Not anxiety, but does this sound like ADD?

[poppadr3w]

I can vividly remember in high school, which was around 10+ years ago by now (graduated in 2006), there was a time when my focus was on point. Well, it was pretty damn good. I could construct papers, swap information around to optimize the papers, research thoroughly, etc. I actually felt "smart." Then I remember one day writing a Philosophy paper and ended up doing it on "What is time?". I recall not being able to concentrate adequately and ended up getting like a C or D on the project. Maybe I shot too high, but the feeling of the inability to concentrate adequately really irks me.

Up to this day, this feeling has fluctuated immensely. Some days I can write a document, e-mail, letter, etc. with much ease; other days it feels like I can barely get through reading a sentence without having physically rescan it over with my eyes and still not retain the information. It's like when the cashier in a super market scans a bar code and it pick up the information, so they try again and it doesn't work. Eventually the information may be retained, but it can take several tries. What's worse with me is that when I do retain the information, it gets lost over time.

I was recently prepping for a new job that I really wanted, but due to anxiety, mental limitations, stress, and whole host of other personal factors, I don't think I will be able to do the job. The job is more physically demanding than my currently job. It's not that I am weak; I am in fact quite strong. However, with anxiety I can quite often fatigued, I get dizzy at times, and my overall well-being is just inconsistent! I digress. With the job I was prepping for I had to take a whole host of tests that I passed before we went into formal training. I took these tests that were very strict and very difficult, but I passed! The test included memorization of something like 75+ terms verbatim for Part I; Part II had illustrations in which we had to memorize the illustration itself, the title of the illustration, and the definition of the illustration. It was honestly absurd, but I was able to memorize a vast majority of all of this to pass. But now if I try and recall these terms, illustrations, titles, etc. I cannot remember 98% of them. This test was only, like... 2 months ago? Give or take. It's like my mind went completely blank.

This aforementioned issue is frequent, too. It's like my mind goes blank on many things that I learn, whether it's work related, personal, etc. I can learn something and unless I do it very frequently, it goes into the informational abyss in my mind.

It is also important to state that I have this internal monologue problem. If I try to go over something in my mind, like an internal debate or trying to review a procedure, my mind loops. To make it more clarified, it's like my mind will get frustrated with the process, restart from the beginning for more clarity (I assume), and it'll happen over and over. It'll make me very frustrated and, eventually, a bit anxious.

All of this makes me feel very unintellectual. I feel that overall I am a rather intelligent person, but my inner focus and intelligence is buried deep within my mind. Maybe it's covered with anxiety and other mental health issues? I am not sure.

My Psych says it seems to be ADD (maybe ADHD, I know they are the same thing, but I forget which acronym is used these days, sorry). An old Psych prescribed me Amphetamine Salts, which put me into an anxiety induced state. I tried Strattera, which was a mess overall with symptoms. I tried Vyvanse and it worked decently well at times, but other times it gave me anxiety and made me feel out of it. Now my Psych (who is the one who tried Vyvanse; other Psychs tried the previous meds) wants to try Adderall (I know, it's the same thing as Amphetamine Salts), but at a lower and multi-daily dosage. She says it'll give me more control over how I feel.

Does this sound like ADD? I always assumed ADD was not being able to concentrate at all. I hate to even say that I have it because I feel like some other people out there have my issues, but so much worse. I hate to complain, but at 29 this is highly affecting my life.

[AntsyVee]

I have two ADD members in my family. I will describe what it's like, and you can say whether you fit the description.

ADD is NOT having the inability to concentrate. It's about wanting to concentrate on everything at once. People think ADD means you can't pay attention, but really you want to pay attention to everything. So it seems that they may not be paying attention, when really they're paying attention, but to something else or on many things at once. That's why they get perceived as having crappy memory. They have good memories, it might just be different than what you remember because they were paying attention to other things. Sometimes though they get hyperfocus--Where they can only concentrate on one thing to the detriment of all others. Also, many with ADD/ADHD are very sensitive, and do not have thick skins. They also might have special ways of doing things and get very annoyed when they cannot to things through their special way.

[poppadr3w]

I have two ADD members in my family. I will describe what it's like, and you can say whether you fit the description.

ADD is NOT having the inability to concentrate. It's about wanting to concentrate on everything at once. People think ADD means you can't pay attention, but really you want to pay attention to everything. So it seems that they may not be paying attention, when really they're paying attention, but to something else or on many things at once. That's why they get perceived as having crappy memory. They have good memories, it might just be different than what you remember because they were paying attention to other things. Sometimes though they get hyperfocus--Where they can only concentrate on one thing to the detriment of all others. Also, many with ADD/ADHD are very sensitive, and do not have thick skins. They also might have special ways of doing things and get very annoyed when they cannot to things through their special way.

Thank you for the response.

I can see how the way you describe it can be quite an annoyance, and I never thought of such a description. I feel like the way you describe at night time; I want to concentrate so much on an array of topics, but it's all within my head.

