Firefly
24-05-07, 13:59
Hello everyone,
I am brand new to this site; I have no idea how I did not find it sooner. I have been spending the past couple of hours viewing posts from all of you and I need to say that it is so comforting to finally be a part of a community where I can talk to other's; hear their stories and find commonalities.
We live in an interesting world; in terms of the development of mental illnesses our medical field is not very advanced and treatment seems to be rather trial and error as everyone is different.
I was diagnosed with OCD approximately a year ago, and as I continue to educate myself I can't help but think that I have been misdiagnosed. What I am suffering from is pure Health anxiety and also self harm; very mild but there nonetheless. The heath anxiety stems from a heart attack scare that I had about a year ago that turned out to be nothing. The self harm is mild. For example, I bite the skin around my thumb nails whenever I am stressed, or I pull out hair from a specific spot in my head until there is a small bald spot. I also sit at a desk at work all day and find that I often get pain in my left side because of the way I sit; and then I massage it so hard on breaks that I often get bruising and more pain. I am not sure if this would be considered self harm; but I also drink excessively and I smoke marijuana daily...I find that this helps me to relax, and the altered state gives me a sense that nothing is real and that worry does not exist.
My GP has been working with me on the OCD although I have not been completely honest with him about everything - and I am currently on Effexor for that.
The purpose for this post is that I am at a point in my life that I feel completely flat. I am so heavily medicated that my emotions are dull - I have a hard time feeling happy and I haven't cried in months. My sex drive is non-existent and I have to force myself to have sex which is detrimental to my relationship. I come to work everyday hung over and burnt out, and that combined with my flat emotions makes me feel very depressed. I am an athlete, however I am not motivated to be active because of this.
This is not me. Drugs and alcohol will not ruin my life. I am a beautiful young woman with confidence, education and my family would describe me as outgoing with a great sense of humour. I have not been existing as such; I don't even know myself anymore.
I want to detox, and I feel as if I am ready, but I am so scared. Despite the bad things I have said about effexor, I have not had one panic attack or thoughts of death since starting them. I don't want to go back to that...but I have to try. The next three weeks will be the hardest. I have decided to cut back my dosage slowly and see how my body reacts. I have a hard time saying that I will completely stop the alcohol and drugs; because I am dependant right now, and at the end of the day I often convince myself that it is ok because I feel weak and need to escape. I don't know how to be strong yet.
I am brand new to this site; I have no idea how I did not find it sooner. I have been spending the past couple of hours viewing posts from all of you and I need to say that it is so comforting to finally be a part of a community where I can talk to other's; hear their stories and find commonalities.
We live in an interesting world; in terms of the development of mental illnesses our medical field is not very advanced and treatment seems to be rather trial and error as everyone is different.
I was diagnosed with OCD approximately a year ago, and as I continue to educate myself I can't help but think that I have been misdiagnosed. What I am suffering from is pure Health anxiety and also self harm; very mild but there nonetheless. The heath anxiety stems from a heart attack scare that I had about a year ago that turned out to be nothing. The self harm is mild. For example, I bite the skin around my thumb nails whenever I am stressed, or I pull out hair from a specific spot in my head until there is a small bald spot. I also sit at a desk at work all day and find that I often get pain in my left side because of the way I sit; and then I massage it so hard on breaks that I often get bruising and more pain. I am not sure if this would be considered self harm; but I also drink excessively and I smoke marijuana daily...I find that this helps me to relax, and the altered state gives me a sense that nothing is real and that worry does not exist.
My GP has been working with me on the OCD although I have not been completely honest with him about everything - and I am currently on Effexor for that.
The purpose for this post is that I am at a point in my life that I feel completely flat. I am so heavily medicated that my emotions are dull - I have a hard time feeling happy and I haven't cried in months. My sex drive is non-existent and I have to force myself to have sex which is detrimental to my relationship. I come to work everyday hung over and burnt out, and that combined with my flat emotions makes me feel very depressed. I am an athlete, however I am not motivated to be active because of this.
This is not me. Drugs and alcohol will not ruin my life. I am a beautiful young woman with confidence, education and my family would describe me as outgoing with a great sense of humour. I have not been existing as such; I don't even know myself anymore.
I want to detox, and I feel as if I am ready, but I am so scared. Despite the bad things I have said about effexor, I have not had one panic attack or thoughts of death since starting them. I don't want to go back to that...but I have to try. The next three weeks will be the hardest. I have decided to cut back my dosage slowly and see how my body reacts. I have a hard time saying that I will completely stop the alcohol and drugs; because I am dependant right now, and at the end of the day I often convince myself that it is ok because I feel weak and need to escape. I don't know how to be strong yet.