need help now... liver cancer anxiety

[exbenzo]

Hi guys, please excuse my English.

Since 15 years old I began to experience mild fever, cold hand / feet, dizziness also anxiety. I went to the doc and ended in a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ocd and had me take the psychiatric meds. Then around 2010 I had severe itching in my palms, feet, arms, legs, stomach, face, etc. and also fatigue. Then fast forward to around 2015, I gained weight (around 176 lbs) and belly fat. I also had severe dandruff and seborrhea dermatitis. Went to several docs without getting obvious answer. So I kept telling myself it was only due to my mental illness. After that, in one occassion I almost passed out because out of breath after taking antibiotic. Then, I frequently woke up during the night, had difficulty breathing. Then I had GERD, confirmed with endoscopy. Now I've been psych meds free since April 2017 (from roughly 15 years) and started living & eating healthy. At this point I found out that I had sub clinical hypothyroid, which I found out later that the thyroid enzyme is helped to be converted (from t4 to t3) 80% by the liver. My itchiness was 90% gone as I eliminated fast / fried food. Recently I felt pain in my right upper abdominal area, and I'm still often dizzy, fatigue, losing weight. I also had some hair loss, probably because of my thyroid. I went to my specialist as well as did ultrasound. The ultrasound didn't detect anything. I convinced my specialist to had me scanned in CT scan because I was very terrified of liver / gallbladder cancer (although later on I read about CT radiation and had additional anxiety from it). The result was almost of my organs were normal, except the liver, it said: benign calcification (post inflammation) between left and right lobe. But my doc wasn't concerned, he explained and said it wasn't dangerous. The day after that I convinced him do the blood test for the liver & gallbladder, turned out to be normal, except direct bilirubin was mildly elevated but my doc said it was still normal because he saw the total bilirubin which was still in range. Also, the tumor and hepatitis results were also all negative. I debated him, yet still got no answer. By the way, I don't have jaundice (I was convinced by seeing my skin (or was it just my anxiety which convinced I'm slightly yellowish), but my doc said I didn't have jaundice, my eyes are still white too, my urine and stool are normal coloring, yet I am scared to death here, because if I'm okay, why do I still have a tight sensation in my upper right abdomen, fatigue, dizziness, weight loss (but my weight seems steady now, however thin I am now with slightly reduced belly fat (I'm 5'7" and my current weight is around 125.6 lbs). My doc is still not worried or convinced that I had cancer, he said it is my anxiety. Of course I'm not hoping that I had cancer, but these symptoms really disturb me for me to be able to do my activities. I don't know what to do anymore. I became like an insane stressed out guy. I also know recently that cancer takes roughly 20 years to form (I count the age I started feeling the first symptom such as fever was like roughly 15 years). Also just fyi, I never drink alcohol. I just had been eaten a lot of fast / fried food before, since my childhood. Please anyone share your story, to help me and calm me down. I feel alone in my place. I know at least in here, I can be helped and understood. Sorry for the long post. Thank you so much.

[StephA]

So which doctor/Oncologist told you that cancer takes 20 years to "form"? I've had breast cancer by the way, and it damn sure didn't take 20 years to pop up! We can't give you medical advice, but my advice would be to get into some therapy for your anxiety. It takes more than just medication to overcome anxiety!
PS: congrats!! You don't have cancer! Your doctor already confirmed that! So stop pushing for tests for liver cancer. Oh how I WISH I would've had the same results as you did four and a half years ago! Consider yourself lucky!
See a therapist to get help with your anxiety and do what they suggest.

[exbenzo]

Thanks stephA. I just learned that cancer takes roughly 20 years to form from health expert in the internet. So, not from any of my real life doctors / practitioners. So I want to ask you now (as well as for reassurance), if it's really a cancer, then it doesn't take me to push 'cancer test' like that, does it? I mean, the doctor just diagnose you right away if you really do have cancer, so no need to do my own 'push tests' which really are complicated and confusing to me (since I'm not a doctor, I know), right? I mean it must be that simple, isn't it? Thanks, you really helped to calm me down.

Yeah, I think this is also one of the effects of my post psych meds withdrawal symptoms: severe anxiety. I read a lot about benzo w/d too. And yeah, I know I need holistic health to help my anxiety, that nutrition also plays a lot, that's why I'm not using any psych meds anymore now. I'm glad I had finally been able to be free from it.

