Trying to control EVERYTHING

[darkangel]

Hi, Just wondering if this is familiar to anyone else?
I know I try and control things to the extent where it is severly affecting my life. Like yesterday we went out for a meal and because I chose the place my worries are: what if the other person doesnt find anything on the menu they like, what if they dont like their meal, what if they get ill due to the food, what if the service isnt good and they judge me for choosing here???? Im off on holiday next week and my thoughts are: what if the weather is poor, what if the hotel is terrible, did I choose the right hotel, place, etc? Im too busy trying to make sure the other person is okay that my own needs are forgotton. When I cook a meal, Im already convinced that the other person isnt going to enjoy it and I get myself into such a state.
Does ANYONE else think like this?

Darkangel x

[Lozzie]

Hi Darkangel,
First of all :hugs:
I could of wrote this myself!
I find I pretty much always put other people before myself.
When I cook dinner I find I get into such a state of worry, like "what if its not cooked right n i make them ill" etc Although I havent made anyone ill from my cooking so I dont even know why i thnk that!
I think sometimes we just need to take a step back and say "you know what, what about ME"
We need to look after ourselves first and then things might improve for us.

Sending you hugs hun :hugs: :hugs:

Laura xxxx:flowers:

[kate]

Anxiety is totally about control, from agorophobia to OCD, it all boils down to the same thing.

Kate

[Piglet]

I have massive areas of my life where I need to be in control but the more I let go of this way of thinking the more relaxed I become.:yesyes:

I think when it comes down to it I would make a list (very fond of lists I am :lisa: ) and look logically at some of the scenarios.

We can't possibly take the blame for everything can we. If you apply all those 'what if's to the other people around you do you think you would blame them for 'poor holidays' or poor outcomes of anything infact. I am sure you wouldn't cos it wouldn't be fair and vice versa!!

You don't be hard on yourself matey and I am damn sure others won't be either! :hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[groovygranny]

HI darkangel,

Felt exactly like this only this afternoon!

I organised a family day out - which was enjoyed by all I was told.

But that didn't prevent me from thinking I'd somehow gone wrong when we decided to go for a cream tea. All the tea shops were shut (huh? on a sunny bank holiday?!) so we decided on a local pub - which served tea and coffee as well as alcohol.

Well, new mum (daughter no 3) and partner were knacked from being up all night with baby, grandson no 1 was doing his usual Buzz Lightyear impression and wanted chips with everything much to the annoyance of his mum, daughter no 2. Daughter no 1 didn't want to go where there was smoking, hubby just wanted to sit down - anywhere, and great-grandma (GG's mother) was determined not to move anyway!!

Guess who felt responsible for all this?? Yep, but I had to let it go in the end because it really wasn't anything to do with how I'd gone about things - it was just circumstances.

All worked out in the end because new young family went home - to sleep, Buzz got his chips, hubby got to sit down (with a pint of Stella to cuddle!) eldest daughter got to breath easy in the 'no smoking' section where we sat and mother didn't move at all!! Oh joy!!:wacko::yesyes:

When we're so used to putting others before ourselves it's hard to stand back and just let life 'happen' - but that's what we've got to do!!

So, I hope you can - and you go have a fantastic 'you and partner' holiday, ....and tell us all about it when you get back!!

lotsa hugs

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[pips]

Hi Hun,

Yep I could have definately have wrote that post to! :blush:

I'm always trying to please people and make sure if I arrange things it all goes smoothly and everyone enjoys themselves etc... I have so many what if's going around in my head sometimes I feel like my brain will explode! http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_3_103.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZCxdm594YYGB)LOL

I'm trying to realize that I'm not responsible for peoples pleasure though. All we can do is try our best and if they arn't happy is it all fault???? Are we really to blame??? I doubt it very much. :lac:

There could be any number of reasons why that person felt bad. We have to learn not to feel the guilt or take the blame so much. Easier said then done and i totally empathize with you cause I to find this a struggle.:weep: http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h191/curion123/g3/ksriver80/h/39.gif


Stay Positive,

Love & Wishes,

Pip's XX XX



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[darkangel]

Oh big thanks to everyone its reassuring to know Im not alone in thinking like this. Ive been on checking the holdiay weather and its got big black clouds and showers written at the moment - I cant control that and I can always take a brolly lol. Im going to just try and relax and take it as it comes - well try to :winks:

Thanks for your reassurance. Im starting a 10 week self esteem course at the hospital next wed (i go holiday on the friday) so Im hoping that will help me. Think its time for me to leave the past behind and get on and enjoy the present.

Luv Darkangel :flowers:

[tnt808]

You have just written about me.

I worry about everything...screwing things up, do people find me smart, sensitive, can I hold a conversation, a decent debate. I swear it's neverending.

I also over analyze everything. After I have had a conversation w/somebody I will replay it in my head numerous times and end up convincing myself that I made a total ass of myself.

So strange how our minds work, isn't it? I also try to pick things to do, eat..etc based on how much control I will have. Whether I will feel comfortable there or not.

I swear w/all the energy I put into *trying* to control things that I KNOW I can't...if I were to put that energy elsewhere you would think I would be cured!