what a day...

[honeybee]

ok... where do i start...

had a letter through the post this morning off my landlady saying she wants to move back into the house and can we be out by end of june.... as some of you know i've only just moved into this house myself... only just finished unpacking everything....

anyway, where i am at the mo the rent is only £300 per month... all other places are around £600 a month.... im on income support so there's no way im gonna be able to afford it, we also have a dog and cat... all houses ive checked out are NO DSS and NO PETS... doh!!! STRESS!!! STRESS!!! ANXIETY!!! STRESS!!! ANXIETY!!!

my fella has been saving to get a deposit on a house and it seems it'll be cheaper to get a mortgage than actually rent a place so me and my fella been around all estate agents today looking at houyses...

been a jibbering wreck,

although i did go into one place and got chatting to the lady and she ended up asking if we were employed i said i wasnt, she asked if i was looking for work (i HATE it when people ask why i dont work and stuff, i hate feeling like a failure), i said id stoppped working cos i'd been a bit ill and bla bla bla, then she replied by saying "well we're looking for an employee and you seem really chatty and bubbly, you'd be great for the job.. if you feel like it get in touch even if its just part time"... how cool is that??? i got offered a job from a stranger... anyway, i really wish i was just honest with her and said "i had to stop working 3 years ago cos i started getting severe panic attacks and i find it almost impossible to leave the house without my fella and as much as id love the job i'd probably just be a jibbering wreck"... i'd love to know what her reaction wouldve been...

anyway to add to my anxiety my fella has been going on about how i should take the job... he seems to forget i cant actually go further than 5 mins away from the house on my own... especially around strangers... but then i started getting depressed cos when is gonna be the right time to start working??? will i ever feel excited about working again???

im so scared about where my life is going...
there just seems to be no stability in sight in the near future and i want to be able to lead a normal bl**dy life...
i want to contribute to paying a mortgage...
i wanna be able to get a job... i mean, i got handed a perfectly good job today just by chatting to someone and i havent even got the confidence to go for it...
how will i ever get the confidence to get my life back???
it just seems like its been like this for too long now to ever feel normal again...

[nomorepanic]

Why don't you give the new job a chance?

What have you got to lose? It could be the making of you couldn't it?

You know that you can do these things you just have to do them (JFDI as we like to say).

Sounds like too good an opportunity to give up.

Go for it - you may love it!

[groovygranny]

Yep, I agree with Nic, Honeybee!

What if you speak again to the lady who offered you the job?

She seem's a pretty good judge of character to me to have seen the potential in you - so she'd probably understand your desire to take the job but also the reluctance because of your situation. And maybe there could be some compromise or agreement?

Seems a pity not to give it a go - go on....even if it doesn't work out you'll have the satisfaction of having tried anyway!

And that's another positive in your success book!

Good luck love

:hugs::flowers::hugs:

[honeybee3939]

hi honebee



it just seems like its been like this for too long now to ever feel normal again...


I agree with Nic and GG, it may be the making of you, sometimes we get into a cycle of been at home and the longer we leave it the harder the cycle becomes to break. I was housebound for 2 years but believe me getting back to work was the best thing i ever did.

Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[honeybee]

thanks everyone... i just really dont think i can do it... i cant get on public transport on my own, i cant drive, if i lose my fella in a shop i completely freak out, i just cant go out on my own, even if i did manage to go what if they asked me to go out and get everyone lunch??? i wouldnt be able to... i cant see the steps i need to take in order to be at a place where i'll feel i can do something like that... anyway, sounding too negative now so gonna go... thanks again for your replies

[joy]

pardon me but what is JFDI???

Joy

[honeybee3939]

Hi Honeybee

Theres only you hun that can make the decision, maybe it would be a good idea to do some voluntary work to build up your confidence first. I have the same problem as you i dont use public transport, but i can use taxis to go locally, i get help through disability allowance i get £16 pounds a week for travel, maybe it would be a good idea for you to look into that too if it would help you get out and about.

Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[honeybee3939]

Hi Joy

it means "Just Flipping Do It!".....lol

Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[mirry]

honeybee, Im just the same as you, infact exactly the same !

I used to earn fantastic money when I had no anxiety, I fostered children earned £ 750 a week for a private angency !!! I used to drive the children about everywhere in my big people carrier then BANG ! PANIC.
Now after 6 years of agrophobia, I knew I had to get a job and open up my world, so I decided to start small, I told my new boss out right that I have panic attacks, she listened and said Ok well give it a try. That was 3 years ago and I only do 4-5 hours a week and I hope to add to these hours later if I am better . Just start out small.
I still panic if I loose my hubby in a shop, I still cant take buses alone, I still cant stand in a big que, its really difficult I know, only you can know if your ready. Do you take any pills for the panic ?

[honeybee]

thanks guys..

mirry - you're an inspiration..

how did you end up goiung about getting a job?
did you go to jobcenter?
did you have an interview?
how was your first day?
how long did it take you to get used to it/did you get used to it?
was it 3 years of not working you had before you got your job?

thats how long i've not been working for, before hand i was a bar/restaurant manager in a hotel aswell as doing a lot of reception work, i used to love speaking to people about how we were gonna set up their wedding reception etc, i loved being around people and meeting new people and its weird cos im still like that but it seems its only when ive got someone there i feel safe with to hide behind... infact im so scared of life that my boyfriend was just offering me £100to go to the garage for him to get him something and i refused it... the garage is a 1-2 min walk up the road... i dont mind the walking there - its the queueing up and being around the people that scares the life out of me...

anyway soz about all the questions...

honeybee3939... maybe voluntry (spelling???) work is the way to go.. thanks for the advice

[looking4answers]

Go for it sweetie..You can make it happen..I too have anxiety and get a little panic when i used to leave the house.I dont anymore and have gotten further and further away from home around strangers and it used to make me get real panic to do so .I would shake all over..If I can do it you can as well..

To you I say I know you can..God Bless and Good luck on your new job!