View Full Version : Old Friend But Now Wants To Be New Friend
Not so much a dilema but rather a question of me been too forgiving and trusting.
When i trained to be a prison officer i became good friends with Shaz and throught the training and the first two years at work we were inseparable. We went abroad togethe and spent all our spare time together. She was there when my dad died and had Sam whenever she could but suddenly due to prison rumour and bitchiness we or should i say she stopped talking to me.
I kept asking her what her problem was but she dismissed me and said nothing. Well recently due to work we have started speaking again and went for a coffee on monday, talked about old times but not why we fell out.
I was fine with that but since then she has sent me email apologising for how she treated me and said it wasnt my illness that put her off but she listened to other people and let that influence her opinion of me. Since then she has been off with depression and on many occasions i have wanted to call her because i know how hard it is to go it alone.
She told me tonight that i was probably the bestest friend she had ever had and she hoped we could rebuild on that and maybe one day laugh at the past. Throughout it i did miss her and when she stopped talking to me it killed me and hurt alot, so am i letting her hurt me again or should i trust that she has regrets and we can be as close as we were.
In an ideal world spending monday tlking to her then on tuesday she called in my office and had bought me some lunch and all i saw was the Shaz that was my best mate and i was touched that she had gone out and thought of me.
Maybe i am to soft but i just want an easy life and people in it that count to me.
Love Sal xxxxx
Dear Sal,
I feel for you on this as I have had similar done to me in the past.
It sounds as though you were once very close--& I can appreciate your reticence about 'a new involvement' where hurt could follow, as well as the 'better feelings' about a once best mate who seems to want to be a good friend again.It must feel natural in some ways to want to 'be friends' again because you shared so much before.
Maybe, now she has felt the misery of depression, she understands not only the feeling but how she failed you when you needed her support the most. She will know now that you are one of the few people at work who does know & understand the misery.
Perhaps, if you feel you can, you should 'go' with what is happening--but slowly,try not to dive in & trust all at once---see how it pans out, sort of keep 'some in reserve'. I'm sure this would happen naturally anyway because the past hurt is bound to 'put the brakes' on a little in you. Maybe, just keep talking it through with her.
With my own similar situation I went through a lot of ups & downs over it all--but have stayed friends with the person though there is always a memory of when it went wrong!
I wish you 'the best' with this & hope it works out.
Love Linda (Bubbles) xxx
Hi Sal
I went through something very similar with my best friend. We grew up together and then 10 years ago, she met her ex partner. He was jealous of me and she was so besotted with him that he managed to stop her seeing me. I have no idea how it happened but was absolutely beside myself for a very long time.
Then a few years ago, we bumped into one another and she wanted us to restart our friendship. She was still with her ex and so for a long time would only see me when he wasn't around. That hurt but I was very stand offish with her for a long time.
Lots of other stuff happened in between and now we are really close again. If anything she now makes far more of an effort than she ever used to and it's like we've never really been apart. Of course she still annoys me every now and again but who doesn't that happen to. She understands me for who I am and what I've gone through. Hey now she even comes round and consoles me when I'm a nervous wreck.
I honestly believe that Shaz has recognised that she lost a precious friend and does want to make things up. It will take time for you to adjust and you will naturally be wary for a while but I'm sure that things can work out. I believe that things happen for a reason. Bec came back into my life when I lost my Dad and I'm so glad that she did.
Just take things easy and do what is right for you.
Take care
Love
Jules
Jules
Hi Sal,
We all have friends in our lives but true freinds are hard to find.
I have been through this myself and I know how much it hurts.
You are a forgiving and caring person and you trust people.
I think she knows what she has lost and how silly she was
listening to other people.
Only you know how good your friendship was back then,
go with what your heart it telling you.
I myself, my heart was telling me not to and I have never
looked back.
GOOD LUCK SAL:D
Let us know how things are going.
LOVE JILLXXX
Rennie1989
11-11-04, 14:42
hiya sal
i have those times, u get rumors going around then everyone believes in them, how frustrating!!!
im glad uv made up
Scooter Girl
if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears
Hi Guys
Thanks you all for your replies, you have helped me loads.
She has sent me a couple of emails today, explaining why and how sorry she was for listening to other people and after it all died down she knew she had been conned.
She has even told me that over this last week or so when she started talking she was sure i was going to throw it back in my face but knew deep down that i wasnt that kind of person to do that.
I wil just see what happens she is of work until next wednesday but says she will pop through on Monday and meet me for a cuppa.
You are right about saying when you realise what you lose second time round you make much more of an effort, i can already see that.
She has been very open about it all and has shown lots of regrets so i am really pleased we can start again and see how it goes.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hmmmm tricky one, Sal!
