View Full Version : New Place
Hope you all like my new place! :)
I had been saying some negatives things on the old one so I asked for it to be removed. If I post it will be here from now on.
Karen xx
I love the new place and look forward to helping you make it a cosy haven where you can relax and be amongst friends! :yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi hunny!
love the new place! Decor is just sooooooooooooo cool!
happyone
xx
Hi Karen
I was worried there for a minute when I saw your old post had vanished. I understand why now though and the new place is just fab :yesyes:
:hugs:
Lisa x
:flowers:
Some flowers for you and your "new place".....
x
nomorepanic
18-05-07, 20:05
Karen
The new place is looking good.
Here's a housewarming pressie for you...
http://www.wondercliparts.com/flowers/graphics/flower_08.gif (http://www.wondercliparts.com/flowers/flower_graphics_08.shtml)
Thank you all so much.
Lisa - No need to worry sis :hugs:
Bluebell - Ta for the flowers :)
Nic - Thanks for the pressie :flowers:
Piglet - Could you make me some new curtains for my new place :winks:
Happyone- Glad you like it here.
Karen xx
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g296/edge06/comment/graphic-186.jpg
More Flowers for you happy new place honey.
Take Care,
Love Pip's X X X X
honeybee3939
18-05-07, 20:59
Ohhh Karen your here !lol
I been knocking on the wrong door !:ohmy: :ohmy:
Your new place looks just grand Karen!!:flowers: :flowers: :flowers:
Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Just sending some :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: for the new place.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Oh and just to let you know Nic has put our 'meet up over bank holiday' pic in the gallery now!:shades:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen Ive only been gone 2 days and you have moved lol:yesyes:
Great to see you so upbeat at last:yesyes:
Proud of you:yesyes:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Thanks for the flowers Pip :)
Andrea - Didn't you get my change of address lol! Thank you :hugs:
Lisa - Night sis :hugs:
Kaz - Thank you :hugs: Hugs for you :hugs: :hugs:
Night Piglet. I'll check out the photo!
Karen xx
Nice photo Karen and Piglet :)
Night sis :hugs:
Lisa x
honeybee3939
19-05-07, 01:02
Yes lovely pic of you both !:)
I think that was the last day we had sunshine Karen, you certainly chose the right weekend to visit Piglet!
hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
bluesparkle
19-05-07, 11:58
hi karen...
i know im not about much at the moment but i do always pop in to see how things are... you were one of the first people i was in touch with here and always made me feel very welcome.
i just had to pop in and have a look at your new place.
you are often in my thoughts...
sending you posative vibes
rach
Morning Hunny!
Oops! it is afternoon. Spend the night partying away at your new place?? LOL!
Hope today is a good un!
Happyone
xx
Afternoon erveryone.
Bluesparkle - you don't need to post for me to reslose you care. Me too to you :hugs:
Andrea - Thanks hn. It is the worst picture of me ever :blush: Well almost. Photos taken when I was realy fat are worse :weep:
Piglet: How are today mate?
Happyone - Thanks for caring.
Karen xx
Lol Karen it's not us at our bestest is it (thanks to Ross for polishing it up a little for us though) - however maybe we will get some nice ones at the meet up!!
I am putting stuff on e-bay this afternoon and may do some weeding later - youngest piglet has loads of mates in for the afternoon to watch some big footie match on the telly. So not my thing!!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
OOh it's lovely your new place Karen.
Hope you'll feel happier here. Very comfy settee here for us all to loll around on an try to put our worlds to right.
Sxxx
Karen hunny,
the photo of you and piglet was lovely!
Now as to photos of you when you were 'fat' I don't believe it!
I took a photo of me once in my underwear and put it on my computer (with a password so no-one else could see it!) the idea being that I would look at it and it would inspire me to lose weight. THAT was a fat photo!! I had fat in places I didn't know I had places, trust me hun. I don't think you could ever compare with it!
Anyway, it didn't work as I in a trusting moment showed it to hubby, who found it extremely nice!! (No, I did not allow him to carry a wallet sized one!) so it proved to me that my image of 'fat' was different from others. As you know yours is too.
Anyway, no-one likes photos of themselves. We are our own worst critics sunshine!
happyone
xx
groovygranny
19-05-07, 13:59
Hi Karen,
Just thought I'd drop by and give you this http://www.lafesta.co.uk/files/champers.jpgto help you celebrate your new place!
Yeah, it's great.....love the curtains! And that view out of the sitting room window is to die for!!!
Er, you won't go daft and start painting huge areas of wall in that colour though will you?:shrug: lol !!!
Be Happy :flowers:!!!!
Happyone - the photo of me is dreadful :blush:
Now as to photos of you when you were 'fat' I don't believe it!
Well, believe me I have photos to prove otherwise :ohmy: :blush:
Thanks for stopping by guys :hugs:
Karen xxx
Hi Karen,
Hope you're ok today :hugs:
Lisa x
Night night Karen, hope you've had a good day today :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks Bluebell and Lisa.
GG - Thanks for the champange!
Night all :hugs:
Karen xx
Hi Karen
Are you ok????
You havent posted today:ohmy:
Thinking of You:hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Thanks for asking Kazzie :hugs: I am fine and posting on other threads.
I've been to my best friend's daughter's Christening today. I didn't manage to go to the party. I didn't feel up to being with lots of people today.
How are you Kaz?
Karen xx
Well done for managing the ceremony hun!! :yesyes:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen:hugs:
Glad you had a good day:yesyes:
Im hanging in there hun thanks for asking:yesyes:
Looking forward to seeing you again at the meet up:yesyes:
Take Care
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi Karen,
Glad you had a good day, well done for managing the christening today.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks Piglet and Lisa :hugs:
Kaz - Looking forward to seeing you again at the meet up too :hugs:
Karen xx
Night night sis, hope you get some sleep soon :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks sis. I still can't sleep *sigh*
Karen xx
Lizzie1975
21-05-07, 08:38
Hi Karen, love the new gaff - a lovely happy place xxxxxx
Thanks Lizzie :flowers:
Life is pretty difficult right now :weep:
Karen xx
Thinking of you :hugs:
Lisa x
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
honeybee3939
21-05-07, 16:28
Sending you Hugs Karen:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Thinking of you too!
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Thank you Lisa :hugs: Piglet :hugs: and Andrea :hugs:
Karen xx
You're welcome, hope you've had a restful day so far :flowers:
Lisa x
Hi Karen:flowers:
Hope you get a better nights sleep tonight:hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Night night hun :)
Piglet :flowers:
Nihgt sis, hope you have a better night tonight :hugs:
Lisa x
Hi everyone
Well Karen, I know you were looking for a new place and what a place you have found. Garden is beuatiful, flowers are blooming wonderfully, Love the Lavender bush that is supposed to cure "most" things, trying breathing in deeply.:flowers: :flowers: :flowers:
Thank you for coming yesterday, you were so brave and a big congratulations for coming to front and not hiding away. Thank you for lovely gift and card. Isn't Biggest cherub a little monkey??!! But oh so cute, had a nasty bang on her head tonight just before bath and bed, wanted to cry for her, soooo painful, but her screaming woke littlest cherub and hubby was off out to play badminton and all hell broke lose talk about anxiety.....:ohmy: gotta laugh though!!:blush:
Problem is hair was pulled out so fast have to buy a wig LOL!!!:wacko: :wacko: :wacko:
Glad you felt able to move to a new place from the negative place you were in, BIG STEPS.
We did a song in the show and there are a couple of lines I would like to share with you. Every time I sang it I thought of you and on last night I nearly cried.:blush:
"Make it Clear and Strong, so the whole night long, every signal that you send, until the very end, I will not abandon you my precious friend" And even if all I can do is listen, as I won't be able to say much to help you, as I don't know how, know I will be there to listen to you because a trouble shared is a trouble halved, even just a text it may take a little time for me to answer at times but I will have read it, ok.
So I will leave that with you and take myself off to bed now with you in my thoughts and prayers.
Lots of love and hugs Me and Girls and hubby:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Stargazer, now I am almost in tears:hugs: A huge thank you for being my dearest and closest friend even after the way I treat you since anorexia has become the focus of my world. I want you to know that however much this thing invades my life it will never stop my love for you :hugs:
I didn't feel brave at all yesterday. I was shaking like a leaf most of the time and I haven't stopped kicking myself for not going with you to the party afterwards. Your mum was soo kind to me and I wish now I had come along instead of retreating back to my shell here. Still too late for that now.
