I can't look at people when talking to them

[Pea Tear Griffin]

Does anyone have this where you can't look at anyone when you talk to them & you just look at the floor or over their head?

[Tommo1980]

Yes, I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and it is a symptom of that. It can also reflect low self esteem.

Tom

[HappyBread]

Does anyone have this where you can't look at anyone when you talk to them & you just look at the floor or over their head?


Yes, I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and it is a symptom of that. It can also reflect low self esteem.

Tom


Aye low self esteem is usually the more common cause for this. I used to be like this as well but only when talking to girls and my reason to avoid eye contact, for one, is because I didn't dare to look at them straight in the eyes as it felt like they were judging me.

The irony here- I got judged because I avoided the eye contact lol talk about setting yourself up for failure hah.

I manifested that habit when I was in my teens, it got rooted into being a part of me and needless to say, it gave me quite a tough time in school and life in general. I had to work on my self confidence A LOT to bring myself to where I am today where I can talk to people without feeling some sort of fear of being judged.

I do still feel it at times though, of course XD

A tip that I learned from a teacher in the past that perhaps you can-

Instead of looking into someone's eyes directly if you aren't comfortable? Look at the glabella, the spot between the eyes and above the nose.

It might help lessen the stress for you and allow you to not look like you're avoiding eye contact.

But in order to truly eliminate this issue, you can try these few things that I remember doing:

1. Dig deep within yourself to discover and understand truly what is causing you to avoid eye contact.

It's usually a fear for something. What is that fear?
Figure it out and you might be able to tackle it head on.

e.g. You avoid eye contact because you've learned while growing up that looking into strangers eyes are considered a challenge/disrespect, which is obviously a myth but could be true in certain culture.

To "Overwrite" this? Slowly learn to understand and accept that it isn't true in most culture and you don't have to feel pressured to look away. Tackle this issue directly and slowly get accustomed to looking into people's eyes.

2. Pull an Elsa and "Let it go" XD

Let go of your fears and just dive in!

I specifically remember forcing meself to just look at someone in the eyes consciously and talk to them. If I do feel the fear creeping up and the urge to look away? I'd do it by "Naturally" looking at the floor, as if I saw an ant or something and then look back at the person again lol.

3. Learn to be confident0

One of the quickest way to become confident- is to love yourself.

If you don't have a reason to love yourself? You'd feel horrible and it translates into low self esteem as you look at others who do love themselves and thrive in their surrounding.

You might ask- How can I do it? I have no reason to! I don't look good, I don't speak good blah blah..

My respond to that? You don't feel good / confident because you're not giving yourself a reason to!

In my experience, as you know now, I had social issues as well in the past lol. I had to work hard to get to where I am and in my journey, I noticed a trend amongst confident people.

They work to give themselves a reason to be confident. They aren't born confident. Think about it, people/kids are usually afraid of something new until they are sure that the "Something new" is actually something safe to be tinkered with.

Confident people worked hard to gain a reason to be self assured.

People with low self esteem / confidence either don't see the quality in themselves (Due to lack of self understanding and awareness), or they truly don't have a reason to love themselves.

Best way to deal with this? Take out a piece of paper or digital notepad-
Write down a list of 25 things to why you love yourself and embrace these facts about you.

eg.
I love HappyBread because he is always smiling and happy whenever he is around people and he makes others feel happier just by being around him

I love HappyBread because he is a diligent worker who gives his all in everything he does.

I love HappyBread because he is a responsible person who is able to inspire others to be more responsible in life as well.
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Alrighty! Hope this helps bud! Do update us on how things go for you, yes? If you got questions, do feel free to ask too :)

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Does anyone have this where you can't look at anyone when you talk to them & you just look at the floor or over their head?

I have this issue , I tend to look elsewhere... Not good especially in interview situations , maybe that's why I didn't get those jobs ...

I do have Aspergers Syndrome, so that is why I do it ... I do try to look but my eyes always go elsewhere...

[BigBoiBenzo]

have you tried focusing on somthing else but their eyes? like their forehead?

[ianmpos]

Hi,

I've always struggled with this as well and found a good way to cope was to find a fixed point over one shoulder and look there.

To the person you are talking too, looks like you are looking straight at them.