Panicking over finally getting my dream job????

[LauLau]

Hi Guys,

So this is a weird one for me and I need to know if anyone else has been or is in the same boat.
As a little background I have suffered from Panic Disorder since November of a last year and after battling with it, trying different medications, going through therapy, trying different relaxation techniques; I finally feel like I am in a good place, not 100% but good enough for me to have come off my medication (a few months ago) and be able to quickly deal with my attacks as they come.

So this is the strange thing to me, I have been back at work for a while now and I have no issues there, I feel a good amount of support and generally I felt ready to take on more. More being I wanted to start looking for my dream job rather than staying in retail which my work team has been supporting whilst i have been looking.
Soon enough and after a lot of searching, I was able to get an apprenticeship in the field I wanted. (Which is tattooing by the way) I have never been so over the moon in my life but I soon realised if I wanted this to take off I would have to put a lot of work into it, obviously. So right now I am splitting doing that and my part time job just so I have some income. The last few days have been great, I've loved every minute so far but...

Over the last five days I have been suffering with what feels like dizziness and lightheaded feeling. My sleeping pattern has been quite bad and I feel a weird pulsing all over my body when I lie down or stand. I have been told by a number of people that it is my anxiety flaring again because of too much commitment but I really don't know, I don't want to slow down or stop my progress with my apprenticeship because it's been a life long dream of mine.

Just wondering if I am alone on this one or if anyone else has had a similar experience? It's kind of scaring me but if it is my anxiety I feel it will just be another wall to climb.

Sorry if this complete rambles. Me and my panic attacks aren't getting on tonight the more I think about it.:lac:

[lior]

Hello! I know how you feel :)

It's scary achieving your dreams, isn't it? It's like... this self that was always in the future, is now in the present, so that means you must be a 'grown up' now. And being a 'grown up' is big and scary. I know I doubt myself - am I really able to take on this responsibility? Am I actually good enough?

2 things:

1 - don't be afraid to slow down. Doing things at a slower pace is not a failure - it's looking after yourself and your health. Your health is everything. Don't risk it. I have ME/CFS which means I need to slow down to the extreme. There's a thing called 'reasonable adjustments' at work which is for people with health conditions. The fact your anxiety is flaring up means you are eligible to ask for reasonable adjustments from your apprenticeship employer. You can work it out between you what that looks like. It might be that you have more time to complete goals or that you work for less time during the week - or something else that would help you.

2 - I get ill at the beginning of jobs. It's stressful to do new things. It might get better. It's only been 5 days. Do you think it's going to get better?

Btw - congratulations on figuring out your panic disorder so quickly. That's impressive! Well done you for being on top of things. Keep up the good work. Health first :)

[Montyzoo]

It definitely sounds like anxiety to me. Starting a new job (especially one so different from anything you've done before) will do that to most people. From what you've said it sounds like you already have lots of tools to cope with anxiety and panic disorder. Anxiety is such a negative word, don't you think? You say the last few days have been great, so maybe rather than calling it "anxiety" you can think of it as "excitement" and "anticipation"! Yes, it's important not to ignore anxiety symptoms - I would suggest meditating daily while this is going on. But don't be afraid of your symptoms. Anxiety and panic are part of the fight or flight mechanism. And if you think in these terms, your body is currently up for a fight - an enjoyable fight! You're having the time of your life! Roll with it! Just remember to pace yourself and use your breaks wisely - maybe some diaphragmatic breathing instead of downing a coffee, if you catch my drift?