Going back to work tomorrow

[vix100]

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here for a while - been trying to ignore things really - but two weeks ago my doc signed me off work due to stress at work (the woman i work for is extremely rude and various other things). I got extremely panicky at the thought of going to work and started shaking and couldn't stop (which I'd not had before) so i asked for time off. Anyway, while I was off my symptoms decreased (ie, breathing better, no palps etc) but now in the last few days the thought of going back to work has panicked me again and my breathing is worse than ever and I just feel so down about it all. I don't know what's going to happen about this woman (nobody else there will work with her so i know it's not just me) but I keep thinking 'what if she is not the reason for my anxiety adn I'm just getting worse and worse until it spirals out of control. I'm having counselling about it - tried EMDR, EFT, being referred for CBT. I just feel like I'm trying everything but not getting better. Having said that, i acknowledge that it was better while i was off work but the more i avoid giong to work the harder it will be to go back. I've got a job interview on Monday but I just feel down about it really - I've lost so much self-esteem recently and have no confidence in myself at all. Sorry to go on. Thanks for reading. Vix

[Insomniac]

Hey Vix.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. It was a work situation similar to yours that made my panic bad enough to need meds. I have had counselling and changed my job. Two lots of counselling actually. But the second lot was caused more by our financial difficulties and being unable to have another a child.

At least you know its not just you who feels this way. Thats one thing I found reassuring in my old job. I was not the only one. Sadly my manager did not recognise it. What's your boss like? Can you avoid this woman at all? Its hard to rise above it, and not let it affect you. Work does take up a large part of our day. But try to hang in there. I started writing positive things/achievements in a small notebook.

Each day I would sit and think of 2-3 things. Even simple ones like hoovering (sometimes a struggle), or enjoying a walk with my daughter. Or watching the birds in the garden. Anything really that gives you a lift at any point in the day. These things really help you remember that its not all bad. And actually writing them down seems to make them more powerful.

Try to hang onto your confidence. You'll get the job thats right for you. :-)

[vix100]

Hi Lisa. Thanks for the idea of writing down the positive things that happen - there are loads of little positive things that happen during the day when you think about it so i might just try that. My boss buries his head in the sand about it really as this woman brings in lots of money to his company! But we'll see what happens - feeling v apprehensive - particularly as during my time off I've been taking my son to his nursery much later than usual and picking him up much eariler (I miss him so much when I'm at work and feel guilty that he has such a long day at nursery) and now once again today I've got to get him there for 8.30am so have that guilt feeling again too - especially with poor little Madeline still missing I just want to be near him. Just finding it really hard to stay positive at the moment and my husband keeps saying he wants 'me' back which makes me feel bad. However, there are so many things that are positive that I am going to try writing them down. Thanks so much. Vix