Sounds like you had your hands full tonight. These are times I wish I could be around more to help and support you too just like I always imagined in the past that I would be able to.
Yes, big cherub is a cheeky monkey but soo cute with it. During the ceremony on one of her wanderings she came over to me and handed me one of the christening service sheets. Soo sweet :) I hope her head isn't too sore and she is feeling better soon.
The words of the song are lovely and I am so touched that you were thinking of me. I should share more with you. I just worry that you are worrying :oopsie:
Maybe I could come and spend some time with you some time soon.
I love you all too soo much. I need to tell you that more often :flowers: :wub:
Karen xx
Paddington
22-05-07, 08:10
Welcome to your new home hun:hugs: I thought i had lost you:shrug: What a lovely post from stargazer:flowers: So proud that you went to the christening hun .Hope today is a good day for you.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Awwwwww :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen,
Aww what a lovely touching message from stargazer - just shows what a special person you are if people think that much of you :hugs: I can see why they do though (as I also think that of you) as you're such a lovely person :flowers:
I hope you're doing ok sis, thinking of you.
Lisa x
Thanks Lisa, Piglet and Paddie :hugs:
Sorry to confuse you by moving Paddie :oopsie:
Karen xx
Night night hun! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Thinking of You Karen :hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Night all :hugs:
Karen xx
Good morning mate :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen,
Hope you're doing ok :hugs:
Thinking of you :flowers:
Lisa x
What've you been upto today mate??
I've been cleaning the patio and dismantling the old benches to go to the tip - funny that the plastic garden bench further down the garden has lasted years more than my wooden ones have and is still going strong!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
Thanks Lisa and Piglet :flowers:
What've you been upto today mate??
I've been cleaning the patio and dismantling the old benches to go to the tip...
Sounds like you've been busy!
I've not been doing much. I went to town and then sat by the sea for a while :shades:
Tomorrow evening I am spending with Stargazer so I'm looking forward to that :)
Karen xx
Ooh that sounds nice babes, give her our regards! :yesyes:
Youngest piglet has swept the patio and is still out there chatting with a mate as I type. I got very hot and badtempered while I was out there today and I'm still slightly nerdy due to my side parting, so I think it's time for a bath and my date with Paul Mckenna - we're like this now (piglet crosses her fingers to show just how close her and Paul have become)!!
Night hun.
Piglet :flowers:
Hello Karen
Still can't get over how beautiful your garden looks, I had a word with Piglet and resurrected her old Garden furniture looks good now its had a coat of varnish etc, I have put it in your garden nice bench and table lovely to sit at under the weeping willow lovely and shady and peaceful (I know, I know, what an imagination):blush:
As I said please share more with me even if I don't have answers sometimes sharing a problem or a fear with someone can make it easier to bear.:hugs:
Looking forward to tomorrow, nice cuppa and a chat. Yes, it would be nice to spend some time together again, maybe during school holidays, then I am not really too time restricted.
Hope you are okay today. Don't worry about not being at the party was quite fraught trying to get round to speak to everyone not sure you would have handled it too well.
Until tomorrow my friend:wub:
Ooh enjoy Paul lol! :yesyes:
I'm staying up to watch a TV programme a bit later.
Night hun :hugs:
Karen xx
Hi Stargazer :)
Thanks for the garden bench it finishes off my garden a treat :flowers: :yesyes:
Looking forward to tomorrow, nice cuppa and a chat. Yes, it would be nice to spend some time together again, maybe during school holidays, then I am not really too time restricted.
I'm looking forward to it too :) and it will be nice spending more time with you during the school holidays :hugs:
I will share more with you. I realise you probably worry whether I do or not so keeping quiet doesn't protect you from it.
Lots of love and hugs :wub: :hugs:
See you tomorrow.
Karen xxxx
Take care Karen x x x:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Thanks Kaz :hugs:
Karen xx
Lizzie1975
24-05-07, 09:29
Hope you and Stargazer have a good time together!
Lizzie xxxxxxx
Morning!
This place of yours is coming along a treat eh? the weeping willow in the garden is the best touch I think, willow is my favourite tree!
Have a lovely time with stargazer hun.
Piglet, saw you were listening to Paul Mckenna last night. How do you rate his cd's? Are they on general subjects, like relaxation, or more specific? I have some lovely relaxation ones, but I like to have a few so that I don't get immune but Male voices don't usually do the trick for me, however, Glenn Harrold does sometimes.
Anyway, enjoy your day karen hunny.
happyone
xx
Hi Karen,
I hope you have a nice time with stargazer. Going to sit by the sea sounds good too, what I'd give to do that right now.
I bet I know what the programme you watched last night was :winks: I may be wrong but I think I know. I started watching it then realised I'd already seen it a few months back on a different channel.
Anyway hope you're ok,
:hugs:
Lisa x
Happyone - Glenn is like my husband and Paul is someone I have a quick fling with when I fancy a change!!:yesyes:
Like you I like to spread myself around abit - keeps these guys on their toes!!
I have just spent a small fortune on the site 'The book people'. I bought more lovely words of wisdom from Winnie the Pooh (so expect some of that to filter through on here - you always know who am reading by the tone of my replies lol).
I bought a stack of greetings cards and some books by someone called Miss Read - it's about village life in the Cotswalds, so you'd like that Lis!!
Oh and Kate if you read this then they had 10 Agatha Raisin books for £9.99 if you wanted to give them a try. That's a massive bargin!!
Karen would you like a squeeze and the less said about last nights viewing the better!! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
and some books by someone called Miss Read - it's about village life in the Cotswalds, so you'd like that Lis!!
Do let me know what you think of those books Piglet and I may have a look myself, might be interesting to read abut some places I may know. Well as long as it's not a murder, I don't like stuff like that, too triggering lol :wacko:
I could write my own book about Cotswold life actually but maybe not, would be several volumes! We have a celebrity moved in near us recently, he is renting a lovely farmhouse while he is on tour, only just up the road really. Apparently he is making a fuss as the farm drive to his place is concrete and he wants it gravel, yet the driveway in question is the farmer's not his! Lol. see it all happens here! lol.
Lisa x
honeybee3939
24-05-07, 19:17
Hi Karen
Hope you have had a good day with Stargazer !
:hugs: :hugs:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
I hope you've had a good day too :hugs:
Night night,
Lisa x
Thank you all for your messages. I had a lovely evening with stargazer yesterday evening. Thanks hun :flowers: :hugs: Love you lots.
I am finding it difficilt sleeping. Have eaten too much food so really hate myself.
I have to stop or I'll get obese
Karen
xxxxx
Karen Hunny,
It worries me that you are buying pills of the net. They could be anything hun.
I am so glad you had a good day yesterday.
I hope you are feeling a bit brighter than when you posted last. Remember, things always look bleaker in the middle of the night when you can't sleep.
happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
There is no need to worry. I've been posting in my sleep again I think :oopsie:
I'm fine.
Karen xx
Hi Sis,
Just a quick one to say I'm thinking of you. Hope your weekend is ok.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Paddington
25-05-07, 14:02
hI karen hun:hugs: so glad you had a lovely time with stargazer:yesyes: And dont worry about confusing me hun,it dont take much:wacko: :D I am up to my eyes with my garden at the moment..just had 60 young cypruss trees delivered to put round the front garden,make it more private:) All i have to do now is PLANT THEM!!!:ohmy: :ohmy: If there are any left over you can put themmin your secret garden here:) :flowers: Have a lovely weekend.love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi karen
There is no need to worry. I've been posting in my sleep again I think
I would say LOL hun, but I know it is no laughing matter for you:hugs:
Happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
25-05-07, 14:41
(((((((Karen)))))))))
Lizzie xx
Thanks Piglet, Lizzie and Lisa :hugs:
Thanks Happyone. It isn't funny to me. It is very worrying :wacko:
Paddie - Thanks for the trees :flowers: I have just the right place for them :)
Karen xx
Hi Karen
I have been thinking that there are similarities in us sometimes. You doing things in your sleep that you are not in control of and me doing things completely awake but not feeling like it is me.
I do understand your concern hunny about the sleeping thing. It is horrid not knowing why or if something has happened eh? I feel like that about my recent 'stuff' I know I did it, I had proof to say I had done it, I even remember doing it but it is detatched in my mind as though it was someone else because it is so very very very very very (ok, I painted the picture!) unlike me.