I'm sorry you had cancer. So how is it now? I hope you're healed.

[Annaboodle]

Hi :)

You said you read up a lot on benzo w/d (you mention it in your second post so I assume you've been or are going through it)? So sorry if you have. Reason I ask is that I've been through it and benzo withdrawal is absolute hell and even on its own can create or amplify every anxiety symptom under the sun. Unfortunately the effects of withdrawal can also convince you that you have every serious physical illness you can think of. With benzo w/d I had pretty extreme visual and aural disturbances, terrible digestive problems, headaches, fatigue, aches and pains everywhere, chronic "restless legs" that stopped me sleeping, insanely itchy skin all over my body, insomnia on top of that, upset stomach, dry mouth, weight loss, paranoia and extreme mood swings, constant panic and crippling anxiety. I could go on and on....

Anyway, just thought I'd mention as the withdrawal is so severe and long lasting from benzos that in my experience you have to keep it at the front of your mind at all times cause it's so easy to confuse with other conditions. If you read my symptoms above, it'd be easy for me to think that I was getting a brain tumour, bowel cancer, or any other number of terrible diseases.

I'm sure you know this stuff already about the severity of benzodiazepine withdrawal, but I thought I'd post in case it's useful to anyone reading.

Hope you're doing ok. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (yeah, that was just a blast combining alcohol and benzo withdrawal - hope no one else is going through that), so if anyone knows about the anxieties of getting liver or pancreatic conditions and diseases it's me sadly!

[exbenzo]

Hi :)

You said you read up a lot on benzo w/d (you mention it in your second post so I assume you've been or are going through it)? So sorry if you have. Reason I ask is that I've been through it and benzo withdrawal is absolute hell and even on its own can create or amplify every anxiety symptom under the sun. Unfortunately the effects of withdrawal can also convince you that you have every serious physical illness you can think of. With benzo w/d I had pretty extreme visual and aural disturbances, terrible digestive problems, headaches, fatigue, aches and pains everywhere, chronic "restless legs" that stopped me sleeping, insanely itchy skin all over my body, insomnia on top of that, upset stomach, dry mouth, weight loss, paranoia and extreme mood swings, constant panic and crippling anxiety. I could go on and on....

Anyway, just thought I'd mention as the withdrawal is so severe and long lasting from benzos that in my experience you have to keep it at the front of your mind at all times cause it's so easy to confuse with other conditions. If you read my symptoms above, it'd be easy for me to think that I was getting a brain tumour, bowel cancer, or any other number of terrible diseases.

I'm sure you know this stuff already about the severity of benzodiazepine withdrawal, but I thought I'd post in case it's useful to anyone reading.

Hope you're doing ok. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (yeah, that was just a blast combining alcohol and benzo withdrawal - hope no one else is going through that), so if anyone knows about the anxieties of getting liver or pancreatic conditions and diseases it's me sadly!

Thank you, thank you so much for your reply. Yes, I've read how severe and inhuman the withdrawal process is, especially in this case, benzo. That's why I'm not using any psych meds anymore now, I've been psych meds (including benzo) free since around April 2017 (although in the around / post withdrawal phase before this current time, I 've tried some sleep aid supplements too which also had mild sedating effect). I'm really mad with this.

This morning my weight is still mildly decreasing (I also changed my diet, I suppose I still had to revise it, though). But the moment I read your post here, I became very, very relaxed. This might be your post you thought was another post of yours, but for me, it's a big thing.

Let's keep fight together.

[exbenzo]

That is brilliant that you're doing so well off those meds and the dietary changes you've made will make a huge difference longer-term. Well done on getting where you are (I know it might not feel like it at the moment, believe me)

Because you're seeing doctors/consultants etc... I feel it's ok to give you my opinion for what it's worth. This is purely based on what you have told us here from the doctors already, but I think it's worth repeating. I don't know about you, but I find the medical facts I've been told get lost sometimes in the fog that it my anxious brain. So here's what you and the information from your doctors tells me:

You have GERD, medically confirmed with an endoscopy. I have this too (in my case a lot was due to my alcohol abuse combined with certain foods, but that is just me) and the symptoms were scary (pain, vomiting with certain foods, etc), but I have this under control with a mixture of healthy diet now and PPI meds. It is likely you can do the same or even control it with the dietary changes you have been making.