During the day, though, it's like I am completely foggy, unmotivated, and cannot type a letter/document/story with ease, whereas I used to be motivated to do creative writing or write letters. If I try to concentrate on one thing, it's like the information is jumbled in a tornado in my mind. I cannot recall information with ease. If I do not think about something for, say, a few weeks or months, I lose it in the cognitive abyss. If I try to picture something in my head (like an exercise, for example), it's our of proportion. If I try to remember the steps to something, like a chronological order, I get frustrated and start over and over again like a broken record player. With all of these, I think it snowballs into anxiety and gives me this potent feeling of depersonalization, in a way.

Hopefully I get to try the Adderall (well, the generic) soon. I remember trying it a long time ago, but maybe the dose was too high? I don't know. All I know is that the Vyvanse was pretty decent in the beginning most days, but other days and more frequently towards the end I'd feel drugged and out of it.

I am also on a new medication - Venlafaxine - which I am sure doesn't help. The start up side effects of any medication usually do more harm than good, and I just had a dosage increase which gives the same effect(s) as starting a new medication. Well it does for me, at least.

I also get a bit depressed about it. Time is slipping away. I just turned 29 and there's so much I want to learn, do, and explore, but I just feel so intellectually limited, fatigued and unmotivated.

[AntsyVee]

Well ADD/ADHD is not a condition you develop later in life, unless you are an alcoholic or drug addict, and then it's not really true ADD. It's just a fried brain. ADD is something you're born with. So if you haven't had these issues since childhood, it's not ADD. What you are describing could be a symptom of ADD, but that cognitive dissonance you are describing can also come from anxiety and depression.

The other thing I should've mentioned before in my last post was impulsivity. It is a cornerstone of ADD. Are you very susceptible to impulse buying? Do you forget to plan ahead? Do you procrastinate a lot? Change your mind a lot and have trouble making up your mind?

You can't get depressed. Like any other medical condition, you have to try things out and see what works for you. Would you get depressed if you had asthma and you had to try a bunch of different inhalers to find one that worked for you?

[poppadr3w]

Well ADD/ADHD is not a condition you develop later in life, unless you are an alcoholic or drug addict, and then it's not really true ADD. It's just a fried brain. ADD is something you're born with. So if you haven't had these issues since childhood, it's not ADD. What you are describing could be a symptom of ADD, but that cognitive dissonance you are describing can also come from anxiety and depression.

The other thing I should've mentioned before in my last post was impulsivity. It is a cornerstone of ADD. Are you very susceptible to impulse buying? Do you forget to plan ahead? Do you procrastinate a lot? Change your mind a lot and have trouble making up your mind?

You can't get depressed. Like any other medical condition, you have to try things out and see what works for you. Would you get depressed if you had asthma and you had to try a bunch of different inhalers to find one that worked for you?

I have read different sources that says you can both develop ADHD into adulthood and NOT develop it in adulthood. One example is: https://psychcentral.com/lib/can-adults-have-adhd/

What may be a "fried brain" is rather chronic in me. It seems that this is a daily feeling, and unless I utilize some sort of ADHD medication like Vyvanse, it continues to wreak havoc on my cognition. Like I said, I cannot retain/recall information often times. It's like my eyes scan a page and don't retain the information, so I have to reread it many times over. For a lack of recall, it's like the information that I do retain disappears after a relatively short duration of time (days/weeks).

As for impulsivity... I feel like moreso lately I have made impulsive purchases without a care. Nothing huge like a vehicle or thousands of dollars of games, clothes, etc. There's usually a justification in my mind for making certain purchases. Plus, Amazon is like a drug lol.

For procrastination, yes. I do procrastinate a fair amount. Often times I may not get things done until it comes down to the wire. At work I write a list, but even then I will procrastinate on certain tasks that I need to complete.

I do have a TON of trouble making up my mind. Like if I am at a convenience store I've stood there for 5+ minutes looking at certain items or beers. If there are choices, like beers, I could take forever. I remember being this way as a child in a Blockbuster looking at video games to rent. I never thought of it being related to ADHD, though, which is interesting that you brought that up.

It's just depressing trying so many different pharmaceuticals, seeing so many different medical professionals from an array of areas, trying different supplementation, etc. and to still feel these ways. That's all. I feel like time is slipping through my fingers. It feels like moments ago I was graduating high school, now it has been 11 years. Now I am not happy where I am, although I am by no means really "behind" or anything, and I feel both stuck and saddened that I didn't do more with my time. Due to the anxiety, I feel especially stuck because I need my job-given benefits for my therapy and medications. It's like a miniature vicious circle.

One thing I am fearful of is an increase in anxiety once I do try taking the Adderall/Amphetamine Salts. Many meds I've taken increases it, especially the Vyvanse. Hopefully the extra small doses keep me calm still. I am also fearful of long term side effects. Ugh.

[AntsyVee]

Well, neither my brother or my husband have had much success with their ADD meds. My brother because he is lazy and never stays on them long enough to give them a chance to work. My husband is too easily sedated by them and gets a flat affect. My husband goes to therapy when he needs an ADD tune-up. He's learned a lot of coping skills that have helped him out. People just have to find what works for them, so hang in there. The diagnosis doesn't matter as much as how you deal with it.