I think we should set up a commune on a desert island, invite lots of people who have their 'things' that they do and none of us will be out of place! In fact, it is all those ordinary people that will seem positively odd!
I can't though, I'd miss my little uns! nice idea for 30 seconds though!
Hope you are doing ok hun!
Happyone
xx
Hi Happyone
I think we should set up a commune on a desert island, invite lots of people who have their 'things' that they do and none of us will be out of place! In fact, it is all those ordinary people that will seem positively odd!
Sounds a great idea! :)
Actually we do sound similar except sometimes I have no recollection at all which must be because I am asleep.
I did do something bad this morning which I would never do if I was well. It is something else to beat myself up over.
Not feeling too well tonight either :weep:
Karen xx
Aww hun I hope you feel brighter tomorrow.:hugs:
How'd it go at the doctors today mate??
Piglet :flowers:
Thanks Piglet. :flowers:
Some of the pain has subsided a bit. I was in agony with bladder symptoms last night and I'm still waiting to hear about the scan.
It wa ok at the doctor's yesterday although she said I looked thinner and I'd lost a tiny bit of weight this week. No sure how that happened :shrug:
Hope I get back to sleep and feel better tomorrow. Why do these things always happen at weekends? If the pain continues I don't know how I'll cope and it is a week until I see my doctor again.
How are you Piglet? Any plans for the weekend hun? :hugs:
Karen xx
I wish they would hurry you along with this bladder thing - can't be a barrel of laughs can it.:mad:
I did a small tut over the losing weight but don't be scared it wasn't a massive cross tut, more of an 'oh dear' sort of tut cos I care and want you to get a bit healthier for the meet up in July!!
I intend to do gardening today and put more stuff on e-bay!
What about you?
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen,
How are you doing today?
Haven't posted on your thread for a while, but wanted to let you know I still think of you,
Sending you some :hugs: :hugs: from me,
Take Care,
Heather x
Morning Hun!
Hope you have a good day.
Happyone
My heart goes out with you on the bladder issue - its a painful problem, hope its sorted out soon.
x
Hi Karen,
I do hope you're feeling better today and that the pain has eased :hugs:
Lisa x
Thank you all for the messages.
I am feeling better than last night but I still have some pain and the other symptoms are still a problem.
I did a small tut over the losing weight but don't be scared it wasn't a massive cross tut, more of an 'oh dear' sort of tut cos I care and want you to get a bit healthier for the meet up in July!!
Hmm... the trouble is I feel fatter and therefore I can't help wanting to lose more weight. I am struggling so much and being alone makes it harder. I either don't eat or when I do eat I eat junk :blush:
Then I beat myself up:wall:
How is the gardening and ebay selling going? I'm just trying to pass the hours until bed time :weep:
Karen xx
Try coming in the quiz tonight hun - I'm going to try to and that will pass abit of time won't it.
Love Piglet :flowers:
Try coming in the quiz tonight hun - I'm going to try to and that will pass abit of time won't it.
Yes I will try but I am feeling tired and rather ill so not sure whether I'll make it or not.
:hugs:
Karen xx
Thinking of you sis :hugs:
Night night,
Lisa x
honeybee3939
26-05-07, 23:56
Hi Karen
just wanted to send you some hugs
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Thanks Andrea and Lisa :flowers:
Piglet - I think I missed the quiz. I am not feeling well tonight and can't sleep either :sad:
Karen xx
I've been up all night as I couldn't sleep and I have been feeling rather ill. I really really need sleep but can't drift off no matter what I do.
I am also worried that I am eating too much and gaining loads of weight too :weep:
Karen
Aww sorry you missed the quiz - it really is fun so I would start making a date in your diary for Saturdays!! You won't win I'm afraid cos obviously it goes without saying that I seem to win every week!:yesyes:
It is foul here today - no gardening for me. Think some little sewing chores and cosy things indoors today. What about you mate??
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen
hope you got some sleep hun.
Happyone
xx
Hi All
I wish I'd made it to the quiz but I was feeling to ill. Next time maybe :shrug:
It is foul here today - no gardening for me. Think some little sewing chores and cosy things indoors today. What about you mate??
Yes, it's a really miserable day here too. I don't like the rain.
Just want to sleep my life away really :weep:
Karen xx
Hope You ae feeling a bit better tonight Karen:flowers:
Thinking of You:hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x
Thanks Kaz :hugs:
Just saying goodnight all.
Karen xx
Night night button. :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen,
Just saying hi sis, hope you're ok :hugs:
Lisa x
Hello lovie - how are things today??
Piglet :flowers:
Hi karen,
how you doing hunny?
happyone
xx
Karen:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Just saying goodnight.
Karen xx
Morning Karen,
Hope you had a good night and are ok today :flowers:
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hi hun - can you post today so we know you're ok!
Ta! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Guys
Sorry to cause any concern. I had a rather bad weekend but I'm starting to feel a bit better now. Just me being silly again :wacko:
I am feeling tired but ok. I really don't like changes to my routine like bank holidays.
Karen xx
Thanks for that little lady. :hugs:
It's a bit nicer here today with the sun coming through regularly but is it just me or is it flipping cold???
Piglet :flowers:
Yes Piglet it has turned much colder. This is supposed to be summer! :shades:
How was the movie? I can't believe I've got so many Sky channels and yet there is still nothing to watch!
Karen xx:hugs:
Hi Karen,
Good to hear you're feeling better now the weekend is over :hugs:
Why is it cold everywhere except here, that's not fair! You two can have the sun and give me the cold weather lol! Actually it's not bad today, sunny on and off but with a nice breeze, very hot directly in the sun though - Grrr.
Lisa x
honeybee3939
29-05-07, 14:10
Hi Karen
Pleased to hear you are feeling a little better.:)
Know what you mean about the Sky Channels, i was only saying to my husband last night what rubbish was on Sky. He didnt agree though as he is sports mad, so you can imagine whats on sky in our house !!:ohmy:
Hugs to you Karen :hugs: :hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
TV is pretty pants eh?
that is why I am at the computer so much cos I don't enjoy TV.
Every now and then something comes on that I like, but generally I give it a miss.
You doing ok hun? gather you have not had such a nice weekend? I hate my routine disrupted too.
happyone
xx
Youngest piglet said the new Pirates of the Caribbean made her cry heaps almost to the point of being asked to leave the cinema - that's out for me then!!
Although cold at least I've got washing out on the line drying. :yesyes: Doesn't take much to please me!! :blush:
Piglet :flowers:
Pirates of the Caribbean, Ace! honest! My daughter is a big fan, so we saw it the other day, real sob moments in it, yep!
How you doing Karen Hun?
happyone
xx
Piglet - It was certainly windy today! I went shopping to Sainsburys with a friend and it was cold out.
Lisa - It is supposed to be summer now sis! :shades:
Happyone - I am doing better tonight thanks.
Andrea - Thank you hun. My friends hubby watches all the sports channels on Sky! I don't have that problem at least!
Karen xx
Just saying goodnight :hugs:
Karen xx
Well although yesterday was quite nice it's another poo day today - still I suppose all this rain is good for the gardens and boosting the resevoirs.
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen,
Just saying hi and thinking of you :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks Lisa and Piglet :hugs:
Karen xx
Paddington
30-05-07, 16:21
Hi Karen hun:hugs: soz you had a bad weekend matey:lac: i do wish they would hurry up with the scan:mad: Well i am glad you liked the trees:D i saved you four,they grow tall so be careful where you plant them:D Mine are all in now,gotta go water them in a mo..YES EVEN WITH ALL THIS RAIN:wacko:.I went to the safari park in bewdely on tuesday ,and saw the white lions!!!And i fed the girafes too....i lurve giraffes:D I went a bit wibbley in the sea lion enclosure..but got thru it ok:) I went to see Simon Web too,[singer..swoon swoon]and had my picture taken with him:blush: Gosh i am a right groupie..my kids think it is hilarious!!!Feel better soon my friend..oh yeh and i went off my diet..stuffed my face ..felt the guilt of all guilt ..weighed myself this morning and was the same weight :wacko: :wacko: :shrug: One day maybe i wont even think of food:ohmy: Loads of love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Karen,
You're welcome sis :flowers:
I hope you're ok - you're not saying alot these days so I just hope you're ok :hugs:
Lisa x
Dear All
Sorry for pinching your space Karen, but no one seems to be saying too much at the mo and i for one miss it
lots of love lilibet x x
Hi All
Thank you for the messages.
I went to the safari park in bewdely on tuesday ,and saw the white lions!!!And i fed the girafes too....i lurve giraffes:D I went a bit wibbley in the sea lion enclosure..but got thru it ok:)
Well done Paddie. I love going to safari parks and seeing all the animals. I'd love to go to Longleat. Giraffes are sweet aren't they? So gentle. I love seeing all the big cats, but particularly tigers. One day maybe...
Seems you have been doing so well with getting out and about. I had a terrible weekend with food and purging :wacko: Feeling a bit better now though.
Hope to see you again soon hun :hugs:
Karen xx
Sorry for pinching your space Karen, but no one seems to be saying too much at the mo and i for one miss it
Sorry Lilibet. I have to be a bit careful what I say at times.
Karen xx
Night night lovie. :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Night Karen :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks all.
Finding it difficult to sleep and to deal with food issues.
I have messed up by eating too much the past couple of days. I feel so bad about it :weep:
Karen xx
Karen hun how is the therapy going at the mo - what issues are you working on etc???
Love Piglet :flowers:
Paddington
31-05-07, 12:40
Hi hun:hugs: hey when ever you are up for it we can go to bewdely:D you would love it there i am sure ..not tooo big:D i have done well i think..pushing the boundaries..but today is a bad one:lac: my daughter wants me to go to town:ohmy: oh this weather is sooo oppresive...i feel panicky thinkin about it....I HATE TOWN:weep: So will most likely let her,and myself ,down and chicken out:weep: Hey hun ,see the bad feelins thay come and they go hun..yours will pass too:flowers: dont beat yourself up about it Karen..today is a new start day!!:) Love Paddie[cluck,cluck:lac: ]xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thinking of you sis :hugs:
Try and put the past couple of days behind you, today is a brand new day :flowers:
Lisa x
Hi All
Lisa - Thanks sis.
Piglet - I've had a few weeks break from therapy as my therapist is away. I don't know. At the beginning it seemed to help but I don't see her regularly enough and cannot afford to go more often. And what I really need is help when I am at home and for the rest of the week.
I don't think there are any answers really :shrug:
Hi hun:hugs: hey when ever you are up for it we can go to bewdely:D you would love it there i am sure ..not tooo big:D
I'd love that some time Paddie. You are doing so well :yesyes:
I'm feeling low today. I am still feeling bad about the weekend and now I also feel bad about the past couple of days because I have been eating. I wish I never had to eat again. I wish I could throw away all the food and not even want or think about any of it. I want to be in control like I can be when I starve myself.
Today I feel very fat and repulsive :weep:
Karen xx
Karen hun it's hard dealing with the issues day in day out isn't it.
I know you feel fat and repulsive but that is not how you appear to other people at all.
I have a massive cold sore and still have a side parting, so I don't feel quite wonderful either. Shall we concentrate on the inner person today instead! :hugs:
I wish we could find you an interest/hobby to give your head some time off occassionally. Have you thought anymore about the courses???
Love Piglet :flowers:
Thanks Piglet :flowers:
LOL at the side parting! I don't think I know the meaning of nurturing myself or who I am inside. The trouble is I think I am as bad, if not worse, on the inside than I am on the outside.
As for something to occupy me I cannot think of anything. I find it hard to concentrate and spend most of my day counting how many hours it is until bed time :weep:
Karen xx
You're lovely on the inside and the outside mate!!!
Piglet :flowers:
You're lovely on the inside and the outside mate!!!
Piglet :flowers:
Here here! That is sooooooooooo TRUE! :flowers: :flowers: :flowers: You're a very special person sis :hugs:
Lisa x
Thanks Piglet and Lisa.
I feel very bad about myself today :weep: :weep: :weep:
Karen xx
Awww sis :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
There really is nothing to feel bad about as you're lovely inside and out :flowers:
Lisa x
No, I'm not. I'm soo fat :weep: :weep: :weep:
Karen xx
But in reality hun you know you're not - feeling and being are two different things!! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Well, I want to give you a big hug, fat or not!:hugs: (even tho I know you are not!)
Happyone
xx
But in reality hun you know you're not - feeling and being are two different things!! :hugs:
Yes but it is how I feel and I an repulsed by myself :weep:
Thanks Piglet and Happyone :flowers:
Night all :hugs:
Karen xx
:yesyes:
No, I'm not. I'm soo fat :weep: :weep: :weep:
Karen xx
No sis you're not :hugs: I agree with Piglet that feeling it and being it are not the same. It is a fact that you are not fat in any way. I do feel for you with all this though :hugs: You're such a lovely person and I have many people that will back me up on that :yesyes: and we can't all be wrong can we :winks: . I wish you could see how special you are too and see the Karen that we all see :flowers: .
Night night, hope you sleep well.
Lisa x
Morning matey,
It's a bit warmer and sunnier here today - how's you??
Let us know how the doctors appt goes today.
Piglet :flowers:
Lizzie1975
01-06-07, 14:35
Extra big Lizzie squeeze for you:
((((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))))
xxxx
Hope you feel better soon Karen:hugs:
You are a very special lady:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Good afternoon to you Karen,
Hope you're feeling a bit better about things today.
Makes a nice refreshing change to see the.....um....whats-it-called....big thing in the sky.....er.....s.....s......sun!?????? LOL
x
Hi Karen,
Hope you're doing ok today :hugs:
Thinking of you,
Lisa x
Hi All
Thank you for your kind messages.
Lisa - Thanks sis. I just don't see it. I see the badness inside and I am repulsed by how I look on the outside and both come together to make me a really bad person. I can never understand how anyone would possibly like me.
Bluebell - The sun is out now but it was raining earlier.
Kaz - Thanks hun :hugs:
Piglet - Yes I did see my doctor today. She is so kind and I realise she cares about me a lot too because there are certain things that have happened this week where she has always taken my wishes into account rather than going off and acting.
She asked me today whether I want to go into hospital and of course I said no. She agreed with me that it is not the right treatment and will be unlikely to help but there are few options.
The other suggestions included seeing the NHS psychologist who I don't trust and therefore won't tell her anything, or seeing the CPN again but that caused me more anxiety.
One suggestion she made today was supported housing but she is not sure if or what is available locally and she is going to look into that for me.
Don't know where I am going or what to do really. I went to bed at 9.30 last night and that is unheard of for me but I'd had enough of the day, just like I have today too.
Karen xx
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
You're not bad inside or out sis :flowers:
How come you get rain too and all I get is hot humid weather, not fair! lol
I'm so glad you have such a lovely gp sis, she sounds so supportive. It's good you have some options other than hospital.
I can understand why you don't want to see the CPN or NHS psychologist but if they are alternatives to hospital surely they are worth considering if it comes to it? Not ideal to you I know but would keep you out of hospital maybe. Doesn't sound like you doc thinks hospital is right for you anyway, I tend to agree unless you could be in hospital and get proper therapy there at the same time which isn't likely sadly.
The supported housing sounds good though, may solve many problems at once there. Do let us know if anything comes of that.
Take care,
Lisa x
karen Hunny,
I really feel for you. I understand where your doc is coming from cos you are needing something more than you are getting at the moment aren't you?
It is good that she agrees that hospital is not an ideal answer.
Try not to worry about going to bed so early. I was in mine at 7pm last night! Sometimes hunny, I have to get rid of the day, to put it behind me. It is all I can do to manage until 7pm. Fortunately, I am able to sleep, I know you don't have the same luxury.
I wish I could make things all better for you and to help you see what a beautiful person you are. Look at how happy you make people around you? All the people who come on here that have met you say what a lovely person you are. They can't all be wrong or telling porkies now can they?
All I can give you hunny is hugs:hugs:
happyone
xx
Aww that's good that she is thinking of other things - any news on the scan yet?
Piglet :flowers:
Still thinking of you sis :hugs:
Night night or should that be good morning!
Lisa x
Hi Karen,
Hope you're having a good day. If I was there I think I'd be paddling in the sea today!
:hugs:
Lisa x
Piglet - No news of the scan yet unfortunately.
Night all.
Karen xx
Night hunny:hugs:
Happyone
xx
Night night honey. :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen.
Hope you're ok :flowers:
Night night,
:hugs:
Lisa x
Night all :hugs:
Karen xx
Hope you sleep well :hugs:
Lisa x
Karen,
On the subject of hobbies, have you thought of trying some painting? Ability is not important as I'm thinking of you just picking up a paint brush and expressing yourself somehow. It can just be an abstract, but it would help fill your day and you wouldn't need mega concentration.
