Help needed

[PITITA]

Is there anyone online I wonder. I had a terrible anxiety attack which escalated into a full blown panic attack just when was about to get up. I was lying in bed half asleep half awake when I suddenly "heard" random thoughts running through my mind. They were absolutely nonsense just like statements as if you hear the news and I can't remember the content, but it made me jump as I thought I started hearing voices as they were very audible. It still startles me when I think about it now. Then the anxiety cycle started, becaue I honestly cannot tell you for sure if I heard something or if it was just in my mind. I mean can you really "hear" your thoughts in an audible manner? Then I read up on PTSD posts and it brought back very painful unsettling memories about my dead brother who was schizophrenic, and a whole bunch of memories from my childhood when my dad abused him and all of us :( And I have to go to work in 20 minutes and I'm a total mess right now. I feel sooo sensitised and edgy, as if I'm about to have a psychosis myself. I'm trying to calm myself down by reminding myself it has happened before and it didn't end up with psychosis, but I just feel this immense FEAR and uneasiness and can't face all the people at work today, they are so bloody judgemental anyway..sigh :weep:

[Piglet]

Aww mate - do you feel better now??:hugs:

Did you manage work??

Love Piglet :flowers:

[groovygranny]

Hi Pittita

It's unsettling when your brain is so noisy as it 'puts out the rubbish bins' isn't it?

That's what I liken this to. It used to scare me to bits at first, but when I accepted that these disturbing thoughts were just that - thoughts - and that this time between 'sleep' and 'awake' was when it usually happens, it wasn't so bad.

Hope you feel better as the day goes on.

Big hugs:bighug1::bighug1: for you

:flowers:

[PITITA]

I didn't go to work I couldn't handle it. :blush: I called to say I had "food poisoning", which I am sure they did not believe for a second as they know about my anxiety condition. I have a terrible churning inside my tummy when I think about the office, I just hate being there because from the minute I get there all I can think of is "run! get out of here!". I have never been agoraphobic before, but I think I can say I'm phobic of the office. I don't want to be working for these guys any more as they overwork me for very little money and have very high expectations of me both regarding my work and my time, but I feel scared that if I leave this job I will NOT have the strength and the WILL to find a new place where I have to hide my anxiety again...etc.

I went to see a friend after I called in sick and that made me feel better. Oh and GG I found a lot of comfort in your reply, it seems that I am not the only one "hearing" my thoughts. They really stir my emotions up though and from the moment they happen there goes my peaceful sleep:wacko:. I am not quite sure how I am supposed to cope with this, they SCARE me :weep:.

Piglet, I got the Claire Weekes book today, yipee! Just reading the first couple of pages shocked me a bit as she refers to anxiety as nervous breakdown....:w00t2:Will be reading through it today. Any good chapter anyone recommends?

xxx

[Piglet]

Oh I am glad you got the book mate! :yesyes:

Some bits I didn't want to accept - like you I didn't like the term 'nervous breakdown' (no idea why) but there is so much in the book to help us that I was able to rationalise those kind of bits fairly easily. Mind you I was feeling acute when I first got the book and soon after I didn't really find any of it uncomfortable reading!

It was brill!!

Big hugs and well done for turning it around by going to see a friend today.

I was saying to someone else this week it is how we manage these unwelcome blips that give us the structure to manage anxiety in general. If we can accept that they happen without getting too despondant then we are half way there.

Love Piglet :flowers: