At what point do you stop worrying?

[GhostHaven]

(I'm new here, hello)

I never had anxiety until I suffered from a "bad trip" at a party about 12 years ago. It shredded my core to pieces, and I never fully came back from that night. Ever since then anxiety has been quietly under every decision and step I have made. It mostly consists of my health and the safety of my loved ones.

Since 2015 I've kept a health journal, listing symptoms, doctor visits, lab/test results, food, drinks, activities. It's dawned on me that this was actually a horrible idea, because this stupid journal gives me a place to go to stew in my health anxiety, a place to give it names and emotions, it makes it more real typing it out in front of me instead of internalizing it.

My main symptoms through the past couple years has been weakness throughout body, tremors, oral pain, IBS type issues, tension headaches, muscle aches, lymph nodes. etc, etc.

I was averaging ER visits every 3 months, with regular doctor visits thrown in there every few months as well. There are spots on my lungs they've followed for 2 years with ct scans, they say I have IBS, and I am Alpha-1 carrier MZ type, pulmonary lung function test have proven that my lungs have declined a bit and I have significant residual volume (air-trapping).

My family and most doctors I've seen think I need an intervention, medication and yoga. Maybe they aren't wrong. But I feel like we should be able to trust our alarms when something is off inside of us. It may sound selfish but I do feel I am more in tune and aware of the little things around me than the people I spend my time with. They see everything so broad and black and white, I see and feel between the lines, and there is so much to be seen and learned between the lines. I can't turn it off. I have tried, but in the end I see and feel how I see and feel.

The past four days I've had extreme weakness in my arms, legs, torso. Fatigue, internal tremors that make me feel like a low grade electric volt is surging through me. I feel like my body could literally collapse under it's weight at any moment now. Yesterday I went to my regular doctor and they did a ton of bloodwork on me, the results on that are that everything looks good. (Thyroid, Blood sugar, CBC, Lyme Disease negative) only low vitamin D.

I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend, (who doesn't believe in or sympathize any of my health issues) and without asking me what's wrong, or what did the doc say, she just hopped to "When are you going to sign up for yoga?"

For me it's so hard to not worry about the symptoms I feel, because they feel real. I genuinely feel like my life is in danger if I don't act. And I worry the one time I don't follow through with it, it's going to be the time when a real health issue gets me.

I guess my point of this post is to ask, at what point do you just stop chasing these symptoms? At what point do you just surrender and say "take me if you're going to take me already!" I'm sick of the tests, the worry, the skeptical eye rolls, I'm sick of being a slave to this. I'm asking you, at what point do you stop jumping through the hoops of this anxiety? For as many times as I've gone to the doctors for this, very little has been found. Should today be the day where I put my foot down and say I did everything I could, now I'm just going to embrace life (or death) with open arms because I'm out of other options.

[crazygal]

I agree we should listen to our internal alarm bells. But thing is with people like you and I who have anxiety issues, our alarm bells are cranked up which gives false readings.

I can't tell you how many times my gut was telling me I had cancer and my results came back to be something like eczema or seasonal flu.

Or even how I was convinced last week that I airplane I was flying in was going to crash because we hit a little turbulence. Obviously my internal alarm bell was wrong because I am here typing this post.

I'm not saying to live a care free life, but your internal alarm bell is often broken. As it with most of us that suffer from anxiety.

My grandmother spent her whole life with anxiety(its probably how I inherited anxiety). She winded up living until she was 86 years old. All that worrying for nothing.

I don't the worry will every stop. But I think the key is to acknowledging it and moving on.

For example, I use to go to the doctor monthly over my HA. Now what I do is schedule appointments. I tell myself I will go to the doctor every 6 months. So I don't look up anything health related between those appointments and I avoid inspecting my body between appointments.

Its like I give myself a break from anxiety. Of course I have slip ups now and then, but not like before.

[eeyorelover]

I've always had an issue with separating the symptoms of anxiety from what 'might be' an actual health issue. Mine were heart palpitations, blurred vision, fatigue, muscle aches, headaches, and I'm sure there are others I'm missing.

For years I went back and forth to the doctors and hospital hoping someone would find something they could treat to make me feel better.
When the testing was done and the doctor was able to say these symptoms are anxiety. Not heart related, no sneaky illness that was causing it, then I was able to start to rationalize the physical issues. The more I was able to tell myself it was 'just' anxiety the shorter the duration of the symptoms or the less they would show up.

I did journal but I added those positive thoughts in with it and it really helped me because if I felt palpitations, for example, I could go back and read it and see where it had happened before. I made it through it. I didn't die! That really did help me.

xxx