'Health Anxiety' Complications.. My life is ruined.

[SeagullTerror]

This post will be kinda choppy because I find it challenging to write out, please bare with me, read it out and respond, it'd mean a lot to me, even if you don't know what to say, but here's all the complications I have had since I have realized I had health anxiety.

Personal Info: Male, California, 16 years of age.

Mental Health:

I am almost constantly uncertain on how long I will live, I fear having a very bad disease that will kill me. I don't really enjoy the things I used to be into, I walked into a very nostalgic and complex computer shop today, Computers and technology are one of my 2 most favorite things ever. I didn't even get excited like I usually would, I wasn't poking around like I'd usually do. Often times I doubt I even have anxiety but a real physical condition.

Physical Symptoms (all may or may not come from anxiety):

I'll have to start from the beginning to help you get a better idea on how this all started in the first place. It started with one day, I was lying in bed and felt a discomfort in my throat, like there was lump or a ball in it. And I felt that it was getting bigger. I didn't know what it was, and that was the night I had my first experience with the panic attack. That day, I went to the hospital and misdiagnosed me by saying I had a swollen uvula. Which, I did not. I have been to many doctors after that and my tests came back clear (throat/chest xrays, swab, blood test ) {about 2 months ago}, and they sent me home, I have also went to an ENT specialist who saw nothing wrong {about 2 weeks ago}. My symptoms include from most prevalent to more rare; Chest Pressure (worse after eating), Trouble Swallowing, Feeling that I might choke or lose air, muscle twitches, stomach issues [food returning to esophagus, diarrhea/constipation, muscle bloating feeling, tightness in stomach] feeling on my body constantly, asking others to feel on my body, muscle ache, skin burning, swollen lymph nodes in neck (still uncertain on this one as some say that feeling small, movable glands in the neck is normal), occasional sore throat, ear fullness, nose stuffiness (usually one side alternating, sometimes both). Feeling that heart pumps off beat or a little too hard. All the symptoms i've also underlined I've had for less than 4 weeks. Also, all of the symptoms except the ones written in comic sans are inconsistent. Meaning they come and go.

Relationship damage:

Ever since this all began around June I have felt a major disconnect between my family and I, I feel as if they don't view me the same way. Every time I have a panic attack or high anxiety, they write me off as crazy, get extremely upset, tell me to stop moving so much and panicking, and they sometimes even ignore me. It had gotten really bad once and I was bursting in tears and they just sat there caught up in their own thing, ignoring me. It's really discouraging when you have a family that won't support you and just wants you to ignore what you're feeling. My brothers won't really talk to me anymore and hang out with each other and exclude me from their 'shenanigans'. I spend a lot of time in my room alone, like I am right now. My friends (well friend, because I don't have many at all) are starting to avoid me, and my family is starting to remove me from their plans. I'm starting to get very sad and feel lonely. My family has gone as far to even say that I do this for attention.

My trust in God is what holds me together...

Effect on daily activity: Recently i've been finding myself in a complete and utter lack of motivation, I can't do anything. It's not that I lack the physical energy to do it, it's just that I don't want to. I have one semester of school work due in 26 hours that I haven't even started yet. I've put things off and let them get this far.

That's about it, that's everything that this illness has brought upon me. I am in therapy right now, but have only seen my therapist once. I do not know when the next appointment will actually be. But I know that this was a lengthy post, thank you and Godbless you to anyone that reads this. It'd be a real help if you responded. I'm looking for some reassurance, tips, anything, everyone says that at 16 you should be having fun... But here I am. I'm not doing this for sympathy, but everyone needs a little support sometimes. Appreciate it ~ Key (aka SeagullTerror).

[london28]

Life is definitely not ruined, I think having anxiety or depression is a blessing in a way, because i got to see who was really there for me on my lowest moments, and let me tell you....it werent many..but now that im better i have cut those people out of my life and feel way better.

[budgie1979]

It does sound like you're having a really rough time of it. It can be really hard to deal with health anxiety if you don't have anyone to talk to, but you also have to understand how draining this can be on friends and family members to constantly have to reassure you that you aren't sick/dying. Also, you asking for and getting reassurance will not help your anxiety in the long run, and will probably make it worse. It becomes like an addiction--you feel better when you get reassurance from family/friends/doctors, your brain associates the reassurance with feeling good, and the next time an anxious thought pops up your brain automatically looks for reassurance. Eventually, you will start to find that reassurance is less effective--the anxiety pops up faster each time. You have to learn how to shut down the anxious thoughts on your own without relying on others for reassurance.

Do you happen to have a therapist? If not, can you ask your parents if they would be willing to help you get into therapy? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be very helpful for health anxiety, and your health insurance should cover at least some visits. I'm assuming you are also in high school (though probably out for the summer right now) and most schools have a psychologist either on staff or that they can refer you to if you are struggling, so that's another possibility if your parents aren't receptive.

Now, I am going to give you some reassurance (even though I said it's not good for you). Every single "symptom" that you listed is a symptom of anxiety. I (and probably most people on this board) have had every single one of them. Some aren't even symptoms at all and just completely normal body sensations that every human experiences but most don't dwell on. This website (http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety-guide/symptoms) has a pretty comprehensive list of anxiety symptoms. When you feel something that worries you take a look and see if it's on the list. If it is, tell yourself, "This is just my anxiety," and then go do something, preferably something active (exercise, go for a walk around the neighborhood, clean your room, etc.). Don't sit around dwelling on the symptom or your anxious thoughts. Things that signify real physical illnesses don't tend to go away when we aren't actively thinking about them, and they will always tend to get progressively worse.

One thing that helped me when I was at my worst was to set aside a "worry time" each day. Pick a 20-minute block of time in the day to sit quietly with your anxiety. Any anxious thoughts you have the rest of the day, you need to say "no, it's not my worry time" and go do something to distract yourself. When it's "worry time" you can set a timer for 20 minutes and give yourself permission to think anxious thoughts--get a journal and just write down everything you are worried about in that moment, what stresses are going on in your life, and look back at previous days to see if what you were worried about last week, for example, is still bothering you.

Good luck, and I hope you are able to find some peace of mind.

[Fishmanpa]

I have a daughter that suffers from anxiety and depression. She came to me and told me what was going on when she was 18. Having dealt with her mother's (my ex) depression, I understand what mental illness can do. I, along with her mother made sure she got professional help. With meds and therapy along with a lot of hard work, she's done great.

From what you wrote, your family is dismissing your situation. That being said, have you gone to them and said "I'm having a real hard time mentally as you know. I need help. Will you help me?" If you have and they've blown you off, call your doctor and ask for help or you can contact the local mental health facility near you. Go to https://www.mentalhealth.gov/. There are toll free lines you can call for assistance.

Positive thoughts