View Full Version : anxiety about next tuesday.. positive step forward but might back out
ok...
ive been looking into doing a homestudy book keeping course in order to be able to work from home and earn some money... thing is is its gonna cost over £300...
i've been looking into funding and found lots of possibilities...
spoke to a guy on the phone earlier who deals with funding people on incapacity benefit to do courses... (need any info then just ask me, found loadsa stuff out this week)....
but the problem is is that in order to get it i need to see him in person... i thought i could do it all over the phone but as soon as he said he'd need to come to my house i had a panic attack on the phone...
bless him, he was very understanding - he offered to come around with a female co-worker, he said he could speak to me from outside on the phone then just slip the forms under my door in order for me to sign (cant believe my life has come to this... its so pathetic, i know you'll say its not but it really is... it just makes me laugh)
anyway, i've arranged for him to come around next tuesday, i just feel im gonna need a bit of support til then cos im sh*tting myself about it... its a great step forward and mean i might be able to finally at least dio a bit of work again... but i also keep saying to myself i wont be able to do it and that i should just cancel... :wacko: :wacko: :wacko:
:hugs: Hiya hun
Well done you for taking such a possitive step. :yesyes: Thats great.
It will be hard to get it done on tuesday but afterwards you will feel really good. I am always at home so i will make sure im around on tuesday if you want to chat and need some encouragement.
:hugs:Take care
Blackie
awww thanks.. hes coming around about 10.30 - 11ish so i'll prob be up about 5am being sick with anxiety... like all things the anticipation is always worse... gotta do something though... if i cant go to work then work shall come to me... been on income support for 3 years now cos of my agoraphobia... and its not even enough to live on let alone treat myself... anyway thanks for your support... much appreciated
Hi
Good luck for next Tuesday. Just think of the positives - you've spent time looking into this and organising it so you obviously want to do it. Just think of how good you'll feel once you've got the forms in your hands, you'll really be on the way forward. Good on yer!
Julie
Hiya
Like you said the atticipation is aways worse.
But you have spoken to him on the phone, you know that he is understanding so if the worse came to the worse you could always ask him to leave at once. But i doubt very much that will happen but it gives you an escape route should you need it. Think possitivly about the meeting and imagine the good things that are going to come out of it.
Well i might not be around at 5am but i will certainly be around in the morning before he comes if u need me.
All the best
Blackie
Hi Hun...
I can understand how scared you feel about this man coming round...flipping 'eck, i could tell you a trillion stories of panic attacks when people were at my door. What this guy is doing is a really kind gesture and it won't take long at all, but i bet you'll sit from now until then thinking over and over "what if i panic when he's at the door, what will i do"....you need to change that thought into "Okay, IF i do feel panicky, he's the otherside of the door AND he won't see me freaking out." I hope you can change those horrible anxious negative thoughts (I'm a fine one to talk!!!!!!!!!!).
Be thinking about you....
Sarah x
thanks... dont think i could actually be silly enough to keep him the other side of the door.. i think ill just have to let him in... if i panic i panic i suppose... no use in panicing now about the possibility of panicing then... anyway i say that now.. ha ha... p.s is this sarahc???
groovygranny
23-05-07, 20:17
Honeybee!
You're a brave girl, so what if your knees are wobbly? And, as long as you're not sick all over this bloke, you'll be fine :), he sounds really understanding.
(He sounds as though he really wouldn't mind even if you were sick over him!!)
Well done you for setting the wheels in motion - I just know you're going to do this..just like you've done things before.
Will be thinking of you lots!:hugs:
:flowers:
thanks GG - not gonna write anymore cos thinking bout it makes me too anxious so a quick thanks will have to do for now... :D
nomorepanic
23-05-07, 23:09
ask yourself what you want to happen?
Do you want this or not?
Then just JFDI lol
You can do it.
Don't think about it all week - it serves no purpose and is wasted energy. Concentrate on the positives and think how it will help you. Write the reasons down for doing it.
Stop thinking about it until 10am on that day - there is no reason to dwell on it.
Good luck
thanks nic... your so right... think im ready to embrace the JFDI concept now... well in some areas anyway... some things still too scary... :)
ok... so i've managed to not think about this til now..... but now it's TOMORROW... im starting to really freak out... i havent really been around a stranger on my own since three years ago when all this started... dunno what to do... feeling REALLY anxious... all the what if's are going through my mind... really scared... :weep:
Hiya hun
lots of hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
You will be ok. Try and relax. i know its hard. Try and think about the possitive things about this meeting. He sounds like a really nice chap whos very understanding. The thought of it is always worse then acctually doing it.
