Pregnant, OCD and vomiting/self-harm

[amu28]

I posted on this forum about health anxiety long ago, but forgot my password.

I've had OCD since I was 11, was not taken to any doctor with it, but "grew out of it" (haha, if that was possible) by around 15 years old, i.e. learnt to hide it and it continued all my life in the form of obsessive thoughts/counting etc only.

Now I am in my 30s and I'm pregnant. I have severe "morning sickness" (shitty name for this condition as it is all day every day) and every smell makes me sick, even smells in my house. I work full time, which is a nightmare, especially at lunchtime.

So basically my newest compulsion is that I deliberately think of disgusting things, such as rotten food, bad smells, contains of the toilet (*gag*) and I cannot stop myself, which is often enough to actually throw up because of the pregnancy.
Worst is when I'm anxious at work and I must think of a disgusting thing and another and another, until I gag, and then I try to stop myself from vomiting... nightmare.

Anybody ever in a similar situation? How could I force myself to redirect these thoughts? I lost 11 lbs so far in four weeks, not the end of the world, but I usually throw up most of the food I eat because of this.

[lior]

Hello, and congratulations on your pregnancy. Babies, yay!

Sorry to hear about your OCD. That sounds torturous. Have you spoken to a doctor about this recently? Is it normal to lose weight during pregnancy? Happy mum = happy baby, right?

I don't know much but I heard that morning sickness doesn't normally last the whole pregnancy, right? It will get better - it will pass.

[AntsyVee]

I agree with Lior...you really need to talk to your doctor. There's around 5 prescription medications that can be taken during pregnancy to help with morning sickness, pica and appetite. You need to take care of yourself; vitamin deficiency can hurt you as well as your baby.

[amu28]

Thanks for your reply!
I have never been treated for OCD and I thought it would not be a great start when pregnant - but it is great to hear that there is medication available.
Also, it is complicated as my husband doesn't know I have OCD and I am embarrassed to tell him (I think he thinks it means excessive hand washing and organising things). I would not be comfortable going to therapy without him knowing, but... ah it is complicated.

[lior]

I can imagine it's complicated.

It's really not something you need to be ashamed of. This is something that a therapist would be able to help you with. Even in one or two sessions, a therapist could help you figure out how to tell your husband. That would be a great first step. So 'going to therapy' wouldn't be something you would have to keep secret for a long time.

In the early days of figuring out my mental health, telling people would feel like I was making it 'real', and I didn't want to do that, so I didn't tell people. However - telling people is HOW you get help to get better.

You're understanding what you're doing as self harm. That's serious. You say that it might not be a great start to start being treated for OCD when pregnant. Not getting help might be worse than getting help, especially if it affects your little one.

What are you afraid of? How can you take action to overcome these fears, for the benefit of your health?

Perhaps treatment for OCD has changed since you were a little girl, for the better.

Sending you good wishes x