Ruining my relationship..

[sdoxo]

Just had an in depth conversation with my fiance, and he is totally fed up with my anxiety. We're getting married the end of October and the way our conversation went I'd say he's having second thoughts.. and I guess I can't blame him. He doesn't understand my anxiety, never really has. He tries his best to be supportive but he's also one of those that say things like "just stop thinking about it" or "you need to just get over it"

I wish I could make him understand but I'm not sure how. The thing that hurts him is I'm always upset and he sees no reason to be as we truly do live a good life. We're young, he's 25 and I'm 26 and have so much going for us.

We live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, our cars are both pretty decent, he makes very good money and are able to pay bills and still pretty much do what we want, and we have a beautiful 6 year old daughter who is every parents dream.

He says I have no reason to be unhappy, and I know he's right. Its just the anxiety that wont let me enjoy it. He thinks it's something he's doing to make me unhappy which could not be further from the truth. He is my best friend and I absolutely adore him.

I'm not sure how to fix this. I just wish I could turn this sh*t off and go back to the me before this stupid anxiety.

Im sorry for the slightly long and whiny post, my heart is just really hurting tonight..

[Worrywart1234]

The hidden danger of health anxiety.... I had a similar problem. My Dad who is super supportive has himself told me he has nothing more to say about my health he hasn't already said a thousand times. My husband is super supportive too, but he now also doesn't say much - if I mention my health and I'm really worried he makes me go to the doctor rather than him for reassurance. I think people who have anxiety sometimes run the danger of being like the boy who cried wolf, we worry so much that no one believes our concerns about anything.

I had to make a rule that I no longer ask for reassurance from any friends or family. I stick with the doctor and this forum and have found that has really helped my anxiety. I've read somewhere that seeking reassurance from other people never works anyway - the goal is to be able to reassure yourself, it's the only way to control the anxiety.

Maybe challenge yourself to only mention health to him once a day or once a week or whatever and delay bringing concerns to him for an hour or so.

Good luck

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't think you should get ahead of yourself here. He can have a concern about you, and the relationship, without reconsidering your marriage. Plus he's likely to have wobbles about getting married as many do regardless of the presence of any issues!

So, perhaps ask him if he feels that way? Then you can talk about it rather than potentialy worry about something you are assuming.

Seek help with the anxiety, it's the best thing to be doing. Deal with that, it heals the issues in the relationship, if they exist.

You've already got an even bigger commitment between you, a child. It's probably best to be open about what you really both want, and a bit about what you expect from being together. There is always some compromise and having mental health issues can mean certain compromises too if it is affecting your life.

[Fishmanpa]

My 1st wife suffered from severe depression which manifested itself into hoarding. We had two young children at the time. We went to counseling and after a few sessions the therapist wanted to see us separately. She stopped going after a couple of sessions. I knew then it was over. All I can advise is to make a concerted effort to treat your anxiety if you're not doing so already. If you're in therapy, perhaps your fiance can have a conversation with the therapist to gain a better understanding of what's going on and how to help. I can honestly say had my ex made the effort, things may have turned out differently.

Good luck and as always....

Positive thoughts

[sdoxo]

Thank you guys for your responses!

I had a text from him this morning when I woke up saying that he cant totally understand me or the demons I'm fighting but he loves me and will be by my side no matter what.

I do feel better. I just hate seeing him down because he doesn't know how to help me. Im really just going to have to keep working on myself and try to get back to normal..

Rome wasn't built in a day I guess