Back on meds and feel a failure

[beadbabe]

Well there you have it. back on medication today - Citalopram. I have been here before over a year ago - went on the meds. Came off feeling better and have slipped back and back fighting against the medication all the way and now there is no way forward other than this.

I am so fed up and feel like a total failure. I want to be better, I have tried so hard and put myself through so much because I want my life back.

But frankly so many episodes of terrifying symptoms - constant dizziness, ectopic heartbeat and now frightening episodes of palpitations like I didn't know you could even without dying from them. All this has set me back and stops me from recovering.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

[bottleblond]

Hi Bead

Being back on medication is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, i would rather be on meds and feel ok than be off them and feel awful.
As my doctor was saying today, some people fuction better when they are on the medication becasue we are prone to anxiety/depression and therefor should remain on it. I have came my meds many times and have ended up back at square one again (a place i hate being) so i have decided that if i'm better off on it then on it i am and on it i will stay!
I know this may not be what you want to hear hun, but weigh up the pro's and con's and decided what's better for you.

good love
love Lisa
xxxx

[beadbabe]

I know, I am just so scared of the side effects when you go on them and whether they will make my palpitations worse (as that is what I am trying to get away from really)

I just thought I could do it without - I never had any major problems until I got to 36, so how can all that normal life be wiped out in a space of less than two years? I know anxiety and panic has probably been waiting in the wings for me for a long time but surely it can be undone and go back to my normal anxious self (I know I can't be cured but just want to be me again)

[groovygranny]

Beadbabe, you are not a failure for going back on medication.

I've been off Citalopram for over a year now, and was only on it for a little while, but would never rule out going back on it if necessary.

If it helps you, then why not?

If you have a headache do you fight it and suffer all the more or take a paracetemol and take the edge of it?

Citalopram is an enabler - it enables you to cope with what has become difficult to cope with without help.

Don't feel a failure - feel helped, ok?

:hugs::flowers:

[normalwisdom]

Don't feel a failure I was exactly the same as you I was off of citalopram for about a year, then things got to much and I reluctantly went back on them.

I really didn't want to but would do anything to help myself, please remember that the first few weeks can be bad but stick at it and it will get better. I am in a much happier settled frame of mind at the moment so stick at it:hugs:

[Pumpkin]

Hi there

I've just joined the website for the first time today and clicked on your email. I have real empathy with you as I too have just been prescribed Citalopram having been ok for the last year without it. I too feel like it's a step backwards, particularly as I was hoping to try for a baby anytime now and have been told it's not safe to do so on the tablets. My Consultant thinks that if I had diabetes or a cardio condition I've find it easier to accept ongoing medical intervention to keep myself healthy and has suggested that I view my anxiety in this way. It's easier said that done - however I'm trying to think more pragramtically now and am taking each day at a time, rather than thinking on what I'm missing out on. I hope you too will get to a place where you can accept that being on the medication is not a sign of weakness or failure it's somehting you need to take to keep you well :).

Rachel

[honeybee3939]

Hi Beadbabe

Ohh your not a failure at all hun !!:ohmy:

Ive been taking Citalopram on and off now for 8 years, im weaning my self off it again at the moment (i realise now, that in the past i have reduced too quickly, hence taking them for so many years!) but too be honest ive come to the conclusion if taking 1 tablet a day makes me feel better then that can only be good!.

Sending you a HUG:hugs: hun !

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[monique]

Hi Beadbabe,
I just joined the forum and your thread from last year came up as similar to the one I started. I wondered how you're going now? I have been on and off citalopram for about 18 months. I guess I had this idea that I would use it for a period of time, then I would never need it again. But my anxiety had other ideas. May be its OK to use it exactly the way it suits you best. I guess though if you keep going off and on, you have to deal with the initial side effects again each time you go on again.