View Full Version : My last few months of debilitating health anxiety
Hi all,
I just need to get some things off my chest as I'm sitting here convinced I am going to die and perhaps writing it down will be cathartic. It all started at the beginning of this year, when I went to my family doctor to see if she could help me figure out why I've always had trouble gaining weight. She sent me off for some basic blood work to check for diabetes, my thyroid and some other stuff, which came back fine, except for being low on vitamin d. So she referred me to a gastroenterologist, who ordered me a whole slew of tests. Blood work, abdominal ultrasound, chest x-ray and an ECG. That's where my hellish journey started. When I came back for the test results, he told me everything was fine, but they found a hemangioma on my liver, which is basically a completely innocent bloodclot. However, he still suggested I do a CT-scan just so I would have a picture of it in case I got tested again in the future to see if it had grown. Being the hypochondriac I am, I didn't want to expose myself to unnecessary radiation, but I still worked myself up believing it could be something more serious and so I managed to get an MRI instead. The three weeks until I finally got the MRI were awful, but I finally got it done and as suspected, it was nothing serious.
I knew this 'scare' really did a number on me, because unlike earlier times when tests took my worries away, I didn't feel that huge sense of relief, despite still being happy it was nothing. I didn't have that instant recovery from the anxiety and stress. A few weeks later I started getting vague symptoms, such as burping a lot and feeling hoarse. Immediately I convinced myself I had some sort of throat or stomach cancer, so I rushed back to the doctor, who said they were functional symptoms induced from my anxiety. This reassured me for about one hour after leaving her office and the anxiety got worse and worse. I went back two days later and she referred me to a psychologist, while prescribing me Oxazepam and an SSRI. Yet, even with all this, the appetite I lost about two weeks ago is still not back and I can only eat sporadically, I have constant pain in my left back and under my left rib and the last few times I pooped it was actually a bit yellow. I'm sure this could tie in to the IBS I've always had combined with the extreme stress I am under, but as usual the symptoms also match deadly cancers. Even though my doctor doesn't think there is anything alarming, she still referred me to a gastroenterologist to take my worries away. Yet I know this will mean more testing, as nothing short of a complete workup will take my fears away. This will mean weeks or even months of worry again and I just can't take it anymore, but I know I have to, because what if there really is something wrong? It's just so, so tiring. The paradoxal thing is that at my lowest points I think about how it would be better if it were to just all end, despite me being so worried about my health.
I guess I'll end somewhat uplifting with the reason for my username (although he likely wasn't the one who said it): "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
Reading your post I know exactly how you feel. The trouble with HA is that at first a visit to the GP reassures. then it has to be 2 visits. then a consultant. Then scans. it is never-ending. From where I sit objectively your symptoms are so clearly due to stress and anxiety but from where you sit it has to be worst case scenario and what ifs - what if I was fine for THAT scan but it has changed since, what if this only started yesterday, what if.... and so it goes on. Please try and see someone professional about your HA. Don't do what I have done and waste so many good healthy years worrying yourself sick about illnesses that you don't have. Good luck
Thanks for the supportive words Susie. I want to believe my symptoms are caused by anxiety, but I just can't. Complete loss of appetite, pain in my left side, bloating, burping, yellowish poop...I'm so incredibly scared that I can't even function anymore. I'll be seeing a GI soon, but I don't know how I will make it till then, let alone the waiting for test results afterwards.
Hi Mark,
I'm so sorry to hear about what you are dealing with and trust me, I know the place you are in- how dark and lonely it is- because I am here too.
Our stories are very similar actually...I too, am concerned about my weight (I have become sickly thin in recent months) and indeed, when you google any cancers of course, 'unexplained weight loss' comes up as a symptom nearly every time. So I've convinced myself of: lymphoma (had an ultrasound on a small lump last week-all fine), melanoma (had a fully body skin check today- stripped down naked for the male doctor because my fear outweighed my modesty, think my eagerness to get naked shocked even him ha, again, all fine) and now I'm terrified of bowel cancer because of anaemia, weight loss and a change in bowel movements over the past six months. Even as I write this...knowing how crazy it sounds, I still feel that I am dying of colon cancer..And I am genuinely terrified beyond belief if I dwell too much..
