SeagullTerror
03-08-17, 08:18
This post will be kinda choppy because I find it challenging to write out, please bare with me, read it out and respond, it'd mean a lot to me, even if you don't know what to say, but here's all the complications I have had since I have realized I had health anxiety.
Personal Info: Male, California, 16 years of age.
Mental Health:
I am almost constantly uncertain on how long I will live, I fear having a very bad disease that will kill me. I don't really enjoy the things I used to be into, I walked into a very nostalgic and complex computer shop today, Computers and technology are one of my 2 most favorite things ever. I didn't even get excited like I usually would, I wasn't poking around like I'd usually do. Often times I doubt I even have anxiety but a real physical condition.
Physical Symptoms (all may or may not come from anxiety):
I'll have to start from the beginning to help you get a better idea on how this all started in the first place. It started with one day, I was lying in bed and felt a discomfort in my throat, like there was lump or a ball in it. And I felt that it was getting bigger. I didn't know what it was, and that was the night I had my first experience with the panic attack. That day, I went to the hospital and misdiagnosed me by saying I had a swollen uvula. Which, I did not. I have been to many doctors after that and my tests came back clear (throat/chest xrays, swab, blood test ) {about 2 months ago}, and they sent me home, I have also went to an ENT specialist who saw nothing wrong {about 2 weeks ago}. My symptoms include from most prevalent to more rare; Chest Pressure (worse after eating), Trouble Swallowing, Feeling that I might choke or lose air, muscle twitches, stomach issues [food returning to esophagus, diarrhea/constipation, muscle bloating feeling, tightness in stomach] feeling on my body constantly, asking others to feel on my body, muscle ache, skin burning, swollen lymph nodes in neck (still uncertain on this one as some say that feeling small, movable glands in the neck is normal), occasional sore throat, ear fullness, nose stuffiness (usually one side alternating, sometimes both). Feeling that heart pumps off beat or a little too hard. All the symptoms i've also underlined I've had for less than 4 weeks. Also, all of the symptoms except the ones written in comic sans are inconsistent. Meaning they come and go.
Relationship damage:
Ever since this all began around June I have felt a major disconnect between my family and I, I feel as if they don't view me the same way. Every time I have a panic attack or high anxiety, they write me off as crazy, get extremely upset, tell me to stop moving so much and panicking, and they sometimes even ignore me. It had gotten really bad once and I was bursting in tears and they just sat there caught up in their own thing, ignoring me. It's really discouraging when you have a family that won't support you and just wants you to ignore what you're feeling. My brothers won't really talk to me anymore and hang out with each other and exclude me from their 'shenanigans'. I spend a lot of time in my room alone, like I am right now. My friends (well friend, because I don't have many at all) are starting to avoid me, and my family is starting to remove me from their plans. I'm starting to get very sad and feel lonely. My family has gone as far to even say that I do this for attention.
My trust in God is what holds me together...
Effect on daily activity: Recently i've been finding myself in a complete and utter lack of motivation, I can't do anything. It's not that I lack the physical energy to do it, it's just that I don't want to. I have one semester of school work due in 26 hours that I haven't even started yet. I've put things off and let them get this far.
That's about it, that's everything that this illness has brought upon me. I am in therapy right now, but have only seen my therapist once. I do not know when the next appointment will actually be. But I know that this was a lengthy post, thank you and Godbless you to anyone that reads this. It'd be a real help if you responded. I'm looking for some reassurance, tips, anything, everyone says that at 16 you should be having fun... But here I am. I'm not doing this for sympathy, but everyone needs a little support sometimes. Appreciate it ~ Key (aka SeagullTerror).
Personal Info: Male, California, 16 years of age.
Mental Health:
I am almost constantly uncertain on how long I will live, I fear having a very bad disease that will kill me. I don't really enjoy the things I used to be into, I walked into a very nostalgic and complex computer shop today, Computers and technology are one of my 2 most favorite things ever. I didn't even get excited like I usually would, I wasn't poking around like I'd usually do. Often times I doubt I even have anxiety but a real physical condition.
Physical Symptoms (all may or may not come from anxiety):
I'll have to start from the beginning to help you get a better idea on how this all started in the first place. It started with one day, I was lying in bed and felt a discomfort in my throat, like there was lump or a ball in it. And I felt that it was getting bigger. I didn't know what it was, and that was the night I had my first experience with the panic attack. That day, I went to the hospital and misdiagnosed me by saying I had a swollen uvula. Which, I did not. I have been to many doctors after that and my tests came back clear (throat/chest xrays, swab, blood test ) {about 2 months ago}, and they sent me home, I have also went to an ENT specialist who saw nothing wrong {about 2 weeks ago}. My symptoms include from most prevalent to more rare; Chest Pressure (worse after eating), Trouble Swallowing, Feeling that I might choke or lose air, muscle twitches, stomach issues [food returning to esophagus, diarrhea/constipation, muscle bloating feeling, tightness in stomach] feeling on my body constantly, asking others to feel on my body, muscle ache, skin burning, swollen lymph nodes in neck (still uncertain on this one as some say that feeling small, movable glands in the neck is normal), occasional sore throat, ear fullness, nose stuffiness (usually one side alternating, sometimes both). Feeling that heart pumps off beat or a little too hard. All the symptoms i've also underlined I've had for less than 4 weeks. Also, all of the symptoms except the ones written in comic sans are inconsistent. Meaning they come and go.
Relationship damage:
Ever since this all began around June I have felt a major disconnect between my family and I, I feel as if they don't view me the same way. Every time I have a panic attack or high anxiety, they write me off as crazy, get extremely upset, tell me to stop moving so much and panicking, and they sometimes even ignore me. It had gotten really bad once and I was bursting in tears and they just sat there caught up in their own thing, ignoring me. It's really discouraging when you have a family that won't support you and just wants you to ignore what you're feeling. My brothers won't really talk to me anymore and hang out with each other and exclude me from their 'shenanigans'. I spend a lot of time in my room alone, like I am right now. My friends (well friend, because I don't have many at all) are starting to avoid me, and my family is starting to remove me from their plans. I'm starting to get very sad and feel lonely. My family has gone as far to even say that I do this for attention.
My trust in God is what holds me together...
Effect on daily activity: Recently i've been finding myself in a complete and utter lack of motivation, I can't do anything. It's not that I lack the physical energy to do it, it's just that I don't want to. I have one semester of school work due in 26 hours that I haven't even started yet. I've put things off and let them get this far.
That's about it, that's everything that this illness has brought upon me. I am in therapy right now, but have only seen my therapist once. I do not know when the next appointment will actually be. But I know that this was a lengthy post, thank you and Godbless you to anyone that reads this. It'd be a real help if you responded. I'm looking for some reassurance, tips, anything, everyone says that at 16 you should be having fun... But here I am. I'm not doing this for sympathy, but everyone needs a little support sometimes. Appreciate it ~ Key (aka SeagullTerror).