OK, I'm sure this may have been suggested before but thought I'd mention it. I've had days "waiting for the clock to tick towards midnight" and I know it's not much fun :lac:
Take Care
Continuing the theme of what Ray suggested - what about putting in the word hobbies in the Amazon search box and seeing if anything it comes up with takes your fancy.
If I didn't have interests and hobbies I think I would go quite quite mad, as opposed to being just a little bit mad like I am normally!! :yesyes:
Lovely and sunny here today - still have my coldsore and side parting, so still nerdy but I'm planning on making nerdy fashionable (well I've always thought it kinda cool anyway)!
I'm in a flurry of bleaching some of my denim at the moment, so the whole house stinks but we're all looking suitably off to a 'rock festival' now - although obviously my rock festival is in the garden with a walkman!! I am wearing wellies though!! :yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
but we're all looking suitably off to a 'rock festival' now - although obviously my rock festival is in the garden with a walkman!! I am wearing wellies though!! :yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
OK, stand yourself up on that sunbed and strum that tennis racket hun.
Is there a healing area at your venue?
:D
Lol Ray - yes lots of healing going on at my festival.
Plus crystal stalls and chickpea jewellery stalls. I'm allowed to join the main band - so I will be playing the triangle!! :yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
I'm not happy today. Someone has overstepped the line causing me to have a panic attack :weep:
I used to trust this person but now I am not so sure because even though I have explained why I am panicking they won't give back what is mine :lac:
Hugs Karen:hugs:
Hope you get the problem sorted soon hun:yesyes:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi Hun,
without knowing what has happened it is hard to comment, but I hope you get it sorted hun:hugs:
Happyone
xx
I have had a very bad day and ended up in a right state. I still don't think I have calmed down. I feel very upset and distressed still :weep:
The friend I mentioned acted with good intentions but went too far and I am not sure I can get past this.
Ray - Yes I do probably need some hobbies but I feel so low I just want to stay in bed and sleep my life away.
I know art isn't my thing - it was compulsory to do art classes when I was in hospital and it just isn't something I like doing at all.
Piglet - lol at the festival! Can I come too? :yesyes:
Don't know what to do now. Just wish I could sleep forever.
Karen xx
I really really hate myself right now :wall:
honeybee3939
03-06-07, 21:55
Hi Karen
I dont really know what to say that will make you feel better hun, but i want you to know i am thinking of you and want to send you lots of Hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Thank you Andrea :flowers:
I just really really hate myself. I've done some terrible things today :blush:
Karen xx
Karen,
Forget about sleeping forever as I know you have had some really enjoyable days when you meet friends and when I feel really low I just keep reminding myself they are worth the suffering. You know you are never alone here, and if it wasn't for the inability for your forum buddies to get and see you, you would experience much more comfort and the warm friendship that is waiting for you.
I too have suffered at the hands of well intentioned people and can understand how their actions have backfired and been so upsetting. I know its hard but please focus on their intentions - I am sure you will not lose them but you probably feel you need to step back for a while.
I only mentioned the art as a method of relieving your angst and acute frustration. Maybe you could try some prose to vent those deep feelings? Of course, there will be days when you just want to lie in all day I do understand that. Although I would always get up eventually!
Take Care
:hugs:
Hi Karen,
Sorry you're having such a bad day sis :hugs:
I hope you sort out the problem with your friend. I can't comment really as don't know what's happened but if the friend acted with good intentions as you say then maybe be reassured they must really care about you to do such a thing (again I may be talking real rubbish here as I have no idea what's happened, sorry if I'm saying the wrong thing).
Thinking of you :flowers:
Night night,
Lisa x
Thanks Ray.
With the benefit of hindsight I realise my friend acted with the best intentions and probably in what was the best way for my safety and the safety of others. I can't forgive myself for potentially harming others.
Although I would always get up eventually!
I am not sure I would :shrug:
Karen xx
Thanks Lisa. Night sis :hugs:
Karen xx
Think we posted at the same time there sis.
I can't imagine you hurting anyone :hugs:
Hope you sleep well,
Lisa x
Well I can't comment on the friend thing other than to say it sounds like you may have sort of sorted it out now.
Hobbies don't have to be art matey and when you feel abit brighter we ought to look at other things.
I know you don't feel good right now but we all need distractions of some sort or another to take our mind off our 'issues'.
I hope you get a good nights sleep button.
Love Piglet :flowers:
I can't imagine you hurting anyone :hugs:
I am sure I did and I'll never forgive myself :oopsie: I deserve to be punished. :redcard:
My life is going down the sewer and I'm the one sending it there. I recognise I am not safe at home because I could and do injure myself. But it is worse when I am not fully conscious and am a risk to others. I plan to give my car keys to someone I trust un till I get over this.
I really do wish I could sleep and never wake up. I think I am losing my mind :wacko:
And if I knock one more botle of water over I think I might scream :mad: It just shows how not with it I am.
Sleeping pills are my only escape but over use is no dount causing the confusion and memory lapses. I don't know what to do though when it is the only way I can sleep and the only short respite I get for all the other aspects of my life. I'd be unscious 24 hours a day if I could.
I'm now too fat to go out where other people are around. They must think I am the fattest greedy pig ever :blush:
I just want to hide from the world and from me too really :sofa:
I need some daily help but I won't go to hospital and so I drug myself up with sleeping pills bought from the internet. I just want to be out of it altogether. I don't even want to live. I want to go to bed and never wake up.
Ray - You are right about internet friends and I cannot believe the support I receive. The problems arise when I am alone and when I am in the flat. Both of these factos need to change and quickly but there are no answers.
I am alone and the only way I cope alone is by taking more and more sleeping pills to the point I never know what I am doing :wacko:
I've had enough now. I just want it over.:weep:
Karen xx
Piglet - Thanks mate.:flowers: I don't have healthy ways of dealing with issues other than to self hard and take my mistakes and wrongdoings out on myself physically. It is the only way I get through the day - self harm and sleep.
Hobbies don't have to be art matey and when you feel abit brighter we ought to look at other things.
Yes, maybe you are right. I don't have any hobbies and arty things really are not me. I also feel so deeply depressed right now that all I want to do is hide under the duvet and wait for the day to pass.
I don't know what I am going to do next. One thing is clear though and that is that I cannot carry on the way I have been. Something has to shift but I cannot see any hope of reasons to keep going for.
Karen xx
Well one massive reason is how much we would miss you for one thing!!!!
Please is it poss to cut back abit on the tablets if the dose you are taking is responsible for your present confusion??????
Piglet xx
Oh, and one more thing.
I have realsed I cannot cope at home. I can't even manage when I have a friend staying with me in my flat. I am better when I visit other people as I wouldn't be doing half of the things I currently do.
Still... just another wish on the list really :confused:
I am scared I will be locked away and the key thrown away :lock:
Karen xx
Karen,
I hate you being like this cos I know you deserve more. If you are in such a state then maybe you need to walk into the doctor's surgery tomorrow. At least you will have someone to talk to.
You don't understand why you have the internet friends you have because you don't see yourself in the same way as others do. From what I know about you, I do understand why you have virtually no self-esteem and so you see yourself in a completely different light. It is rather similar to you seeing yourself fat when in fact you are underweight.
Your anxiety seems to suffer so much when apart from others (separation anxiety) and I get that a lot too. So I can get a handle on that.
Don't Give Up
:hugs:
Sorry Piglet. We were obviously posting at the same time then.
Please is it poss to cut back abit on the tablets if the dose you are taking is responsible for your present confusion??????
The problem is that without the pills I don't sleep and then I get more distressted at all the hours to fill during the day and my life is dominated by obsessions about food.
Either I am trying to eat as little as possible and lose more weight. But on the other hand I want - why maybe not want but need - to gain a bit of weight. But recently I have been obsessing about food all day and so sleep blocks those thoughts out.
I need to restrict my food again and get back in control because I cannot go on like this. I don't know what is going to happen. I have no family to stay with and being here, in this flat, is reinforcing the pattern and causing me to feel even more gloomy and depressed.
There just appears to be no answer to any of this.
I refused to go out for a walk yesterday because I've been eating so much and I am scared I have gained loads of weight and so I don't want to see anyone :blush:
I feel like a recluse so now I just need to make a serious attempt at the starvation bit. I have done it before so I know I can but it is hard at the moment. I have had enough and want out but not until I have lost more weight and then I'll end my days happy at least.