I have spent so much time and money, hauling myself all over the city and generally confronting my own mortality on the daily. I can barely function and like you, have completely lost my appetite- I am scary skinny at this stage. It is so so tiring. I actually lied today and told my boyfriend and family that I was off to 'buy a book' when I was going to yet another doctors appointment. :,(
Truthfully, these have been some of the darkest days of my life. And I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. Of course, I wouldn't wish illness of any kind upon anyone. I think so much of HA stems from the knowing that this crazy world and our crazy bodies will do what they will do and that truthfully, our power is so limited. The 'Ah-ness' of life...there is beauty in uncertainty and transience but also much fear and sorrow. I agree with you also, about feeling so debilitated as to almost want to end it all. I was considering taking an anti-depressant today despite knowing that they give me an adverse reaction (I experience a mild MDMA like high) just to numb this worry and pain. I think, ohhh...how much longer can I continue like this anyway?
I know that I could not provide advice, but I believe that knowing one is not alone is medicinal in its own right. I also believe we will get through this. Let's try, let us try hard.
Hi Palspals,
Thanks for taking the time to write your story, I completely empathize with your struggle. It's therapeutic to know there are others in your condition, which is probably why we flock to forums like this in the first place. These past few hours I've been doing a bit of soulsearching and managed to calm myself down a bit, more calm than I've been in the last two weeks probably (even worked up a bit of an appetite, go figure). What calmed me was the realisation that I need to accept my eventual death, whether it comes next month or in fifty years. The mere thought of coming to terms with my mortality felt so soothing, my health anxiety just vanished, even if only for a little while. I don't have any illusions that this feeling will last, as even right now I can feel the anxiety coming back as I feel my symptoms flaring up. But I'm curious what you think, because it seems you've thought about these things as well.
Mark,
Things will definitely get better.
I went through some pretty intense post natal health anxiety I January/February 2016. I have always been a bit of a health anxiety person (since my late teens), but not too bad. After giving birth to my daughter in July 2015, I spiralled with my health anxiety, mainly due to a kind of post natal anxiety/depression due to the hormones. I didn't immediately seek help as I'd never had post natal depression before with my previous two pregnancies, do convinced myself that my health worries were completely serious and not to do with hormones.
After the anxiety started, around October/November after a bout of antibiotics gave me a bad stomach, then constipation (which led me down the bowel cancer worry route), I started developing belching, sore throats, excess mucus after eating and constant dry throats at other times. Googling (always my downfall) further worried me. After worrying more and more intensely, I started feeling that I was having trouble swallowing and I constantly started feeling sick and dizzy. As I was still breastfeeding at the time, couldn't sleep hardly at all as I was so anxious and I struggled to make myself eat, I lost about a stone and a half in 6 weeks. This further worried me. I kept Googling oesophogeal and gastric cancer, checking statistics and crying a lot of the time. I was a mess. I mainly held it together during the day for my kids, getting them to school, making meals, looking after my baby etc but I didn't feel fully present if you know what I mean. It was nighttimes I felt at my worst, waking my husband up crying and having panic attacks that no one was taking me seriously and so on.
Luckily, I had a strong support network who rallied round me and made me see the doctors. The doctors were fantastic. They knew I was suffering from post natal health anxiety and prescribed Sertraline. It took a while to kick in though and the first couple of weeks were hell as they can initially make your anxiety worse, due me taking myself up to A & E three times (once even phoning an ambulance), demanding tests. I'm so ashamed of this now. However, when your anxiety is at this level, you are not thinking straight, it's like your body is at high flight or fight mode constantly. You are always on edge, scared and completely exhausted.
Gradually, with the Sertraline (and Propanalol) and the support of my family and doctors, I came out of it. I did have an endoscopy, my doctors felt that as I had private medical insurance, seeing a consultant may help ease my anxiety. They found only a small hiatus hernia which causes a bit of acid reflux.
I'm a lot better now and off the Sertraline (since last September). I try to stay off Google! I still the a smidge of health anxiety now and again, but nothing like I had during my post natal anxiety period. In the intense period it was about two to three months, but felt like a decade! It completely surprised me that hormones mixed with a natural tendency to slight anxiety could give me all those symptoms and send me loopy!
I hope this helps you a bit in seeing that health anxiety can give you lots of intense symptoms, some you may not even associate with anxiety. Plus, most of those symptoms, if you Google them, will come up with scary results on the search engines - don't Google, although it's hard (I'm still not perfect here). Even though many people say that seeing your doctors only provides temporary relief etc, I would still recommend doing so as I think, if they know your issue, they will be able to give you the help they need for you. Probably, a combination of reassurance tests in the short term but also CBT ('talking therapy' - I found this invaluable) and even possible anxiety medication if this is right for you. Everyone is different.
