Getting children to sleep in their own beds!! [Archive]

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09-11-04, 11:48

Hello Everyone,

I am after some advice.

My 7 year old son has never slept in his own bed; he has to sleep with me or my wife.
He says he doesn’t like being on his own at night. He doesn’t like the dark but wont sleep even with the light on.
He never slept much as a baby and is a sensitive child and there is no way I could just leave him on his own, as he would get so upset.

I have a 4 year old daughter and she’s not bothered about being on her own at all so I don’t think its bad parenting.

I don’t particularly like being on my own myself so I can see where he is coming from.
Could he have picked up ‘vibes’ from me?

So has anyone got any tips to get him to sleep on his own and to do it so he feels safe and secure?

Thanks,

Richard

seh1980

09-11-04, 13:56

hello RH,

What I would suggest is slowly getting him used to his own bed. Take him to his room at night, tuck him in and then stay with him until he falls asleep. When he falls asleep, you leave and go to bed. If he wakes up in his own room the next morning, give him a treat. Make it seem like a game to him!! Each night he will get more used to it until he will just go to bed in his own room automatically. I saw this on the BBC3 program 'Little Angels' and it worked there!! Good luck!!

Sarah :D

davebrum

09-11-04, 14:08

hi richard
when i used to look after my cousins (9 & 10 now)
i would give them sa bath with lavender oil in it, read them a story and then play them a audio cassette story whilst i left the room - worked every time they slept though until morning and didnt once come into me - best of luck
david

tara

09-11-04, 15:49

Hi Richard, I have no advice unfortunatly because my 4 year old son also sleeps in my bed with me and tells me he doesn't want to go in his own bed because hes lonely. So if you don't mind i'll keep up with this thread for some advice too. Tara

nomorepanic

09-11-04, 19:58

Sarah - I saw that program too on TV and the advice did work.

Basically you have to be quiter hard as well and make them go to their room but then reward them if they stay there all night.

Start a star chart and tell them that when they stay in their room they get a star - the more stars = a bigger present.

It may sound like blackmail but once they get used to their own room then the star thing can be stopped.

Good luck both of you!

Nicola

sal

09-11-04, 23:54

Hi RH

Cant offer a miracle cure here as i am too soft with my daughter Samanthat. She is 9 but as i have split with her dad, she does sleep in my bed. Must admit she did it from when she was 2 when we split up and if not a miracle she only does it or sorry I let here sleep in my bed on a weekend. That took a lot of hard work to get it to weekends only and a lot of sleepless (crying) night but i got to where we are eventually.

I do know now that if i put my foot down she would sleep in her own bed every night but maybe me been a bit selfish i like her with me at weekends and we make it a treat.

It is hard and dont get me wrong if given a chance she would live in my room.

Maybe start by saying if you are good you can sleep with us on a weekend and see how it goes from there.

Know it isnt easy and each child has different reasoning. Good luck and hope you can sort it out in time.

Love Sal xxxxx

Laurie28

10-11-04, 11:55

My son always went to his own bed but got up during the night and came in beside me!!!

This happened until he was six and my youngest son was born and he now sleeps in his own bed all night.

I can only suggest what others have ie at first stay beside them until they are asleep and then take it from there

After they are comfortable with that then move away from them a little (maybe read a book in a chair near the door)

Then wait until they are not quite sleeping and leave the room assuring them all the time that you are close by

Good Luck
Lucky

10-11-04, 16:14

Hello All,

thanks for the advice, I'll give it a try.
does anyone want to know if it works??

cheers,

Richard.

seh1980

10-11-04, 20:10

hi Richard,

Please do let us know how it goes!!

Sarah :D

sal

10-11-04, 22:58

Hi Richard

Of course we want to know if it works, then i can steal your methods!!!!!!!

Good luck with it mate.

Love Sal xxxxx

Rennie1989

11-11-04, 14:46

hi richard

my bro was just like that and me, my parents would have to tire us out so we would atually sleep!

try bribing him, i know it sounds mean but if u do he will gradually sleep in him own room

yes, its personal experience

how is he getting on now?

Scooter Girl

if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears

12-11-04, 12:54

Hello all,

It seems to be working.
He is going to sleep on his own (in our bed as he has never slept in his own bed) while I sit on a chair,close by. This is an improvement as one of us had to lie in the bed with him before.
I’ll do this for a bit and then move further away and then get him to sleep in his own bed.

I have told him if he sleeps on his own Father Christmas will bring him an extra present.

Thanks for the help.

Cheers,

Richard

jill

12-11-04, 14:11

[Wow!]Richard that was quick.:D

Thats great news
If it goes on at this rate he will be in his own
room very soon.
I to am keeping a eye on this thread as my
daughter dose not sleep on her own.
Let us know how things are going.

JILLXXX

janejana

22-12-11, 08:30

In the meantime put her in her incredibeds (http://incredibeds.com) while she is asleep- if she gets up and gets back in let her fall asleep and try again. She won't want to get in your bed forever- enjoy it while it lasts.

13-08-16, 14:47

Hi all,

After returning for a few more tips, I found this thread I started 12 years ago.

My son is now 19 and I struggle to get him out of his bed these days! it just shows time moves on and nothing stays the same.

All the best.

Richard.

KatiePink

13-08-16, 17:10

Mojo61

13-08-16, 18:31

My son was the same but eventually he grew out of it of his own accord.

Fishmanpa

13-08-16, 20:42

Wow... talk about bringing back a memory!

My ex and I had this issue with my daughter. She wouldn't fall asleep unless she was with us or in our bed. We'd take her to her bed and inevitably, she'd wake up crying because we weren't there and she'd end up in our bed again. Those of you who sleep with a toddler know the dangers of flailing arms and legs ~lol~

We spoke to our pediatrician and he, being old school suggested a pretty hardcore approach. We were to tell her she needed to sleep in her bed and at bed time put her in bed, stay with her until she fell asleep and that's it. If she wakes up, we can go to her but she can't come in our bed.

So the first night we do this, of course she wakes up crying. We go in and comfort her until she fell asleep again. She would wake up several times and suffice it to say, we weren't getting much sleep! As we moved forward, we were to spend less and less time with her. My ex had a really hard time with this and I was the one that had to be the bad guy. After a week, of course she got up. I went in for a moment, settled her back into bed and left the room. I closed the door and because it didn't have a lock, I had to stand there holding it shut. My daughter went bonkers! Screaming and crying as if the world was ending. I had to stand there for 20 minutes while my ex was crying in the bedroom and my daughter was going nutso! After about 20 minutes, she passed out on the floor behind the door. I went in, picked her up and put her in bed. She slept until the morning. The next night the same thing ensued but this time she went back into her bed after ten minutes.... and that was it! After that 2nd night, it was bedtime, a story, a hug, kiss and nighty night. It never happened again! It was very difficult but it worked!

Drastic? Maybe... effective? definitely!

Positive thoughts