Karen xx
Hi Ray
Yes, I do have really low self esteem and ever professional I see confirms this to be true. I still don't know what or how to change it.
I see myself as huge, like in one of those mirror stalls at fetes etc. I don't see how this can or will change. I feel my happiest when I reach the lows and despise myself and think of myself as a failure when I eat and can feel myself getting fatter.
This incident wasn't about attachment to that particular friend and I think that's why no matter how many people support me I feel bad that there a just a few I really trust above all others.
Tomorrow I plan to sleep all day having cleared the flat of food :yesyes:
Karen
I feel like a recluse so now I just need to make a serious attempt at the starvation bit. I have done it before so I know I can but it is hard at the moment. I have had enough and want out but not until I have lost more weight and then I'll end my days happy at least.
Karen xx
If you do do that hun then thats a sure fire way straight back to hospital. If you can try and maintain while your GP sees about the supported housing option that would be great.
Please don't give up yet - small tweaks here and there in your lifestyle may make all the difference. I don't know if your GP can be successful but its sounds to me like one of the best plans so far!!!
I am going to bed now - if you feel like chatting tomorrow why dont you ring me on the big phone!
Piglet :flowers:
Oh sis, I was just going to bed and read this and had to reply and give you lots and lots of these :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: .
I was so sad to read how bad things are from your last few posts :weep: I'm glad you can confide in us, your friends here, though.
I agree with Piglet that maybe trying to cut down these pills would be good. I understand why you take them but if they are causing this much concern and causing you to be unsafe then they aren't worth taking. It must be so hard when you feel so low but it is possible to find ways to fill your days. Hobbies may be the last thing on your mind right now yet at the same time being busy with something (anything) can help to stop you thinking of food etc.
You have come so far lately, been to stay with lots of friends and had great times with them all, maybe going to see a friend again is a goal to aim for? I know it's when you're alone you struggle but you seemed to be so busy seeing people a while back that the times alone were less at least. Stargazer always says you should call her when you struggle too, she's there for you if you need someone in person, sounded that way from her posts here anyway.
As for going out I'm sure no one thinks you're fat when they see you, if they think anything it would be the opposite, but in general people are more interested in their own lives and problems than analysing others. I am 2 stone overweight and probably weigh twice as much as you or more! Would you think I looked like a greedy pig if you saw me walking down the street? I'm sure the answer here is a definiate NO isn't it, people generally just don't think like that and certainly not about you.
Please don't talk about ending your days :ohmy: :weep: :weep: :weep: it really worries me to hear you talk like that. Like Piglet said we would miss you if you weren't here :weep: In fact so many people would miss you. I know you don't see it but we all see a very special person and friend in you :hugs: . You're certainly a special friend to me and I don't want to lose you :flowers:
The starvation isn't the answer either sis, will only lead to more problems.
Can you call or see your doc tomorrow and tell her all that you've told us here? or does she know all this already? It sounds like you really need some help and support right now. I'm quite worried about you right now - and don't apologise for worrying me either, I am just concerned as I care :hugs:
Night night,
Thinking of you,
Lisa x
Hi Piglet
If you do do that hun then thats a sure fire way straight back to hospital. If you can try and maintain while your GP sees about the supported housing option that would be great.
Yes I know all that in my head but the anorexia is too strong. I am never going back to hospital but I despair when there is no other help.
For the past could of weeks I have been eating more and more aand I despair that I am ruining everything. Maybe there is no hope :weep:
Yes, my doctor is my best hope regarding moving but whether such a sceme exists and whether it would help I don't know.
I am going to bed now - if you feel like chatting tomorrow why dont you ring me on the big phone!
Thanks I may well do that :)
Thanks hun :flowers:
Karen
Hi Lisa
Thanks for all the hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I have been keeping quiet on here and the situation is about as worse as it can get. My GP disagrees with treating eating disorder patients in hospital as she's said to me many time that most patients bide their time to leave and start the whole anorexic process as soon as they are discharged - and that's what happened to me.
I agree with Piglet that maybe trying to cut down these pills would be good. I understand why you take them but if they are causing this much concern and causing you to be unsafe then they aren't worth taking.
The trouble is sis that thus is the only way I get through my days. I don't care about medical risks to me but I won't now go out or drive as I don't want to cause an accident.
It is hard filling days. I have one friend who lives close and that's it. My other friends are those I met through the internet. I am in such a state right now that I probably need 24 hour care but I am alone.
You have come so far lately, been to stay with lots of friends and had great times with them all, maybe going to see a friend again is a goal to aim for?
Maybe but I come back to the same flat and the gloom hits me straight away. I need to get away from here and very soon.
Stargazer is great and I'm seeing her one evening this week but as much as I enjoy going to see her I know I have to come back here and be alone again.
I still feel the same way about myself when it comes to going out. I will feel like that until I have the eating under control by starving myself and can lose some weight.:blush:
Aorry sis, I know you don't like me talking about ending things but it is the way I feel, and increasingly so. I don't believe anything will help me now. What I need in the form of help and daily support isn't available. I would certainly miss you and all my friends but maybe we would meet up again in a better place.
I won't call my doctor as she is already in the picture. I gave K permission to talk to my GP last week, which shows how desperate things have become. There is not a lot she can do apart from refer me back to the CMHT, which I don't want. Or, she could admit me to hosptal for a few days but that won't help either.
I don't think anything will :weep:
Karen xx
Awww sis :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I should be in bed but kept thinking about you so had to come back and check on you.
I agree with your gp about not treating eating disorders in hospitals generally, especially if the patients don't get help to treat the underlying cause, I realise refeeding isn't the answer.
I think hospital can obviously help is someone is at such a seriously low bodyweight they need admitting to save their lives etc or if they have serious health complications and need admitting to save their lives etc.
I am so worried that you are saying things are as bad as they can be and that your suicidal thoughts are increasing :weep: Sis this is never the answer so please please please don't do anything silly or permanent :weep: .
I'm so glad K has permission to talk to your gp, that gives me huge comfort to know that. Has she spoken to her yet? Maybe Meg could speak to her too? I know you say your gp is in the picture but does she truly know everything and exactly how bad things are? If not then please call her and tell her.
I really think you need some serious help and support here in one form or another, yet I know there is no option you're happy with. I don't want you in hospital at all but at least we'd know you were safe if you were. I say that as I care not because I think it's the right thing for an eating disorder as it's not often I know. I just want to know you're being cared for and are ok and safe. Same with CMHT, I totally understand your concerns there too but again I just wish there was some help you could agree to having, or some help that would suit you.
Is the CBT lady back this week?
I wish I lived closer sis, then I'd be there in a shot. If I wasn't ill with ME and other stuff right now I'd probably even drive down to you and try and help yet sadly right now I'm not able. I just feel like I should be doing more to help you and like if you commited suicide I'd feel so bad for not doing more to help you and stop it happening. I will feel guilty for writing this as I do not want to make you feel bad for being honest here so please keep posting how you feel. All I mean really I guess is that I just feel frustrated that I can't do anything to help you.
Anyway I must get to bed or I'll be zonked later and I have an important hospital appt Tuesday that I need to be ok to drive to so I don't want to flare my ME up for that.
Sis you are strong even if you can't see it and you can come through this, please don't give up or lose hope, things can improve again :hugs: .
Sorry if I have said anything wrong here, all said in good faith and because I care about you so much :hugs: .
Lots of love,
Lisa x
Hi Lisa
Aww thanks for that sis :hugs: It is kind to say you would come. It means a lot to me.
Hospital is not the answer and I won't go there. From what my doctor says I am teetering on the edge but I have overeaten every day this week so I bet I have gained weight :weep: I just want to be able to starve myself again.
I do feel suicidal but that's because I am so distressed that I am eating too much and my weight is going up. It all feels out of control and I need it to stop. I need to go on a fast until I have lost this weight.
I'm so glad K has permission to talk to your gp, that gives me huge comfort to know that. Has she spoken to her yet?
Yes, K spoke to my doctor last week and told her what has been happening. Things really started deteriorating last weekend and have been worse ever since.
Meg would probably call if I asked but I don't think she feels the need to now that K has called.
I really think you need some serious help and support here in one form or another...
Yes I do but, as you say, the CMHT increses my anxiety and there is noway I am going into hospital. I have gone as far as making a Living Will just in case.