You have been diagnosed with a thyroid condition. Unfortunately the symptoms of this are v. similar to anxiety symptoms I believe, and as I was saying before - similar also to benzo w/d symptoms. So it must be so difficult for you to know what it causing what!

Reading your post though, I can tell you that there is not a single symptom you list that I could not ascribe to hypothyroid, or to benzo-withdrawal or/and (cause they go hand in hand) to anxiety. Not one of your symptoms makes me feel worried about something more sinister. My only concern would be to hope that the GERD and hypothyroid can be treated/got under control.

Your specialist gave you a thorough ultrasound. The ultrasound didn't detect anything. They gave you a CT scan to rule out liver / gallbladder cancer based on your worries about those conditions. The docs have ruled out all those forms of cancer based on the clear scan results. They have also ruled out hepatitis which is great news. A small issue was found with your liver which your doctor is not at all concerned about (the calcification post inflammation). The doctor has also conducted blood test for your liver and gallbladder. All normal. Again great news - all clear.

Your bilirubin levels were slightly elevated but within the normal range so this is not a concern to them. Many people have slightly elevated bilirubin levels by the way. It requires no treatment when any serious condition has been ruled out, which it has in your case.

The doctors have confirmed that you do not have jaundice. I promise you if you did have a specialist would know just by looking at you, but they have also done tests. I've spent time in hospital with patients with liver-related jaundice and believe me - the colour of the smiley emoticons over there is not far from where your skin and eyes would be (no faint yellow tinges if you squint at your skin shining a torch, or look at your eyes in a mirror from funny angles - and yes, I've done all that!)

At the end of your post, you wrote, "if I'm okay, why do I still have a tight sensation in my upper right abdomen, fatigue, dizziness, weight loss (but my weight seems steady now, however thin I am now with slightly reduced belly fat (I'm 5'7" and my current weight is around 125.6 lbs). My doc is still not worried or convinced that I had cancer, he said it is my anxiety."

The doctor is right in my humble opinion. They have done every test I can think of and all your results have been great :) The fatigue, tight sensation, dizziness, etc... all those I would have put down to anxiety alone, but could equally be the thyroid or the benzo-withdrawal . Good news for you is that it doesn't matter which of those conditions it is causing those as you are treating them. Your weight you said is already stabilising, and I bet you anything settles in a place you're happy with now that you are eating so much healthier.

Anyway, that is my reading of it, based on the thorough exploration your doctors have done and the results you've shared here. Good luck medears with everything and take care. Sending you healing vibes through the ether :)

Thanks again, Annaboodle. I wrote on my reply for you just recently, that my weight is in fact still not stable, but I really want not to worry much again about it, since it indeed has to do too with my psych meds withdrawal (I've read that the withdrawal symptoms can take long time, even years for brain to heal).

I have to admit that somehow I doubt my doctor (because my ocd) such as, he might missed something / made mistakes in diagnosing me, but I guess the lab tests couldn't lie and that tests themselves as you said, were enough.

About gerd I somehow feel much better, I took the alternative route though.

Thanks again for your kind help! :)

I also want to add that, I've read plenty of members' posts here prior joining this forum, including, you know, stop searching your symptoms on the internet. I want to thank you for that. Because, you know, I became more paranoid because of this, such as:

1. my liver / gallbladder cancer anxiety which is losing lot of weight. I've learned that cancer cells eat the nutrition fast from the body. Although my doctor again and again refuted my fear by reading my lab results (ultrasound, ct scan, blood tests), I still didn't believe him. Because I thought, oh, from the internet, the liver calcification could grow where there is tumor, so I thought, perhaps my doctor missed it, I need, you know, perhaps MRI scan etc. to confirm this, to find out whether the calcification does hide the tumor.

But in the end, after all, he IS the doctor, not me.

2. gerd issue like most of you may know, could lead to barrett esophagus then esophageal cancer, although the chance is really thin (I even read a lot about this stuff)

3. my ct scan (I only had one, though) radiation anxiety (I found out about this (radiation amount) after I was scanned)

Although it is indeed from the internet too I know that liver is the organ which can be 100% healed, given its proper needs.

Well, I guess we all just can't search more and more about our symptoms blindly on the internet, without the real expert whom we meet in real life, guiding us, guiding our reality, our own self assumption regarding this topic.

Thank you. You guys helped me a lot.