You can do it.:yesyes:
Blackie
god i wish it was that easy... really freaking out... dunno why im even bothering writing this, its not gonna make it any easier... anyway thanks blackie and everyone else..
p.s.... blackie - i like your
“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
statement.... think i been there a few times in my life :)
groovygranny
28-05-07, 22:52
Oh c**p, it's very late and you're probably in bed right now......
Just wanted you to know I'll be thinking of you tomorrow honeybee.....
Look, if GG can survive being entombed with Rameses IV, getting lost in the Cairo Museum......... and live to tell the tale (one day!) of the 'foot-caught-in-steering-wheel' episode..............
.........you'll survive this!
We all have the utmost confidence in you.........can you hear us cheering you on?
Just be your usual down to earth wonderful self and you'll be ok......and you JFDI, ok?
loadsa luv to you
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
did you say i'll prob be in bed... HA HA HA... doubt i'll be getting much sleep tonight... i'll keep ya posted... never know if i can do it if i dont at least try ay??? thanks GG
I usually pop a diazepam for big events, helps keep me calm.
maybe this is an option for you ?
Hiya
Hope it all goes well today fo you.
You can do it hun.
Sending you lucky vibes.
Blackie
p.s. I love the quote too.
thanks guys...
mirry, i dont want to turn to drugs so dont tend to use them really but glad they work for you...
blackie - thanks hun... i hardly slept at all last night so feeling knackered this morning... i was ready to just cancel this morning, i really was so anxious... i know its cheating but my boyfriend called his boss and asked if he could have few hours off this morning so he's gonna be here too. which kinda eliminates all anxiety... i know i should've done it own my own but i just couldnt be bothered to fight my way through the anxiety... and since my boyfriend offered it thought it'd be stupid to turn him down...
groovygranny
29-05-07, 10:33
Good morning honeybee!
Sorry you had a rough night - to be expected though.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of moral support, I think sometimes we tend to feel as though we have to stand and fight no matter what. But even heavily-armoured knights of yore had to have someone to prop them up so that they could climb onto their horse and get on with the jousting !!
Sorry, typical whacky GG illustration but that's how my brain works I'm afraid!
Look, you're going through with it with a bit of support - you haven't cancelled it and that's the important factor eh?
Luvs and hugs to you
:hugs::flowers::hugs:
Hi Hun,
You are over the worst hurdle by already talking to him on the phone.
You are brave and you can do this hun. Good luck for Tuesday I will be thinking of you.
Love and Hugs,:hugs:
Pip's X X X X
Hi hun...
No, no, no...not cheating AT ALL! Thing is (looking at positives here)....you're still going through with the appointment despite having all this anticipatory anxiety. That deserves a massive pat on the back :)
You're VERY lucky to have a caring boyfriend. Use him as you're support, we all need a good support system and what ever makes you feel better sweetie.
Good luck, fingers crossed
x
ok... so i got through it with flying colours...
my fella was sat outside in the garden with the dog - knowing he was about made all anxiety dissappear... i've realised last few days what an amazing support he actually is to me... bless him!!!
anyway... the guy is ringing either later or tomorrow to let me know if i'll be funded any money to do this course... then if i do get any money it'll be in my bank within a week... so that'll be cool.. i'll start book keeping...
anyone needing a book keeper please dont hesitate to contact me.. lol...
the scary thing is, is that i can do the course but at the end of it i'll need to go to a open learning center to sit the exam which will be a bit scary but i'm sure i'll get through it with my trusted rescue remedy and someone sat outside waiting for me...
WELL DONE HONEYBEE!!!!
:yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:
groovygranny
29-05-07, 14:23
Knew you could do it honeybee...........
http://www.balloonking.com/images/thumbs/Sentiments_You_re_the_Best.jpg.................WEL L DONE !!:flowers:
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
thanks bluebell.... thanks GG... GG - i could've told you that a long time ago... ha ha ha... (sorry, that was the leo coming out in me!!!)
Wahoo!!!:yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:
Really well done you. Its not cheating having your bf sitting in the garden. :flowers:
You should feel really prowd of yourself and go and spoil yorself tonight. Bar of choc and a bowl of ice cream:D
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Blackie
ha ha ha blackie.. already had both... mmmmm...
anyway, just got a call off the guy i saw today, he's spoken to his people and they've decided to fund me £175 out of the £275 i need to do the course which is great... i'll then get a loada help to go self employed and work from home if i decide to or when im ready to... the money should be in my account next week... since im on income support due to my agoraphobia it'll take a while to save up the rest of the dosh so if any of you out there are rich and wanna support a good cause feel free to send me a cheque... hee hee... on a serious note though i might be able to get a ILA which is extra fuinding of £100 to make up the rest... i'll keep ya posted... thanks for all your kind words guys.... loving the support!!!
well getting the extra funding looks quite positive so hopefully i'll be starting my course in couple of weeks... yay!!! :yesyes:
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