CBT is on Tuesday. I don't know what to do anymore as I feel like I am throwing money away. I need to see her weekly really in conjunction with some other kind of help 24 hours a day but that's not possible. And I really need to get out of this flat.
I just feel like I should be doing more to help you and like if you commited suicide I'd feel so bad for not doing more to help you and stop it happening.
Please don't feel guilty sis. It is one reason I have been backing away from here. I don't want to hurt or upset anyone but I am so distressed and so unhappy I just want a way out.
You have not said too much Lisa and I realise what you have said is because you care. I'm just causing upset for everyone right now.
Karen xx
Another bad day :weep:
And I have been sleepwalking again. I don't feel safe here alone :weep:
Karen xx
Karen we are all thinking of you hun and willing you some strength to get through this blip.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love Piglet :hugs:
Thanks Piglet.
Things here are deteriorating and I dion't know what to do next. I can't say too much here because of what happened before.
I just need someone here with me as I am struggling alone :weep: :weep: :weep:
Karen xx
Paddington
04-06-07, 10:35
Well my friend,what a pickle you are in..there was i thinkin all weekend how can i end this sadness,self disgust and greed[yep crying into fish and chips again and deleting all the photo's of me and my grand kids day out ,well the ones with me on them at least,yuk and double yuk]and all the time you were tryin to think of ending things too:ohmy: we should keep in touch more Karen ,i think the isolation that comes with self loathing is a huge part ot the problem,then you just want to hide under the duvet..and so it goes on matey .oh iam soooo sorry you are so down Karen:hugs: I wonder if this assisted living could be the way forward..some one there when you need them...sounds good to me ,lets hope your dr can sort it for you..she will try her damndest that is for sure..she knows you so well doesnt she hun:flowers: You cant carry on like this for much longer ,you know that Hun,and at present you dont care ,i know that much too!I wish i could wrap you up and magic all the pain away Karen,i really do..I wish we could BOTH stop punishing ourselves for others bad actions too!!I eat to repell others you starve to shrink away from others ,opposites but of the same scale hun!I am here if you need to chat or just have a good cry.....hang on there hun,ready for the 'sunny 'days that can be yours:flowers: Love ,always,Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Paddie
Yes, I am certainly in a right mess.
there was i thinkin all weekend how can i end this sadness,self disgust and greed[yep crying into fish and chips again and deleting all the photo's of me and my grand kids day out ,well the ones with me on them at least,yuk and double yuk]and all the time you were tryin to think of ending things too
I am so sorry you are feeling like this too. I still feel like it today but my mind is warped and because I have been overeating for days now I want to be thinner again first. See, I am mad :wacko:
We should keep in touch more Karen ,i think the isolation that comes with self loathing is a huge part ot the problem
Yes, that would be a good idea. It is true about the isolation. It is driving me mad staring at the same four walls but I am too ashamed of how big I am now that I don't want to go out. I just want to hide away in bed.
I hope you are feeling better. I wish there could be a way I could make it better for both of us but I can't. My life is a mess.
Karen xx
Paddington
04-06-07, 11:02
You are not mad Karen you are ill!Dont run yourself down in that manner[i know ,i know,the pot calling the kettle black:blush: ]....i am sure these darker days seem to go in a pattern??Would it be worth keeping a journal to see if it is maybe hormonal??Us women can get all sorts of depressive episodes due to hormone disturbances!Just a thought hun bun:hugs: You were on such a high a few weeks ago hun..all plans for the future,visits etc.If we could help keep up that momentum it would be great ,i think that the isolation makes for dark times i do really.Since my children alll left home ,i have found myself getting worse...my only friends are on here too:) and it is wonderful,but sometimes you need a real person in the flesh dont ya hun..wish we were closer to each other:flowers: I know folk may think ,well i have my partner..but erm..nooooo.He can make matters worse to be honest.So; here if you need me hun:hugs: pads.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We need a bl**dy big kibbutz to live in don't we!!
Piglet :flowers:
I'm so sorry, i don't know what to say that would be of any help, so instead, you get one of these....:hugs:
x
honeybee3939
04-06-07, 11:49
In sending you lots of Hugs too Karen :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: .
I have to agree with the others too, i think assisted housing is a excellent idea, i do hope things get sorted for you soon hun !! Thinking of you today as always !!
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Paddington
04-06-07, 12:29
OOh yes a kubutz:hugs: how wonderful,can i have a teepee please and a fire in a ring of stones too,and i will bake bread for everyone and you can make things with beads to go in our hair...ooh can we ,can we....:flowers: pads.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If we can't do that then perhaps we could a yearly 'retreat' into the forest???
Piglet starts plaiting her hair immediatly!!! :yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
Hope you feel a little better as the day goes on Karen
Thinking of You:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Thanks for all the messages.
We need a bl**dy big kibbutz to live in don't we!!
That sounds good to me. I need to get away from here.
Just heard from my doctor and she want to refer me back to psychological services :weep: :weep: :weep: I don't want to go back there again. I know what will happen :weep:
I have also hidden my car keys so well that I cannot find them so there is no escape and if I don't find them soon I won't be able to get to CBT tomorrow.
My life is a mess and I think I am doomed :weep:
Karen xx
You're not doomed hun and you can turn this around. :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Karen,
I agree with Piglet that you can turn this around and you are not doomed :hugs:
Don't worry you're not upsetting everyone, we just care about you lots :hugs: In some ways I worry about you more when you don't post than when you do anyway.
Thinking of you and wishing I could do way more for you than just offer hugs, but have some more hugs anyway :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Lisa x
Karen Hunny,
I know you don't want the referral to the psychological services but similar to what happened with myself, I think your doctor has realised she is at the limit of her expertise.
Is it not an option to look at referral to the CMHT as a positive? You are entitled to a comprehensive community care assessment and part of that would be to highlight that you feel you would benefit from 1-1 supported living. These schemes DO exist Karen and if they don't the social work department can create it for you.
Anorexia aside Karen, I think your suicidal thoughts and feelings are more likely to end you back in hospital.
I am at a loss as to what to say.:hugs:
happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
04-06-07, 16:43
Aw Karen, I hate that life is like this for you and would do anything to help. I think shared housing sounds like a fantastic idea, I only hope this becomes a realistic option for you.
Re being referred back to the psychologist - will it be the same one you've seen in the past? You know i'm no fan of the CMHT either but I guess you could give it another go? You don't have to hand yourself over to them or trust them overly, just try and be open minded and see if they have anything to offer that could benefit you. At the moment, as you yourself have said, you definitely need more support Karen, I just cross every part of my body that you get it, and the right kind of it.
Here if you need,
Lizzie xx
Hi Karen
Following on from what Lizzie just said could you not agree to see them again but ask doc if you can see someone else in the same dept????
Just an idea:shrug:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi all and thanks for the messages.
There iss NO way on earth that I am ever going back to hospital. I don't want to see the psychiatric team again either and I am hoping they are so slow at sorting things out that I can say I don't need the appointment.
Just had someone from the crisis team ring me too :ohmy: My GP didn't say anything about that. I said I didn't want to talk so now they are calling tomorrow. I don't want that either.
I just want them all to leave me alone. I am now more in a state of panic because of this :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
Karen xx
:hugs: :hugs:
Will reply more later, hubby just come home. Thinking of you.
Lisa x
hiya sweetie wishI had all the solutions, you are NOT fat:hugs:
I am fat you are not:hugs:
See you wednesday
xxxxxx
Thanks all.
Stargazer - you are not fat at all :hugs:
I am looking forward to Wednesday :flowers:
OK, now this is the most bizarre thing ever. I hid my car key out of sight so I wouldn't sleepwalk and try to drive but now I have turned the flat upside down and I cannot find the keys anywhere. I have no idea at all what I've done with them :wacko:
This is a real problem because I have CBT tomorrow and won't be able to get there if I don't find the key before then.
And I am still freaking out about the crisis team :eek:
Karen xx
Karen
you are more likely to freak the crises team out by NOT talking to them do you not think?
with regards to your keys, I am not being funny here, could you have hidden them beside food? I just thought it might have been in your mind that it was the last place you would look?
Happyone
xx
with regards to your keys, I am not being funny here, could you have hidden them beside food?
What food lol??? I don't keep food here in case I eat in my sleep. I'm still trying to work out where I hid the keys. I'll probably suddenly remember in the middle of the night or something.
Maybe you are right about the crisis team. I don't know why they've been called in. When I spoke to my doctor she didn't mention anything like that. I don't know what is going on. All I know is she didn't really leave me any option other than to agree to a referral to psychological services and now I am scared.