Good luck and things will get better for you. Xxx
Thanks Poppy, I hope you're right in that it will get better., but I can't see it. I am so convinced that this time it really is the real deal that I find myself slipping into a dark place and entertaining thoughts of just ending it somehow, because I don't want to deal with the inevitable sorrow that is coming my way...No more fear and anxiety is starting to sound appealing. I don't fear death, I fear withering away to sickness and I'm not going to let that happen.
Hi Mark,
It's me again.
I feel that we are in pretty much the same place right now. I've only gotten worse over the past few days unfortunately...Have been unable to go to school/work...Today I did manage to go out for a bit with my bf and that was actually a good thing- I felt half way to peaceful. Goodness, it's so funny...Id do ANYTHING to get back to my baseline self.
Anyway, I agree with you. My fear largely stems from the idea of getting terminally ill and having to wither away in pain and isolation (terminal illness is ofc, lonely, even if you have support- at lest, I can imagine I'd feel this way).
I understand what you mean about finding a bit of peace when you reliquesh the need for control. Honestly, just saying, 'I have no control and that's okay', can be helpful. Not a miracle cure or anything, but helpful.
If you're up to it, please let me know how you're going. It makes me feel less alone to hear about other people... :)
Hi Mark Twain
Just wondering how you are doing? have you managed to calm down. The 'It's different this time' is such a classic HA. My husband os sick of me saying it. In fact it is EXACTLY the same - HA playing mind games. I hope you are finding some peace
Hi palspals and susie,
The last few days have been a mix of really bad anxiety in the morning/afternoon and feeling calmer in the evening. I had a few days where I'd go to bed feeling okay and wake up in complete panic two hours later, which is such an awful feeling, but I'm hoping that's gone now. My appointment with the doctor is not until august 18, so I'm still wondering how I'm going to get through that long wait. I've been listening to Alan Watts on how to come to terms with death just to cope. I think it's worth listening to, it calmed me down somewhat (not allowed to post links unfortunately, it's on youtube). I've even been toying with the idea of doing psychedelics, since I hear it can help with anxiety, but I'm not sure I'm brave enough for that (yet). I'm doing these things because I realise I need a different perspective on life if I ever want to overcome this, but also in case that there really is something wrong with me right now and I'll be more prepared. Anyway, enough about me, how are you doing yourselves?
Hi Mark,
I am MUCH better than I was. I had both an endoscopy and colonoscopy and both came back clear. I want you to know that I had pencil thin stools (at times), frequent bowel movements, and blood on two occasions. I also had left sided abdominal pain. I was utterly convinced that I had colon cancer and the place I reached...was the lowest I've ever been. I let you know this because, even with so many 'symptoms', it ended up being nothing. It's important to note that this is often the case. And the panic, was simply not worth it.
I have ofc, since convinced myself that I could be suffering other forms of cancer. I have had serious air hunger for days and also frequent urination. But I subdue these thoughts and do not let them send me into a state of disarray. Am I saying I'm not going to go to the GP next week? No. I probably will. But I'm not going to become debilitated, like I was for a good 3 weeks there. I actually refuse to do that to myself. Google...I've been managing to avoid to a large extent and obviously that's helping. Also, I've managed not to see any medical professional for two weeks now and I'm proud of that.
I also have stopped thinking about death and the idea of coming to terms with it. I've realised that, that is something I'd only do if I got a prognosis that made it logical to engage with such material. I am focused now on life and everyday things and for me, this is helpful. Instead of thinking about 'preparing' for bad news, I'm simply trying to enjoy myself...even with the nagging feeling that something is wrong. Life is a day by day thing, Mark. None of us- no living thing can guarantee themselves a tomorrow. I've found it helpful to chat with friends about HA, I asked, 'If you analysed everything 'wrong' with your body/bodily functions, could you convince yourself something awful was going on?'. Every single person that I've questioned has said yes.
Lastly, I'm sorry to hear that things have been hard. I know how it feels to wake up in the middle of the night, afraid and panic stricken. I am wishing you the best. I hope, even in a small way, that my message has provided some comfort.
