with anxiety and for you to carry on doing all those things "work" "driving " is fab !

[xBettyBoopx]

Hi mirry

Good thread. I'll be totally honest and say yep I see myself as a victim and that the world owes me!! There I said it. I know that I shouldn't be like this 'cause life has no guarantees but but but but but but....blah blah blah!!:mad:

Why me? Poor me!! Why do bad things always happen to me? Etc etc.

I have read lots of self help books on self-esteem and confidence, the power of positive thinking etc, but I do that and nothing changes, then I get more disappointed so I may as well think negatively then I won't get hurt, but I do anyway! Not making much sense here, I suppose I'm saying that I think our lives are already mapped out for us long before we are born and no matter what I do I can't change what is supposed to be!:wacko: So I stay a victim:weep:
How depressing!

Elspeth

[Ellen70]

Hi All.
I have never seen myself as a victim as to me the word 'victim' conjures up an image of someone who gives up right away when they have a problem. I have kept going for 20 years despite the onslaught of gad, panic and depression.

A social worker whom I once had counselling sessions with, use to tell me not to see myself as a victim but to think of myself as a survivor. The only trouble with the word 'survivor' is that whenever I hear the word, the song 'I Will Survive' my Gloria Gaynor starts playing in my head :blush:

So I don't see myself as a victim or a karaoke Survivor.

If I had to pick a word to 'label' myself with it would be 'Resilient' as that is what you have to be when you have longterm health problems.

Regards
Eibhlin :winks:

[eeyorelover]

Oh wow what a question!!!!
The truth is I don't like to think of myself as a victim of anything.

Did I have a crappy childhood?? yeah but I'm 38 and there comes a time in everyones life I think where you have to say 'well my childhood may have been crap but I can't let that ruin my whole life' and come to terms with it somehow.

I won't ever say that I 'suffer' from anxiety/panic cuz that gives way too much power to the anxiety and I feel that makes me sound like a victim.

Do I do the 'why me' thing sometimes? Hell yeah!!! I think everyone does that regardless of whether or not they have anxiety or not. That doesn't make me a victim - altho it does make me a bit of a whinner sometimes but oh well!!!!

I think that we are all fighters just at different stages of the process. I deal with anxiety much differently then say someone who has just been diagnosed or experienced their first panic attack.

I don't know tho even writing this now I wonder if the word 'victim' itself had taken on some derogatory meaning that it was never really meant to have.
By definition it means (among other things)
One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.

I still don't like the word 'suffer' but all in all it doesn't mean that we aren't strong or should make us feel inadequite in any way. After all it's just a word!!!

Guess there are several different ways one could look at it really.
xxx
Sandy

[trac67]

Mirry,

That got the brain cells working lol.

I think I did used to see myself as a victim of anxiety, 'oh poor me' etc, but then I realised self pity wouldn't get me anywhere, so I binned that idea.

Anxiety has made me a much stronger person, a more caring person, much more sympathetic towards other people, yes it took away all my self esteem, but with hard work and determination I can find that again.

So I guess what I am trying to say ........in a round about way, cause I always waffle on lol.................is that. yes to begin with I was a victim, but now I am a fighter, and I so much prefer who I am now, to who I was before :D

Love

Trac xxx

[happyone]

Certainly thought provoking!

I am not sure. I think my counsellor tried to get me to see that I had been a victim of some stuff but I fought against it, but that could be categorised as me taking the blame for things that weren't my fault.
I think of the crap things that have happened and I am always able to come up with an idea of how or why it happened, but my ideas are sometimes a bit wonky!
I don't see myself as a victim of anxiety, but sometimes I feel I am a victim of my own inability to recover fully from depression. Yet again, this is maybe me taking responsibility for things that are not my fault.
I agree that you have to let your past go in order to move on from it. Yet, you have to sometimes acknowledge what has happened in the past in order to understand why you are where you are now.

Brain cells still whirling!

happyone
xx

[Coni]

Hi,

I agree with happyone...I dont see myself as a victim (at least I dont think I do)....I do tend to blame myself for everything that has happened and how I am, which at times I think has held me back from making progress. I do agree with the self esteem part, mines is absolutely rubbish, but I dont tend to think 'poor me' ....at least I dont think I do. In fact I absolutely hate the idea of seeming 'needy' even though I suppose I am at times.

Sorry I dont even know if this will make sense lol.

luv Coni XX

[happyone]

Coni,
that makes perfect sense to me! I have a big problem with being 'needy' and it is hindering me from recovering as I won't ask for the help that I actually think I need!

What we like eh?

happyone
xx

[kate]

I can certainly see that I played the "victim" part in the past, though I certainly don't now.

Unfortunately, although we are outwardly saying that we want to get better, we also tend to slot into the "depression/anxiety IS me and there is no way out of this" way of thinking. Indeed, change, even if it is for the good, is scary and we cling onto our old behaviours because it is what we know. I believe this is the root of the victim mentality.

Kate