Sad...trying to go on

[Labrujis23]

Ok...it's 2:30 am and it's another night that keeps me awake. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time and now that I've been off of my antidepressants seems that all the burden is back.
I'm always tired and when I'm not at university or working I just want to sleep. I don't know why but I always feel so exhausted...I think is because of my head trapped in this darkish thoughts again and again. A month ago I found 2 nails discolorations and one of them is really weird. I went to the dermatologist because of course, melanoma was the answer according to Dr google and the images I saw on it. The dermatologist didn't take me seriously because of my high health anxiety disorder, reason enough to feel even worse than before.
I want to cry all day long, not only for my nails but also cause I'm tired of my lack of motivation, my lack of energy and the lack of empathy around me. My parents and boyfriend know my "illness" but they don't get it, my mother even told me I was being selfish when she found me crying in my room. I know I have everything to be a happy woman, but actually I can't control this emotions I'm having. I try to be strong and keep going with my life, but my head is stuck and I don't know how to get over myself. I wish I was a better daughter, girlfriend and friend, but my anxiety and depression are making it hard for me to feel normal. Sorry for the long post and sorry for my terrible English, is just I speak Spanish.
I'll try to erase my thoughts for a moment so I can sleep...tomorrow I'm wearing my "happy mask" for work. I can't be the perfect girl for everyone but me.

[CaliSurfGirl89]

Awwww sweet, anxiety is a horrible thing, I currently have HA around melanoma too cos of sunbathing and sunbed use, I had a nail with a bruise under it and I too had a quick panic, but I kept my eye on it and my nail outgrew meaning it was just a bruise on either side of my nail, I am also always exhausted and feeling ill, my brain is like you are ill, like seriously ill but I'm trying to rationalise all of my symptoms, and if they come and go then I know I'm fine, I have moles that have grown or look weird but no pain, bleeding, elevating and so on, I only have 1 very irregular mole which is 2 colours but been told it's fine, I also have a small raised 1 with a flat gazed boarder around it and it's just due to my boobs growing, I still panic and worry but I tell myself where is it getting me? What is it doing for me except making me not live my life, take each day as it comes and push for your dreams and passions cos otherwise in 10 years time when you are still healthy and alive you will have regrets of not living your life and getting your career. I would suggest keeping an eye on them or go for yearly skin exams like me, yes it's a bit of money but it will help my anxiety while I'm getting it sorted and I know I'll be on top of my skin then, chin up xxx