Hi Palspals, glad to hear you are doing better. I hope you manage to stay out of that dark place for good from now on. As for me, I'm still not doing so hot unfortunately. I have an appointment with the ENT doctor next friday, but since this weekend I've been deathly scared that I have signed my own death sentence by not going to the doctor earlier for another problem. Because I've always had IBS and constipation, I didn't really think much of it when I started having rectal bleeding last year. Constipation can cause anal fissures or hemorrhoids and because I often had painful bowel movements I blamed it on that. I really didn't have health anxiety back then, or I would have gone much sooner. I finally got it checked out last month and the doctor told me I had a huge anal fissure and gave me some cream. I used it for a few weeks, but I'm still bleeding slightly, even when not having bowel movements (not nearly as much as a few months ago though). I had it checked out today again by another doctor and he couldn't see any fissure (did the fissure heal? Then why am I still bleeding?). He thinks it might be an internal hemorrhoid, so he agreed to send me to a specialist. Of course, I've convinced myself it's cancer. I don't know why I did not get this checked out earlier, I'm such a goddamn moron, but before I got this health anxiety I really wasn't worried about anything. Now I'm convinced I've basically killed myself. So yeah, that's pretty much what's on my mind right now. I just have so much going on right now that I'm thinking at least one of these things must be serious. Although at least a few of my symptoms have mostly gone away, so that's something I guess.
You're right about needing to focus on living and not on death, but during my worst moments it's a coping mechanism. During the times I feel better I know that there is so much to live for, but that often makes me all the more scared of losing it all. Anyway, your posts are comforting, because unlike anyone in my real life you know exactly what I'm going through. It helps a lot. Thank you.
I'm really sorry to hear that, Mark. But I'd still caution you not to worry.
Actually, I had a similar experience. At the beginning of this year my bloods came back (all great except for my anaemia) and my doc casually passed me a colonoscopy prep kit and said, 'book a colonoscopy as sometimes anaemia is a symptom of bowel cancer.' I walked home feeling great about my good blood work and didn't think twice about the colonoscopy. I put the prep kit in my drawer and forgot about it. Yes...safe to say in February this year, I wasn't dealing with HA. Anyway, I too, thought I'd sent myself to an early grave and I could not believe that I didn't take his advice. To be fair, I should have. But still- I had the scopes and they came back clear. The bleeding was the result of a few internal hemerhoids. There are many stories out there of people saying their cancer was dismissed as hemerhoids. Indeed, this can happen HOWEVER, very often they are just that. It does not serve you to believe that you are the very rare exception to this rule, before having any of the tests done. Even when my stool test came back without trace blood, I still thought, 'it was obviously just a fluke sample.' Notice something here...I chose the worst case scenario every time.
My advice to you, is to get the scopes and put your mind at ease. But I'm here to say, that although I'm in a much better place and don't regret getting the procedure done for a second (the anesthetic was amazing ha), I'm off to the GP again today...with pain in my lower, left rib. And although not in a state over it, I feel the need for confirmation (yet again) that this is not some kind of awful cancer. So it's an endless cycle in a way.
I do understand how low you are feeling though, as I was exactly where you are and with exactly the same fear (colon cancer). In fact, even after the clear scopes, my bowel habits still bother me. Alas, I am so sure that you well be okay, Mark. Get the tests done, get the all clear and move on. Until then, don't do what I did and hide away. Go out and do things you love. I know, it's very hard. But exercise is getting me through! And don't be hard on yourself either and call yourself a moron. You come across as an extremely bright person who is simply going through a rough patch. You will get through it. You are not silly. You are human. We are not perfect. We don't have to be. But we do need to work hard to help ourselves. :)
So an update after some more testing. I went to the ENT and he gave me a laryngoscopy (a tube down my nose) and he saw my throat was swollen and irritated. I told him outright I had been scared it was throat cancer or something and he told me not to worry about that because it certainly wasn't that. He sent me off for a blood test to see if I'm allergic to anything. Personally I think it's reflux related, but at least it seems to be nothing serious. I also went to the surgeon today for a rectal exam. Turns out I had had a fissure, but it had mostly healed by now. There were also two hemorrhoids, which she banded on the spot. Told me everything looked fine otherwise.