Perhaps the best thing to do before making any final decision, is to sit down with her and ask her why she chose to believe the rumours and why she didn't come straight to you to find out the truth of them.
If she comes up with reasons which you are happy with, then go for it.
If she doesn't, and you feel that you could never really trust her again, then don't bother cos it just isn't worth going through all the hurt again.
Just my opinion anyway :D
Luv Kate x
hi Sal,
I agree with Kate - give her the opportunity to explain herself and then see what you think. We all do silly things sometimes so maybe that is the case with her. We all deserve a second chance.
Sarah :D
Hi sal, so sorry even though you realy want to carry on where you left off I am sure she has spoiled a real good friendship. You two most likley will make good friends again but deep down to you it will never be the same ofter here ignorig and not talking to you for that period? you will never forget that part. Its like when a hubby or wife go wrong they stay together and say they have forgivin but, yes its always there in the back of the mind for the next argument. Bu i myself have been put of real good friend listenning to what someone had said, and was so sorry and regretted my acctions after, and sure she has done the same? hope you do carry on as good friends Sal but it will never be as good as before cos its always in the back of your mind. Take care babes Vernon XXXX
Ps and I am your best friend dont forget that X[8D]
Hi Sal
What she did hurt you but we all make mistakes sometimes and remember, to err is human to forgive is divine!
It will be hard and perhaps you will never recapture what you had but could still be friends.
Good luck
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Thanks for all your good advice.
I have thought about it alot and i am not one to hold grudges but i will protect myself.
Shaz has explained it all to me and have trust me have asked many questions that i needed answers to.
Life moves on and i can honestly say how she treated me hurt me and i would never let her do it again but i am prepared to see how this goes.
Maybe we wont get back to how we were but if we do and are both secure in that then i will be happy.
She does keep apologising and i can only hear so much of that but somethings she has said has made me think.
She has bigger regrets than i have and it is up to her to prove it. I did miss her and it did hurt so all i can say now is that the ball is in her court.
We were so close as in cards etc and it was only a few months ago i chucked them along with Grahams suppose felt brave and new start. It is down to her to prove her friendship and when we were close she did it in leaps and bounds.
The cards she sent meant the world to me and had never experienced that so will leave it up to her from now on.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hiya Sal,
I honestly think good friends are so hard to find.
She has admitted she has made a mistake and wants very much to move on from it
I hope things work out well for both of you, what's that saying
'Better to have loved than lost than not loved at all'
obviously mean in a friendship way!!!!!
Hopefully from now on she will not listen to jealous, spiteful people
As Emily said 'to err is human'
best of luck
Love
Lucky
We have spoken some more and she has been totally honest and open with me. I have told her to stop saying sorry as i have accepted her apology. She really opened up last night and admitted how evil she had been.
I remember when i went of sick, i even told her that she contributed to my illness. After i came back to work she was in the office and she said hi but i blanked her and she said she realised then what a fool she had been and how it hurt her when i blanked her but by then she thought things had gone too far and i would never forgive her and i guess if she had approached me at the time as i was still hurt i would have told her to forget it as it was too soon and still too raw.
So lets see how things go, it is looking okay and life is far too short to hold grudges.
And Vern i know youre my bestest, bestest mate!!!!!
Love Sal xxxxx
Just thought i would update you on this topic.
Everything is going really well with Shaz and me, we went out for a meal last night and had a good chat.
Remembered all the good times we had together and how stupid we have been for missing out on all that has happened in our lifes.
To be perfectly honest now i dont feel like we had those few years when we werent speaking, just feels like a distant memory now.
We were always close as i have told you and that seems to have come back easily.
So pleased we have sorted it all out and managed to get back to how we were.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
That's great Sal. It is good that you both managed to sort it out. We need good friends in our lives.
I'm glad you had a good night out yesterday.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Karen
I have missed Shaz a lot as we were so close. As best friends i found my soul mate and was gutted when she didnt talk and took there side.
But i can forgive and forget and can now only remember the good times we had.
Love her to bits and always knew that when we fell out how much i would miss her.
B4 we fell out she did help me through some of my darkest day although she didnt understand. Shaz has been through it now and i wish i could have helped her as i know how it felt, but hse understands now how i felt.
When we were out last night she said she appreciated what i had been through. Maybe a little too late but now i know if i have a hard time she is here for me. Just wish i could have been there for her.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Karen
Cant sleep again LOL
But my only regret through this is that when i asked Shaz what was the problem she didnt have enough in her to tell me. I guess that will always bug me as been so close to her i did keep askin but she never gave me an honest reply.
That is the only thing that still upsets me as i wish when i asked her she had turned rount and said what she had heard and how she felt, but she denied it, when i knew there was something wrong and however it hurt i needed answers not just to be left hanging on.
Lots of Love Sal xxxxx
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