Justascaredgirl
30-07-17, 20:23
Hello, I am a 21 year old female from the US and am extremely scared of HIV I have had other fears as well, but somehow they all trace back to HIV:(
Let's start by saying, I have had 3 sexual partners in my life. The first one was older than me and I lost my virginity to him. We didn't use condoms. I was 16 and very very stupid. He has a child now, and the mother of his child and his child do not appear to have had HIV at least not at the time she gave birth. However, he did give me chlamydia the first time I ever had sex (warning sign in so dumb :(
During college I slept with another guy. We used a condom except during oral and I think 2 times we did not use a condom. I was again stupid. He never ejacualted into me, we didn't have sex that many times I would say between 5-7 times.
I am currently dating the love of my life. I know for a fact he did not have HIV before me because he's only had 1 partner before me and they were both virgins. I'm so scared I could have given this to him and am very scared to talk to him.
For a long time I was able to convince myself that I could not have it, also so stupid:(
I can feel my lymph nodes, now I have read a lot on here about how feeling them doesn't necessarily mean they are swollen, but still some of them feel sort of big. I can feel maybe 8 in my neck in various places. I don't think I can feel them in my armpits and also my groin I can't really tell. I might be able to feel some there as well. There are 4 symmetrical ones under my jaw probably bigger than a cm. There is one under my ear that just popped up and is going down but not gone, probably bigger than a cm. There are a few behind my other ear that are small. And some that are pea sized that I can feel down the bottom of neck, probably 2 and less than a cm.
A few months ago I was bruising rather easily, I'm still unsure if this is a symptom. I know that when I was working out I was noticing A LOT more bruises than I am now. Maybe that correlates?
I get canker sores on occasion. Recently I've been getting more but maybe just cause I'm stressed? I wasn't getting them for a while but recently got a few.
Last November I had a yeast infection/ bacterial vaginosis simultaneously. The yeast infection went away but the BV took a couple rounds of antibiotics. I went to the gyno for the first time and got a Pap smear but no std test. Everything came back normal. I was also having some groin/ abdominal pain and was REALLY scared I had PID, but the doctor said I didn't and then the pain went away. I occasionally get the pain but think it could be digestive? I haven't had a yeast infection or BV infection since.
I haven't had any night sweats except the last couple nights I've woken up with a sweaty neck. Not super sweaty, not drenching. So I don't think it's a night sweat. I think I'm just super duper anxious. But still not helping body :/
When I think back I don't really remember getting sick around the time of being with the first two partners. Definitely not a flu. I got the flu for the first time this year. I obviously could have just forgot.
My current boyfriend sweats A LOT. Like dripping, not just during the night. But he does sweat a lot as he sleeps too. He has a poor diet, smokes tobacco and weed, and all around isn't a very healthy person. But still I don't think he did all this sweating before. He has not had any flu symptoms in the almost 2 years we've been dating. I think he gets diarrhea but also he eats terrible and not nearly enough.
I know my chances of HIV are probably relatively low, based on my location and experiences... I'm just scared. It's affecting everything and consuming my every thought. I'm so scared to talk to my boyfriend, so scared to get tested, I'm still on my parents insurance idk how I could possibly tell them if I had it:(
I know this is long, but I really need help, if you could reply that would be amazing.
---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 19:14 ----------
I know this is long... I just need some reassurance
Let's start by saying, I have had 3 sexual partners in my life. The first one was older than me and I lost my virginity to him. We didn't use condoms. I was 16 and very very stupid. He has a child now, and the mother of his child and his child do not appear to have had HIV at least not at the time she gave birth. However, he did give me chlamydia the first time I ever had sex (warning sign in so dumb :(
During college I slept with another guy. We used a condom except during oral and I think 2 times we did not use a condom. I was again stupid. He never ejacualted into me, we didn't have sex that many times I would say between 5-7 times.
I am currently dating the love of my life. I know for a fact he did not have HIV before me because he's only had 1 partner before me and they were both virgins. I'm so scared I could have given this to him and am very scared to talk to him.
For a long time I was able to convince myself that I could not have it, also so stupid:(
I can feel my lymph nodes, now I have read a lot on here about how feeling them doesn't necessarily mean they are swollen, but still some of them feel sort of big. I can feel maybe 8 in my neck in various places. I don't think I can feel them in my armpits and also my groin I can't really tell. I might be able to feel some there as well. There are 4 symmetrical ones under my jaw probably bigger than a cm. There is one under my ear that just popped up and is going down but not gone, probably bigger than a cm. There are a few behind my other ear that are small. And some that are pea sized that I can feel down the bottom of neck, probably 2 and less than a cm.
A few months ago I was bruising rather easily, I'm still unsure if this is a symptom. I know that when I was working out I was noticing A LOT more bruises than I am now. Maybe that correlates?
I get canker sores on occasion. Recently I've been getting more but maybe just cause I'm stressed? I wasn't getting them for a while but recently got a few.
Last November I had a yeast infection/ bacterial vaginosis simultaneously. The yeast infection went away but the BV took a couple rounds of antibiotics. I went to the gyno for the first time and got a Pap smear but no std test. Everything came back normal. I was also having some groin/ abdominal pain and was REALLY scared I had PID, but the doctor said I didn't and then the pain went away. I occasionally get the pain but think it could be digestive? I haven't had a yeast infection or BV infection since.
I haven't had any night sweats except the last couple nights I've woken up with a sweaty neck. Not super sweaty, not drenching. So I don't think it's a night sweat. I think I'm just super duper anxious. But still not helping body :/
When I think back I don't really remember getting sick around the time of being with the first two partners. Definitely not a flu. I got the flu for the first time this year. I obviously could have just forgot.
My current boyfriend sweats A LOT. Like dripping, not just during the night. But he does sweat a lot as he sleeps too. He has a poor diet, smokes tobacco and weed, and all around isn't a very healthy person. But still I don't think he did all this sweating before. He has not had any flu symptoms in the almost 2 years we've been dating. I think he gets diarrhea but also he eats terrible and not nearly enough.
I know my chances of HIV are probably relatively low, based on my location and experiences... I'm just scared. It's affecting everything and consuming my every thought. I'm so scared to talk to my boyfriend, so scared to get tested, I'm still on my parents insurance idk how I could possibly tell them if I had it:(
I know this is long, but I really need help, if you could reply that would be amazing.
---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 19:14 ----------
I know this is long... I just need some reassurance