Anxious about anxiety!

[Giraffe]

Hi Guys,

I guess my title sums it up for a lot of us really?

Thought I would write a post and get some stuff out of my system, am still a little new at this so bear with me!

Think I have suffered with anx/pure o ocd since my teens but have only understood it in the last 4 years or so (am now 31). I am pleased to say I can have long periods of time where I feel well but lately the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are back with avengence causing sleeplessness, distrubed appetite and generally feeling rubbish.

I know its a vicious circle and I should accept the anxiety and try to replace my negative thoughts with positive ones but its easy to type that and not so easy to put into practice me thinks - especially when you are doubting every thought and feeling.

Does anyone else worry that they are going mad? This is the worst bit for me. Last night I couldnt sleep and I saw something crawling on the wall - now of course immediately I decided I had lost it and was seeing things, once I investigated however, it was in fact a small spider, going about his night time activities. I almost laughed out loud with relief, except this relief doesnt last long and I am back to thinking, Oh this is it, I must be cracking up, when is this anxiety going to go, etc etc... :mad:

My intrusive thoughts are usually centred around me being a mad or bad person, when in reality I like to think I am sensible (probably too sensible) and kind. Still doesnt stop me believing I am on the brink of turning into a mad, homicidal, child abusing, maniac though.

Hey ho, feel a bit better for typing it all out and ought to go and get on with some work I think!

This site is great, thanks to everyone who reads this and takes time to respond...

Wishing you all love and luck,

Giraffe
x

[funky chick]

hi Giraffe, welcome and sure you will find lots of help and support on here i know i do and definately dont feel so alone with anx. take care and hope you feel better soon love Gail xxx:hugs:

[groovygranny]

Hi there Giraffe!

Think you could have written about lots of us here!

When I discovered NMP, after 6mnths of reading the threads (and finally plucking up the courage to join!), I really thought I was going round the bend also.

Then I realised I wasn't cos there were others just like me!! And even if I'd discovered I was then I knew I'd be in good company and wasn't alone lol !!

Yep, it certainly helps to take it out on the keyboard !!

Have a good day:hugs:!

[sarah1984]

Hi Giraffe,

I know all too well what it means to be anxious about being anxious! Anxiety's a vicious circle and very hard to break. Have you enquired about the possibility of CBT? It sounds as if you are already trying to do it yourself, by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, but it could help to receive some form of professional support from a trained therapist. Two very good books on retraining your thoughts that I would recommend are Feeling Good by David Burns and The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy. The fact that you are so worried about being a bad person seems to me suggest that you are quite the opposite-that you think deeply about your actions. Have you tried making a list of ways to prove to yourself that you are actually a good person? Even if it's just small things like standing up for someone with heavy bags on a bus etc... The fact you are so worried about turning into a murderer/child abuser is proof that you won't-you can't accidentally become one without making a conscious decision to do evil. As you are so repulsed by that idea, believe me, you won't.