So that's pretty much it for my major worries. I didn't get a colonoscopy, because my GP didn't see a reason for me to get one. My poop looks fine again and my abdominal pain mostly disappeared and it seems to shift places often anyway. My biggest worry right now is another symptom appearing which would spiral me into another bout of severe health anxiety. Just to sum up all the testing I've had this year:
Blood tests
Abdominal ultrasound
Chest x-ray
Liver MRI
Urinanalysis
Laryngoscopy
Proctoscopy
I'm not going to say everything came back fine, because there were/are real things causing my symptoms, but they're not going to kill me. At this point I have to accept there's probably nothing seriously wrong with me. Hopefully I can put this behind me and go back to the way I was before. It'll be very hard, for sure.
@Palspals: Thanks again for your kind words. I did read them at the time, just didn't have anything to respond with yet. How are you doing now? Hopefully you are seeing more improvement still.
So sorry you're going through this. It is so hard when one thing comes after the other. It just validates the panic state and makes it hard to think clearly. It sounds like you have had a lot of testing and you are fine. We all have little things, but we have to remember little things don't threaten us. WE can live with them.
I have to remember that too. I have had a whopper of the past 5 months. Among other things, yesterday, I just got a second opinion on a MRI, after a mass grew back after a doctor mistreated it in March. The mri showed nothing there, and the doctors aren't really sure there is anything there but swelling and edema of the tendons (although it is a palpable mass that they can feel, as well as me). I am getting a lot of "it's probably this" from the docs and that just ISN'T good enough for me. I want certainty, but no one wants to biopsy so I am stuck with imaging that they seem confident in but doesn't inspire me. I mean, after the imaging, I feel better than the absolute cancer panic I felt before the MRI, but I am not 100% settled.
Of course, my brain is already scanning for new things. I have been feeling pings in my armpits and breasts (which I do feel frequently). Then, today (the day after the second opinion on the mri), I am feeling a new numbness in the foot that has the mass. I don't know whether I can trust that this is a true numbness, or if it's something my brain is fabricating. I have no choice but to hold off for a while and try to determine if this pain is fact or fiction...but...I really can't understand why my body can't just leave me alone for awhile. I also have post nasal drip, tickly throat, and a persisent cough with some wheezing (that has lasted a while), so of course all that adds up to sinister in my mind and confirms (in my mind) the outcome I've been fearing, that I have cancer in my foot that already spread . The onslaught just never ends, and I probably should see a doctor about the cough and wheeze, but I also need a break from the endless doctors visits. I just don't have time, I don't have the emotional energy, I am sick of spending the money, I am sick of it. I really need a break, but my body won't give it to me. I think that is the worst thing about HA. For whatever reason (whether anxiety symptoms or other noise), the the body doesn't quit when the medical question is settled. UNfortunately, we have to fight and claw our way right in the face of our bodies, and it takes a lot of strength and fortitude when you really just need a rest. THat's how I feel right now, anyway.
Hi NervUs, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but I think you just have to remember that if the docs thought there was the slightest chance it could be anything serious, they wouldn't hesitate to send you off for more testing. No doctor is going to risk missing a serious disease and getting their pants sued off. Like you I also need to learn to trust the doctor's judgement when they say you're fine without doing more tests, so I know how hard it is and I wish I could tell you how to do it, but I have yet to figure out how to do it myself. By the way, I also have a tickly throat along with coughing and hoarseness, if you look around you'll see many suffering from anxiety get this. Look up reflux or LPR in combination with anxiety for instance.
So I guess I'm back again, as my symptoms persist and I'm seeing a doctor again. I'm still seeing small amounts of blood on my stool occasionally as wellas mucus, and I even had some bloody mucus a few times. Combined with the persistent dull ache on my left side I'm expecting the worst. The doctor sent me off for a blood test to check for IBD, but I already know it's not that, because I have none of the classic symptoms like diarrhea or going many times a day. I'm not even sure why I'm here, because I don't think I have health anxiety. I'm not worried about silly stuff like rabies or ebola. My symptoms are very real and scary, it's not health anxiety to worry about them. I'm just waiting to finally be diagnosed with a terminal illness and I'm not sure what to do then.
It's been another month I see, still struggling. I had a good week or two with next to no symptoms, but now they've come back and worse than before. Still having pain/discomfort on my left side, sometimes my right side, and now I'm having loose stools/diarrhea as well, which I have never had before. Ran out of bed four times last night, two of which were for naught. I'm scared to even look in the toilet bowl at this point, so I don't. Going so often is making me wipe a lot more as well and so the bleeding is back too. I caught a glimpse of a bunch of blood splatters in the bowl after I went tonight, I didn't dare examine further. During the last checkup the surgeon remarked that the fissure I have (not healing, painless, off the midline) could be indicative of Crohn's, but my next appointment isn't for another month. At this point I'm basically praying it's 'just' that and not something more sinister.
Anyway, I'm at a point where I know I have to get things checked out and there's no point in trying to reason this away, but I always feel a little better typing out my thoughts here regardless.
Oh Mark, I cannot tell you how much I relate.
The weeks and months of debilitating anxiety, one health concern after another, reassurance and then renewed fear, real symptoms. I'm just waiting for my terminal diagnosis too. I'm hoping that I 'just' have CIN rather than cancer. I hope we're both wrong though.
But, like you, I almost don't want to hope too much because that would make it even harder if it was all snatched away. It would be unbearable to go back to how I was before, so happy and enjoying life and seeing the beauty in everything, only to have it taken from me. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst, and be ok with dying.
But, of course, I still hope I'm wrong. Of course I do.
It feels like it will never end. You've been suffering longer than me. Mine started in August. You've had more tests too, and perhaps your symptoms are more dramatic (though mine are very dramatic in my mind). So as bad as things feel for me, I think you must feel even worse. And I'm so so sorry.
Mark, are you taking any medication for your reflux (like Lanzaprazole)?
The reason I ask is that when I was put on Lanzaprazole it triggered really bad diahorrea, funny coloured stools, floaty stools and abdominal cramping for like 6 weeks! The Dr twigged that it might be the Lanzaprazole that was causing it (as it has been known to bring on a type of colitis - which can have blood in It, though mine didn't). A few days after coming off it all symptoms cleared up! I had been so worried it was something not good that the Dr referred me privately to a consultant (luckily I have private medical insurance through my husband's job) to put my mind at rest
They did a colonoscopy which was all clear apart from the patch of colitis irritation caused by the Lanzaprazole.
Hi Mark.
I've been suffering recently too.
Unfortunately, multiple swollen nodes have popped up in my right armpit and despite looking clear on the ultrasound, more have emerged since then...so I was back in the awful headspace of literally expecting and trying to accept my impending death. It is so tiring...back to the doc on weds to tell her about how more have come up. It's a very hard time.
Regarding your symptoms, I strongly advise a colonoscopy. I had all your symptoms and they didn't end up finding anything startling. Honestly, I was fixated on my bowel habits for a while and since I've relaxed, there's been no more blood etc. You need peace of mind.
Truthfully, these have been some of the darkest days of my life. And I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. Of course, I wouldn't wish illness of any kind upon anyone. I think so much of HA stems from the knowing that this crazy world and our crazy bodies will do what they will do and that truthfully, our power is so limited. The 'Ah-ness' of life...there is beauty in uncertainty and transience but also much fear and sorrow.
Well stated. I feel the exact same things. It really is the worst feeling. This forum is so helpful because we see that we are not alone.
I think I owe you guys an update. They gave me a sigmoidoscopy to check out the 'problem area' and it was all normal. Of course I'm thinking, did they really go far enough, since a sigmoidoscopy doesn't go as far as a colonoscopy, but they assured me they did. Together with the ultrasound and liver MRI I had last year, I'm thinking that should rule out any scary things. Yet I don't feel 'liberated' like I thought I would. There was no switch in my head that turned on allowing me to instantly feel carefree and happy again. Perhaps this entire thing has gone on too long for that. But I'm still happy with this result of course.
I think I owe you guys an update. They gave me a sigmoidoscopy to check out the 'problem area' and it was all normal. Of course I'm thinking, did they really go far enough, since a sigmoidoscopy doesn't go as far as a colonoscopy, but they assured me they did. Together with the ultrasound and liver MRI I had last year, I'm thinking that should rule out any scary things. Yet I don't feel 'liberated' like I thought I would. There was no switch in my head that turned on allowing me to instantly feel carefree and happy again. Perhaps this entire thing has gone on too long for that. But I'm still happy with this result of course.
That's how I feel when I get good results too. Pleased, but not free. Like you say, it's gone on too long. I'm too broken now I think!
And I'm still just sitting here with pelvic discomfort that is controlling my life.
I have an ultrasound next week anyway, so maybe they will find something...
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