I said to my doctor that I don't want to go and that all psychiatrists do is prescribe medication and try to admit me to hospital. She said that won't happen but once the mental health team is involved the final say doesn't rest with my doctor, it rests with the psychiatric team.
My life gets worse daily.
Karen xxx
Oh Karen hunny, I do know what you mean. It felt like a loss to me when I was referred to the CMHT, the loss of my GP.
However, lets see if I can make it work for me on the 11th eh and then my trust will be restored and maybe I can help restore yours eh hun?
I 'think' I have quite a good psychiatrist, so they are out there hun!
happyone
xx
Thanks Happyone. I am glad you have a good psychiatrist. I don't want one though.
I feel very scared tonight :weep:
Karen xx
Hi Karen,
Sorry you are feeling bad and scared still :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I wish I knew what to say to help sis. It seems that if your doc has referred you to psychological services that maybe it's best to just speak with them and see how it goes from there, you may get someone else this time too if you're lucky or request it. I do understand you not wanting to see them I do but this is a crisis and you do need expert help. Maybe it would work better if you could try and work with them instead of fighting against them and resisting the help they want to give? I don't mean that harshly so hope it doesnt sound it and sorry if it does but if it's that or hospital surely that is better for you and at least you'll be getting some support in person. It sound slike you have to decide to accpet one sort of help now. I'm not saying you don't want support as I know you do, all I'm saying is you may have to take what is offered if these are the only options other than hospital. I only say this as I really don't know what to say to help. It's hard to see you struggling so badly yet just wanting to be left alone by people that might be able to help - being left alone when you're this bad isn't the answer now. We all just want to see you getting the help you need and deserve and getting better :hugs: . Please let people help you sis, you're worth helping. Can you consider giving seeing them a go, be honest about how bad things are and just see if they can help you?
I hope you find your car keys and make it to CBT tomorrow and that CBT helps. You haven't given your car keys to anyone to look after yet I assume? - just wondering as you say they're not in your flat.
Take care sis, hope you sleep well.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Oh Karen honey
Don't be scared you can tell them how it is tell them you don't just want medication but proper help if you won't I will tell them medication doesn't work only masks the problems tell them you have been having CBT it is helping but you need more and more often you can do it I know you can find that inner strength from somewhere same as you did when you stood up to your father, please its the only way for you to get some help and see your fortieth birthday (yes I know I get there first) but you willl have one hell of a celebration.:yesyes: Pray Karen, someone will listen close your eyes empty your head and pray honey I will pray for you as I always do. xxxxx
Love you always:hugs:
Thanks Lisa and Stargazer. I found the car key and I have just been out to put a letter for my doctor through the letter box so she gets it first thing tomorrow.
Lisa - I expect it does seem strange to you that I appear not to want help. In fact, I do want help but not from NHS psychiatric teams because I have had so many bad experiences.
I am scared that a psychiatrist is going to take decisions away from me and send me to hospital again. I am also scared because I don't understand why the crisis team are involved suddenly. I haven't asked for their help and my doctor didn't say anything about crisis teams or calling in psychiatric teams when I saw her on Friday. So from that point of view I do want to be left alone.
Stargazer - Thanks hun :hugs: I love you very much too and I am very much looking forward to Wednesday. Somehow someday I will beat this illness. I'm just not sure how right now.
Karen xx
Somehow someday I will beat this illness.
Now that's the spirit sis :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Keep thinking that too and don't give up until you do beat it as you can.
I didn't mean you don't want any help (sorry if it sounded like that) as I know you do, and I know you try and help yourself too :hugs: What I meant was that if this is the only help offered then maybe you will have to accept something to keep you out of hospital.
I do understand your concerns due to bad past experiences, however even though past experiences were bad that doesn't mean future ones will be - although understandably it makes you very wary naturally, it would anyone.
Maybe your doc called in the crisis/psychiatric teams as she is really worried about you? From what you've said here it does sound like this situation has got really serious now and that some some sort of help is urgently needed. What sort of help do you think you need or what do you think may help you? Maybe you could tell your doc what you think will help you and see what she says?
Anyway sorry if I said anything to upset you, never my intention :hugs:
Hope you sleep well,
Lisa x
PS Glad you found your keys :yesyes:
honeybee3939
05-06-07, 08:44
Hi Karen
Im pleased you have found your car key !phewww !
Im going to work shortly and just wanted to say i hope your appointment goes well today Karen! and that i will be thinking of you hun !!:hugs:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Morning all
Thanks Lisa, Andrea and Piglet for the messages :hugs:
Lisa - You didn't upset me sis so don't worry about that :hugs:
I am still feeling a little under the weather this morning after purging last night. My tummy is definitely not happy today :blush:
I've got CBT shortly and I am anxious about going. I'm not sure why except that there is so much to tell her and I am in a real state about the crisis team.
I really do not want to speak to the crisis team or have a visit from them. I wish they would leave me alone. I don't know what my doctor has said but I am scared they will section me and lock me away in hospital :weep:
Why won't they go away?
Karen xx
Why won't they go away?
Cos it's their job to check you're ok hun!!!
Hope it goes well today and you manage to get a bit of sunlight on you to warm the soul!! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Cos it's their job to check you're ok hun!!!
Well I don't want them checking on me :lac:
It's a lovely sunny day and I could go for a walk along the seafront but I don't know when they are ringing.
How are you today mate?
Karen xx
Hi Karen:flowers:
Why dont you go for the walk and if they ring and you are out at least it shows you are getting out and about still??
Just an idea:shrug:
Thinking of you
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi Karen,
Hope the CBT went well today :hugs:
Thinking of you,
Lisa x
Hope today is going well Karen:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi Karen,
Hope you're ok sis and that the CBT went well.
Thinking of you :hugs:
Night night,
Lisa x
Night night :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
honeybee3939
05-06-07, 23:27
Hope all went well today Karen !:)
Hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Thanks for all the messages. I am fine now but was not feeling too well earlier.
CBT went well and my therapist has given me a few ideas to think about and to try some different approaches to getting back to a safer weight.
So much for the crisis team. No one called (thankfully!) but it would've been a lot of use if I actually wanted their help.
Night all and thanks :hugs:
Karen xx
Glad the CBT went well. I hope you can use some of her ideas and approaches.
Glad you are fine now.
Night night sis,
:hugs:
Lisa x
Oh I'm glad the CBT went well hun :hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Hope You have a good day today Karen:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Paddington
06-06-07, 12:04
I am so glad the cbt went ok Karen:hugs: hope today is a better day for you.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
honeybee3939
06-06-07, 12:18
Hi Karen
Glad the CBT went well hun, glad to hear you have some new ideas to think about too. hope today is going well for you also.:hugs:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
Hi Karen,
Hope you're ok today :hugs:
Lisa x
Hi All
Thank you for the messages.
It hasn't been too bad a day today. I took the car to the car wash and then came back here and hoovered the inside.
I'm not sure whether the crisis team have tried to call today. There was one missed call but no message. It suits me as I don't want to talk to them anyway.
Feeling a bit upset about what's happening with my doctor and with K right now.
Going to visit Stargazer later and I'm looking forward to that.
Karen xx
Hi Karen,
Glad your day hasn't been too bad.
Have a lovely evening with stargazer.
:hugs:
Lisa x
Hi Hunny,
I don't have much else to say really other than that! Hope you have a nice time with stargazer which I am sure you will.
Happyone
xx
Lizzie1975
06-06-07, 19:58
Hi Karen, Big up the Crisis team!!! You know how mad that makes me...what if you'd desparately needed them...grrrr.
Anyways glad the CBT went well and hope you have a lovely time with Stargazer.
Lizzie XXXX
Ooh how lovely to hear you've had a productive day. Special squeeze :hugs:
Do have a lovely time tonight and give our best to Stargazer! :hugs:
Piglet :flowers:
Hope You are having a nice evening with Stargazer:flowers:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
Hi Karen,
Hope you're having/have had a nice evening :hugs:
Night night,
Lisa x
Thank you all for the lovely messages.
Lizzie - Yes, typical of the crisis team. Luckily I don't want to be involved with them but if I did want their help I'd be pretty stuck now.
I had a lovely evening with Stargazer - thanks hun :hugs: She has kindly invited me to dinner tomorrow evening to try to help me get back on track.
Just wanted to say thank you for all the support :hugs:
Karen xx
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.